The opening credits play exactly the same as Disney's Alice in Wonderland only with Zinyak from Saints Row IV singing the opening theme and the Wonderland characters replaced with AOSTH characters.
show scenes of:
-Robotnik sleeping by the riverbank with Dinah
-Robotnik falling down the rabbit hole and seeing Professor Caninestien mixing chemicals
-Wes Weasley and Sg. Doberman walking along the beach
-Scratch, Grounder and Coconuts as the card guards painting the roses red
(Don't show any non-AOSTH characters for the opening as those cameos are supposed to be a surprise for the movie)
The credits fade away to reveal a peaceful riverbank where Momma Robotnik is reading a book to her son while he's lying on the grass playing with his cat, Dinah.
Momma Robotnik just so happens to be singing out loud the same song the pig father hums to himself in Tiny Tunes: How I spent my vacation.
Momma Robotnik: Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmmmmm-hmmmmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm, POP goes the wea-sle! Poopsie! When are you gonna quit lollygagging and pay attention to your studies!?
Momma Robotnik hurls the study book at Robotniks head.
Robotnik: OW!! But Momma I hate studying...
Momma Robotnik: Grrrr You numskull! How are you gonna become supreme ruler of Mobius and leader of all mankind if you CAN'T DO Geometry!
Robotnik, no longer paying attention to her continues to make daisy chains in the grass with Dinah while a butterfly flies past his face.
Robotnik: Who cares about geometry, when I'm in command of all of Mobius, no one will ever have a need for it!
*starts singing* Ooooohhh when I'm ruler, when I've conquered all of Mobius, I'll make sure, that I Axe her... (makes a gesture to Dinah suggesting that he'd have his own mother beheaded.)
OOOhhh when I'm ruler, everybody'll say "Guten tag, mein Fu-her" When I'm ruler!
Oh when I'm ruler, they'll be no pesky talking damn stinking animals, especially hedgehogs (Robotnik now rolls on his back to face the sun while he makes his daisy chain)
Oh that blue hedgehog, I'll fry him up and barbecue that hedgehog. And then I'll... huh?
Robotnik's singing is interrupted when he hears an upbeat theme tune (of the white rabbit), he looks over his head to notice (upside down) Sonic walking by with an umbrella and a waistcoat
Robotnik: It's that blasted hedgehog! *to Dinah* Interrupting me when I was about to say the most sickening thing I could possibly imagine!
Robotnik then gets up to chase after him!
Robotnik: Come back here you Blllue Brrratnik!!
Sonic then immediately checks his pocket watch to realise he's late for an important appointment.
Sonic: Oh my stars and garters! Oh my tailored waistcoat! Oh my red striped sneakers, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
Sonic then runs off as Robotnik fails to catch him!
Robotnik: Dahhh!
Sonic: I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
Sonic after waving goodbye immediately rushes into a rabbit hole as Robotnik approaches, trying to pursue after him.
Robotnik tries to climb in but the hole is far too small and he can barely fit his head in there.
He attempts to anyway and notices Sonic running into a black abyss screaming to himself
Sonic: I'm late, I'm late, I'm late...
Robotnik: Come back here, you holiday homewrrecker!!
Robotnik them forces himself out of the rabbit hole, and immediately off screen pulls out a huge supply of dynamite and then a plunger attached to Grounders head which he intends to pull to blow the whole rabbit's nest wide open!
Robotnik: Ahhhhhh, that should do it!!
Grounder: I'm ready when you are, Dr. Robotnik!
Robotnik then pulls down the plunger and blows himself sky high while screaming.
Robotnik: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!...
Dinah managed to survive the explosion and as the smoke clears waves her paw at Robotnik, sad to be departed from him.
As Robotnik's flying through the sky, the sky turns completely black as unbeknown to him, he's actually somehow flying upside down through the rabbit hole.
While Robotnik is flying he notices Mrs. Beakley from Ducktales in a rocking chair knitting next to a fireplace with a framed picture of Drew Pickles on the wall, a picture of Shrek and a floating table with a basket of yarn balls on it.
He then floats past Howard the Duck masterbating in a bathroom stall who then turns around completely shocked.
Then afterwards, Robotnik passes by Professor Caninestien who is upside down studying a beacon of chemicals, to which the entire world then flips upside down to make Robotnik realise he's actually falling, not flying.
He then see's Snively from SatAM dressed in a small red cocktail dress and fishnet stockings, wearing makeup and a red curly wig, admiring himself in the mirror as he's about to go out on the town in complete drag.
Snively: Mmm-hmm-hmmm, ohhhh. Hmmm-mmmm-mmmm *laughing as he admires himself in drag*
Robotnik: I REMEMBER YOU!!
Snively then turns to Robotnik and screams while covering himself up!
Snively: *GASP* DAAHHHHHHH!
Robotnik then falls past a mirror only in the reflection is The Tick who shouts "SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN!!!!!"
Next to that mirror is a picture of the police detective from Freakazoid and another picture of Drew Pickles (every person Robotnik passes has a picture of Drew Pickles next to them)
Robotnik then flies past Mel Gibson from South Park, posing in his underwear in front of the same mirror Snively was in, only he's wearing a fruit hat and holding maracas singing "Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom-boom-boom!"
Robotnik is then joined by Pinky and the Brain who are also free falling alongside him.
Robotnik: Have you fellows seen a pesky blue hedgehog around anywhere by chance?
Brain: Actually I believe the proper question you should be asking yourself is, am I falling upside down or am I flying downside up?
Pinky: NARF! Eeii-gad! Thats a good one, Brain! Nya-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!
Brain: Quiet you!
They then get snatched away by a hawk who squarks as it flies off screen.
Robotnik is then joined by Brother Bear, Rabbit and Fox from Coonskin who are also free falling besides him.
Robotnik: Have YOU seen a blue hedgehog around here? (Addressing Rabbit)
Rabbit: Man ah ain't never seen no blue hedgehog around these here parts, but you's about the strangest looking fool ah ever did see around here, dats fo' sure.
Bear: Mmm-hmm, ain't that the truth.
Fox: Man, 'dis joker got all kinds of bizarre facial features. *touches Robotnik's moustache in fascination*
Robotnik: Don't touch me you poorly animated fogies!! I'll find him by myself.
Rabbit: Whatever, it's yo' show, man!
They then fly off screen as Robotnik continues to fall.
Robotnik then flies past Brandon Quark being pampered like a sleeping baby on Scrooge McDuck's lap in the same rocking chair and fireplace Mrs. Beakley was in earlier as Scrooge burps him and changes his diaper while he sucks his thumb and rests on Scrooges lap. (Mrs. Beakley's yarn basket now replaced with a baby bottle and rattle and the picture of Shrek is now replaced with a picture of Donkey from the same series).
Scrooge: There, that should do it.
Robotnik just looks at them in amazement. Quark then turns to address him.
Robotnik: Huh!?
Quark: I AM NOT A DUCK!!
Robotnik: You could of fooled me, you sexually stunted charlatan!
Quark then throws his rattle from the floating table stand at Robotnik as he goes off screen.
Quark: Ahh take a hike, you lard egg belly.
Robotnik: QUACK!!
A door hatch out of nowhere then opens up and Bugs Bunny who happens to be on an old 1940's telephone turns to speak to Robotnik while still having the phone in his ear.
(They're both still in freefall btw, the door hatch Bugs is in is acting like a portal to another dimension that is somehow falling with them).
Bugs: Eeehh, pardon me doc, but is this the correct rabbit hole to Palm Springs?
Robotnik: How should I know, you furry anthropomorphic beast! I don't see a sign anywhere that says I'm YOUR travel agent, So why don't you shove a carrot up your nose and...
Bugs: *on the phone* What? ...oh no, it's just some fat, washed up maroon from the 90's... well what do you mean cancel the reservation!? We've already booked the flowers for the diner... *Bugs closes the door hatch as he's on the phone, presumably with Lola Bunny*
Robotnik, still falling is passed by the cat fish from Conkers Bad Fur Day swimming upstream in thin air and then eventually greeted by the Drawn Together version of Fat Allen who is upside down and half off camera.
Fat Allen: Hey, Hey, Hey! Someones flying upside down today!
Robotnik: Why don't you people mind your own damn business!?
Fat Allen: Hey man, you're the boss!
As he vanishes off screen, the world suddenly turns downside up again and Robotnik crashes chin first directly at the bottom of the rabbit hole, only to see Sonic run off again panicking about being late through a dark, twisting corridor.
Robotnik: DOOF!!
Out of nowhere, a refrigerator in free fall crushes Robotnik's head, followed by a safe, an anvil and then a giant piano.
Robotnik: HOORF!! DOOIIII... SHOU!!! *CLANGGGGG!!!!!*
Sonic: Oh no, no, no, no... Im late, I'm late, I'm late...!!
Robotnik pops his head out of the broken rubble.
Robotnik: You Blasted Hedgehog! Hold still so I can catch up with you!
Robotnik bursts out of the broken piano pieces and chases after him... but as Robotnik goes off camera, his cat Dinah who followed after him, hits the ground face first and goes splat like a bloody tomato!!
Dinah: Meow!!
...And is then crushed head first violently by a mini-safe, a bathroom sink, a motorcycle and then an armoured truck filled with money sacks which then comedically fall out of the trucks broken back door as the car horn and car alarm go on endlessly.
Robotnik runs through the twisted corridor as it gets smaller and darker.
An open door then slams shut in front of Robotnik, he opens it only to find two more different coloured and smaller doors behind it
Frustratedly Robotnik opens them all, only to find he's too small to fit through the gap. Ignoring this, he somehow manages to very cartoonishly force his entire body through the door frame anyway.
As he struggles with all of his might to pull himself through, Robotnik then finds himself in a room with a glass table and another door with a talking doorknob that happens to be sleeping.
Robotnik rushes over to the doorknob and forces his mouth open to see inside, to which he see's Sonic running through a bright grass meadow, only by doing this he startles the doorknob awake.
