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The Farm: Pi is a lie!

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by Zivrshka

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Krampus The Warlock, cult leader and infamous crazy old coot, gives a sermon/lecture in which it is argued pi=0 on the grounds that all circles of latitude are equal to the equatorial circumference, which is finite, while the radius of every circle of latitude is infinite.

:/

Originally intended for e-day Ive decided to release this for pi-day instead :p

Characters from left-to-right:

Krampus The Warlock, Petroshka, Rudolph, and Leroy The Wizard King (better known as Earl, which means "king").

Rudolph is cozying up to Petroshka ("Peter rabbit") and he's none too comfortable.

Leroy is scolding the congregation to pay attention and warning them they'll be tested on this later.

A drawing on the board shows what they believe the shape of the earth to be, which is essentially what looks like a squashed earth although they believe it looks more and more squashed as you approach the poles with the shape of the earth approaching an "infinitely oblate spheroid" as you approach 90 degrees north of the equator.

Krampus runs a cult known colloquially as the "Fat Earthers" although internally they refer to themselves as Thaalthuulimites as they are followers of the teachings and alternative science of Thaalthuulselah the modern prophet and pseudo-scientist.

Just fyi while pi is defined as the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter, this value is most definitely not 0 but rather begins 3.141592653589793... however pi and math crankery have a long history with many cranks claiming wild values for pi based on supposedly sound geometric and algebraic proofs (actually theyre all mathematical slight of hand).

However, if we use different distance metrics it is in fact possible to get other values of pi. For example if we use the so called manhattan-distance, the locus of points equidistant from a chosen center becomes a diamond instead of a circle. Using this metric we get a ratio of the distance around the diamond to the distance across of 4. So in a way the idea of "pi" equaling 0 isnt as crazy as it seems but ... it has nothing to do with the universe we actually live in :3

Anyway, Happy Pi Day everyone!

Keywords

rabbit 137,003, goat 23,083, reindeer 5,563, male/male/male/male 1,502, rudolph 498, cult 445, krampus 376, math 170, leroy 74, petroshka 6

Details

Type: Picture/Pinup

Published: 9 months, 2 weeks ago

Rating: General

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moyomongoose

9 months, 2 weeks ago

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Here's a scenario I pictured.

Several teenage hyenas and fossas in the back of the class had been goofing off and acting up, causing disturbances in class for the past 10 minutes. They had also been drinking, therefore came to class drunk.
One of them, a fossa, interrupts Krampus by abruptly calling out, "Hey, Teach. Yo. Where do banana cream pie come into this picture?"
The other trouble makers bust out laughing.
A teenage hyena abruptly announces, "Yea, I got the munchies", which brings more laughter.
Another teenage fossa abruptly calls out, "Hey hey hey. If a buncha m**** f*****s was havin' a pie fight, would all those pies still equal zero?"
The bunch at the back of the class laughs even louder, with most of them slapping a knee, clapping their paws, scooting their chairs around, and some shouting, "WOOOOOOO!"

I'm wondering how Krampus and Leroy would deal with that kind of insubordination in class.

moyomongoose

9 months, 2 weeks ago

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Edited 9 months, 2 weeks ago by Owner

@ moyomongoose

Something I thought of adding after the 10 minutes limit on editing ran out:

As the laughter began to subside, Bernie Hyena passed gas loud enough for the class to hear it, which brought on another round of laughter.
"Man! Who pinched the loaf?!", another hyena retorted as the bunch at the back of the class let out with another roar of laughter as they scooted in their chairs away from Bernie.
"It was Bernie Hyena! He been eating those burritos a while ago!" a fossa proclaimed.
"Bern don't need no pie right now", another fossa said as everyone was still laughing.
"Why's that?", Bernie Hyena asked the fossa.
The fossa replied to Bernie, "Cauze if you eat a pie right now, it's gonna come out as more gas lookin' for fresh air to get away from all those beans in those burritos you ate".
The bunch let out with another round of loud laughter as two fossas and two hyenas stood up from their chairs and jumped around clapping as they laughed.
One of the fossas had the 5th size Bacardi 151 rum bottle still stashed in his backpack.

I can imagine their behavior making it difficult for Krampus and Leroy to teach the rest of the class.

Zivrshka

1 month, 4 weeks ago

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@ moyomongoose

Well here is a skit of how it would probably play out:

Krampus: "Why am I hearing voices Leroy?! And why are they laughing?! Earl, it's dems workshop elves agin, init!" Krampus said with a hint of paranoia. "Fuckers always everywhere, always snickering and sneering, obnoxious lil things! I kept asking Santa if we could add them to the naughty list but he kept telling me I wasnt'd allowed ter send his entire workforce to the firey pits of hell-"

Some snickering in the background at the senile ol goat's expense ensues ...

