So who am I?
I’m a modern dog, a dog for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified, multi-cultural, post-modern, deconstructionist, politically, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been uplinked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing. I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a lowlife. A cutting edge, state of the art, bi-coastal, multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond. I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hotwired, heat seeking, warm hearted cool customer, voice activated and biodegradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace. So I’m interactive, I’m hyper active and from time to time I’m radioactive! Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, riding the wave, dodging the bullet and pushing the envelope. I’m on point, on task, on message, and off drugs. I got no need for coke and speed. I got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high concept, low profile, medium range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb, a top gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing, bigfoot, slam dunk rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic, out of rehab and in denial. I got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up and you can’t dumb me down cuz I’m tireless and I’m wireless. I’m an alpha male on beta blockers! I’m a non-believer and an overachiever, laid back but fashion forward, up front, down home, low rent, high maintenance, super sized, long lasting, high definition, fast acting, oven ready and built to last. I’m a hands on, footloose, kneejerk, head case, prematurely post-traumatic and I have a lovechild who sends me hate mail. But I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing, a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary caregiver. My output is down but my income is up, I take a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I’m gender specific, capital intensive, user friendly and hatred intolerant. I like rough sex, I like tough love, I use the “F-word” in my email and the software on my hard drive is hardcore, no soft porn. I bought a microwave at a mini-mall. I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I’m toll free, bite-sized, ready to wear and I come in all sizes. A fully equipped, factory authorized, hospital tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle. I’ve been prewashed, precooked, preheated, prescreened, preapproved, prepackaged, postdated, freeze dried, double wrapped, vacuum packed and I have an unlimited broadband capacity. I’m a rude dude but I’m the real deal, lean and mean, cocked, locked, and ready to rock, rough, tough, and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide, I got glide in my stride. Drivin’ and movin’, sailin’ and spinnin’, jivin’ and goovin’, wailin’ and winnin’. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road, I party hardy, and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hangin in, there aint no doubt, and I’m hangin tough, over and out!!