Doorknob: What!? Erh-wai-what's going on here!?!
Robotnik: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!
Robotnik then tries to violently pull the door open only to discover his brute force is futile.
Doorknob: Ohh-ho-ho, you won't get through this door acting like that. I'm locked, you know?
Robotnik: Open this door at once you Brrrass Baboon, or I'll huff, and I'll puff and I'll bllloow you away with 18 tonnes worth of DYNAMITE!
Doorknob: *interrupting his ramble* Why don't you try that bottle over there? It might help you fit through these doors much easier you know.
Robotnik: Hmm?
Robotnik's attention is drawn to the bottle on the glass table. He walks over to it, picks it up and reads the label out loud.
Robotnik: 'Drrrrrrrrrrink me'. Hmmm, while it could be rat poison, last weeks misplaced urine or perhaps that stolen seamen sample I was unable to pawn on Ebay, I will admit I'm feeling rather thirsty...
Robotnik then drinks the entire bottle and instantly shrinks down in size, his head shrinking first, then body followed by his arms and legs.
Robotnik: WOOPS! I didn't just pass wind while doing that, did I!?
Robotnik then inspects himself and realises that he's now the same size as the door in front of him
Robotnik: AAAHHHHH!
Doorknob: I say, you didn't leave the key up there now by any chance, did you?
A key for the door magically appears on top of the now gigantic glass table.
Robotnik: Nevermind all that, you overly simplistic samaritan. I'm going to blow you up with dynamite anyway!
Robotnik then pulls yet another heavy load of dynamite from off screen.
Doorknob: You're going to Whaaa..!?!
Robotnik then pulls Grounder out from off screen and gets ready to pull the plunger again.
Grounder: Ready when you are, Dr. Robotnik!
Robotnik: Of course you are, you grrreeen ape! What use are to you to me if I can't use you to blow up other people's houses!?
Grounder: Uhhh, sorry Dr. Robotnik.
Doorknob: W-w-w-w-wwait a minute, now...!?!
Robotnik: Ready... FIRE!!!
Doorknob: Waiiii...
--KA-BOOM!!!--
Robotnik triggers the explosion and yet again sends himself flying through the smoke screaming AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
As he flies through the air he eventually hits an ocean sea bed that just so happens to be in the sky, only for the world to then flip upside down to reveal that he was yet again falling upside down.
The broken door pieces from the explosion follow in after him, forming a raft for Robotnik to hold onto for dear life as he rises from the water to notice he's now somehow in the middle of the ocean.
Robotnik: Doooohhh, how did I end up in the middle of the ocean!?
As Robotnik is left floating helplessly, Disney's Captain Hook appears on a small boat, yelling at Smee through a megaphone to row faster as they row past him.
Hook: Faster Smee! I want to beat the others to drrrry land, you swarmy layabouts!
Smee: Yes Capt'n hook, we'll get you there in n-hoo time at all!
Robotnik is then passed by Slappy Squirrel and her nephew in another boat joined by Yakko, Wakko and Dot from The Animaniacs as they row past him as well.
Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream...
Slappy: *to the audience* Oie, this is the thanks I get for refusing to go into early retirement...
Robotnik is then passed by Chris-Chan yelling at Sonichu and Rosechu to row faster but they instead look at each other both feeling horny and decide instead to make out with one another.
Chris-Chan: Come on Sonichu and Rosechu! I wanna beat the others to dry land so I can get mah' prize! No, don't make out with rosechu, who else is gonna r-row the boat to dry land...
Robotnik is then finally passed by Wes Weasley (taking the role of the Dodo from Disney's Alice in Wonderland) in a much larger boat with Blackbot the Pirate, Fix it Felix Jr. from Wreck it Ralph, the screaming banshee from American McGee's Alice, Porky Pig, Winnie the Pooh, all his friends and the turtle from Rocko's Modern Life.
Wes Weasley: Come on palsies! I can see dry land up ahead, I can even taste some of it!
Blackbot: Aye-Aye, captain!
Fix it Felix: We'll get you there in no time, Captain Weasley, sir!
Turtle: Oy, my loins are killing me...
Tigger: Aww quit yer belly rubbin, we'll get ya there in no time at all, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Porky Pig: Di-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d ...m-m-my arms are tired.
Robotnik: Weasley you Bastard!! Hurry up and pull me to shore already!
Weasley: Hee, sorry palsy. Only members of the KKK are allowed on THIS voyage!
Fix it Felix: Thats right, death to black people! (holds his golden hammer in the air proudly as he says this!)
Turtle: Except for Black-bot, he's one of us!
Banshee: Earrrghhg!
Robotnik: You racially insensitive, no good, worthless... DAH!!
Robotnik is then blown over by a wave which throws him to shore where before him all of the characters who passed by him are now running around in circles singing about a caucus race.
Everyone: Onwards, outwards, inwards, outwards, here we go again! No one ever loses and no one can ever win. Onwards, outwards, inwards, outwards, racing to the top. We'll be dry in no time as we win this caucus race!
Robotnik picks himself up and points to Wes Weasley who is standing on the rock everyone is running around while a small bonfire is beside him.
Robotnik: There you are Weasley, you racially discriminate worm! Come down here so I can bash some good sense into those brrrrains of yours!
Wes Weasley: I say, palsy. You'll never get dry standing around there like that! You've got to run with the others, palsy!
Robotnik: FUCK YOU!!! You homoerotic child molester!
Smee (behind him is Captain Hook singing joyfully as he prances) then pushes Robotnik into the race as they've formed a sort of conga line as they race around the rock.
Robotnik: Dah! Don't push me you comically obese oompa-loompa! I'll run when I'm ready to run! Hoooo!
Weasley: Thats it palsies! Run! RUN till you can't run anymore! Whoever wins doesn't get eaten!
Robotnik: WHAT!?!
Just then another wave splashes by and Sonic, stuck in his own umbrella is washed to shore. He picks himself up and then proceeds to run off again.
Robotnik: It's that blasted hedgehog again, only this time he's trying to ignore me.
Robotnik attempts to chase after Sonic only Smee and everyone else in the race is dragged onto the ground for holding onto his waist, thus halting the music and ruining the race.
Robotnik: Get off of me, you sexually repressed garden gnome!! I have a Blue hedgehog to chase after!!
Smee: But, b-b-b-but...
Robotnik: One more "But" out of you and I'll REALLY give you a reason to lie belly down on the sand like the low life peasant that you so clearly are!
Captain Hook: But you won the race, my boy.
Robotnik: What!?
Owl flies over to inspect Robotnik's clothes
Piglet: You see, you're all dried off now, t-that means you've won the caucus race.
Owl: Hmm, Piglet is right my boy, you are indeed bone dry now thanks to us.
Robotnik: Who cares!? I don't need you lesbian athletes to keep myself dry. If I wanted to stay dry the LAST thing I'd do is surround myself with a bunch of toady layabouts such as yourselves.
Wes Weasley steps over the crowd to place a KKK hood on Robotnik's head, followed by a kings crown, a purple cape and septar.
Wes Weasley: Congratulations Palsy. He-heh. You're all dry, that means your now our new king! King of the caucus race! What are your orders, palsy?
Fix it Felix: Yeah! lets hear it for our new King!
Everyone: Hip-hip... Hooray!! Hip-hip... Hooray!!
Robotnik removes his hood, crown, cape and scepter in disinterest.
Robotnik: Forget it you loathsome troublemakers! I've got more important matters to attend to than to be crowned king by a group of slimey weirdos. Go burn yourselves a bridge and then jump off of it!
Robotnik then runs into the forest to pursue Sonic, leaving everyone else feeling uncomfortable and confused.
Wes Weasley: ...Heh, Well you know the rules, palsies. You all lost. That means you've all gotta get eaten by your sponsors in North Korea. But first...!
They turn their attention to the african american basketball player from Coonskin who just so happens to be hanging around besides them, minding his own business.
Basketball player: Oh Snap!
Everyone chases after him Scooby Doo style as he runs off into the horizon for dear life while skillfully dribbling a cartoony basketball.
Robotnik is now wandering aimlessly through the woods. in the centre of a clearing he happens to come across two boys (Stewie and Chris Griffin from Family Guy) standing solid like wax work statues.
Robotnik goes up to them and reads the name tags on their collars.
Robotnik: Hmmm?... Tweedle-Griff... and Tweedle-Finn... Thats the most RIDICULOUS name I've ever heard!!
They then spontaneously come to life and hop around making honking noises every time they come into contact with the ground or with each other.
*HONK* *HANK*
Chris: If you think we're wax works, you 'ought to take a picture.
Stewie: Likewise, or pay us some money in the form of a donation, contrariwise.
Robotnik: Money? For you!? Forrr-GET it! I'm not giving you anything!
Robotnik is then about to walk away when they both jump in front of him, blocking his exit.
*HONK* *HANK*
Chris: Well if you don't want to pay then the least you could do is shake hands.
Stewie: Likewise, or introduce yourself, contrariwise.
They very spontaneously start hopping around while singing.
Stewie and Chris: How do you do and shake hands, and shake hands, and shake hands. How do you do and shake hands, and then we'll throw a parr-ty!
Robotnik: Why don't you juvenile delinquents jump off a steep cliff and die!
Chris: If we were to jump off a cliff, would that make my unborn child an accessory to murder?
Stewie: Likewise, or a shish-kebab? Contrariwise.
Robotnik: Scrram you pesky hillbillies!
Chris: Where are you going?
Robotnik: I'm looking for a bllue tinted hedgehog. He's run off through here somewhere and I'm determined to catch up to him.
Stewie: Oh I know where he is.
Robotnik: YOU DO!??
Chris: Likewise, contrariwise.
Stewie: Yes but before I tell you where he is, wouldn't you rather hear the tale of Wes Weasley and the Doberman?
Chris skips around while clapping his hands joyfully.
Chris: Oh yes, likewise. I love that story.
Stewie: Quite, contrariwise.
