Slowly, Reszet came to and carefully opened one eye. Squinting, he could make out the blue sky, passing clouds and some tree tops. His body was stiff, his muzzle dry and his lungs felt cold. Stupid. So stupid! Too stupid to even die! A tear welled in his swollen eye. Couldn't he even do this right? Was he so worthless that not even the moon, in its eternal patience and grace, wanted him by its side? How much more of this life would he have to endure?!
"Reszet?" Turnipper asked softly when he heard a faint sniffle.
The wolf didn't hear him. Didn't feel his body and neither the heat of the fire. He was numb. Shackled to this reality to suffer. He didn't want no more.
Gently Turnipper nudged the wolf's head with his nose and rubbed a hand over his back. "Are you in pain? Do you need anything?"
He didn't answer. Didn't move. Just lay there. Though however much Reszet tried to sink back into the void, let go of his existence, this world wouldn't allow him to go. Everything he tried to leave behind returned. The pain, the shame, the angst. His senses, too. Everything around him smelled of fox. There also was smoke, the sound of crackling fire, warmth. A warm body, pressed to his own. It moved. Brought its orange head in sight of his blurry eyes. Green, careworn jewels stared down at him. Closing his eyes, Reszet wished them away.
But the fox wouldn't leave his side. In fact, he cradled him even tighter. Carefully. Gentle. "It's all going to be okay," he promised, brushing his small, sleek muzzle against his head. He was mindful of his swollen face.
Reszet didn't believe his sweet words. Nothing ever went okay for him! Though he didn't push Turnipper away. He physically couldn't if he wanted to, but right now, he didn't want to. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He already fell as deep as one could, hit rock bottom, what difference would it make now to accept the embrace of a lesser species?! Where was Chen? And Toshiba? If this accursed fox was the only living being under the moon to show him kindness, so be it. "Hmf-hf-hf..."
"It's okay..." Turnipper soothed, offering his comfort. He'd never seen a wolf this vulnerable before. So utterly devastated and desperate. "We'll get through this," he said, holding the larger canine's heavy head.
Ungainly, Reszet stirred. His right shoulder was stiff and hurt so much, he couldn't put any weight on it and his left side felt as if someone was gnawing on his ribs. He had to drag his hip and the cuts and bruises on his legs burned as he pulled them over the grass, but he needed this. He needed this stupid fox's touch now, this little splotch of comfort that deluded him into thinking his life still held some worth. He needed it. Or he'd jump again!
Wishing he could load some of Reszet's pain onto himself, Turnipper held him and let the sobbing wolf press his bruised face against his chest. Soon his fur was soaked with tears. "Let it all out. I'm there for you."
And he did. For a long while, until his tears dried up and the fox's soft, warm fur lulled him back into sleep.
It was a calm sleep, dreamless and deep, but not restful. When he woke up again, Reszet's mind was a bit more clear, at least. The fox was still at his side, hadn't left him even once. It felt nice actually, but also improper. Like a connection that shouldn't be.
"Does it hurt here?" the fox asked, stroking softly over Reszet's hip. The wolf nodded. "But you can move your legs?" Another nod, followed by a humble demonstration. Carefully Turnipper felt his leg and knee. "I don't think anything is broken, just very badly bruised, but time will tell. In any case, you need to eat!" he urged, hinting again at the untouched rabbit carrion.
Though so far, Reszet had refused to eat. And again he didn't regard the waiting meal. He'd refused to speak, too.
"If it hurts you to chew, I can help," he offered, but didn't get a response. "Reszet, please talk to me. I want to help."
"Wh..." the gray wolf began, then stopped to wet his dry lips. "Why...?" he eventually asked hoarsely. "You saved me. Cared for me. Why do you do this? I... hate you..."
"Because you obviously need help," Turnipper acknowledged, putting his foot down. Determined he ripped a chunk of flesh from the dead rabbit and offered it to Reszet. The wolf turned his head away. "Why did you jump?"
The question caught Reszet off guard, though he didn't answer it. Instead, he turned his head even further away from the fox, up to the point where his neck strained.
"What made you so unhappy that you wanted to die?" he asked again, softly stepping closer to the sitting wolf. If they wanted to deal with and overcome the situation, then they had to find and address its cause. It would probably hurt to get there, but if Turnipper didn't try to make things better for the wolf now, then there wouldn't have been a point in pulling him out of the river to begin with. "Tell me what troubles you."
"Isn't that obvious...?" the wolf mumbled dismissively, didn't however flinch when Turnipper settled right beside him.
