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Onihidden

lame update

im REALLY depressed, my confidence in art is lower than ever, projects arent moving foward, got turned away at a date, job i was hired in turned out to be a crypto scam, cant even enjoy playing videogames anymore, just been sleeping for most afternoons.

the drama with inkbunny moderation is VERY disappointing as well. i understand people wanting to leave the site, specially with all the AI dogshit thats being spammed. having to delete dozens of pics because i didnt censor the humans _enough_ is stupid.

dont get me started on politics 💀💀💀 doomscrolling through news of the united states turning into a nazi country is scary. my own country went through that before and its still primed to become one as well.

im very sorry for not posting, in particular to all my commissioners waiting for stuff since january. im gonna need to start taking meds or something, possibly find some cbt therapy as well.

regarding art im really unhappy with my painting, im very bad at it and it soulcrushing feeling that my lineart celshaded pics from 3 years ago looked better than my current attempts at painting. plus since most shitty ai models pump out the exact same style of painting that inspires me i feel like it's a waste of time to even strive for that nowadays. nevermind how insulted i am when people assume im using it at all.

i try to avoid posting rants or anything emotional, so excuse this journal update.
Viewed: 396 times
Added: 1 week, 4 days ago
 
Lunamann
1 week, 4 days ago
*hugs*
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
<333
RathMutatio
1 week, 4 days ago
*petpet*
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
<333
Hexstream
1 week, 4 days ago
So sorry to hear it man, I really wish I was in a position to help so much more so much faster...

" the drama with inkbunny moderation is VERY disappointing as well.

Hum, first time I hear of it, what's the ruckus?

" having to delete dozens of pics because i didnt censor the humans _enough_ is stupid.

Aw man, if you didn't get censored all the time you would already be at the top of the world!
You deserve no less than that, and it certainly seems a nice custom website is the only sane path forward, that's the only nearly guaranteed way to be safe from random censorship retardation...

" i try to avoid posting rants or anything emotional, so excuse this journal update.

😭😭😭 Guys, could we please give this treasure of a man some well-deserved reprieve in these dire times?!?
Hexstream
1 week, 3 days ago
I posted an appeal on hexstream.net, I hope this helps!! 🙏
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
geez hehe
mark0
1 week, 4 days ago
I like your art, it looks good to my eyes. I love seeing your art.

divorse statistics where high as far as I know, so maybe it was good that your partner left eatly instead of taking it further just to end in a divorse. I hope you can find someone you can be with. I ussually think to be lovers, one has to be good friends first. But fhays just my oppinion.

About politics, I hope it will be fine. Trump is getting more unpopular by every stupid decision.

I also was a bit better in the past in drawing and lost a few skills, but I just keep going. Maybe they come back one day, but it does not matter, as long as I like drawing.
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
it'd be nice to find someone, yeah. i was friends with her for a few years but i guess i didnt quite get the vibe of our relationship. ah well. thanks for the kind words <33
Hexstream
1 week, 3 days ago
... Honestly for whatever reason I had always assumed you were fucking gay IRL, lol...
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
ive had more sex with guys than with girls, but for "serious commitment" i cant see myself with a husband.

its weird i know.
Hexstream
1 week, 3 days ago
I wouldn't necessarily say it's weird... Maybe atypical.

Pragmatically, easier to have casual sex when pregnancy is 100% impossible...
billmurray
1 week, 4 days ago
I don't like all the drama either but I'm not sure I can pin it on the admins  xwx

People just seem to be extremely wound up lately!  This place is supposed to be an escape from that.  But as life's problems creep up on some people, it becomes an inescapable reality for them I suppose.  I feel bad about that but it's not something I can personally address for most people.  I am just a cat online who can give broad moral support to those who want cute chibi and mascot stuff...

Anyway, I appreciate you saying something because sometimes we all gotta get that kinda stuff off our chest and I hope this vent gave you some kinda temporary reprieve.  Don't let all this stuff contribute too strongly to the hit to your self-esteem regarding art.  Being in the right mindset is more important than it seems sometimes to get out a satisfying drawing!  Just a few small (mental prep) adjustments could bring it from a debilitating chore back to a moment of zen.  Hang in there, and don't give up.

P.S.  AI pictures are like fast food. Some people like eating it a lot even if it's unhealthy in the long run, but even those who consume it from time to time are going to want something homemade and it will always hit the spot in a specific way that fast food never can do.  That means something....

