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Two years...

by ItaX

It has been two years since Albert/Gene left us all...a lot has been going through my mind (mostly negative stuff) over this time, among those thoughts the most recurring one is the possibility of leaving the furry fandom for good.

But there's one thing I really want to do...and it is to apologize.

I'm sorry Albert...

I'm sorry I couldn't remain creative as you would have wanted me to...

I'm sorry I couldn't honor your memory by keeping my will to draw alive...

I'm sorry I apparently can't overcome your sudden loss and find inspiration to keep going...

I'm sorry I wasted your time and made you believe that I was worth something art-wise.

Well...I think that's all I wanted to say.

Viewed:	132 times
Added:	5 years, 2 months ago 07 Mar 2019 14:58 CET

12 Comments on this Journal

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Quiet269

5 years, 2 months ago

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Grief takes time Hun. You have to process those emotions.Don't beat yourself down for being human.

Nishi

5 years, 2 months ago

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I think that all sounds like you're being too hard on yourself, and too negative. There's no way he'd agree you weren't worth something. Artists don't have to be constantly busy makin' things, not everyone feels that way. (:

ItaX

5 years, 1 month ago

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@ Nishi

You know...the thing is that I've always been a negative person, Albert kind of brought up whatever little positiveness was in me.

Lef

5 years, 2 months ago

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Well, don't blame yourself. I don't know what else to say...
But personally I'd be very happy to see new pictures from you, if you'll decide to start drawing some day.

elix

5 years, 2 months ago

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You ARE worth something art-wise, dear! Don't be discouraged! You've got your whole life ahead of you to devote to drawing; if you're busy with life right now you can come back. It takes time to deal with loss, and there is no shame in needing more time.

Albert cared for you and believed in you, and I feel that he would not be ashamed or unhappy. He would instead give you kind and gentle encouragement. He would urge you not to write yourself off, and not to feel like you have failed him.

Albert Temple's body is no longer working but his memory lives on in you and I. Albert is not gone, he's in your memories and he'll stay there as long as you hold him dear. And so does his love for you. Remember it, cherish it, embrace it.

And stay strong. Look forward, not back.

ItaX

5 years, 1 month ago

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@ elix

been wondering if you were still around...hope you're doing fine.

elix

5 years, 1 month ago

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@ ItaX

I'm doing well enough. Hang in there, bunbun, uncle Gene would want you to smile and stay strong.

asthexiancal

5 years, 2 months ago

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Edited 5 years, 2 months ago by Owner

I don't think this is what he would have liked to hear. He was a comprehensive guy and blaming yourself does not honour his memory since he wouldn't have blamed you.
But those thoughts are preventing you from going on. Find peace. THIS is what he would've wanted from/for you.

ItaX

5 years, 1 month ago

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@ asthexiancal

You're right I guess...it might take quite a while for me to "find peace" though

asthexiancal

5 years, 1 month ago

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@ ItaX

I know, I understand oh so well...

Round

5 years, 2 months ago

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I wish I could help. I hope you are still just thinking, and haven't made up your mind. Sending hugs

noryn

3 years ago

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you are worth something. you can pick yourself up. you can breathe. We have to accept the pain of loss. It's unavoidable. You don't have to be a part of anything you don't want too, but don't cut yourself off from something fun. if you ever want to talk about it, you can hit me up.

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