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SITUATIONAL UPDATE

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by IceAgeChippies

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So... Where's the art? Why've I been so inactive?

I tried drawing some Halloween stuff, and I did, but I couldn't bring myself to upload it.

As some readers know, I made a 3-in-1 cartoon for Halloween, showing my main cast in their costumes ...but I hated the art and cut it into confetti (right after going through the trouble of coloring it): https://sta.sh/0mebcbkys1y

So, for my next trick, I thought to make another 3-in-1, ending with a cartoon about the trailer wolves. That one ended with a 'To Be Continued', as I intended to follow it up with a visit from Sweetie story (the wolf mom was finally named AND she received The Golden Candy!).

Then a lack of motivation happened. I allowed Halloween to go by without my intended Sweetie cartoon. All I had was this unfinished scribble from the 3-in-1 to show for it (intentionally distorted): https://sta.sh/01r0mem7m7a4

Out of spite, I did make a drawing of the wolf mom with Sweetie, though I had no intention of uploading it. I drew it purely out of spite, just so I could say (to myself) that I DID draw Sweetie for Halloween (intentionally distorted): https://sta.sh/02b92qopqx0d

Even before all this, I was still drawing but not uploading anything.
Here's a piece from a story of the trailer wolves and some butter beans. In it, Mae tricked Lupe into shelling beans for her (intentionally distorted): https://sta.sh/057pufujswh

Why didn't I upload it?

I didn't like the first panel; wasn't sure if I'd drawn Lupe's pose right. Granted, I have never (and will never) draw anything correctly, but some things bother me more than others.

As for this art, it ALMOST didn't get published at all---I didn't have a satisfying end in mind for it; it was a spite upload: https://inkbunny.net/s/3149306

TL;DR: I 'am' drawing, I'm just destroying the art rather than sharing it.

Longtime watchers have probably noticed some things. For one, I never use 'The Hypothetical Watcher' anymore. I dropped it because what I was writing as the character was actually affecting my self-perception.
I count retiring the Hypothtical as a positive. :3

That said, I still believe everything I wrote for/as The Hypothetical Watcher---I take none of it back.
However, the result of letting the 'character' go has inspired me to let go of something else that's been longstanding: the 'need' to upload.

I still feel guilty when I don't have art to share, but said guilt is lessening by the day. In fact, I'm getting accustomed to, and even a little indulged by, not being as overwhelmed as before.
Even so, when I feel I 'should' draw something (like, most recently, for Halloween), I find I'm mostly unable to draw or upload the art after.

I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm unsure if I'll have any art for Christmas. I've bought a Christmas ACO from eBay to upload to DA/FA (so I can say I posted SOMEthing), but it's uncertain whether I'll make more art this year. If I draw, then I draw, but I dunno if I'd publish it or keep it published.

Like, I made a gift art for someone the other day---I uploaded it for less than 30 minutes before deleting. The person I made it for saw the drawing (it was of her vixen OC). She liked it, but was upset when I deleted it ...apparently, I didn't give her time to save it (how long does it take to make a damn screen shot?).
I still had the art---I could have uploaded it again to give it to her privately (I in fact DID share it with some select watchers), but I didn't give the art back. In fact, I was somewhat relieved that the recipient didn't have it to upload herself (she alluded that she would've). It was an unexpected opportunity to let the art die (as it should), so I took it.

Do I hate drawing?

Yes.

Trouble is, drawing is one of the VERY few things I know how to do (loosely, anyway) with my spare time that isn't entirely idle.
Like, I walk through the park every day (I have to, for my heart), but aside from that, drawing is all I know how to do.
Once I'm home for the day, all I want to do is sit. Drawing enables me to do that without feeling like I'm completely wasting my time (at least it doesn't feel like a waste while in the act of drawing).

One thing my watchers need to know (if they don't already) is the only reason almost any of you see my art---the only reason I post to DA, FA and IB, was to prove to my S/O that I couldn't draw (I made ACOs for eBay, believing they wouldn't sell and that would prove my art was bad and without value).
I later used art to explore and understand my sexuality (the Timmy art).

My S/O is deceased; there's nothing to prove, and Timmy served his purpose long ago.

