Yes, i know, the date on the card is wrong. I'm beginning to lose track of my days. :P
Anyway...
As I went through my pencils this morning, I found one decorated with 'Hugga Bunch' characters.
...I'd no idea what 'Hugga Bunch' was, but judging by the cutesy, objectively 1980's character designs (as well the 'Hallmark Cards' copyright), I presumed 'Hugga Bunch' to be some kind of Care Bears clone
...boy was I wrong!
I mean, I was close ...-ish.
After Googling some information on Hugga Bunch, I discovered they had a TV movie in 1985.
Now, being a childless, internet-savvy man in his late 30's, I'm obliged to investigate these sorts of things. Besides, the movie's title is promising enough, and with social distancing eliminating the possibility of real hugs in the real world, a vicarious hug experience is the best many can hope for.
All right, so, to begin, 'The Hugga Bunch Movie' (which clocks just over 45 minutes) is live-action with children and puppets. Not what I was expecting!
Yeah, I was hoping for animation. with very few exceptions, i'm not a fan of puppets, esp. those of the humanoid variety. Anyway...
The movie begins in the pink bedroom of a 7-year-old girl named Bridget. Bridget is suspicious of her parents sudden act of generosity towards she and her irritable older brother, Andrew,
BRIDGET (to viewers): "Like I said, there's something very mystifying going on, and I think it has something to do with *Grams"
*the grandmother (father's side); her name is Colleen
Bridget continues her exposition, this time to her plushie penguin, Sweet William,
BRIDGET: "We live in this house. It used to belong to Granpa and Gramma, but we bought it when (Granpa?) died, and now we live here and Gramma lives with us"
So they bought the house from the grandmother, rather than just move in?
Presumably, the family moved in to look after Colleen ...at least up to the point Colleen began showing signs of senility ...time for the family to take actions to move Colleen into a nursing home!
Ah, that's sad and all, but what about that 'mystifying' part?
As Bridget hugs her penguin, some strange chittering noises begin emanating from her closet!
BRIDGET (to Sweet William)): "You hear it? Every time we hug!"
Bridget investigates the mirror affixed to her closet door. Nothing!
Later, at the breakfast table, Bridget tells her mom about the sounds from her mirror, but the mom cannot be bothered, so it's up to Andrew to interject an opinion,
ANDREW: "Oh, boy are you weird! Why don't you invite your talking mirror down for breakfast?"
COLLEEN: "When I was little, I heard voices in my mirror, too"
And my Rice Krispies tell me to burn things ...*seaches for lighter* :3
Anyway, Bridget and Andrew later overhear their parents discuss placing Colleen in a home ...and it's a fairly grim conversation, but luckily there's upbeat music playing over much of it (more on the music later).
Ah, but do't worry, if the music was too distracting, good ol' Andrew will reexplain for us,
ANDREW (to Bridget): "Boy are you think: it's Grandma ...they're putting her out to pasture ...like a horse who's too old for anything, so they just put him in a field, let him eat and enjoy their life until they grow old and die"
BRIDGET: "...but that's not right! We gotta do something!"
ANDREW: "So, send a telegram to your congressman, or better yet, why don't you tell your magic mirror friends?"
...The Hugga Bunch! :D
:P
Later, Bridget finds her grandmother going through a box in the attic. Bridget is assured that all will be well for Colleen in the home, but it's still saddening ...esp. since Colleen is the best character in this movie. She ...seems genuine, and has a warm, comforting tone in her words. :3
BRIDGET: "But I don't want you to leave; I want you here for ever and ever! You and me are the only ones that really like to hug ...Andrew hates to show that he cares, and Mom and Dad are always too busy, and Aunt Ruth is afraid I'll mess up her hair. Nobody really hugs but me and you"
This would come across very differently if Bridget were saying this to her grandfather. But, for a movie like this (we'll get there!), that has to be a missed opportunity. :p
Anyway, Bridget returns to her room, for to play with her toys. But all is interrupted by the chittering mirror!
As Bridget goes to investigate, a strange puppet-like creature emerges from the mirror-glass! D:
This creature is Huggins. Best way to describe Huggins is she looks a bit like the hypothetical offspring of a Cabbage Patch Kid and Gerbert. Believe me, as bad as my ACO of Huggins is, it looks much better than the real deal!
HUGGINS (coming forth from the mirror): "Well, hi there, cutie! ...didn't mean to scare you. You're Bridget, aren't you?"
