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My friends just acquired a sex drive at the age of 33

by DiitMiaMon

https://inkbunny.net/j/349977-SammuWamm-i-just-discover...

John is known on 3PR for being that guy with no libido that everyone spams with porn in his inbox.

He has a blog where he shares the most weirdest things people email him and comments on them and he's so damn plain it's hilarious.

He also finds all kinds of weird non-sexual stuff online that's just interesting to look at.

Me, him and 2 other guys write an episodic novel called Albion which is a serious story about a fantasy world too. It's actually quite popular on 3PR. People find John via that and then his personality wins them over.

For the last 20 years or something everyone's been getting on his back about how he doesn't have any sexual urges and we've yall been trying really REALLY hard to find if he has like a really obscure fetish and shit and that's why he can't get it up and finally we found it.

hand holding. MOHTERFUCKING HAND HOLDING is his fetish.

I was totes expecting it to be some really dark and sinister secret or something but of course it's just as lame as him. No offense.

Thought it was pretty obscure for a fetish but it turns out it's the number 4 fetish in the entire world after BDSM, feet and vore but before transformation. Fucking furries amirite lol. Thumbs to the fluffies.

It's mostly popular in India and it's pretty new in the top fetish list.

The sciency name is Chirophilia but nobody ever calls it that.

Also they have a Reddit (https://www.reddit.com/r/handholding).

-

TLDR. My friend found his fetish. Now spam https://inkbunny.net/SammuWamm with sexy pictures of hands.

Viewed:	27 times
Added:	5 years, 1 month ago 15 Mar 2019 04:55 CET

174 Comments on this Journal

Leave a Comment...

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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please don't send me any more pictures of severed hands though

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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I played that hard role no sex for a while.

Mon made me crack.

How you survived both Mon and Beans until now is a medical miracle.

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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when your sanity is already lost anything goes

Peggy

5 years, 1 month ago

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i hear that

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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same

Peggy

5 years, 1 month ago

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i swear some of that is directly my fault

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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yes, yes it is

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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and mine

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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Edited 5 years, 1 month ago by Owner

it's directly you two's faults

Peggy

DiitMiaMon

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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lol

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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severed hands it is! XD

Peggy

5 years, 1 month ago

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lol give the man a break.

...

send severed penises instead! Xd

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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holy hell no! XC=3X|

Peggy

5 years, 1 month ago

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severed...

vaginas?

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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i predicted you saying severed tits but jesus christ that's much worse

Peggy

5 years, 1 month ago

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worse..

-or better? |:3

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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stop

Peggy

5 years, 1 month ago

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i'm just fucking with you lol sorry

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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you're not..but you could be.

you would make a great pair in a parody game.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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the hell did you get that idea?

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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well you're both hoofers

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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that's a little racist

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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not really nowadays i think with land of lore

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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i am my own rule to that

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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so you say

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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i think the idea works

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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i agree

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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oh lordy what the fuck?

that's nasty. i'm censoring my hips just thinking of it.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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took me a sec to understand what the heck you were talking about there

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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i'm terrified of you now

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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what in the name of God!

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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God had forsaken this place long ago

XaviTheLover

XaviTheLover

5 years, 1 month ago

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i would normally call you out for using the lord's name in vain but i gotta admit the concept of severed vaginas is probably worthy of God's intervention

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

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yeah i think somebody needs help either divine or medical

Yolanda

Yolanda

5 years, 1 month ago

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i would like to dispense both.

Peggy

5 years, 1 month ago

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Edited 5 years, 1 month ago by Owner

what about fisting?

what about fingering?

what about handjobs?

what about groping?

what about finger sucking and urethra play?

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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why do you guys make me feel like i have to explain myself for everything?

i just like hands holding hands.

that's it.

Peggy

5 years, 1 month ago

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it's because we want you to have fun and spend time with us and be a part of what we are by liking the same things.

that's how social things work.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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take your comment without any context to it then yes but can you imagine trying to have these sexually charged conversations to regular people in public?

seriously you're all totally insane.

Peggy

5 years, 1 month ago

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you like it or you wouldn't stay.

you're not as smart as you think.

we see right through you.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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think what you like but it wont make it true.

i stay because i'm dedicated to Albion and my fans.

