It's become clear to me that I have sinned---I have fallen short; I went against my creed and morals.
Granted, if we're going to tell it like it is, I hadn't intended to sin---there was no will or intent to cause harm; I didn't wake up one morning and decide to join the dark side. It was unintended, ALBEIT, I allowed it to happen, perhaps subconsciously. That betrays some inward, hitherto suppressed darkness that I allowed access to the surface.
I drew porn.
How many of you have read 'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie'? It's a short, cute childrens' story that conveys a valuable truth: if one allows or gives into one thing, more will be demanded. To use the story's example, if you give a mouse a cookie, he'll then ask for a glass of milk (and so forth).
My cookie was allowing myself to draw frontals of Gene. I kept them kosher (to the extent possible), but I kept going. It got to the point that I began to see I was making too many Gene nudes, so I eliminated the problem (in Gene's case, by 'killing off' Brown Bunnie).
...But because I'm a weak-willed human being, I allowed Timmy to, effectively, take over for Gene ...which is worse on several levels (and that was my glass of milk---I made porn of Timmy).
At least with Gene, Gene has the condition of being a cartoon animal who doesn't represent any high form of purity, whereas Timmy is human shaped and was intended to represent childhood innocence.
And I violated that. What's even worse, is I sat here on my fat ass and celebrated the fact, as if I'd discovered some freedom. Instead, I realize I fell into a trap: a sexual trap which is difficult to climb out of (it's akin to alcoholism, etc---it grabs hold and doesn't like to let go).
THANKFULLY (by the grace of the Lord Jesus), I am (now) cognizant of what I have done: I sinned; I fell short. I'm sorry and much aggrieved. :(
I ask my watchers forgive me, that's first and foremost.
Next, I wish to give my assurance that I have grown from summer 2018---I'm not going to abreact by deleting my gallery or some other extreme. I'm better, at least, than that (now).
What I will ask is feedback on what I should do to make up for this.
HYPOTHETICAL: "Chippy, no one here cares---do what you like; I'm glad you're trying new things!"
...I beg to differ: you do care. I have been told, by several watchers, that they were 'shocked' by my initial, uncensored works ...on a site that's both known for and replete with such art (I should have taken that as a warning, but I did not).
It's like I've written before: most of my watchers like porn, but they don't necessarily want to see it FROM ME (and I feel that holds true, even amongst those who have remained with me through this 'phase').
I cannot take back what I've done: I wrote what I wrote, and I drew what I drew. I may yet delete my Pixiv, albeit I feel to do so now would be cowardly/an act of denial. I'm an adult---I know I did wrong and I'll face up to it.
...I just don't want to make things worse in the process.
Please, I ask for feedback on this: what's the best thing I can do to correct this and/or to move forward?
Again, I cannot take back what I've done, but I can make efforts to atone---I just want to be sure I do so in a healthy, wholesome way that is acceptable to my watchers.
Please comment below or note me.
Keywords
male
1,133,059,
cat
202,795,
anthro
196,950,
feline
141,774,
rabbit
130,695,
bunny
106,398,
boy
76,202,
oc
74,065,
sketch
59,445,
m
28,564,
cartoon
21,565,
traditional
20,590,
boys
10,934,
toon
9,966,
gene
293,
tasli
105,
cate
64
Details
Published:
4 years, 5 months ago
25 Jan 2020 10:58 CET
Initial: 34a6458455e91e07764565df0a488ca0
Full Size: d954b1bb1dae634a97fd1350bd9ee9ec
Large: 99bc5b1a6a4ae7cd53d2d42e560a4b7e
Small: 2fe854836a10a90bd123218fc5951c9b
Stats
217 views
11 favorites
43 comments