BRIDGET: "You know my name?"
HUGGINS: "Sure! We've been watching you through the mirror for a long time!"
...As someone who both has a bedroom mirror and keeps a piece of colored tape over his computer camera, I find Huggins's statement very disconcerting. 00
BRIDGET: "...Are there more of you?"
HUGGINS: "Bunches more! The whole Hugga Bunch clan!"
Each sold separately, I'm sure. ...Gah! It's time to mention this film's flavor of narritive music. Truly, I find the music here almost as unappealing as Huggins. Honestly, the musical narritives used throughout this film are irksome in their loudness and cartoonishness, as well their odd familiarity (for example, the music from the previous scene with Andrew is reminiscent of 'Dragnet').
Grr!
Bridget asks Huggins how she came through the mirror,
HUGGINS: "Mirrors open up when folks hug. It's one of your basic, perplexiconic, chemical miracles!"
Why is Michael Jackson's 'Man in the Mirror' suddenly playing in my head ..and more importantly, why is it creeping me out? :p
Essentially, the Hugga Bunch live in the world of Huggaland, which exists on the other side of the looking glass, whereat the Huggas hug 'all the live-long day' ...at least, when they're not spying on children, or (presumably) being chased by the Jabberwocky. :3
BRIDGET: "Oh, my Grams would love it (in Huggaland)!"
HUGGINS: "I've watched; she's a great hugger!"
00
Bridget and Huggins hug, as little magical sparks issue forth from their affection (enjoy; it's the only animation we get in this film! XD)
BRIDGET (responding to the animation): "What's that?"
HUGGINS: "We call them 'hugworks'---sparkles real good when you get a real honest clinching clinger!"
...Do I need to mature this review? I swear some hug-fetishist wrote this! :P
Anyway, Huggins explains she came through the mirror,
HUGGINS: "You've got troubles: age 11; grumpy; name of Andrew ...as leader of the Hugga Bunch, I decided to come and help, because I'm in charge and I'm the only one with savoir-faire"
BRIDGET: "...(your charm) won't work on Andrew---he's dead set against hugging or touching or anything like that"
HUGGINS: "I'll charm his teeth right out of his gums! I'll savoir-faire him till he's putty in my hugs! I mean, I got charms I ain't never turned loose yet!"
...One part of me finds that very unsettling; another part wants to draw some Timmy cartoons. I'm at a loss, so I'll just let all that speak for itself. ^^;
What follows is pointless shenanigans intended to pad the film (that's already somehow too short and too long). Andrew isn't anywhere to be found (thank God!), but the conspirators do steal one of Andrew's baseball caps ...which, again, won't serve as a plot device; someone on the production team just really liked the St. Louis Cardinals. :/
Before the plot gets rolling again, Bridget finds Colleen preparing for her move. Apparently, Colleen's leaving that very afternoon, at 4:30! D:
Bridget shares what's happening with Colleen to Huggins ...as a 'bonus', we get to see Huggins in her panties during this scene (just because the filmmakers could).
Anyway, Huggins makes a suggestion,
HUGGINS: "I'll tell you my suggestion for your grams: plenty of affection and lots of hugging! That's what makes us Huggas go!"
Bridget says hugging won't restore her grandmother's youth.
Huggins suggests Bridget go with she to Huggaland to ask the all-knowing bookwork how to restore Colleen's youth (since hugging won't do that in the real world, and restoring Colleen's youth seems a logical-enough solution).
Bridget agrees to visit the bookworm. To get through the mirror, Bridget has to 'get real squishy' with Huggins.
Now that I've seen this movie, I don't think I can feel comfortable allowing anyone to touch me ever again (and I know so many of my readers want to! ...ok, I'm just fooling myself there, but some of you could at least pretend to be disappointed!) ...Anyway,
The two succeed in getting through the mirror, albeit, one of Bridget's shoes didn't make it through,
HUGGINS: "Don't need shoes here, everything's soft and fuzzy!"
Hugs ...fuzzy ...barefooted. Ah. Furries wrote this (furries ruin everything! ...of course, I say that as a furry, so ...I need hu--- WAIT! NO I DON'T!) D:
Once in Huggaland, we meet Hugsy, a boy Hugga
*realizes he just typed 'boy Hugga' and can never take it back*
Anyway, Hugsy's no worse than Huggins, albeit he makes up for it by speaking in a strange robot voice (it could be the upload, but it wouldn't surprise me if the voice were intentional).