Robotnik: I've heard enough about that scrawny solicitor for one evening. Now if you don't tell me where that damn blue hedgehog is I'll REAAALLYY give you both reasons to prance around like mentally retarded rejects of society! *shakes fist at Stewie and Chris*
Chris: It'll only take a moment, I swear!!
Stewie: Yes, likewise, contrariwise.
Robotnik: *sigh* ...Very well!
Robotnik then sits on a tree stump and folds his arms in a huff while Stewie and Chris giggle excitedly then lock arms while dancing in a circle together singing the story of Wes Weasley and the Doberman.
*song starts*
Wes Weasley and the Doberman were stranded in the ocean, but after months of squabbling they came to a decision, that if they were to find dry land they'd then go on a mission.
Stewie: To find some food...
Chris: Yes, lots of food...
And share it with precision, and low and behold they found an island full of North Koreans.
*theme music from the Carpenter and Walrus play as Wes Weasley and Sg. Doberman are both walking side by side through the beaches of North Korea*
Wes Weasley: Look Palsy! Natives! Maybe we can ask them for directions? Heh.
Sg. Doberman hits Wes Weasley on the head with his walking cane to get his attention.
Sg. Doberman: *Ahem* The time as come, my simple friend to talk of other things, like swords and bombs and hanging rope and whether Tingle has wings. And why Hyrule is Boiiiling hot, and why an Owl can sing, the time has come to set abbooouuttttt... and talk about these things!
Wes Weasley: Heh, don't be silly, palsy. *Wes Weasley said, with an understanding grin* For we are starved from arguing and quarrelling over these things. For I deduce that if we were to get in with these natives, once I've pounded some young cabbaaaggggeee... we'll be treated like royal kings!
Sg. Doberman: *Err-ahem* Preposterous notion! *Sg. Doberman said* I've never heard of such a thing. To want to plow on an empty stomach will surely do your back in. For I deduce we co-ordinate an attack on those natives. We'll pillage them and steal their laaannnnddd... and militarize everything!
But low and behold the locals who stood by and heard everything, couldn't speak a word of English, not a single thing. Yet when they saw the Doberman and Weasle with their eyes, they...
Robotnik: How long is this damn idiotic story going to go on for!?
Chris and Stewie are frozen in pose, confused and fustrated that Robotnik just interrupted their performance.
Chris: ...We were just getting to the best part!
Stewie: Likewise, contrariwise. I'm sure the audience is just dying to know how Weasley became head of the KKK in North Korea.
Chris: Or how the Hyrule references tie into it.
Robotnik: I couldn't care less and I'm going. If you think I'm going to sit here and watch you Manhatten slender benders animate this crap, You've REALLY lost your damn minds...
Robotnik then walks away leaving them both to stand there in pose, shocked and insulted.
The camera pans away from the scene to an animators chair to reveal the entire story was being animated and told by Roger Rabbit (instead of Bugs Bunny trolling Daffy Duck in that Looney Tunes sketch).
Roger Rabbit: Jeepers! If this story gets any crazier they'll have me locked away in that old asylum for sure! Hmm... what if we just skip to the next scene and come back to that later when I'm feeling sober perhaps?...
Roger Rabbit then grabs a bottle of whisky and attempts to turn over to the next animation cell.
This instantly cuts over to the next scene.
Robotnik has managed to navigate his way out of the woods and comes across a cottage in the middle of the road. As Robotnik approaches the cottage he can hear disgruntled noises, pig squeals, loud crashes of furniture being broken and someone screaming for MARY ANNE.
Sonic: MAARRRY-AAANNNNEEEEE! MAAARRRYYY-ANNNNNEEEEEEEE!! Oh where, oh where has that darn girl gone to now!?
Sonic steps outside and marches out of the cottage as the pig dressed as a baby he was violently abusing flee's the college for it's dear life with a badly bruised eye.
Pig: Squeeee!!! *snort* *snort*
Sonic: MAARRRYYYY-AAAANNNNNEEEEEEE!!??!!!
Robotnik: ...YOU!!
Sonic: Mary-Anne! There you are you stupid girl! Where have you been, Mary-Anne!?
Robotnik: ...Pardon me!?!
Sonic then pulls a whip out of his pocket, unravels it and then proceeds to whip Robotnik aggressively in his shins.
Sonic: Don't you talk back to me, young lady! Now you march upstairs right now and you fetch me my gloves and slippers! Pronto!
Robotnik: Dah! ...How Dare you!! Dooohhh! Help! Momma!! Owwiee!
Sonic: If you talk back to me again Mary-Anne, I'll kill your younger sister! Do I make myself clear?
Robotnik: Oh yes Momma, Pllleaassse don't kill Mary-Lou! Oohh! I'm Sorry Momma! I'll do whatever you say! Yes-yes!!
Robotnik in pain limps towards the front door of the cottage while enduring Sonic's lashes as the theme music to Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho plays as the camera pans out while Robotnik enters the cottage doorway.
As Robotnik enters the cottage, he looks around and ponders to himself where he might find Sonic's gloves and slippers.
Robotnik: Hmmm... If I was really trying to find my Momma's gloves and slippers, ...the most logical place I would put them is in the boiler room.
Robotnik then climbs up the stairs and to his surprise is confronted by an almost endlessly stretching hallway with many doors.
Robotnik opens the first door to his right only to discover Scrooge McDuck yet again pampering Branden Quark like a baby, resting him on his lap while he changes his dirty diaper and in between blowing raspberries on his belly to make him laugh.
Branden Quark: Ahahahahahahhahahahahahaha *pauses* ...I AM NOT A DUCK!!
Robotnik: What you are is an embarrassment to cartoon scientists everywhere!
Dexter from Dexter's Lab who also happens to be in the room wearing nothing but a baby's diaper and his trademark purple gloves and glasses, pokes his head out from behind Branden Quark.
Dexter: You are telling me!
Branden Quark then picks up his dirty diaper and throws it directly at Robotnik's face.
Branden Quark: Ahh go cry to your Momma you overgrown belly aching dork!
*splat!* The filthy diaper his Dr. Robotnik square in the face.
Robotnik: QUACK!
Robotnik angrily slams the door on them while pulling the dirty used diaper from his face and throwing it to the ground in disgust.
He then tries the next door besides him only to again find Mel Gibson from South Park in the dark, empty room performing "Poor little buttercup" with nothing but a hanging lightbulb and a cracked picture of Drew Pickles on the wall.
Mel Gibson: Poor little buttercup, poor little buttercup, wherever the wind shall blow...
Robotnik yet again slams the door on him in frustration and then tries the next door only to be greeted by the mother bear from the Looney Tunes three bears short, wearing hardly anything but high heels, makeup, a wig and a long cigarette holder, posing seductively for him.
Mother Bear: Tell me more about my eyes...
Robotnik slams the door on her in disgust and then tries the next door only to find Youtube's Stuart Ashens in the boiler room closet, doing something suggestively sexual to Guru Larry as he sits on top of a washing machine with his pants down while Ashen's films everything with a handheld camera. (Also note there is a picture of Drew Pickles in every single room Robotnik enters, just for comedic effect.)
Ashens: Excuse me, do you mind!
Guru Larry: Yeah, we're trying to film a bloody porno in here, you perviating pedofile!
Ashens: Actually, I'm trying to film some tat for my latest Japanese seafood review...
Guru Larry: Then why the bloody hell have you been prodding at my penis with a fork for the past half hour!?
Ashens: That was your penis!? ...Good God, Larry! I won't dare ask what's for dessert.
Chef Excellence then appears from behind Ashens with a huge cheeky grin on his face just before Robotnik slams the door on them in frustration.
Robotnik then turns to the next door only to find Jessica Rabbit tied up in a small room with Droopy dressed as a classic stereotypical villain with a top hat, black cape and twirly moustache.
Jessica Rabbit: Save me... save me...
Droopy: Gruesome... isn't it folks?...
Robotnik slams the door on them, turns to the next door and opens it, only to find a Zombie Card Guard from Alice Madness Returns on the other side as it snarls at him violently before attempting to prey at him but Robotnik slams the door on the creature instantly.
Dr. Robotnik then turns to the next door besides him only inside discovers Tim Curry dressed as Dr. Frank-N-Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, posing seductively for him.
Tim Curry: OHHHH, ROCKY!!
Robotnik slams the door angrily on him, approaches the next door but then very curiously turns back, opens the same door again only this time instead of being greeted by Tim Curry again, he see's Dr. Pretorius from The Mask animated series as a head on a small bookshelf talking to a small voice recording chip in one of his metal legs.
Dr. Pretorius: Mental note...
Robotnik slams the door on him, re-opens it yet again only this time encounters Lena Hyena in her apartment who turns her attention to him and screams in excitement.
Lena Hyena: *Gasp* A MAAAAIIYYYYNNNNEEEEE!!!!!
Robotnik slams the door and cowers behind it in a cold sweat and attempts to flee but Lena kicks the door down.
Lena Hyena: YOU-HOOO, LOVERBOY! COME KISS LENA HYENA!!
Robotnik: WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Before Robotnik is given the chance to run away, Lena pounces on top of him while blowing kisses, Robotnik is left helplessly kicking and screaming for dear life as she ruthlessly molests him and dry humps him like a dog.
Robotnik: Get off of me you disgusting transvestite!!!
Lena: Ooohhh you! <3 Oohhh-hohohohoho!
Sonic, growing ever so impatient with Robotnik, climbs up the stairs angrily screaming for him and notices the two of them on the floor in the middle of the hallway with cartoon hearts everywhere.
Sonic: MAAARRYYYY-ANNNNNNNEEEEE!!! MAARRRRYY-ANNNNEEE!! Oh where, oh where has that stupid girl gone to now... *gasp* Mary-Anne!? What are you doing with last weeks stripper!?
Sonic then storms up to them as Leya is wildly humping a helpless Robotnik, slaps her hard around the face like a pimp and then marches her out of the room.