P.P.S.  In the last month I've had 6-7 submissions hidden because insufficient self-censorship, including one that was okay being on the site for over a decade.  I get the feeling they might just be cracking down because external sources might be setting up new problems for the website again :\
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
sounds likely, love credit card companies dictating what websites are allowed to host...

i personally have a very positive comments and vibes on inkbunny. granted i have people like roarey raccoon and other people posting literal rantsona content blocked because i dont want to see that kind of politics on the furry smut site.
but it's a shame trans friends of mine cant have as much of a pleasant time in this website and the moderation is at best indifferent due to the light hand approach to speech, i feel bad for them even if im not affected directly by that drama.
billmurray
1 week, 3 days ago
I just think it's a shame that some people feel like politics must be everywhere they go and there is no reprieve. It's frustrating, because while I feel like I want to help, some people insist on making things everyone else's problem until there is nothing left and no one else to do anything about it.  Each person has their own struggles and I feel like we should (as we are able within our means) address them on a person-to-person basis.  Everything about the recent stuff feels like latent frustrations over various other things being given a blame slip in the form of certain admins'... "dispassionate" manner of approaching those aforementioned pervasive political issues. Or maybe, one specific issue that got under their skin.

The best thing IB could be doing better is giving users more convenient options to curate their own user experience (I recommended switchable filter groups/filter profiles), but in the meantime, I think if certain people need to take a break from this website because they're too frazzed out by current events in general, it's understandable.  With that being said, again it's just frustrating to see people try to make things personal when it seems to me that with regards to the website, nothing personal is actually involved.  I feel bad for these people, just like you, but most of my friends (even trans ones) seem to be at most mildly annoyed when it comes to all this recent site drama.  To me, it's a tempest in a teacup.

I try to be hands-off with all political hot topics here and save my opinions for places where people can talk with me directly. If there is someone I know who can't deal with this like the rest of us, they might not be not asking you or me for our opinion or help.  They might want something very specific that they already know we're not readily able to accommodate in a way they find satisfactory.  That's how it feels on some places online now, and that's when I go from being hands-on and personal to hands-off and generic, for lack of a better word.  Everyone has their own self-preservation techniques there.

Sometimes, beyond a point, it can't be helped.  So help where you can in your sphere of influence, and you know, just be aware when you're being put in a difficult situation that you didn't fully volunteer for.  And of course, practice self-care so that you don't sacrifice yourself without a guarantee of being able to help others.

Anyway, good luck and I hope you feel better about the art stuff.  If there's anything I might be able to do, feel free to reach out =w=
Lunamann
1 week, 3 days ago
I mean, I can. Specifically one admin in particular, GreenReaper. You don't just quote Donald Trump while defending being transphobic in the journals of a popular artist and expect everyone to roll over and pretend it didn't happen.

https://inkbunny.net/j/553815-CookieSkoon-i-will-no-lon... Here's where it all went down
SanisPifo
1 week, 3 days ago
It's really unfortunate that you're going through this. As for AI, I get it — it's been hitting me hard too. I only recently started making money with my work, and I’m already worried I won’t be earning much in the future.

I guess the only advice I can offer right now is: hang in there. Don’t delete your stuff or leave the platform. A lot of people are doing that, giving up — and they don’t realize they’re losing their audience, commissions, and making room for more AI content in the popular slots. Stay as long as you can. And if one day you really can't anymore, at least you stuck around a little longer. I'm just saying this because I’d hate to see you become another Inkbunny deserter.
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
it is really scary. granted automation has been taking jobs away for decades but i really didnt expect it'd go for arts of all things. its weird to me how many people arent repulsed by machines making art.
SauloOntivero
1 week, 3 days ago
Stay strong you will see, everything gets back so yeah no worries
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
thanks <33
lolimouse
1 week, 3 days ago
I've just seen two people post about drama with the admins..  what happened?
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
lolimouse
1 week, 3 days ago
sighs... as a trans person, its starting to feel a little bit silly to be the center of every drama. all i want is to exist in peace. im not gonna jump ship just yet cuz theres so many artists i like on here, but i will probs start saving my favorite stuff to my drive just in case.. im also gonna make an account on that forum Skoon posted a link to. have you checked that out yet? its not a gallery, so i dunno if i consider it a full replacement, but its very nostalgic feeling and tbh i kinda like it.
mmmbbb
1 week, 3 days ago
I've been going through some shit myself, and I get it.