One interesting exchange between Huggins and Hugsy says much about the confused awkwardness that is this film (the proceeding will speak for itself),
HUGSY: "Where'd you get that neat-o cap?"
HUGGINS: "Bridget gave it to me; it is her brother's. Would you like to have it?"
HUGSY: "Thanks, Huggins! You're ok, pal!"
I understand why Andrew's a jerk. :3
Anyway, between the trio reaching the bookworm's library, we are treated to two musical numbers out of the blue. ...The songs aren't bad, really. Of course, this's coming from someone who likes the songs from the Care Bear's Movie 2, so what do I know?
Regardless, the Hugga's songs (again) come from nowhere as we're more than halfway through this film which has hitherto not revealed itself to be a musical. :P
Bridget knocks on the door of the bookworm's library,
BOOKWORM: "Library cards issued only on Thursdays. Go away!" *closes door in Bridget's face*
Upon meeting the bookworm, two things are made immediately obvious:
1. he isn't a Hugga
2. he's been around the Huggas a very, very long time (with relatable results)
The bookworm eventually acquiesces to the imploring trio ...all right, so he pretty much gives in right away. :P
BOOKWORM: "The aging of grandmothers may be slowed down and sometimes halted by:
1. a great deal of hugging 2. an abundance of hugging ...3 (and this is very important). the knowledge that they are needed"
...my grandmother died. :(
Anyway, the bookworm's wisdom doesn't satisfy Bridget,
BRIDGET: "Listen, Mr. Worm! My aunt Ruth is coming at 4:30 to pick up my grandma. And I need something, like, now! There's gotta be some medicine or pills that'll make her young, fast!"
And this came from the mid 1980's: a time before every other ad on TV was for a prescription medication. Progressive? ^^
BOOKWORM: "Young people are in such a hurry these days! Want everything now! what do you think this is; a fast-food drive-thru!?"
More than thirty years later, nothing has changed as regards the nature of man (there is nothing new under the sun!). ^^
The bookworm says there is a magical 'youngberry' that will restore the youth of the one who eats it. Only catch is the berry will disappear if it touches the ground (no five-second rule in Huggaland!).
...Oh, and one other thing,
BOOKWORM: "There's only one (youngberry tree), and it grows IN THE COUNTRY OF SHRUGS!" D:
Cool. :3
The Country of Shrugs is ruled by the evil Queen of Quartz, who has the power to turn tresspassors to stone (kinda). This dreadful region is accessed only through the pages of one of the worm's magical books ...and it's literally a portal to Hell!
BRIDGET: "It's awful dark down there! ...it looks like a hole in the ground!"
BOOKWORM: "And it's very deep. It's the only way into the Land of Shrugs. You gulp three times and fall in ...down to the netherbottom, past the hairy behemoth; across the sea of broken glass! ...Goodbye forever!"
...The Hugga Bunch! :D
To be honest, I appreciate when a show like this is unafraid to go dark ...but even the bookworm's Hell portal cannot save this film (nothing could, I lament). :(
Having arrived safely in Hell, the trio encounters the aforementioned 'hairy behemoth' ...and it's honestly terrifying, yet hilarious at the same time! XD
Try, if you will, to picture the Snuffleupagus possessed by Satan and spewing flames (real flames!) from its trunk. That's effectively what you'd see here!
Much like the bookworm, Hugsy does his best to salvage this defeated film via badassery! He confidently walls up to the flaming foe, and hugs it.
Awesome! :D
...of course, the film makes up for it. The behemoth is transformed by Hugsy's affections into what could best be described as a leftover from The Island of Misfit Toys.
BRIDGET: "Why, it's an adorable baby elephant!"
*Batteries not included
So, this 'adorable baby elephant' is named Hodgepodge. He's good and kind, but none too bright in the head. He also faints when frightened. ^^
Hugsy is quick to point out that Hodgepodge owes him a favor for restoring Hodgepodge to normal (personally I preferred him as the behemoth, but whatever). Hodgepodge agrees to show the trio the way to Queen Quartz's castle, wherein the youngberry tree may be found ...the way to the castle that everyone can plainly see, in the near distance.
HODGEPODGE: "In owe you a favor? I'm going to show you the way! Wanna ride on my back?"
HUGSY: "Hell yeah!"