Lena: Oo-OOhhhhh!!
Sonic: You get yourself back on the streets, missy, and don't you come back until you bring me some cheddar!
Lena: Yes blue-daddy... Oh-ooohh!
Sonic: ...And as for you, Mary-Anne, if you don't find me my gloves and slippers pronto, I'll have to tie up your younger sister and cut off all her fingers!
Robotnik: But daddy, Mary-Lou has been a good girl this month. She ate all of her vegetables and hasn't wet the bed in over thrrreee days!
Sonic: No buts, Mary-Anne. You find me my gloves and slippers, and DON'T YOU DARE MAKE ME LATE! You understand!?
Robotnik: Yes, Momma...
Sonic angrily marches off while Robotnik picks himself up in shame and heads for the master bedroom.
Robotnik enters the bedroom (which also has a picture of Drew Pickles on the wall) looking around for gloves and slippers and even though they're right in front of him on the bed railing, his attention is instantly caught by a neatly decorated white cake on a table in the centre of the room.
(Editors Note: Sonic also has the rose from Beauty and the Beast in his room on the windowsill, wilting away to only 2 remaining petals).
Robotnik picks up the cake to read the message written in the icing.
Robotnik: Hmmmmmm... Dear Sonic, thanks for the letter, why don't you take a long walk off a short pier, sincerely yours, Grrrounder. Interesting...
Robotnik then very spontaneously shoves the entire cake in his mouth and without any given warning, suddenly explodes due to there being a hidden bomb within the cake. Dr. Robotnik is sent flying through the cottage ceiling in a loud explosion screaming AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!....
Outside of the cottage noticing this is Sonic, the Dodo from Disney's Alice in Wonderland and Tails dressed as a child slave labour with his leg chained to a pole in the garden, dirty face and holding an empty wooden soup bowl.
Dodo: I say, old chap. Its a bit early in the year for Chinese fireworks isn't it? Jolly good show, by the by.
Sonic: Oh that darn slave, and to think I paid TWO WHOLE SHILLINGS for her, TWO!!
Tails: *Cough* please sir... can I have some more ...chili?
Sonic then angrily pulls out his whip on Tails and lashes the soup bowl out of his hand before grabbing him aggressively by the collar and shaking him violently.
Sonic: How many times must I tell you, Mary-Sue!? You'll speak once you are spoken to!! Now fetch me my gloves and slippers! Past-haste!
Tails: *Cough* *Cough* OW!! Yes your lordship...
Robotnik, still falling through the sky, crash lands face first in the gravel of a giant jungle, finding himself surrounded by overgrown flowers.
Robotnik: Doooohhhh, Thats the last time I eat anything mailed by that mindless lunatic of mine...
Rose: Do you need any help, my dear?
Robotnik: ...Who said that!?!
Robotnik looks around to see nothing but still, lifeless flowers.
Robotnik: Hmm?
Rose: Why, I said that, of course.
The rose comes to life before Robotnik and offers a polite and dignified courtesy to him, which Robotnik responds with by rushing up to her and insulting her vigorously.
Robotnik: If I needed help from a bunch of senile old fogies like you, I'd...
Snapdragon: You'd do what? Young man, hmm?
Robotnik: I... I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU, YOU GROUCHY OLD BAG! NOW MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS OR I'LL BURN YOU ALL DOWN TO THE GROUND LIKE THE WORTHLESS OLD BATS THAT YOU ARE!!
Daisy: Oohh, charming! *Giggle* Fancy the mouth on that. And he's quite fat as well.
Snapdragon: He's sickeningly obese.
The Police Chief from Freakazoid who just so happens to be there with them, sitting on a petal while holding a cheeseburger and drinking a soda joins in with the conversation. (There's also a photo of Drew Pickles besides him)
Police Chief: And he's balding.
Robotnik, now furious, points his finger to the giant purple Snapdragon while steaming red in the face.
Robotnik: Listen to me you disgustingly old hag, if one of you doesn't tell me the way back to that cottage to find that blllue hedgehog who thinks I'm his slave-maid for some reason, I'll cut you ALL down to size (pulls out a giant heavy axe from off camera) ...MY WAY!
All the flower girls shriek in fear.
Snapdragon: Oohh, what a brrrute!!
Daisy: Ellp! Eel kill us all, ee will!!
Rose: Girls, please!
Robotnik then begins to swipe his axe at the Snapdragon and cuts her stems as she screams in pain.
Snapdragon: OH HELP! MURDER!! MURDER I SAY!!
The Dandelion Dogs howl in sorrow as some of the flowers cover their eyes in fear.
Pansy Children: Please stop, you'll make Keanu Reeves cry.
The camera then immediately turns to Keanu Reeves who just so happens to be sitting quietly on a bench besides them, minding his own business while eating a sandwich, he then gets up and walks away without saying a word to any of them.
Robotnik chops down the Snapdragon and causes her to pass out in pain, swings his axe viciously at the Daisy and the Dandelion Dogs as they growl ferociously at him, he then stomps on the Pansy Children and sets his sights on the Rose.
Robotnik: I'm coming for YOU, next!
Rose: P-Please stop! You'll find the cottage of the blue hedgehog through there!!
The remaining flowers in fear, lift away some tall grass to show an open path for Robotnik.
Robotnik puts down the axe and runs towards the path in joy.
Robotnik: Ahhh! Thats more like it!
Robotnik then runs down the path, merrily skipping and prancing as he sings The wizard song from The wizard of Oz while the Rose wipes away sweat from her forehead.
Robotnik: Weee'rrrree off to see the hedgehog, the stupid blue hedgehog of Oz. because I hate him, yes I hate him, I hate him without a cause...
Robotnik then very spontaneously comes back on screen with the axe and begins to chop down the Rose anyway just to be a total sadistic jerk.
Robotnik: Grrrrraaaaaarrrhhhh!!!
Rose: AAAAAAAHHHHhh! Ahhhhhh!! AAAhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Robotnik: You worthless high society rejects! And if I EVER see any of you damn fogies again I'll really give you all a reason to fear my temper!
The remaining flowers hug themselves and tremble in fear as Robotnik psychotically stands over the dead flowers, drops his axe, and then turns around to proceed with his journey, skipping away while merrily singing again.
Robotnik: Weee'rrreee off to see the hedgehog, the stupid damn hedgehog of Oz...
The camera then pans over to the carnage and from the tall grass the serial killer from the 'Too many cooks' Adult Swim comedy infomercial sketch pops his head out and starts giggling to himself, then the camera freezes while his blurred name appears 'Guest starring _________' as the 'Too many cooks' theme music plays.
"...And you've got, Too Many Cooks, Too Many Cooks. Too Many Cooks, Too Many Cooks. Too Many Cooks, Too Many Cooks. Too Many Cooks, Too Many Cooks..."
Robotnik is now wandering through tall grass and eventually finds a clearing where he notices a large woman in black lying on top of a mushroom creating large rings of smoke in the sky from her hookah pipe while she sings.
As Robotnik approaches her, he realised it's Ursula from The Little Mermaid taking the role of the Caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland.
Ursula: *Singing* Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm... Ooooooo... A, E, I, O, U, Aaaaaaa..... A, E, I, U, O, Aaaaaa.... A, E, I, U, O, Aaaaaaaaa..... *pause* ...Aaaaaa... A, E, I, U, O, Aaaaaaa, A, I, E, O, U, Aaaaaaaa, A, E, I, O, A, uuuuuuuuuu, A, E, I, O, V, Uuuuuuuuu....
Robotnik approaches her whilst admiring her singing, glad to be in the presence of a familiar cartoon villain.
Robotnik: You're certainly a sight for sore eyes, my dear.
Ursula turns around to notice Robotnik standing before her.
Ursula: Well, My. What have we here? It's been a long time indeed, doctor. Ha-Ha!
Robotnik: You're telling me.
Ursula: Why, I don't think I've seen you since that villains convention Jafar was hosting down on the Boulevard. How long ago was that now... 3, maybe 4 years ago?
Robotnik: I can never be bothered to attend those things. I only went last time because one of my rrrobot wives needed the house empty for one of her spring cleaning parties.
Ursela: You don't say. Well, so what brings you down to my neck of the woods?
Robotnik: I'm trying to find a blue tainted hedgehog. He has a small cottage around here somewhere but I appear to have lost my way after digesting some 'middle eastern pastry'.
Ursula: And you still haven't been able to catch him after -all- this time?
Robotnik: Errr Caught, Yes. Kept... Errr, technically, no.
Ursula: Well, I might have something that would be able to help you. I...
Out nowhere, Flik from A Bugs Life interrupts their conversation screaming for help.
Flik: OH PARDON ME, OH GREAT ONE! I HAVE TRAVELLED FAR ACROSS THE LAND IN SEARCH OF ASSISTANCE! You see, I represent a colony of ants, and we've been forced to prepare all of this food for the grasshoppers and then...
Robotnik spontaneously stomps on Flik in a foul temper.
Robotnik: GGRRRAAAAARRRRHHHHH!!! HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT ME WHEN I'M HAVING A CONVERSATION YOU STEREOSCOPIC ORPHAN!! Bbrrrlllaaahhhhhh!!!
Ursula: Hmph. AS I was saying... if you take these two mushroom pieces they should be able to help you.
Robotnik: MUSHRRRRROOOMS!? No thanks my dear, I've had enough drugs thrown at me for one crazy weekend. I took a laxative last week and spend the remaining 6 days thinking I was the zombified corpse of Blackbeard. Ended up getting thrown in jail for trying to invade a local shopping mall wearing nothing but pirate boots and a stolen circus cannon.
Ursula: NONSENSE! These shrooms are magic my dear.
Robotnik: Thats exactly what my prescription said!
Ursula: Hmph. You take the left mushroom and you'll grow larger, you take the mushroom on the right and you'll grow smaller. That should be perfect for you to catch that blue hedgehog with.