"Was it because Toshiba bit you? Has he bitten you before?"
Softly Reszet shook his head. Even though the bite was the final straw that drove him to that cliff, it hardly had been the sole reason for him to jump down. "He'd... snatched at me before. But... never... this..." Trembling he touched his hurt shoulder. The warmth had returned to it, by now. And so did the throbbing.
Carefully Turnipper brought his small hand down on the wolf's gray paw. "You're afraid of being bitten?" he said, withholding where he got that information from. Reszet nodded sadly, his ears flushing in shame, though he didn't elaborate. Turnipper didn't push him. "Well, I'm afraid of other foxes," he revealed instead.
Disbelieving Reszet peered over to the vulpine. Was he mocking him again? Laying with the biggest wolf the moon has ever spawned, but fearing his own kind?! He looked serious, however. Hurt even. "Why...?" he asked at length.
"I'm a stray fox, as you might have noticed. But... I didn't leave my clan voluntarily. I was happy, had a secured position even. A vixen to have cubs with..." He trailed off, thinking of her. She'd been hurt by this whole misery too. "But I was outcast," he eventually added with a dry throat. It was difficult to speak about this. Relive the shame. The memory of suddenly being all alone while everyone stared at you. Reszet was the first he ever told about this.
"What did you do?" he asked carefully. The fox's reaction surprised him. He laughed.
It was a dry, mirthless laugh, though. "Nothing." Leaving the statement linger for a moment to collect his thoughts, Turnipper eventually went on. "I never gave my designated vixen pups. I never lay with here to begin with. I had... my eyes set on another fox..."
Confused, Reszet tilted his head. A designated mate? Wolves breed with whomever they wanted, or with whoever would have them, depending on rank. Having someone tell you whom to fuck sounded alien. "Couldn't you just go for the other girl, if she liked you back?" the wolf asked.
"She didn't like me back," Turnipper revealed with a pained expression. "And she was a male..."
Slowly getting the picture of what must have transpired, Reszet remained silent. Just mere days ago, he probably would have laughed at the fox out of pure spite. Today, though, he felt his pain. That horrible feeling of being unwanted. Undesired. Not just by your heartthrob, but... everyone!
"At first it was a rumor. Then a stigma," Turnipper went on, his long, white-tipped tail curled tightly around himself. "Friends avoided me, turned their back on me, some even mocked me. 'Turnipper wants to nick my carrot' they jeered," he recalled, the proud fox ears flat at the humbling memory. "Eventually the clan elders had enough and chased me off."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Reszet said sympathetically. He knew that feeling all too well.
Though, contrary to the gloomy, gray wolf, Turnipper didn't lose heart. "I've been alone since then. And was afraid to make contact with a new clan. I didn't want to be despised for who I am. I also didn't want to betray myself to fit in..." With his warm, gentle smile returned, he looked at the wolf by his side. "Then I met Toshiba. It was an... awkward situation at first. And yes, maybe nature didn't intend for us to be together like this. But despite our differences he could accept me the way I am. I found a gentle side in him. But... now that I saw what he did to you, I'm honestly shocked. I know he tried to protect me, but I wonder where that gentle side was in that moment. And where it is now. I haven't seen him since... you now."
Reszet remained silent, staring down at the flattened patch of grass between his legs. A gentle side, huh? Well, if Toshi indeed had one, he didn't show it all too often to him. The brute always had to have his way, no matter what. Even Chen had a hard time to beat some sense into him, a small, weak wolf like Reszet had no other choice but to budge.
He didn't want to discourage the fox, but... well, he'd asked to hear about his troubles, didn't he? "I don't know about no gentle side," Res said, though tried to keep his bitterness out of his voice. "All this oaf is good for is shredding up prey, being loud and bending everything and everyone his way. No one has a chance against him..."
"Have you guys ever considered a non-violent way to get along?"
Reszet sneered. "Violence is the only way he understands. It's a wolf thing. Chen is like that too. If you're not with them, you're against them. And when you're against them, it's teeth and claws..."
Sheepishly Turnipper peered over to the ill-humored wolf. "You like Baochenmo a lot, huh?" To be honest, it wasn't really a question, but more an observation. Reszet fawned on both of them, possibly out of desperation, to a point. But he most often sided with Chen, even before Turnipper appeared, according to Toshi, and he always seemed especially crestfallen when the white wolf gave him a rebuff. Which apparently was almost always the case.
