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P.C.D. Report, Annual State of Tanuki Report

by Kupok

====Intro====
I haven't done one of these in a while. Hay. How ARE you folks? Getting along? Doing well?
I feel good myself. A little.. I dunno. Nostalgic, yes. But Good.

Today, I returned from a weekend at Rocky Mountain Furcon, The furcon had 1006 in attendance this year... Whiiich is about the size of Anthrocon back in 2001, my first con. (That was 1,457). $3588.09 raised for charity (Freedom Service Dogs), a Successful Wedding Proposal, And the announcement of 2's relocation to the Denver Zone, and a Dance that hat quite literally brought down the house. No really, the bass thumping loosened a light and it fell out of the ceiling, crashing on the floor below and ending the dance about an hour early. (No one was hurt.)

But that's all statistics really. A lot of numbers that hold no real emotional meaning to me. I was Staff for once though, which is pretty coolish. I was Staff, doing/in charge of what I would be doing anyway had I not been staff. The Staff thing I suppose just enabled me to have to ask important looking people for authorization to do stuff less.

====LOOT====
One (1) small pendent, rabbit leather chord, bird feather, bone pendent with pawprint burned in.
One (1) copy of Gazpachio's Tanuki Tactics

====Log of Events====

Alynna

Frynge

Nodd and I all arrived with a bunch of boxes full of electronics and board games, We spent an hour or two hooking up monitors, game systems, laying out board games and drinks, then we just.. Ran it. Made sure folks here were con folk, were having fun. Ran a few tournaments (Possibly the "last" Smash Bros Brawl tournament for Rocky Mountain Furcon) And I was there pritty much the whole time.

Mostly. I did wander the con a Bit. But every time I did, I came back to the game room quickly, because... hmm. To hide. I think. Now that I think about it. More on that in a moment.

There was some rather nice fellows, for whom this was the first Con, and they had... a good enough time to have been life changing experiences for them. They got to connect emotionally with, and touch, people to whom they could relate to for the first time. Game, yes. But also.. share thair wonky worldviews with without being ridiculed. To... feel. It's easy to feel for someone online, sure, but it's sorta fantasy then still. It's hard to think of text on a screen coming from anything other then an NPC, and the con.. People were real. All the emotion. The casual "/me hugs" Were real, warm, fuzzy, full of energy. I remember how that felt myself, back in 2001.

I and Alynna are directly responsible for his good first time, which means I've paid back the Karmic Debt for the kindness I was given for my first time.

====Gaming====
Frynge ran the "Chaos" Brawl Tournament. It had items, hacked/skinned stages, but no mechanics changes. It was a 4vsAll, In which cards were drawn from a hat containing the names of contestants. Each card had 3 lives, 2 were lost for 4th, 1 was lost for 3rd and 2nd, and the winner was the last card still in the hat. I placed 4th :3

It was a blast, very successful. I had a lot of fun.

meganleighwoulffe

ran the "Order" Brawl Torunament, One that used no hacks or items. Though I Won, I gave my prize to my runner up, hehe.

Beyond that, there were games running near constantly, except for two hours on Saterday morning between 5am and 7am ish. Lots of "Cards Against Humanity" And I just had lots, and lots of fun. There were even a few artists who preferred the laid back energy in our room over the "Drawing Lounge" that was set up.

====Furries====
If this were simply a "Gaming" convention, I would have said this is the best Gaming Con I've been to. but, I am a Tanuki. I don't tell people I am a Therian/Otherkin about it, but I am. I hold my spirituality close to my chest these days, and usually, Furry Cons are a place I can let out and express every aspect of myself completely and totally.

Whitehair

was unable to attend for medical reasons... So that had already sort of knocked me out of the "Present" tense. Johnny-Dog Whitehair is rather important to me.. and whenever I was not gaming or running games, or being busy, I was.. rather reminded he was not here. I love him much.. And

Alynna

to. The next time such a thing occurs, I'm not sure I'll want to be at the con for any longer then "duty" calls for.

I left my post occasionally to wander the convention floorspace during the day, or to wander the hotel halls at night at about 2am when the dance below was ending. And I saw... a changed culture, actually.