Robotnik: Hmmm... amazingly you have a point... I always say mind altering substances are the solution to anyone's problems, but ironically the only things they've given me so far is jail time for punching diabetic children and pushing old ladies down large flights of stairs. I thought them damn turkeys were cheeseburgers, daddio.
Ursula: Hmph! Well, that's it for my cameo. Call Raoul and let him know I want my check in the mail. Make it out to 'Ursula C. Bigot'. And with that said, I'm off.
Ursula has two bags packed and is now wearing a pink fur coat and a purple fedora hat with a white peacocks feather sticking out of it. She then climbs off the mushroom and leaves the set. (indicating that this Wonderland dreamworld Robotnik is in is nothing more than a mere movie set).
Robotnik then looks at the two mushroom slices in his hand and ponders to himself.
Robotnik: Hmmm... one slice of the shrrroom will make me larger... and the other slice would make me smaller... now which one was I supposed to digest first?... OH WELL.
Robotnik shoves both giant mushroom slices in his mouth and instantly turns gigantic, screaming at the top of his lungs while he shoots into the sky, rising up to a giant tree besides him.
Robotnik: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!...
Inside of one of the tree holes, Magica De Spell from Ducktails is brewing a potion while her crow brother watches. She then presents a large egg which is the potions centre ingredient.
Magica: Now my dear brother, with this giant egg my spell will be complete. Soon I'll be able to turn this egg into 199 carat gold and buy Scottish Independence from the United Kingdom, then Scrooge will have to give me his lucky number one dime!
Just then, Robotnik crashes head first into her tree home, causing her to nearly drop the egg and spill some of the potion on the floor.
Magica: Gahh!! You fool! You nearly ruined my plans for World domination you stupid fat clumsy ape like oaf! What kind of man do you think you are, coming in here uninvited when I'm trying to explain to my dear brother what a genius I am for inventing the worlds first 199 carrot gold egg anyway, hmm?
Robotnik: Shut up you smelly old hag, your birds nest looks like an old homeless shelter anyway! Why don't you misguided lesbians do something useful with your spare time and clean up this repulsive dump you call a home, or better yet, take a few magic laxative pills and shit all over it.
Magica: Why you masochistic, rude waste of...!!!
Before she can finish screaming, Robotnik instantly shrinks back down in side, leaves her tree home and finds himself falling through the sky and tumbling towards the ground while screaming.
Robotnik: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...!!!!!!!!
On the ground below, the African American hunter from the infamous banned Looney Tunes cartoon (All this and Rabbit Stew) is wandering slowly through the forest looking for prey to hunt.
Hunter: Ah'ms gonna catch me a raaaaa-beeettt... hhmmm-mmm-nyahh... g-gonna caaa-aach me a raaaa-biiiittt... hhmmm-hmm-nyaa...
Without warning, Robotnik crash lands on the ground right besides him, followed by a falling refrigerator, an iron safe, an anvil, loads of tree branches and a grand piano again, being crushed almost to death by it all.
Before Robotnik can stick his head out of the carnage, Magica De Spell's egg which she either dropped or threw at him in a foul temper also falls on top of the broken piano and cracks open, revealing a red pawn from American McGee's Alice to be inside.
The creature hops away, limping in pain and dizziness from the fall before then being snatched away by the same hawk who ate Pinky and the Brain from the earlier scene inside of the rabbit hole.
Robotnik pokes his head out of the carnage and is seeing stars, to which the hunter reacts frantically and hops around juggling his shotgun mistaking Robotnik for a rabbit.
The hunter then reacts stunned and surprised to what has just happened before him as Robotnik slowly pokes his head out of the carnage.
Hunter: Ah done founds me one now! I done founds me a rabbit. Where's ma gun!? Where is it!? Where's ma gun! Feets don't fail me now!
He then aims the shotgun at Robotnik's face but fails to realise he's actually holding the shotgun backwards and ends up blowing his own face off, revealing a cartoonishly looking racially insensitive minstrel blackface flower with curly pigtails while the "wah wah, wah wah wah wah" theme music plays. (The same music that would play every time the hunter would fall for one of Bugs Bunny's pranks in the cartoon in which he hailed from).
The hunter then notices the African American basketball player from Coonskin running past while holding onto his beanie hat in one hand and skillfully dribbling a basketball in the other. (Still being chased by the KKK Disney group from the earlier beach scene).
Basketball player: Benji-Benji!
The hunter looks on in confusion and then turns around to notice (off screen) the KKK group chasing after him. He becomes instantly shocked and runs away to join the basketball player (camera left to right) as the KKK group led by Wes Weasley, Captain Hook and Winnie the Pooh's gang pursue after them running as if they were in a Scooby Doo sketch.
Robotnik still lies in the debris alone and disoriented, while a broken piano key falls from the broken piano and hits him on the noggin.
Robotnik: D'oh!
Day has now turned to nightfall as Robotnik finds himself wandering aimlessly through a dark wood, having absolutely no idea where he is or how he can get home. Robotnik wandering aimlessly stumbles across a confusing crossroad and then sits down on a rock to try and gather his thoughts.
Robotnik: *Sigh* It's useless. I've been wandering through these damn woods for hours, and still I haven't been able to find Sonic or a way out of these despicable woods. Ohh, my dear Momma and Dinah must be ever so worried so...
As Robotnik is sobbing to himself, The Cheshire Cat from Alice Madness Returns appears before him. (The conversation between the two suggests they also have a previous history together).
Cheshire Cat: Well, well. This is a pleasant surprise. Fancy meeting you here, Doctor.
Robotnik: You Chocolate Baboon! I should of known an annoying furball like you would inhabit a poorly animated dive such as this.
Cheshire Cat: Well now, is that any way to greet an old friend? I would of imagined you would be more ecstatic to see me, considering the circumstances you're in.
Robotnik: You shut your trap, you jive turkey! The last time we met you told me you slipped a roofie in my coffee, and that if I took off all my clothes and ran around the local supermarket shouting "WOOPIEE!!" I'd get all my groceries delivered free for the next 5 years.
Cheshire Cat: Well, you were dumb enough to believe it.
Robotnik: And lets not forget the time you got me banned from the local park for telling me I'd find a leprechaun in the public restroom if I doused the childrens play area in gasoline and set it on fire.
Cheshire Cat: I admit, I've taken a few jabs at your expense in the past. But now it seems like you're in a spot of bother and need my guidance to find your way home...
Robotnik: And there was that time where you blindfolded me and had me walk into the lion's hut at the zoo thinking I was pinning a tail on the donkey. You even put fish down my trousers you sexually repressed troublemaker!
Cheshire Cat: Well, it's not my fault the lions took a liking to what was in your pocket. Fortunately for you the Zebra's took an even bigger liking to it before they did, aye?
Robotnik: SHUT YOUR TRAP! You made me think I'd stumbled into an asian massage parlour until I felt the teeth marks on my bare hiney.
Cheshire Cat: Yes, that was an amusing birthday wasn't it? And a good thing your son happened to know CPR as well.
Robotnik: That's definitely the last time I let YOU decide on our family outings! That's for sure.
Cheshire Cat: Point acknowledged. Now about your little problem...
Robotnik: That's a bit of an understatement, where the hell am I anyway? And how do I get back to that damn cottage!?
Cheshire Cat: You're at a crossroad, and the only two people who can help guide your way are attending a tea party by his honour. The path on the left will take you to the home of King Candy, the path on your right will take you to the home of Sourbill. Either way, whichever road you take the outcome will remain quite the same.
Robotnik: Thats the best advice you can come up with!? Attend a tea party hosted by a group of Bob Marley impersonators!? You incompetent hillbilly! I expected better advice than that from a feline of your social background.
Cheshire Cat: Well, we could always play a game of 'pin the tail on the donkey' again?
Robotnik: Thanks but NO thanks, I'm getting out of this which way backwards forest before I lose my marbles completely.
Cheshire Cat: Very well then. Be seeing you, Doctor.
Robotnik: Shut up, you foaming rrrrodent!
With that said, as Robotnik walks off, The Cheshire Cat slips a fish into his pants and fades away smirking, while a stampede of hungry zebras followed by a lion chase after Robotnik. (Robotnik is off camera while he screams).
Robotnik: Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!
Robotnik now finds himself wandering towards a cottage and can hear singing coming from the garden as a large table is presented before him full of dancing tea pots, cutlery, kettle steam and joyful singing and dancing coming from King Candy and Sour Bill from the Disney movie, Wreck it ralph. Both are joined with Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc. (All three are taking the roles of the Mad Hatter, Dormouse and March Hare respectively.)
Mike: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh very merry unbirthday...
King Candy: To you!
Mike: Who me??
King Candy: Yes you!
Mike: Oh me!
King Candy: A very merry unbirthday...
Sour Bill: To you...
King Candy: Who me!?
Mike: Yes you!
King Candy: Oh me!
Mike: A merry celebration with another cup of tea...
King Candy: A very merry unbirthday.
Mike: A very merry unbirthday.
King Candy: A very merry unbirthday to yooouuu!!!
Robotnik walks in and rudely sits down without a care for consideration, interrupting their singing.
Robotnik: What's all that damn racket about anyway? Can't you lesbian athletes do something more productive with your spare time? Like how about fetching me a cup of Earl grey, and a pillow for Gods sakes!? I'm hungry already!!
The three of them pause and look at him in complete puzzlement, then wave their arms in the air insisting that he leave.
King Candy, Mike and Sour Bill: No room! No Room! Oh, oh, No room!
Robotnik: Fuck you!! There's plenty of room here, you worthless layabouts!
Mike: Ahh but you see it was very rude of you to sit down without being invited.
King Candy: I'll say it's rude. Goo-hoo-hoo. Very, very rude indeed!
Robotnik: Who cares!? I'm here now and I'm not leaving, so why don't you comically obese miscreants make like a scrrambled omelette and scrrram!
Robotnik rudely helps himself to a cup of tea placed on the table and inspects it while talking.
King Candy: Oh but my charming fellow, we were just in the middle of celebrating my unbirthday party.
