It's become clear to me that I have sinned---I have fallen short; I went against my creed and morals.
Granted, if we're going to tell it like it is, I hadn't intended to sin---there was no will or intent to cause harm; I didn't wake up one morning and decide to join the dark side. It was unintended, ALBEIT, I allowed it to happen, perhaps subconsciously. That betrays some inward, hitherto suppressed darkness that I allowed access to the surface.
I drew porn.
How many of you have read 'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie'? It's a short, cute childrens' story that conveys a valuable truth: if one allows or gives into one thing, more will be demanded. To use the story's example, if you give a mouse a cookie, he'll then ask for a glass of milk (and so forth).
My cookie was allowing myself to draw frontals of Gene. I kept them kosher (to the extent possible), but I kept going. It got to the point that I began to see I was making too many Gene nudes, so I eliminated the problem (in Gene's case, by 'killing off' Brown Bunnie).
...But because I'm a weak-willed human being, I allowed Timmy to, effectively, take over for Gene ...which is worse on several levels (and that was my glass of milk---I made porn of Timmy).
At least with Gene, Gene has the condition of being a cartoon animal who doesn't represent any high form of purity, whereas Timmy is human shaped and was intended to represent childhood innocence.
And I violated that. What's even worse, is I sat here on my fat ass and celebrated the fact, as if I'd discovered some freedom. Instead, I realize I fell into a trap: a sexual trap which is difficult to climb out of (it's akin to alcoholism, etc---it grabs hold and doesn't like to let go).
THANKFULLY (by the grace of the Lord Jesus), I am (now) cognizant of what I have done: I sinned; I fell short. I'm sorry and much aggrieved. :(
I ask my watchers forgive me, that's first and foremost.
Next, I wish to give my assurance that I have grown from summer 2018---I'm not going to abreact by deleting my gallery or some other extreme. I'm better, at least, than that (now).
What I will ask is feedback on what I should do to make up for this.
HYPOTHETICAL: "Chippy, no one here cares---do what you like; I'm glad you're trying new things!"
...I beg to differ: you do care. I have been told, by several watchers, that they were 'shocked' by my initial, uncensored works ...on a site that's both known for and replete with such art (I should have taken that as a warning, but I did not).
It's like I've written before: most of my watchers like porn, but they don't necessarily want to see it FROM ME (and I feel that holds true, even amongst those who have remained with me through this 'phase').
I cannot take back what I've done: I wrote what I wrote, and I drew what I drew. I may yet delete my Pixiv, albeit I feel to do so now would be cowardly/an act of denial. I'm an adult---I know I did wrong and I'll face up to it.
...I just don't want to make things worse in the process.
Please, I ask for feedback on this: what's the best thing I can do to correct this and/or to move forward?
Again, I cannot take back what I've done, but I can make efforts to atone---I just want to be sure I do so in a healthy, wholesome way that is acceptable to my watchers.
Please comment below or note me.
Keywords
male
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anthro
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cat
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feline
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rabbit
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bunny
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boy
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oc
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sketch
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m
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cartoon
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traditional
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boys
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toon
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gene
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tasli
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cate
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Details
Published:
5 years, 1 month ago
25 Jan 2020 10:58 CET
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Small: 2fe854836a10a90bd123218fc5951c9b
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