"Tsk!" Res made, looking away. Though the slight blush in his ears betrayed his feelings. "Chen is big and strong..." handsome too... " a good hunter... And he's got more than two brain cells left. He's a role model, nothing more..." Glumly he turned his hanging head even further away. "He hates me anyways..."
"Y-yeah, he seems a bit... distant... But I wouldn't go that far! He--"
"Everyone hates me!" the wolf growled, then looked at Turnipper with a dark stare before averting his upset blue eyes again. "That's why I jumped. If no one wants me here, if I'm just a bother to everyone, then I'd rather not be here!"
"Don't say that," the fox pleaded. "I'm sure it's not that bad."
But Reszet's bitter face begged to differ. No, it outright screamed how wrong that opinion was! And eventually, the anger welled up so much that the wolf voiced it too. "Of course someone like you can say that! You at least had a happy life. A fair chance..." Angrily he stared down at his gray paws, dug his claws into the ground. "I never had anyone!"
Worried, Turnipper wanted to comfort the agitated wolf, though stopped his hand from reaching him. This guy didn't need a consoler right now. He needed to vent. And someone to hear his pent-up frustration.
"I was the smallest of my litter. I don't remember much, but what little memories I have are not nice. I was hungry more often than not. My siblings began to overpower me as soon as we opened our eyes. When we learned to walk, they bit and scratched me. When we left the den, they wouldn't let me eat." As if to justify himself, Res looked at the fox with wet eyes. "I don't blame them. We were pups and it was just fun to them. I was just too small and weak to play along. I wish... I just wish my parents would have cared! But they didn't. When I finally couldn't keep up with them anymore, they left me behind. Abandoned me..."
When the wolf finally broke out in tears, Turnipper put an arm around his quivering body. It didn't help much, but it was all he could do.
"Hrff... I was so hungry, I ate slugs, worms and shit. It made me sick!" With horror he remembered all the days during which he didn't knew whether his belly ached from the hunger, or the refuse his body wanted to get rid of so desperately. Or whether finally one of the nasty bits he forced himself to swallow had hatched and was now eating him.
"When I finally found a pack, they refused me. I wasn't good enough. More dead than alive. A drag! I followed them anyway. Endured their scorn and ate their leftovers. I was lucky even, you know?" Embarrassed he tried to hold the fox's gaze, but failed. "No one had the guts to tell a young'un to go away and die somewhere else. Until the winter came... When prey was scarce, I was one maw too many to feed. They had their own pups, after all..."
After a short pause to blow his nose, he went on. "I begged them to let me stay, implored every wolf to have me. They only hated me more. Despised me for being weak and a shame walking before their eyes. One day..." He swallowed, rubbing his swollen cheek. "One of the higher ups had enough. He shred up my face and bit me until I was gone."
"I saw the scar..." Turnipper admitted, holding the bigger canine tightly. It was hard to see under his gray fur, but up close the large scar under his right eye was unmistakable. It went from the back of his jowl onto the bridge of his muzzle and only barely missed his eye. No wonder he was afraid of facing teeth again.
"After that, I lived in a city for a while. Not even the dogs accepted me. Then I met Chen and Toshi. They didn't have a pack either and could need a third wolf to hunt, so they put up with me. These two fuck faces are everything I have..."
"Do they know about all this?"
Reszet sniffled. "Some of it..." he admitted awkwardly. The truth was, you don't get to join a pack by telling them how worthless you are. Chen and Toshiba had been hard pressed for a third hunter to chase prey into traps, otherwise he'd still be alone today. "I don't want to lose them," Res admitted desperately as he tiredly lay down. Ashamed he hid his face. "I can't be alone again..."
Comfortingly Turnipper nestled up beside the wolf. "That won't be happening!" he promised, licking Res neck. He wouldn't allow that to happen, though one problem after the other. "But you really need to eat something." Again he nudged him into the direction of the rabbit. "It's fresh. Baochenmo brought it."
That caught the wolf's attention. "Chen brought it...?" Longingly he looked at the dead animal. Why would he do this? Did he care about him after all? Or was he just trying to ease his conscience? Did he even have a conscience? Or was he just trying to pep up his chaser for better hunting? Sadly the gray wolf lowered his eyes. "Is he angry...?"
"No," Turnipper said softly. Honestly, the white wolf always looked angry, though he really wasn't under the impression that Chen held a grudge against Res for what happened. "To be honest, I think he's struggling with himself right now," he admitted at length. "...Oh! But don't tell him I said that. I don't want to be on the menu next! Now eat. He's brought some herbs too that he said will ease the pain. They don't smell very tasty, though, just so you know."