Sour Bill: And mine too...
Mike: It happens once every 364 days you know?
Robotnik: An UN-BIRTHDAY PARTY!? That's the most ridiculous story I've ever heard!
King Candy: Now, now, my good fellow, it's always a good time to celebrate an unbirthday. Why we've got plenty more ahead of us, here, won't you have some tea?
Robotnik: I said I only drink Earl grey! Now about those strrawberry tarts you have over there...
Just as Robotnik is sipping the tea given to him, Sonic comes in from around the corner of the cottage still screaming angrily for Mary-Anne.
Sonic: MARRRYYY-AAAANNNNNNEEEE!!! MAAARRRY-AAANNNNEEE!!!!
Robotnik: Oh no...!!!
Robotnik cowers in fear and becomes pale in the face as he already pictures what Sonic would do to him the second he discovers him at the party.
Sonic storms into the cottage uninvited as he spots Robotnik at the garden party immediately and approaches him in a foul temper.
Sonic: There you are, you stupid, stupid girl! I am so mad at you young lady that I just had to go out and kill Mary-Lou, and if you don't come home with me right now young lady I'll have to go and kill Mary-Kirsten-Sue.
Sonic angrily grabs Robotnik's arm and pulls him away from the dinner table.
Robotnik: But waiitt! I'm innocent I tells ya! INNOCEENNTTT! DAHHHHHH!!!
Sonic: No buts Mary-Anne! If you've made me late for my appointments then by golly they'll be no water rations in your cage tonight, I can promise you lashings instead.
Sonic then pulls out a giant silver pocket watch to inspect the time but King Candy, instantly becoming fascinated by it, yanks it from Sonic's hand and puts it on the table before him.
King Candy: Well now, it's no wonder you're running late, This watch is exactly 2 days slow!
Mike and Sour Bill: It is!?
Robotnik: It is?
King Candy: We'll have to investigate. Sourbill, be a dear and fetch me a butter knife and tablespoon would you?
Sour Bill: Yes, your highness...
Sonic: Now you wait just one minute here you...!?!
Mike: Salt?
King Candy: Yes, salt, that's what we need. More salt. That oughta do the trick.
Sour Bill: Spoons?
King Candy: Yes two tea spoons if you will, Sourbill. That'll be fine, thank you.
Mike: Butter?
King Candy: Butter, yes, I hadn't thought of butter. Ghoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
Sonic: No, No, No! You'll get crumbs in it if you use that butter!!
King Candy: Nonsense! Why I can't believe it's not butter so therefore it can't have any crumbs in it. Hoo-hoo-hoo.
Just then the White Queen from the 1980's Alice in Wonderland movie played by Carol Channing comes out of nowhere to offer some advice.
White Queen: Tuppens once a week, and jam every other day.
King Candy: Jam!?! Don't let's be silly! Mustard, that's what we need, mustard... yes. Well, that oughta do it!
King Candy is about to present the broken messy watch back to Sonic but then it beings to go crazy and comes alive with a mind of its own.
Mike: Look at that!
King Candy: Oh my.
Sour Bill: Uh-oh.
Mike: That watch is going mad!
King Candy: Mad watch! Mad watch!
Mike jumps onto the table while wielding a giant wooden mallet.
Mike: There's only one way to stop a mad watch!!
Mike smashes down onto the watch with the mallet, destroying it to pieces, when he removes the mallet to inspect the damage, from out of the broken debris pops out Timon and Pumbaa from the Lion King singing their trademark theme song.
Timon and Pumba: Hakuna Matata, What a natural phrase. Hakuna Matata, ain't no fashion craze. It means no worries, for the rest of your days. Its our problem freeeeee, philosophyyyy... Hakuna Matata...
While everyone else is distracted by their singing, Robotnik slyly sneaks under the table, slowly steals the tray of strawberry tarts besides them and then tip toes out of the cottage without being spotted.
It's now close to midnight and Robotnik is yet again wandering completely lost through the same dark forest as before, utterly fustrated that he just can't find his way home.
Robotnik: I can't take it anymore. I've been wandering through these stupid woods for hours. I'm starving. I have no idea where I am and worst of all...
Robotnik sits down on a fallen tree log and starts sobbing to himself.
Robotnik: ...I miss my beloved cat, Dinah... Ohh Dinah... *sniff* wherever you are. I hope Momma has fed you your weekly tin of Felix the Cat food and not thrown you in with the laundry again like she has with all of my other previous pets. Ahh... I remember the time she tried to cook my favorite pet, Gobbles, turned the poor bastard into Thanksgiving dinner! *sniff* And there was the time she went hunting in the back yard for Zeebreeze, my favorite pet Zebra... Not to mention the time she tried to emasculate Horny, my beloved pet Rhinoceros. Ohhh Momma, what's wrong with you...!?
As Robotnik is talking to himself, his attention is caught two birds, shaped like a pencil and a hammer, hammering a few signs on the trees in front of him. Robotnik walks over to see what the commotion is about and read the signs as the pencil shaped bird writes messages on them.
Robotnik: Huh? ...Don't ...step ...on the ...Momeraths? ...Momeraths!?
As he questions the meaning of the sign, a school of furry creatures below Robotnik's feet come to life and run in an organised direction, they form the shape of an arrow before Robotnik's feet to guide a path that will take him home, but without even paying attention or realising that they were trying to guide him, Robotnik psychotically jumps on top of the creatures and stomps them to death just to be a jerk.
Robotnik: BRRUUUAAAAAHHHHRRRRRRRGGG!!!!!
Robotnik then notices besides the path before him lies a lagoon where vultures with umbrellas for bodies are playfully enjoying the water, alongside a family of ducks shaped like car horns, a woodpecker with a mirror for a face and various other bizarre Wonderland creatures.
Robotnik charges into the lagoon screaming at them and scares them all away while violently kicking one of the duck children just for the mere sake of being a spoilt jerk.
Robotnik: Gahhhhh! Get out of here you Serbian skydivers, and take your damn floozies with you! This is my territory now, bitch! *shakes his fist as he yells as them*
As he's saying this, The Cheshire Cat appears behind him to socialise once more.
Cheshire Cat: Well, Well, making frriends are we?
Robotnik turns around to address him.
Robotnik: You ankle biting dolt! Can't I get five minutes to terrorise wild indigenous creatures without you sniffing around my arse hairs and making some wiseass remark about it?
Cheshire Cat: You can have all the time in the world. I trust your visit to King Candy's abode didn't go as planned?
Robotnik: Those damn terrorists couldn't throw a decent dinner party if their lives depended on it. Whoever heard of such a stupid thing. To celebrate ones unbirthday? Personally I detest them. All 364 of them!
Cheshire Cat: Well, since that plan to guide you home didn't go according to your liking, I suppose you'd be wanting to meet The Queen then?
Robotnik: Queen?
Cheshire Cat: Yes, "The Queen, The Queen, My lower incisors for the Queen", that wretched creature rules over all of Wonderland. There is none here who hold more power or authority.
Robotnik: Well don't just stand there you miserably departed waste of human beverages, take me to these damn royals so I can show them who's the big cheese in this backwards-ass town.
Cheshire Cat: Patience Doctor, The entrance to The Queen's castle is beyond this tree bark but in order to get there, you must first solve this riddle. 'What always sleeps, but never talks. When is awake, never walks. Takes 30 minutes to eat a meal, 20 more if the orders viel. It Masterbates with both it's hands, Ejaculates nothing but sand. When in doubt, ask it's name. It can't tell you, it's insane..."
Robotnik pauses for a brief moment to ponder the riddle then immediately loses the patience for it and yells at The Cheshire Cat to open the door anyway.
Robotnik: Open that tree I say! Open it at once, you retardedly anorexic furry!
Cheshire Cat: Tsk, tsk, tsk. Temper now, Doctor. Remember what we discussed in therapy last week?
Robotnik: The only thing I remember discussing was how I fed your mother my fat juicy bone steak surprise, now open up that damn tree, or so help me I'll...
*the door opens*
Cheshire Cat: ...The correct answer was a YouTube commentator, but I suppose I can't expect you to know what one is, seeing as how you insist on using that horrid dial up modem just to merely surf Wikipedia every night.
Robotnik: I couldn't care less and I'm leaving. I've had enough of you and this idiotic, mad venture anyway.
Cheshire Cat: Well I'm afraid you won't be able to avoid that. Most everyone's mad here you see, and the ones that arn't are driven insane by their own frustration or the surroundings. Either way...
With that said, The Cheshire Cat fades away and morphs into the rapping cat from Carebears in Wonderland.
Rapping cat: Ah've gotta get a groove on and lay down a beat, got a fat mad scientist that's dyin to meet, the big cheese of Wonderland. Uh, Ah said the big cheese of Wonderland.
Robotnik runs off screaming, unable to take a second of the rapping cats poor rhythm and lyrics.
Robotnik: Waahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Rapping cat: Ah said the big cheese of Wonderland...
Just then, the lion from Carebears comes on screen and says "Pickled beats!?... *sigh* and faints off camera.
Rapping cat: Ah said the big cheese of Wonderland. ...uh!
Robotnik, now entered through the doorway to Queensland, finds himself wandering through a giant colourful hedge maze in the Queens royal garden. It is now bright and sunny and there are marble statues, fountains and rose bushes surrounding him as Dr. Robotnik explores the maze. He eventually hears singing and notices three beings in a closed off area doing DIY work and decides to investigate.
Scratch: Hmmmmmmmmmm...
Grounder: Bob-bob-bob...
Coconuts: Hmmmmmmmmmm...
Scratch: Painting the roses red.
Grounder: We're painting the roses red.
Coconuts: No one will know, the truth won't show, nobody will lose his head.
Scratch and Grounder: We're painting the roses reeeeddddddd...
Coconuts: We're painting the roses red.
Scratch: Ooooooooohhhhh...
Grounder: Bob-bob-bob....