Peggy

5 years, 1 month ago

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yeah i call bullshit on that

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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same.

he can always take his fans elsewhere.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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don't you remember how badly that worked out last time?

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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yes but now you have a legion of goats as well

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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i dare say i could do the Sammu fandom but not Albion

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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that sounds the opposite of what makes sense.

you haven't tried since series 3 started.

I think you should.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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well i might as well try.

i'll give it a go.

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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that sounds great.

make it a general site for both Sammu and Albion.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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yeah i intend to make it a general site for all my work

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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journal that fucker

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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okay

https://inkbunny.net/j/350616-SammuWamm-thinking-of-mak...

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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thanks

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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here here

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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you're nuts both of you

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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no she's right

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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this is spam and harassment.

you can't be aggressively nice to a person and expect them to enjoy it.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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that

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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groping is the natural progression from hand holding.

i bet i can get him to evolve to that.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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i don't want to progress

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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you'll thank me later

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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when will you learn that i'm not like you

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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well you have a fetish now so i was right about that

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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yeah but it's mild and took me years to develop.

much the same as the approach you should take.

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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holy hell it's not gonna take another 30 years for you to get around to groping is it?

how will you have a legacy at this rate?

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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1- who said i want 1
2- i'm quite happy with this pace

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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you're gonna die having never lived

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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i don't think i could take the intense amount of "living" you get up to

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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well i hope you're happy with the path you chose

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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i am

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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i can't stand that much living either but at least i've loosened up.

you have a perminent stick up your ass

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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i leave people butthurt not the other way around.

you assume being predominantly asexual is a bad thing.

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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you turned a stiff joke into gay imagery.

what was on your mind at that moment?

nobody mentioned it until you said it.

and you call us pervy.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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yeah like one of you wasn't about to make a sexual comment there

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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okay i'll let you have that

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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i was SO going to make a sexual comment

XaviTheLover

XaviTheLover

5 years, 1 month ago

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i bet he makes one anyway

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

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checking the time stamps on the posts he barely waited a minute to do so.

OrangeOlive

OrangeOlive

5 years, 1 month ago

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nono it's..

hand holding leads to kissing.
kissing leads to grope.
grope leads to or..al..sex.

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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you made me read that in Yoda's voice you ass

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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same

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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anal sex would have also worked

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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again, something on your mind there?

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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nope. you're reaching

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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i am but did i catch anything?

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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no

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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maybe

XaviTheLover

XaviTheLover

5 years, 1 month ago

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most likely

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

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i myself think Sammu is way too friendly with Maxwell

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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can't people be nice to each other in this modern age without everybody thinking they're attracted to each other?

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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yes but you're more 'nice' to

MaxwellGalloway

than anyone else.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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everyone keeps saying that but i can't see it myself.

i hope there isn't something there.

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

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how fucking clueless are you?

you're obviously trolling us in some way.

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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maybe but I'm personally enjoying the show

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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soon moving to a different website

XaviTheLover

XaviTheLover

5 years, 1 month ago

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yes that's very courteous of you

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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i just think it' the right time for irt

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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that last bit is one pretty huge freaking leap

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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yeah i would have thought normal sex came first

XaviTheLover

XaviTheLover

5 years, 1 month ago

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define "normal" sex

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

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spread eagle

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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yep.

that right there.

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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it even has 3 syllables

OrangeOlive

OrangeOlive

5 years, 1 month ago

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that's much better.

Yolanda

Yolanda

5 years, 1 month ago

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it's less disgusting as well

XaviTheLover

XaviTheLover

5 years, 1 month ago

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I prefer the term hippie hugs.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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that's fucking adorable

Peggy

5 years, 1 month ago

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we must find out how to make these hands into something more sexual

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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no you must not

DiitMiaMon

5 years, 1 month ago

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oh but we must Xd

OrangeOlive

OrangeOlive

5 years, 1 month ago

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yes we must

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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reminds me of the time all you gys started undressing me with your eyes

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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when did they ever stop?

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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tear rolls down my cheek

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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lol

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

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i bet it's difficult being an admin when Mon is also an admin.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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i should know

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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more than you would believe

OrangeOlive

OrangeOlive

5 years, 1 month ago

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well it's a start.

gives us something to work with.

he'll be a perv before 2030 i swear.

