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Am I broken?

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I have been contemplating this lately....other experience death of loved ones, family, pets, much more deeply than I.

They get upset at death...to me, and ive had my father and 2 brothers die before me....It just seems to me they will never visit again...like they are going on a trip I will never see them again.  No sadness...just as if they were going on cruise...ok, gbye...

my roommate had his cat of 10 yrs die...it saddened him immensely.  I was fond of the cat too and miss him....I used to leave bedroom door open so he could sneak in and jump up on my lap while i was working...had to make space for him between tablet and keyboard..and he was so cute...i took pics of him THANKFULLY sitting on my lap and he would look up eye closed, wtf u doing...

he died soon after...i conspired with my roommates sister...sent her photos of cat and said, get these printed out for xmas present in a frame...he said it was best christmas present he received this year...

but i do not feel death like other people...i feel them feeling death more deeply than i do...so am i broken?

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Added:	7 years, 3 months ago 23 Jan 2017 13:16 CET

11 Comments on this Journal

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Yiffox

7 years, 3 months ago

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ugh 2nd observationary....dunno why but im crying rereading this and i dont know why...maybe the cat...but i have no logical reason to cry....

PURRfect93

7 years, 3 months ago

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@ Yiffox

I fall into a similar boat. My grandmother was the second closest person I was close to besides my mother. When she died, I wasn't even sad... I mean, I was there and saw her laying in the table in the mourge. I couldn't feel anything. And then years later out of no where I just started thinking about it and broke down for a minute and was fine. It's strange, it really is. It's almost like I just seal everything away in my head or something. Least that's how I imagine it. So if your broken so am I, but I think we're just a bit different from everyone else is all ^^

hammse

7 years, 3 months ago

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@ PURRfect93

I noticed that some people postpone grief much more than others. Some mix that up with grieving easier, I doubt there is such a thing as grieving less. A lot of trouble comes from the general lack of awareness of that.
You strike me as somebody who partly "just" went along with your own speed so you might kinda pull off beeing both ;3
Just let it happen and if you can, ifo your close ones, don`t keep your guard up too much. Or reinforce the dam propperly ofc

The timing seems striking tho~ You are able to process lots of basic issues with all the bigger things you tackle now, you know, manifesting yourself, moving so much more "with broad strokes". Some of "that stuff" is bound to want to get spilled along. with the amount of torn down walls and opened doors.

my three scents. If I am not completely off make an effort to really stick to your decision I say. grief has to be willed into something healthy, but it STILL is an organic process, there is no classic efficiency about that (at all) in my exp. (That is why I didn`t grieve too much yet ;3) But I can be really dense so there.

In order for willpower not hurting others tho.. (which would include them lashing out about it) I find you gotta relieve your own falls to understand those of others (as in, if a friend of a friend died, and you don`t care for people you don`t know, but your friend still is sad, you can`t mourn their loss, just "loss".)

Okay four scents.

hammse

7 years, 3 months ago

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@ PURRfect93

Ah I edited that so much it didn`t even belong under this post anymore. Sorry, officer xD
The switching you talk about gave me that idea that by now I can even swing back and forth if I really want to but the amount of "sick" is proportionate, it drags people down if they notice. If they are not of the postponing crowd. In like ten years we might figure out that alone defines the big bad sociopathy. I find it incredibly helpful since it is really just buffering. (So thanks for the idea)

Yiffox

7 years, 2 months ago

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@ hammse

meh its just theyre gone on vacation, hard to believe theyre gone forever.... my roomates pet cat died...used to leave door open at night and hed come sit with me..hand to make room between tablet and keyboard....yeah...keep thinking hes gonna pounce up...same thing...old memories fading...how bad is that

Fulgidus

7 years, 3 months ago

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I assume everyone experiences the death of loved ones or pets very differently.
For me it was different for everyone I lost.
When my twin brother died at a young age I remember being sad but not deeply upset. Though that may be because I was really young back then.
A few years later my grandfather died and that made me feel lonely and actually extremely angry at other people.
My aunt died later and I pretty much just registered it, even though I actually liked her.
It went on like this.
But none of these turned me into an "emotional wreck".
The only times the death of someone I loved really upset me beyond anything else was when my dog, and when my boyfriend died.

So, are you broken? I think it's just your way with dealing with such things.

Yiffox

7 years, 2 months ago

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@ Fulgidus

yeah weirdly my grandfather dying (prollly first death) affected me most....all the rest just they went away...like a lost visitor...i walked the streets when my grandfather died who i hadnt seen in maybe 7 yrs...and listened to a tape of weird al songs and sang really loud to them

GreenReaper

7 years, 3 months ago

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Not everyone experiences every death in the same way. It depends on your perspective, and your own emotional makeup. So, not broken, just different.

rautamiekka

7 years, 3 months ago

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It's better if you don't give a fuck about death, regardless of the underlying cause. That way you'll waste less time on it.

UnstableSable

7 years, 3 months ago

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I felt bad when my grandmother passed away six years ago because I wasn't crying at her funeral, and could hardly even focus on thinking of the subject at hand rather than thinking about my online crush at the time. I figured that I wasn't taking it as hard as a lot of other people in my family because I'd visited her a lot in her final couple years and watched her wither away. I felt like she was more freed of her near-deaf and extremely fragile old body and able to go to a peaceful afterlife rather than that I'd lost something.

I did still beat myself up over not being able to keep my priorities straight.

Yiffox

7 years, 2 months ago

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@ UnstableSable

hugs

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