Coconuts: Oooooooooohhhhh...
Robotnik wanders in to see what is going on and demands an explanation for this craziness.
Robotnik: What's going -ON- here!?!
Scratch, Grounder and Coconuts tumble over and drop their equipment in a panic, thinking they were discovered for their crime and attempt to hide the paint brushes, paint bots and step ladders behind their backs, only are relieved to realise it's not their Queen who's addressing them.
(Scratch, dressed as a 2 of clubs is holding the paint brush, Grounder, dressed as an ace of clubs with military General shoulder cuffs is holding the paint pot and Coconuts, dressed as a three of clubs is holding the step ladder).
Scratch: Ahaha. Ohh, excuse me stranger. Aha, we thought you were our Queen!
Grounder: Yeah, I almost oiled my treadmills. Hur-hur...
Coconuts: And how!
Robotnik: What in the holy Hell do you think you're doing anyway!? Making all this damn racket on this peaceful, sunny afternoon?
Scratch: Well you see, stranger. We were painting all the roses in this garden red. Ahaha.
Coconuts: Well, burgundy actually. At least that's what it says on the tin can...
Robotnik: Painting the rrroses red!? Why that's the most idiotic thing I've heard of since John Lennon's younger brother Keith Lemon tried courting Yoko Ono. The bitch be poison, yo!
Grounder: Well the thing is, stranger. You see, We planted all these white roses by mistake?
Robotnik: So?
Coconuts: Well, the Queen here hates white roses? Yeah-yeah. Hates them!
Scratch: The last 3 gardeners who painted white roses were... well?
Robotnik: Well?
Scratch, Grounder and Coconuts hold their hands together and bow a second of silence over their dead brethren. Coconuts removes his head light bulb as if it was a hat while mourning.
Grounder: They were forced to watch every season of Scrubs over and over again until they pleaded to be beheaded...
Coconuts: Yeah, yeah. And not to mention the guys before them who were forced to watch The Lawnmower Man 2 over and over until they went brain dead. (Coconut's says this while screwing his head light bulb back in).
Scratch: Or that cook who was forced to watch Robocop 3 for burning one of the Queens jam tarts.
Scratch, Grounder and Coconuts shudder in fear of the thought.
Robotnik: You've made your point. I'd hate to be in any one of their shoes... Thankfully I'm too diabolically autistic to give a monkeys! Now stop wimpering like Korean Catholic pedofiles and tell me where this damn Queen is already!?
All three of them immediately point upwards above his head as a loud trumpet horn being played by one of the Swatbots from Sonic Underground commences.
As soon as the trumpet stops, a marching band of Swatbots dressed as playing cards march in an organised parade towards the garden.
Scratch, Grounder and Coconuts immediately panic and run around clumsily throwing paint everywhere as they try to cover up their crime. Robotnik just looks on in confusion.
Scratch, Grounder and Coconuts: THE QUEEN!!!
As the parade march comes to a finish, Sonic zooms in with a trumpet to announce the arrival of the Queen of Hearts.
Sonic: *Gasp* *Pant* *Wheeze* ...Presenting his royal majesty, his, his most gracious excellency, unquestioned embassy... The Queen of Hearts!
All of the Swatbots cheer and applaud rowdily as The Sonic SatAm universe's version of Dr. Robotnik approaches gracefully while dressed as the Queen of Hearts. Snively dressed as the King follows behind him and the applause immediately stops.
Sonic: *Sigh* ...And the King.
One of the Sonic Underground purple Swatbots in the far distance claps and applauds effeminately.
Swatbot: *Clap clap clap clap* Yay! <3
Queen Robotnik: Hmm!?
Queen Robotnik angrily notices the red paint everywhere and storms up to the garden with an evil smirk on his face, ready to dish out some brutal punishment.
Queen Robotnik: Who's been painting my roses red? ...WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY RRRRROSES RED!?! Who dares to taint with vulgar paint, this rrrrrroyal flowerbed! For painting my roses reeeeeddddddd... someone shall lose his head!
Scratch, Grounder and Coconuts immediately tremble before the Queen's feet, pleading for their lives.
Scratch: Ohoho, not me your grace, it was the Ace, the Ace!!
Queen Robotnik: You!?
Grounder: No, it wasn't me, it was the Three!
Queen Robotnik: The Three you say!?
Coconuts: What are you guys talking about!?! I wasn't even there!!
Queen Robotnik: THAT'S ENOUGH! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!
The crowd of Swatbots cheer and applaud as Scratch, Grounder and Coconuts are dragged off for their beheading while the Swatbots merrily sing their demise.
Swatbots: They're going to lose their heads, for painting the roses red. It serves them right, they planted white and roses should be red. They're going to lose their heeeaaaaaddddsssss...
Queen Robotnik: SIIIIIIIIILLLEEEENNNNCCCCCEEEEE!!!!
Queen Robotnik's scream is so loud it causes the entire army of Swatbots to fall over like actual playing cards being flipped over in a deck.
Robotnik: Serves those worthless piston brains right. Whoever heard of painting roses. That's even more pathetic than Keith Lemon trying to court John Lennon's girl. Asian bitch be crazy, yo!
Queen Robotnik: And who is this!?
King Snively: Hmmmmmm, let me see, my dear. It certainly doesn't look like a spade... perhaps a club?
Robotnik: Who are you calling a club, you Chinese troublemaker!? I am Dr. Ivo Rrrrrrrobot...
Queen Robotnik: Why, it's a little girl!
Robotnik: ...What??
Queen Robotnik: Stand up straight! look nicely! AND DON'T TWIDDLE YOUR FINGERS! Open your mouth a little wider and always say YEEEEEEEESSSSSS, YOU'RE MAJESTY!!
Robotnik: I ain't gonna do diddily-squit, you Catholic crossdresser! I came here to tell you that I'm the big cheese around here now, and that you all better start paying me a little more respect around these here parts, otherwise I'll bulldoze over this land and turn the whole thing into a Swiss tourist attraction. Those Swiss love big empty parking lots, you know?
Queen Robotnik: Mhmhmhmhmhmhm... so, where do you come from, and where are you going?
Robotnik: Well you see, I'm actually trying to find my way...
Queen Robotnik: YOUR WAY!?! ALWAYS HERE ARE -MY- WAYS!!!
Robotnik: Dont yell at me you comically obese transvestite!!! I'm trying to find a bllluue hedgehog!
Queen Robotnik: Tell me my dear, do you play crrrrrrrroquet?
Robotnik: Actually, I can't stand it...
Queen Robotnik: THEN LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!
The next scene unfolds as Sonic zooms through a croquet field blowing a loud trumpet to signal the start of the games.
The Swatbots march in and take their places as Queen Robotnik and King Snively gracefully make their way to their own positions.
King Snively walks to the podium stand to be seated as the Swatbot on duty there salutes him while Queen Robotnik awaits for Cubot and Orbot to hand him first choice of a ball and mallet.
Cubot is holding a croquet carrying bag filled with cartoon characters from the golden era of animation and Orbot is holding a large sack filled with even more suffocated cartoon animals who are struggling to breathe inside.
Orbot: Here are your freshly picked balls, your majesty.
Cubot: We picked out only the best from the animators dungeon.
Queen Robotnik digs his hand inside the bag Cubot is carrying, Felix the Cat immediately jumps out in fear and tries to run away but then Cubot pulls out a shotgun and shouts "Pull!" as he shoots Felix point blank in the spine! Felix's tail turns into an exclamation mark and his eyes turn to crosses as he lies dead in a pool of his own grey blood with shotgun shells in his back.
Queen Robotnik then pulls out Winnie Woodpecker from the bag and decides to use her as the croquet mallet.
He then gracefully steps aside to allow Robotnik a chance to choose one as well.
Queen Robotnik: Choose your croquet mallet, my dear.
Robotnik: Well it's about damn time, you fat, overweight beast!
Queen Robotnik: What was that!?
Robotnik: *Sarcastically* Nothing your majesty...
Queen Robotnik: Good! Now pick one! Hurry up! We haven't got all day!
Robotnik reaches into the bag and shrieks in pain as something inside bit his finger.
Robotnik: Ow!!
Robotnik pulls out from the bag Woody Woodpecker by the neck who then angrily drills into Robotnik's face before giving off his trademark laugh.
Woody Woodpecker: Hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha! Hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha! Hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha! Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!
Robotnik: You blasted, miserable little tyrant! I'm going to make you eat more dirt than a Polish Pornstar! You third world animated little bastard!
Woody Woodpecker blows a rebellious raspberry in Robotnik's face as Cubot closes the bag and floats away, assuming Robotnik had already made his choice.
Orbot then opens the bag to reach out for a cartoon character to use as a ball.
He first pulls out Goofy by the neck who chuckles "Ya-heeee-heee" before saying "Ummm. nope" and shoving him back in. He then pulls out Jerry Mouse from Tom and Jerry by the tail who struggles diligently to escape.
Orbot: Hmmm... nope again
He shoves Jerry back in and then pulls out Scrappy Doo by the collar who threatens him with fist violence.
Scrappy Doo: Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em! I'll pulverise every one of 'em!
Orbot: Hmm...Not this one.
He shoves Scrappy Doo back into the sack and pulls out Droopy who is dressed like a stereotypical 1920's villain again.
Droopy: Curses... foiled again...
Orbot: I don't think so...
Orbot shoves Droopy back into the bag and then pulls out Brother Bear from The Song of the South by the collar who chuckles and whacks himself idiotically on the head with a mallet.
Brother Bear: Ahyuk-yuk! *whack*
Orbot: Hmm, not after last time..
Orbot drops him back into the bag and then pulls out Wally Walrus from the Woody Woodpecker cartoons who pleads for his life.
Wally Walrus: Oh please, please don't make me go out there. I can't stand a game of croquet, boy yowdy. The swinging always makes me nauseous, and the loud noises claustrophobic.
Orbot: Ah, there we are. Splendid.