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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yeah 2020 is oo much of an ask

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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that would be one insane december

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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ikr

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

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well xmas is gonna suck this year on 3pr

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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I think that was decided the moment john opened up about his fetish.

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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yeah this year is done.

come back when the new Elder Scrolls comes out.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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that's a different topic entirely

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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I'm up for a journal about just that

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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then make your own

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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but if you make a journal about it more people will come

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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Well I don't really want to discuss Elder Scrolls or RPGs right now so you're on your own

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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yeah I think I will.

https://inkbunny.net/j/350615-DomTheGoat-elder-scrolls

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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thanks

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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true

OrangeOlive

OrangeOlive

5 years, 1 month ago

link

well then it's truly your xmas.

wait he's leaving to make his own forum.

at last a solution!

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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yeah so now all them haters can shut their f'in mouths.

lol can you imagine if i spoke like that.

Yolanda

Yolanda

5 years, 1 month ago

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to be fair you'd be doing yourself a favor by doing so.

though i appreciate your attempts to stay civil.

XaviTheLover

XaviTheLover

5 years, 1 month ago

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SammuWamm

's xmas will be more entertaining.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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why not join us

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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well he's already a member of the ginormous hand clubs so dirty high fives it is

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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must resist urge to use anti-too-slow trick i know

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

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i cannot believe that trick actually works.

damn.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

link

yeah but you need really long arms like me otherwise you get uncomfortably close.

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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john secretly finding ways to get random strangers to bonk each other since 2001.

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

link

Edited 5 years, 1 month ago by Owner

well thank goodness i read that before trying it.

it's like one of those biased coin games the tossers get you with at the bar only it's designed for long armed people to flirt with.

at least we know how

SammuWamm

gets the bitches now.

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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you're assuming he gets bitches.

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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if he ever revealed his location he'd be buried in them.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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true

OrangeOlive

OrangeOlive

5 years, 1 month ago

link

I swear he lives in Creeton, Scotland

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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where did this rumor come from?

Yolanda

Yolanda

5 years, 1 month ago

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i think it was you who started the rumor

XaviTheLover

XaviTheLover

5 years, 1 month ago

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he simply said the trend of which shirts were worn when which is more a product of the rumor than the source.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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that

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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his hands are huge he'd knock you flat

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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especially as i aim o punch them in the face instead

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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considering it's Billy that's reasonable

BillyFife

BillyFife

5 years, 1 month ago

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hey! XC

XaviTheLover

XaviTheLover

5 years, 1 month ago

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also watch out for Mr.Tickle's reach

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

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guy can slap someone's shit in China is he wanted to.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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so you admit i have long arms, a bulky build, a broad chest and huge hands, etc.

-and then you question whether my penis is also large?

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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to be fair 8 inches is not that big

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

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he talks like it's 10

Breddeer

Breddeer

5 years, 1 month ago

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to be fair

Staph

. how many people do you know who are taller than 6?

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

link

this

OrangeOlive

OrangeOlive

5 years, 1 month ago

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yeah I'm like 36 inches

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

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you are a girl, Mikan.

Yolanda

Yolanda

5 years, 1 month ago

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sometimes i wonder

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

link

on the subject of being "nice"

Peggy

.

If a girls says no and a man keeps doing it that makes them a creep.

why should the other way around be socially acceptable?

MaxwellGalloway

MaxwellGalloway

5 years, 1 month ago

link

this

thank you nate

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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my point exact.

thanks nate.

XaviTheLover

XaviTheLover

5 years, 1 month ago

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yes but it's the expected intentions

Xman21yo

Xman21yo

5 years, 1 month ago

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what do you mean by "expected".

you're kinda assuming that one sex does one hting while the other does something different.

even if there was a lick of truth in that don't you think that the stereotypical role are in this case reversed.

SammuWamm

SammuWamm

5 years, 1 month ago

link

THANK YOU NATE!

bows

Staph

Staph

5 years, 1 month ago

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I was gonna say

Yolanda

Yolanda

5 years, 1 month ago

link

i would say her porn spamming is more akin to males anyway

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