Earl: "Kramps snaps outta it, you ain't worked for Ol' Nick fer damn near two centuries. It's just some unruly hyena's and fossa that recently joined our cloistered community. They've been being disruptive lately-" Earl said in a whisper.

Krampus: "Wai- what?! Uh ... hm ... didn't I blacklist them cackling ninnies from ever joining us?! What was it, the 59th convention was it?-"

Earl: "Uh, yeah you proposed it, but you lost to a unanimous vote of the council of Wizard Kings. There are no statutes barring anyone who wishes to join."

Krampus: "What?! You mean even weasels can join?! What kinda shtupid backwards organization is this?!"

Earl: "Yours."

Krampus: "Hmph ... well then um ... erm ... hmm .. So's I canst just ban 'em ferkers?!"

Earl: "Fraid not. Not fer being hyenas and fossa yan'can't anyways!"

Krampus: "Nuts. Ah well, this calls fer some discipline den. Lemme me at 'em Earl, I'll snap them mocking ferkers to the shadow realm this time!"

Earl: "NO! You can't just go snapping up the parishioners to the shadow realm, or any other no place, every time they look at you funny! You're gonna scare all our clientel- I mean our whole congregation away!"

Krampus: "Man! You just like that tubby man in red. Never let me have any damn fun!" Krampus stews with his arms folded.

Earl: "Kramps just let me handle this. Prepare to cast Gravitas when I give you a wink"

Krampus: "uuuuhhhh ... I like where dis is going ..."

Earl: "Yeah well, just keep quiet while I teach 'em young pups a lesson"

Earl: (Addressing the Hyena's and Fossa in the back) "I can see you guys are enjoying the spoils of dis here compound. Drinking up our barley beer, guzzling up our Bacardi rum, all made here from the blood sweat and tears of this hear congregation."

Hyena&Fossa: "Yeah? And what of it?!"

Earl: "Well you's all know that thars a privilege not a right. You know the rules. If you want to live amongst us, and enjoy the bounty of our booze and reefer patch, you have to learn and respect our ways and our teachings. We've dealt with your sort before, those who just want a free hit, and will be dealing with your sort agin. Those who don't learn here don't eat."

Hyena&Fossa: "We heard this before. We knows all dis shit."

Earl: "Well then, since you seem to know so much, and seem to be enjoying our alkey-holic reserves so much, I'm sure you will know the Multiplicative Mass Index of a molecule of Ethanol, wouldn't ya!"

Bernie: "I know it here brother Leroy, it's your fat ass divided by Father Krampus's midget self!"

Laughing from all the hyena's and fossa ensues. Earl remains calm as the laughter dies down.

Earl: "It's alright everyone. This here is a teachin' moment. Sorry der Bernie, but that is incorrect. Given that 65% of the composition of er anthromorph is oxygen, and the Multiplicative Mass index for an Oxygen atom is around 27, and given the fact that there's be about a octillion atoms in the typical anthro, we looking at something on the order of exper exper twenty-seven"

There is a weird silence until Bernie says:

"Oh my God! Brother Leroy just said he's a super fat ass!"

the hyena's and fossa burst out laughing again.

Earl: "Now you know we don't talk about God the Father hear. It's "oh my goddess", you swear on the mother who ain't so petty as to call that them thar blasphemy"

[to be continued]

Zivrshka

1 month, 4 weeks ago

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Edited 1 month, 4 weeks ago by Owner

@ Zivrshka

Bernie: "Whatever pops!"

Earl: "That aside, point is, that number is way too large for an ethanol molecule, but you should be greatful that you gotz it wrong der Bernie"

Bernie: "Oh yeah?! And why's that brother Leroy?"

Earl: "Cause even though a single ethanol molecule is only at a Mass Index of 47,473.589, wid dem beings about 100mL of ethanol in yer blood it only amounts to a multiplication of your body-mass by a factor of exper exper twenty-five!" with that Earl gave Krampus the wink.

Krampus: "Earl why you keep winking at me, youz know I only likes 'em young"

Earl: "No you ijit. Gravitas!"

Krampus: "Oh right!"

Krampus casts gravitas, leading to the hyenas and fossas mass being multiplied by a factor of ten. They all crash to the ground.

Earl: "Now you see folks, what happens, when you don here mock the mother? You'z all under her protection here suspending der very laws of nature on your behalf"

Bernie: (barely able to breath) "But that makes no goddamn sense?!"

Earl: "Course it does! And stop swearing at der father. It's goddessdamnit goddessdamnit. Boomer?"

Boomer: "Yes der boss?"

Earl: "Roll des here blasphemers down to the basement to have their stomachs pumped. They're suffering from acute gravitational poisoning"

[The End]

moyomongoose

1 month, 4 weeks ago

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@ Zivrshka

:-D

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