I'd somehow developed a psychosis---some idea that I was a content creator with an audience that I had to please.
But I'm moving past that, slowly but surely. I'm not a content creator; my art has no value. I'm not even sure if I'm a furry (where's my 'sona?).

What am I drawing for? I refuse to sell it, and I don't have any personal reason why I need to illustrate a dumb gag about butter beans. My cartoons have nothing to say. Maybe the Timmy art did, but that's old and done.
There's not even any spicy aspect involved---I stopped making uncensored NSFW art over a year ago. I think all I'm really doing these days is showing off my pencil collection.
It's not even about my watchers anymore. Lately, I've been letting notes sit unread, often for days at a time before opening them. I don't even know what I'm doing on here most of the time.

So, I'll draw if I draw, and I'll share if I share. I've only made this announcement as a courtesy to my watchers, as well to enable myself to not feel so bad about my inactivity.

Keywords

male 1,134,819, cat 203,170, pencil 4,970, update 593, gene 293

Details

Type: Picture/Pinup

Published: 8 months ago

Rating: General

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33 Comments on this Submission

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mobkiller

8 months ago

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Maybe a little pause will get some new energy into your creative process.

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ mobkiller

Who knows?

mobkiller

8 months ago

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@ IceAgeChippies

No one, really. That´s why it´s such an exciting possibility.

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ mobkiller

:3

Bunnyoffuzz

8 months ago

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You hate drawing? That’s a pity. Once again I still think you have artist blindness, I’d be lying if I said it was excellent or great, but it’s good, that’s tor sure. Someone said you look like a 90s pro cartoonist

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ Bunnyoffuzz

Someone did, eh? Just goes to show you shouldn't believe everything you read. :3

Gashren

8 months ago

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Edited 8 months ago by Owner

:(

Sad to hear that. I cannot help it, but I feel that as part of your audience I am somehow responsible for you hating to draw, hating your artworks, and - perhaps I'm overinterpreting it, but that's how I feel it right now - you audience by extent. All taht because I dared to like what you drew, faved it and started watching you in hope of seeing more. Now I feel like I should be apologizing for that :(

And, though I certainly don't want it (and stated it several times already in your similar submissions), it does seem the best thing for you to do (or rather to stop doing) is indeed to quit making any drawings whatsoever. I would not want to cause you any more trouble, so I cannot in clear conscience urge you to shake off the bad feelings and keep drawing. On the other hand, I'm hooked, addicted, I WANT to see more... After all, not everything was said, drawn and brought to life.

Quite conundrum, isn't it?

To conclude - I don't know what advice to give you. I don't even know what response to write. I feel that whatever I say would only make matters worse for us both. :( And yet not responding would also be bad :(

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ Gashren

You're fine. It's me I'm disappointed in.

Gashren

8 months ago

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@ IceAgeChippies

:(

Gashren

8 months ago

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@ IceAgeChippies

But I don't want you to feel disappointed in yourself...

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ Gashren

XD It's nothing new. You have never known me in any other condition.

Specfol

8 months ago

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what matters is you’re still practicing your craft! we will be here to see what you’re comfortable sharing :)

I think we all deal with this to some degree. but your art is great. it does look like something a professional cartoonist would make.

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ Specfol

:3

nelson88

8 months ago

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*snuggle hugs*

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ nelson88

<3

moyomongoose

8 months ago

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I've never sold any art either. However, I still draw and upload what I've drawn because I enjoy doing it.

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ moyomongoose

Oh so jelly! D:

ModularDragon

8 months ago

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"

One thing my watchers need to know (if they don't already) is the only reason almost any of you see my art---the only reason I post to DA, FA and IB, was to prove to my S/O that I couldn't draw (I made ACOs for eBay, believing they wouldn't sell and that would prove my art was bad and without value).

This just killed me. And nothing that hundreds of your watchers and fans have to say will never change your mind. Ok then, we do enjoy your "BAD" art then, we all have bad taste also. whatever...

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ ModularDragon

I've also tried and failed to convince you of some positive things.

