BOOK ONE
The Innocent
PREFACE
This is the story of James the Divine and the experiences that led to the writing of the most holy Bureaucraticon by which one might become one with the bureaucracy.
There was once a student named James who applied to the colleges of his choice. James, or Jim as he was known in those days, was told to appear at an orientation for the school he would eventually attend. His mother went with him as required and there he saw wondrous sights. They stayed in the dormitories and tasted the delights of the food service. Chicken every night and all you can eat.
Now, Jim was a good student and was invited to join the honors program of that University. He received notice that he had to have an interview first and made an appointment. At the orientation, he went to meet the program’s director, Stew Goldman. He arrived at the appropriate time and found his office along the narrow corridors of the Liberal Arts Building. He knocked on his door and heard, “Come in,” from within. Jim entered to see a cluttered office with stacks of books and papers that he was to find was typical of all the small offices of this old building. Jim saw Goldman sitting at the desk in front of him. He was a pudgy man wearing a blue wrinkled shirt with no tie.
He had his ear to a phone, put his hand over the receiver and said, “Have a seat. I’ll be just a minute.” Jim waited and listened while Goldman took his phone call. “I’m telling you it needs to be done now,” Goldman said and waited for a response. “No excuses it shall be done now. Okay good.”
Goldman hung up the phone, stood, and offered his hand saying, “What can I do for you?”
Jim stood and took the offered hand. He had a strong grip, but his hand felt strangely cold and almost clammy. “I was supposed to meet you regarding getting into the Honors program,” Jim replied.
“What’s your name?” Goldman asked, sitting back at his desk and turning to a grey two-door filing cabinet next to it.
Jim told him, and Goldman pulled out a folder from the cabinet and laid it open before him on the desk. He glanced through the papers inside it and said, “Well you have very high SAT and ACT scores, but I don’t see your high school grades being that great. You only have a 3.0 grade point average and most people in the program exceed 3.75”
“My grades in high school weren’t as good as they could have been,” Jim explained, “because my parents separated and we had to move three times in mid-semester. Once right before midterms and there was not much I could do to catch up. But even under that pressure I kept a 3.0 grade point.”
“I can understand that,” Goldman said. “Well I see no reason not to give you a shot. You’re accepted. Here’s a packet explaining everything about the program. You take Honors courses once a semester that take the place of your general distribution courses.” Goldman handed Jim a manila envelope packed full of documents and then asked, “Any questions?”
“Not at the moment,” Jim replied.
Goldman stood and once again offered his hand, “Well congratulations and good luck. If there’s anything I can do to help you, I’m here for all my Honors students.”
Jim shook Goldman’s hand again reluctantly and a vague thought passed through his mind of deals being sealed with handshakes. Jim said his thanks. He left the office and went back to the current dorm he stayed in. He beamed with pride, happy to be a freshman member of the top academic organization on the campus.
In the next few days, Jim finished his orientation. He went through counseling to find out which courses he should take and registered. He went to a meeting, which introduced him to the student organizations on campus. He took a walking tour of the huge campus and its many imposing buildings. After three days, orientations ended, and Jim left the University with high hopes and higher feelings.