I swear I didn't make that up; "Hell yeah" is exactly what I heard! XD
Go to 32:14 on the timestamp. I may have misheard (but I kinda hope I didn't!) *shot*
...right. Anyway,
So the four enter into what may as well be Castle Grayskull, to collect the youngberries.
Of course, the party makes no end of noise as they talk and shout in the castle. They are soon surrounded by Shrugs, armed with sparklers (the kind children play with).
Enter the queen,
QUEEN: "What is this commotion!?"
Bridget is given opportunity to explain herself. The queen, of course, denies Bridget's request for youngberries. The queen uses them herself, in order to maintain her beauty. :P
The woman playing the queen ...I believe this person 'thinks' they are acting, but, their performance is way over the top. Moreover, the way she intentionally stretches some of her words with a high-pitched shriek is as grating (to me) as claws on a chalkboard. :/
The queen is quite vain, and so has an eye for potential rivals. The queen note's Bridget's (uh) appearance,
QUEEN (to Bridget): "You're rather pleasant looking yourself"
BRIDGET: "..."
QUEEN: Say 'thank you', child"
BRIDGET: "My mother tells me never to say thank you when people tell me I have a pretty face; you're just born with it and it's all luck"
As with many lines in this film, I'm unsure how to reply to this. I'm not being lazy---I'm truly at a loss! XD :P
It's revealed that the queen must eat a youngberry every hour to maintain her appearance (I guess the bookworm forgot to mention that). In light of this fact, Bridget should just give up on the berries as a solution, but she doesn't.
Concisely, Bridget gets 'frozen' by the queen, and Hodgepodge and the Huggas are thrown in the dungeon ...together, despite the queen's dislike of hugging. Hodgepodge pulls down the dungeon door and the three escape. Bridget is hugged back to life and some youngberries are collected into a compote.
The clock strikes the hour as the queen bursts into the tree room. Unable to stop the thieves, as well unable to get to her youngberries, the queen immediately dies ...and decomposes on-camera.
The Hugga Bunch! :D
Bridget (somehow) teleports back to her mirror. Upon reentry (which doesn't require any hugging (I suppose one hug more and this film would lose its G rating), Bridget trips and drops all the youngberries to the floor. As the worm said, the berries disappear upon touching the ground ...which makes both the journey and the death of the queen completely pointless ...but at least the compote didn't break :p
Bridget's mom says it's time to say goodbye to Grandma. Bridget's had enough! D:
BRIDGET (upon meeting Andrew in the hallway): "Now you listen to me, Andrew! ...Gram's is going out of our lives! She needs us---doesn't that mean anything to you!? She loves you, and I know you love her, too! So once in your life, just show it, or I'll never speak to you again!"
Girl power!
...What? That was a thing in the 80's. :P
Bridget hugs Colleen, but nothing magical seems to happen.
Andrew enters the scene... His performance here is unlike his others---it's obvious that 9like the queen) he's 'trying' to act. :P What happens is Andrew hugs Colleen, and is joined by Bridget and the adults ...save for Aunt Ruth. Aunt Ruth says it's time to go, but the father puts his foot down: Grandma ain't going nowhere!
Aunt Ruth comes around, too.
So... great big happy family again, I guess. ^^
As for Andrew's baseball cap, the film wraps this up bu having Hugsy pass it to him through the mirror in Bridget's room (after Andrew accuses Bridget of taking it).
Credits roll; film's over!
Dear Lord, what did I just behold?
Well, 'The Hugga Bunch Movie' is not the worst thing I've ever seen---it's certainly inoffensive, providing the viewer isn't easily frightened by imagry and child peril. Even so, I'll say without irony that this film could be shown at or around Halloweentime, and wouldn't seem too out of place---it is scary! XD
But is it scary in a good way? ...Yes. It's typical, 1980's-kids-movie dark (honestly, I've seen Sesame Street clips that could rival some of the scenes here ...and, yeah, I grew up with Don Bluth and classical Nickelodeon---I've been hardened, man!).
The only real criticisms I'll give here are these:
This movie has a significant creepy factor. If you don't like being touched, this movie is NOT for you! XD Also, while Colleen is a fantastic grandma character and Hugsy ...is not without his moments ...I just don't like Huggins and Bridget. I also cannot say I like the Huggas in general---I don't care for the concept, esp. the way it's presented here; the Huggas are overdone; they lack a believable, psychological balance. I simply don't like them as characters. :3
