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How do make friends?

It's really weird realizing that I'm 24 and I'm having trouble trying to figure out how to make new friends.

When I was in high school I'd just strike up a conversation with anyone. But now I feel all nervous and anxious. After seeing so much crap on tumblr and had people make complete 180 personality changes on me that I met in fandoms there, I'm actually scared of basically everyone I see online. I'm nervous and suspicious.

Usually people don't talk to me because I look plain (aka I don't dye my hair or have any awesome piercings or tattoos), and they don't think my art is good enough. They've never seen how well I can cosplay, and I don't make a lot of money at all.

In other words, they don't talk to me because they can't get anything out of me.

Overall I should be happy about that, but at the same time I sit here trying to reach out to people and get consistently ignored.

Not to mention a good 90% of the people here in Florida turn out to be batshit crazy.

So this little bunny just sits here and shivers and looks around trying to figure out who is safe to talk to.

How do you guys make friends? How do you choose who to talk to?

People have been telling me I'm an introvert lately and I don't like it. I used to be so outgoing and happy. But after being physically attacked by someone I lived with who I thought was my friend, everything's kinda just gone downhill.

I don't want sympathy. I just want to make friends.

Advice anyone?

Viewed:	4 times
Added:	9 years, 5 months ago 25 Nov 2014 22:49 CET

9 Comments on this Journal

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GreenReaper

9 years, 5 months ago

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Edited 9 years, 5 months ago by Owner

Why do you want to make friends? Maybe if you focus on that, you'll be better able to figure out the how - or find a different way of getting there.

I generally don't aim to make friends. Instead, I seek to do things that I enjoy. If that involves other people, maybe we will become friends as a result. Perhaps you could try doing that.

BroadwayBunny

9 years, 5 months ago

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@ GreenReaper

Why?
Because I really like being around people who have similar interests to me.
But I'd like to meet them at like, meet ups or online and then meeting up to hang out and maybe doodle together or do crafts together rather than meeting them at a con.
I've noticed when people go to normal cons, they're on they're best behavior and are just trying to look cool for everyone else. Then when you hang out with them after that, they're somehow different people.
Minus fur cons. At least, the one I went to. Everyone was just themselves there and I liked that.

But I want friends because I like company. Even if I'm just sitting at home doing nothing. It's better to have someone there with you, just drinking tea with you or watching a movie with you.

GreenReaper

9 years, 5 months ago

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@ BroadwayBunny

OK - so find out where there is a forum or group for people who share those particular interests! If they're here, maybe comment on their work, or offer a trade or a gift . . . it won't always get the response you want, but people are often quite busy and maybe not in the best situation for making friends (or not here for that purpose at all).

You can just go to meet-ups and ask people about the interesting things they're wearing, what they do (within fandom or outside it), etc. Take an interest in their interests. It helps if you are actually interested in such things, of course. :-)

You could also move out of Florida if the people there are crazy, but note that there are crazy people everywhere.

BroadwayBunny

9 years, 5 months ago

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@ GreenReaper

lol actually at this point my roomie and I have been bouncing the idea back and fourth about moving.

The funny thing is, that's usually all of the same stuff I do.
They seem happy in the moment and then when the meet-up is over they go: Okay, see you!
And just kinda go without actually becoming friends.

Its just interesting to me because back in high school hanging out for a day usually meant you got that person's phone number and you'd be texting back and fourth for a week or so. If it kept going, you became friends. If it tapered off, no big deal.

I almost feel like I've become boring over the years.

GreenReaper

9 years, 5 months ago

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@ BroadwayBunny

Maybe you just want different things out of your interactions than they do? Personally, I enjoy my time at furmeets, but I don't necessarily want to talk with all or even any of the people I meet there all the time. I have a busy life and lots of other stuff to do. I'm glad that we could share a happy moment together.

Young people don't have families, or jobs, or really all that much to do outside of school. Social interaction is a big way to spend your time. But as we grow older, our schedule becomes fuller, and many would not seek to add more.

BroadwayBunny

9 years, 5 months ago

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@ GreenReaper

Yeah. It really just depends on the kind of person.
I don't expect everyone to suddenly want to be friends.
Just meeting one person at a meet would be enough. Most of the furmeets in my area all meet each other once a week. It's the same group every time. So if all of them meet up once a week to hang out and talk, wouldn't that technically mean they were friends?

GreenReaper

9 years, 5 months ago

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Edited 9 years, 5 months ago by Owner

@ BroadwayBunny

There are limits to any friendship. Some people may be willing to be friends beyond merely meeting up and hanging out at arranged gatherings. But it takes time, and not everyone is interested. And, in fact, if they already meet once a week, they may wonder why you want to interact any more frequently. Once a month is more common.

BroadwayBunny

9 years, 5 months ago

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@ GreenReaper

Yeah. I guess I just got really used to clingy people then.
The people I used to make friends with wanted to hang out all of the time.
Maybe they just hated being alone.

BroadwayBunny

9 years, 5 months ago

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@ GreenReaper

Thanks for the advice by the way. I appreciate the fact that you took the time to write out your thoughts.

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