ModularDragon

8 months ago

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Edited 8 months ago by Owner

Does comforting you even work? Do people still need to do that or it is all useless? I like your art, but with this attitude... I mean, people have to get me right, the person we are talking about here had deleted his gallery for countless of times cause "his art sucked", so many times coming back after that just to say that his art sucked and he did not know why did he return.
I told you before and I will keep telling you, your art is adorable and great, but will you listen?

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ ModularDragon

I had to give an answer. I do have watchers who will ask where I am if I'm silent long enough.
Usually, this is assuaged by my replying to comments/posting hearts, but lately I've not been doing that in a timely manner (on DeviantArt, I just deleted ALL notifications that weren't comments---no one received any hearts).

And, yes, Dragon Friend---you would have never met me had I not decided to prove to my S/O that I couldn't draw. :3

ModularDragon

8 months ago

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@ IceAgeChippies

Than nobody can draw. Do you really believe you can't draw?

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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Edited 8 months ago by Owner

@ ModularDragon

My honest feeling about my artistic ability is this (hopefully you understand it)...

I draw better than most people who do NOT draw, however, I draw far worse than ALL artists. :3

What that means is this...

Drawing is unique among humans---no other animal does it. Drawing, even in its simplest form, is a kind of language (language is also unique among humans).
For example, two lines and a circle form a stick figure. Almost any human, regardless of their race, nationality, gender, time period (we've been making cave paintings since the stone age) etc., will interpret that as a symbol meaning 'person'.
Similarly, we can make very simple shapes to represent animals and so forth. We are so good at this, we can even see people and animals in cloud formations (etc).

Point is effectively every human is capable of making lines and curves to form symbols---children do it all the time. The ability to do this is hardwired into our species.
Some of us take symbol making to a higher level. We add faces to our stick figures. We add hands, fingers, clothing. We try to represent specific people, specific types of fish, animals, etc. Landscapes, too. We call this 'drawing'.

Most people who do not draw settle for making symbols (when needed). I draw better than such people---people who do not 'draw' but merely create symbols (like those found on road signs and restroom doors).
However, I am FAR worse at drawing than those persons who call themselves 'artists'. I've referred to myself as an artist a time or two, though my use of the term (where it applies to me) should be interpreted as a colloquial usage.

Gene/Tasli are stick figures ...they're just 'fatted' stick figures (meaning they have some semblance of details inside them, such as eyes and noses), but the 'art' is terrible. :3

ModularDragon

8 months ago

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@ IceAgeChippies

Well animal or not, but you know what I think - we need every and each human artist to keep drawing. AI can do much faster and better, but it is soulless crap without any meaning and effort. I would like more a crappy drawing made by a human than a perfect image made with few buttons by AI.

ModularDragon

8 months ago

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@ IceAgeChippies

You are a wonderful artist and a good friend. I hope you will get better with your self esteem. I love your art.

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ ModularDragon

It is as you say: I have done this countless times. It's a phase; I'll be over it soon.

FoxyIbLover

8 months ago

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You have no other hobbies besides drawing?

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ FoxyIbLover

Nothing I can demonstrate here.

FoxyIbLover

8 months ago

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@ IceAgeChippies

Okay.

ShiftyGuy1994

8 months ago

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You're not alone. I haven't drawn much of anything this year either. And that's largely because of my own emotions, thoughts or actions. We are our own worst critics sometimes........

And MY take on drawing & artists, is there's no "better artist". Yeah, of course there's artists that draw MUCH better than I do. But I don't think of it as competition. Every artist has a unique style, in regards to how they draw & create. And I support those who I know are better than I am. No hate needed, just love. This world needs love more than ever right now

IceAgeChippies

8 months ago

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@ ShiftyGuy1994

<3

eeveefan

7 months, 1 week ago

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"my art has no value"
your wrong. it does have value to others. people do like your arts and im sure theres a few people out there that your art puts smiles on their faces. i like seeing what you do and i think its great that you draw. to me drawing helps with alot, getting out anger, feelings of sadness, venting, etc. please dont ever think that your art has no value, it does, and it means alot to alot of your audience.
i think your a nice person and i believe your arts also reflect that to along with your silly side. your arts can show alot of people what your like and even struggles you go through. it can tell alot about someone.
*hugs*

IceAgeChippies

7 months ago

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@ eeveefan

<3

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