Instead of things getting better, they are actually getting worse. Or at least taking me back to where I was a couple of years ago. And bringing all my old fears and doubts with it. Things I really hoped I had gotten over but it seems not. I'm a creative person as you guys know but right now my creativity seems to be failing me.
I've kinda gotten stuck with this memory of something I read, something so groundbreaking and different that it never occurred to me to write about it. And it bugs me. Because now I can't write it as my own idea, I can never think of it on my own and anything like it I create will not be something I thought of. Not completely. Which I can't help thinking relates to some lack of talent on my part. How can it not? This idea is so simple, something I should have bern able to think of but I couldn't. And nothing can change that. Sure, I'll have different ideas and new ideas, but that is a cold comfort because I can never think of this idea by myself.
I know that's kinda loopy thinking but my head feels loopy at the moment and I just feel I have to get this out of my head or I'm just going to go crazy stewing over it. Just like I know I could put this down to my depression and maybe that's at the heart of it. But my head just feels baked and keeps running over the same thoughts and doubts no matter how much I want it to stop. I really hope this goes away soon.
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7 years, 5 months ago
18 Nov 2016 11:17 CET
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