It was still furry, certainly, but It felt.. I dunno. Everyone wanted to be more "Cool" I guess? There was a lot of fear of being awkward. I mean... Furries, nerds, and geeks have always been afraid of being awkward and doing the wrong things. But I saw more of that fear, a lot of "masking" and trying to be Cool/Hip/With-It. People always traveled in these little groups, and made an effort to ignore or avoid adding anyone to those little groups.

When I did see folks by themselves, I saw them shrink up or become defensive, which is kinda.. different. In the past, They would seem relieved that someone paid attention to them, and eagerly opened up like they had a lot of things bottled in they wanted to express. That defensiveness faded after a few friendly lines and an invitation to hang out and game, of course.

There was no kind of message board, And my gaming room functioned as a sort of general purpose lounge, but even then, I think the non-gamers and theranthropes felt just sort of out of place there. There's the dealers room, sure, but anything that makes money is not likely to change, eehehe. And when I wandered the halls at night, I could not follow my ears to a party, there were no open doors on the "designated convention floors" (Only furries were booked on those floors, no mundanes.) and there were no doors with even signs. There was no way to find a "Werewolf" hangout or a "Babyfur" hangout or anything of that sort.

I suppose this is weird coming from a creature who's main ability is really good pretending, but it felt like a fair amount of people there were "Pretending" to be furry. I dunno how to explain that feeling.

Heck, there wasn't even a naughty party I had known about, which before this year, I'd never failed to at least know about.

Let me show you something that was utterly absent this year.
http://tanuki.kitsunet.net/Anthrocon2004MessageBoard.JPG

See all those notes, all those messages? Ever. Single. One, of those little cards was a piece of furry culture. Some had little doodles, some silly messages, a few "Hay VariableSpecie, Lunch is at Place." and most of them notes like "Little Pizza Gathering in Rm402 8pm" or "Showing Movies all night in Rm712" or "Babyfur Nursury is Rm909" and things like that.

2004 was a time at convention where when I sat sore footed ans started tending to my aching foot, An immensely kind and wonderful foot fetishist took the time, and risk on a stranger to give me a footrub, expecting nothing in return.

That culture seems absent now. And that culture IS, what brought me to furries in the first place. Perhaps... this is simply a plea to be more open. And as I am staff at this con now.. perhaps there are some things I can do to help encourage that sort of culture. That message board would be a start I suppose . . .

====State of the Tanuki====
You know, some time in November, I got myself a real nice job. It has great physical demand on my body, but it is satisfying work, with a lot of thanks and appreciation. The pay is not... high, but I find I enjoy it more then any tech work I used to do.

I had a bout of non-sexuality for awhile. Nearly went asexual even. I think that cleared up now. I'm not sure if that's the con, or the brief absence from puppy, or even the work of that first timer I mentioned earlier.

Not saying anything sexual happened at this convention. Because nothing sexual did happen. :/

But I think... I feel alive again. Or at least, I no longer feel like Death is stalking me. I'm rather Nostalgic, and I can't stop thinking of all the people I miss, Like LexyEevee, Theodous and Foxpaws, Mikey and Jimmy, Snuggems and Wolfcub, Hiromi, Even GerbilCheeks

I miss... Myself too, actually. I can never go back to what I was, mind you, But I can miss it.

That said, I remember the many unfortunate circumstances that had caused seperation from those people. I am immensly thankful, and lucky, such circumstances do no currently exist, as

Alynna

Frynge

and

Whitehair

mean the world to me.

I think.. I've said all I want to say to night. As usual, questions and observations help me retireve and relieve more information, and I encourage it. Also I'm a whore for attention.

I love you.

Viewed:	77 times
Added:	12 years, 2 months ago 06 Aug 2013 10:57 CEST

15 Comments on this Journal

Leave a Comment...

Kliff

12 years, 2 months ago

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I am... unsure if I will ever fit in with a convention. And hearing about how it seems to have changed...

I'm sure we've chatted about this a couple of times before already, but it's hard to really feel "welcome", for me, in a very large group, like with the whole Internet 'clique' of furries as a whole, or even the idea of mingling with a convention crowd just seems a little "off" to me, like I feel like I'd be trying to force my way into something where I don't and never will belong.

And if it has changed, to something where people are 'pretending' - moreso than usual, not letting themselves let their guard down - I don't know, it makes it feel like it's become just yet another extension of the high school mentality, except you're no longer graded on things and it's all just about who you know, how you know them, and which people are okay to hate.