Feeling trapped with the misery and frustrations that come from life fucking sucks. Being unsure of my place in a world that's shifting so fast and so much has had my heart feel like it's slowly being crushed the last six months.

The best advice I can give is just to make sure you have someone to talk to. Whether that's family, a friend, or a professional. Empathy and understanding might not fix your problems, but it surprised me how much better I felt after talking my issues out with a friend.

With art, taking a break sometimes is good. Especially when you feel you're in a rut or moving backwards. Brute force can just lead to burnout, and when you're burned on your passions, life can feel empty.

As for fucking AI, someday it'll probably be able to produce every style of every kind of art. But something it won't be able to do any time soon, is making something like BFE. Even if those days are behind you, the fact that you made that entire game still blows my mind. To say that a person would need to be exceptionally gifted to make something on that level is an understatement, and I hope you recognize that about yourself.

As for your thoughts on trying out CBT, take it from me, having someone step on your balls almost never ends with you feeling any better about your life situation. Maybe try smoking weed or something instead.
Hexstream
1 week, 3 days ago
Honestly, an updated version of BFED would just KILL EVERYTHING!!!

Even if it was "just" an updated art style and better usability, 100% it would go viral...

(Do note, "CBT" also means "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy"...)
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
weed will numb the pain. maximum pain i must endure hehe

but yeah, i definitely need to find people to talk about this things. discord friends have been an ok outlet as i avoid doing it with family or rl friends, but maybe its not enough. thank you <33
HiddenLurk3r
1 week, 3 days ago
As a person from the US, I'm sorry for all the grief we're causing. I didn't vote for the orange turd, but we're all responsible. I only take solace in how strong the rest of the world is standing and how well everyone seems to basically be routing around his BS rather than just suffering it. Since you are lucky enough to already not be here, I would recommend you take solace in that as well and just ignore our dumpster fire unless it directly effects you. And again, I and every other decent person here apologize for the mess.

orz
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
personally i wouldnt go with "we're all responsible" since its a bit defeatist, i'd be angrier at the dems for being so weak and spineless instead, but thats just me.

i try to look at it in a positive way: in brasil where i live we are actually going through the process to condemn our "trump clone" for his attempted coup, so things here are somewhat shaping better than the timeline the united states are going through.

but it is tough to see the bright news when im in a sad mood, it's like a blindfold. ill try to take that solace <33
fur1essshe1ter
1 week, 3 days ago
*hugs*
Please don't give up on yourself. We feel your pain.
I know it's been tough right now, but all we can do now is stay positive. We're all here for you.
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
thank yoou <33
MildlyBushy
1 week, 3 days ago
Yeah the human thing sucks. Can't even alternatively post on Paheal since some idiot caused an IP ranged ban. Means not only was HE banned, but everyone using the same provider. Insane.
Onihidden
1 week, 3 days ago
it really sucks, i hate the feeling that the internet is increasingly more hostile towards fetish content and soon there wont be any more places to host loli content.
MildlyBushy
1 week, 3 days ago
There's Baraag but I feel using it makes you downright criminal. Paheal is the best place left I think. Even though it has devolved into a trash can of AI, generic anime smut, and noone uses tags anymore.
SirPawsies
1 week, 3 days ago
Sorry to hear, man.

Things are hard in the world, yes, but I hope you stay strong and move forwards with doing what you love nontheless.
Take it easy, keep the faith and live on

Much love ♥
Polygon5
1 week, 2 days ago
I'm sorry you feel this way buddy. Please, never stop creating. Even if only for yourself. Pixel calculators can't make what you make the way you make it, and will never understand your thoughts. And even if it continues to exist and continue to generate 'paintings' that make you feel bad... Know this, even if AI was a person, there have always been people that could paint better or faster than me and you. And for me, that makes me want to get even better. Time is not a factor. I already know you'll become even better. As you already have since that time 3 years ago :).
Xenos1992
1 week, 2 days ago
Hugs
Lexbunsfw
6 days, 14 hrs ago
I wish you a great journey! shit gets hard throughout it but its always best to get medicated and get a counselor to at least feel a bit better to feel motivated to continue on. YOU GOT THIS MAN!
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