Maybe I'm not cut out for the convention crowd. Maybe I'm not cut out for fame. Maybe I need to experience more before I settle down or something, but I'm not feeling very hopeful, if a smallish convention like RMFC has the atmosphere of a popular club where everybody's trying to earn that elusive ticket to the V.I.P. room.

Kupok

12 years, 2 months ago

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@ Kliff

Ah you missed it. You /are/ a gamer... and my room was mostly immune from that,

Kliff

12 years, 2 months ago

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@ Kupok

That's true - I'm also multiple states away, still, which is a bit of a problem at the moment.

axlegear

12 years, 2 months ago

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c.c

Kupok

12 years, 2 months ago

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@ axlegear

Sea Dot See.

KennyKitsune

12 years, 2 months ago

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I wish I could have been there... RMFC was my first con after a 10 year drought from fur cons. I made two very special relationships there: FarelleMoon became my big sister.... And you became my big brother. I miss you and love you dearly, One-chan! *huggles!*

MarkoTheRat

12 years, 2 months ago

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2007 FC was my first con. I joked on the way back to my hosts' home that now I could die happy, except that I meant it. Something that had been missing from my life was given to me there. I knew I would be a junky after that, desperately looking for my next hit, always hoping to beat that first high and never quite managing it, except I did beat it at FC 2008. After that, I've had some great con experiences but there's no doubt that lately I've hit the law of diminishing returns. Is it because the fandom has changed since then? I prefer to think it's because I've changed, but the fandom has too, even if I don't want to look that fact straight in the eye. I'm still too scared to address what you've raised here, but I will say that fursuits have become too common, too dominant in the fandom. I guess I liked being special and I'm not anymore.

Kupok

12 years, 2 months ago

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@ MarkoTheRat

Lions in Australia tell me that rather recently, you are extra special.
I have squirrels, foxes, and wolves here who whisper in my ear how extra special you are.

BUT. I do understand what you mean. Special attention from the passing furry stranger in the convention yes. I do not have the perspective of a fursuiter from then.

MarkoTheRat

12 years, 2 months ago

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@ Kupok

Lions in Australia? I suspect lion singular but I can't dismiss the possibility of multiple lions out of paw. You have spies everywhere! I miss you guys. I have work again (only casual but it's a start) so maybe I can come again next year?

PeachClover

12 years, 2 months ago

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I've known I'm not the only one who has felt a change at the con goers' general attitude, but I was hoping it was just my area. When I read these same experiences from you in a different place, I feel my heart breaking.

The culture is what makes Furry home, so I share your plea and I have tried harder lately to be that with the locals. Come MFM, I will try extra hard to be this even if others are afraid.

Kupok

11 years, 9 months ago

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@ PeachClover

It is my instinct to say, That perhaps it is time Otherkin had a convention, but I know how otherkin gatherings tend to turn out.

No.. We must simply work hard to influence the culture. Return to positions of power, and, no matter what arrows are slung at our hearts, keep them open. I had done that in some small way last year, I shall do so slightly bigger this year.

What... Requirements must be met to summon you to Colorado during this time?

PeachClover

11 years, 9 months ago

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@ Kupok

I do not feel up for travel. This could either be because I have a cold, or because I just don't like being on the road... In order to get me to Colorado, I would have to have a reason that I fear regretting more than having a bad trip, and then I would have to have the money to make it there.

Kupok

11 years, 9 months ago

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@ PeachClover

Let me know if you are against flying. I am on my way to work. Be back later.

PeachClover

11 years, 9 months ago

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@ Kupok

I have never flown before, and I am afraid of heights. I have been toying with the idea of a test flight to a close relative, and driving back if it is too much.

yomikun

12 years ago

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I know you and I really don't talk much anymore, but, it is nice to finally find you somewhere after all these years.

Now, as to the whole con thing. I guess I am kind of burned out on cons in general. Been going seemingly nonstop since sometime in 2006. I have gotten to the point where I enjoy the smaller cons better. It seems to be the only way I can meet others as it is less time constrained, and less hustled and hurried. In other words, a more relaxed atmosphere. Since none of the locals around here ever attend any cons at all, it makes it more imperative that I find others to hang out with. I've made quite a few friends that way to say the least.

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