Orbot throws Wally Walrus out onto the turf and then seals the giant sack shut before floating away, leaving the Walrus startled and confused.
King Snively then stands up to announce the games.
King Snively: Now then, you each know the rules of the game. Score as many points as you can to win and whoever doesn't lose to his majesty won't be beheaded after the games are over.
The Swatbot besides Snively whispers in his ear to correct his error.
Swatbot: *Whisper whisper whisper whisper...*
King Snively: Oh I beg your pardon. *Ahem* of course I meant to say, anybody who win's other than our majesty would be stripped naked, gang raped by convicted felons and then beaten to death before then being beheaded and then having their beheaded corpse volunteer themselves as a cadaver for our human puppet theatre. I believe this week's performance will be 'The King and I' starring the beheaded corpses of The Duchess and her cook who put on a lovely performance when they performed Hamlet at the theatre last time.
Queen Robotnik becomes fustrated by King Snively's monologue and gives him an angry glare to move things forward.
King Snively: (Sweating with fear) *ahem* Anyway, Let the games begin!
Sonic and several pink heart dotted Swatbots behind him blow trumpets into the air to signalise the start of the game.
Wally Walrus instantly panics and starts to run away as Queen Robotnik chases after him while holding Winnie Woodpecker by the throat. He strikes Wally Walrus hard in the behind with Winnies body and sends him flying into the audience of Swatbots while screaming
Wally Walrus: YOWWWW! My Sweet tooshie-hiney!
The Swatbots make the SFX of bowling pins as they are knocked out of their seats before they're given a chance to flee.
King Snively: Oh, I believe that's one thousand points to our majesty. Let's give him a warm round of applause.
The Swatbots all cheer as Queen Robotnik proudly struts away to his position.
King Snively: And now I believe it's our guests turn to fail. Let us hope he fails miserably and dies of cancer. That way, none of us would be beheaded for taking part in this charade of a game.
Wally Walrus: Ohh, don't let that mad doctor and his crazy little woodpecker near my hiney, he doesn't even have a real medical licence, boy yowdy.
Robotnik: I don't need a licence to practice medicine you poorly animated hermaphrodite!!
Woody Woodpecker: You do in this town, baby! Hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha! Hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha! Hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Pecks Robotnik repeatedly in the nose) Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!
Robotnik: Dohh, You turd burgling monkey wrrench!! One more indiscretion out of you and I'll turn you into a coat hanger!
Robotnik attempts to swing Woody like a golf club at the fleeing Walrus but Woody swings around Robotnik's body and uses his beak to tear Robotnik's pants off instead, causing all of the Swatbots to laugh at his (off camera) exposed genitalia.
Swatbots: Ahhahahahahahahahahaha!!
Robotnik: Dahhh! I haven't felt this much shame since the time Peter denied me my Reeses Pieces.
Scene immediately cuts to Robotnik in a busy supermarket, throwing an extremely childish tantrum and lying on his back in the middle of the floor, crying like a spoilt child because he wants Reese's Pieces chocolate. Peter Griffin is trying to discipline him like a child and calm him down.
Robotnik: I WANT MY REESES PIECES!! WAHHH! WAHHH! WAHHHHHHHHH!!
Peter Griffin: No! No! I told you, you're only getting one candy bar for the ride home and nothin' else before dinner.
Robotnik: IT'S NOT FAIR! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!! WAAHHHHH!!
Peter Griffin: Oh you wanna be like that? You wanna behave like a spoilt brat, I'll treat you like one.
Peter then grabs a dog collar and clips it to the back of Robotnik's neck collar and then drags him out of the store while he lays on his back wailing like a baby.
Robotnik: Noooo! I WANT MY REESES PIECES!! WAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
Scene immediately cuts back to the croquet game where Robotnik reflects on the memory.
Robotnik: Oh, the things I do for a paycheck...
Robotnik then pulls up his pants then grabs Woody out from seemingly his backside as he gets back into the game.
He this time violently grabs Woody by the beak so as to not have a repeat of the same indiscretion and attempts a second time to swing him like a golf club at Wally Walrus's behind.
Woody: Gak!!
Robotnik: You won't screw up my chances of victory this time you diabetic little tyrant! Woa-ak!
Robotnik swings for Wally Walrus but misses him as he flee's away from Robotnik.
Wally Walrus: Yah, you're not going to penetrate my hiney so easily with your tiny little woodpecker, there yodel. I'm staying far away from you.
The Walrus, not looking where he's going runs straight into Queen Robotnik then tumbles to the ground as the Queen then swings Winnie Woodpecker at him and sends him flying into yet another crowd of spectating Swatbots.
Wally Walrus: Ya-heeeeeee-heeeeee-yooowwwww!! -CRASH-
This time, fireworks and confetti trigger out of the ground as Wally Walrus crashes into the spectating crowd of Swatbots.
King Snively: Oh, and yet another thousand and one points for our dear majesty. That brings the total score so far to two thousand and one points for the home team and one point to our guest for his amusing little indiscretion. *Ahem-hem-hem*
Robotnik: I'll give you an amusing little indiscretion you Taiwanese garden gnome. Now... (Robotnik prepares to swing Woody Woodpecker with accuracy) ...let me see if I can time this rrright...
Robotnik is about to swing but all of a sudden Woody bites down on his finger causing him to scream in pain.
Robonik: YAAAOOOWWWWWW! You third world miserable little tyrant!
Woody Woodpecker: Hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha! Hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha! Hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha! Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!
Woody runs around in circles while Robotnik nursing his finger tries to keep up with him. Robotnik then pulls out a giant wooden croquet mallet out from his underwear and proceeds to chase him with it.
Robotnik: Come back here you little pest!! ...wait a minute?
Robotnik then gives up chasing after Woody and runs towards Wally Walrus with the large mallet.
Wally Walrus: Boy yonkers! I'm not gonna let you penetrate me with that. You'll cause a big ruckus and i'll be needing a donut ring to sit down again for sure.
Robotnik: Stop your whining you little beast, and come back here so I can hit you with my big stick already.
Wally Walrus: No, you keep your big stick away from me, and other sexual innuendos like that.
Robotnik whacks the Walrus hard up the ass with the croquet mallet and sends him flying in pain into Sleet and Dingo from Sonic Underground, who were supposed to be the game paramedics.
Wally Walrus: Yaaaahhhh, boy howdy!!
Sleet: Ohh, look out Dingo!!
-CRASH!!-
Wally Walrus lays stricken on top of Sleet and Dingo which infuriates the Queen as it means Robotnik scored a decent point for hitting the paramedics.
Queen Robotnik: How dare you fail to cheat in time. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!!
Dingo: Aww, come on!
Sleet: Oh no, please your majesty! Dingo and I are engaged. We were about to become newlyweds after the game was over.
Dingo: We even had our honeymoon planned in Rome.
Queen Robotnik: ROME!?! That's absolutely disgusting! Off with their heads!! And make sure their whiskers are off too!
Sleet: Ohh no, but your majesty, please.
Swatbots come and carry Sleet and Dingo away as they plead for their lives.
Dingo: Ya see, Sleet. I told you we Polish don't get healthcare in Wonderland.
Sleet: I'll Wonderland you, Dingo!
They then share a passionate kiss as they're dragged to the guillotine where they're placed in between Jack Skellington from The Nightmare before Christmas and Roger Smith from American Dad.
Jack: Why hello there fellows, glad you could join us. We were just in the middle of a game. Now where were we... Oh yes. I spy with my little eye, ...something with the letter 'I'.
Roger: Hmmm, is it 'Pie'?
Jack: Correct!
Jack spontaneously pulls out a hot apple pie from behind his back pocket and hands it to Roger who applaudes at himself excitedly.
Roger: Yay! I won again. Y'know I really shouldn't be eating my third helping but what the hell, we're all going to die here anyway. Might as well chow down.
Roger then begins to scoff down the pie with his hands as the scene then cuts back to Queen Robotnik strutting away proudly again, failing to notice The Cheshire Cat appear oh his backside to converse with Robotnik some more.
Cheshire Cat: I say old bean, how are you getting on?
Robotnik: Well, I just got two Polish workers deported back to where ever the hell they came from so I must be doing something rrright.
Cheshire Cat: I beg your pardon?
Robotnik: I said I just got those miserable bastards deported! How many more times do you need me to say it!?
Queen Robotnik: And just who are YOU talking to, my dear!?
Robotnik: Mind your own business, you ungrreatful wretch. This damn games rigged anyway! (Robotnik throws his croquet mallet down in frustration).
Queen Robotnik: Rigged!? How dare you accuse me of such a thing! I knocked over those spectators fair and square.
Robotnik: You ain't foolin' me, Humpty!
Queen Robotnik: Humpty!? I won't stand for this. Guards! Place this terrorist under arrest for treason, and have that annoying Walrus beheaded also.
Swatbot: Yes, your majesty!
Wally Walrus: Ohh I knew this day would be coming... (Swatbots snatch him by the arms and drag him away as he attempts to flee) ...Remember me as I was, an offensive, pointless cameo from a cartoon nobody remembers, ya?
the camera then cuts to Roger Smith licking another pie plate clean while Sleet and dingo sit there bored waiting to be beheaded.
Roger: Boy I am full, there is no way I can eat another piece of this pie.
Jack: Ok, I spy with my little eye, something containing the letter 'e'.
Roger: *Gasp* Lemme guess, It's Pie isn't it.
Jack: Correct!
Jack pulls out another blueberry pie and hands it to Roger.
Roger: OMG Yay! I'm so good at this!!
Robotnik now finds himself in handcuffs, placed on trial in a large courtroom before the Queen and a large jury made up of miscellaneous cartoon cameos.
In the jury are:
Professor Von Schlemmer
The Mad Hatter from Alice Madness Returns
Brother Bear from Song of the South
Wolverine from The X-men
Freakazoid
Ace Ventura - Pet Detective (The animated version)
The animated version of Mr. Bean
Wooldoor Sockbat from Drawn Together
I. R. Baboon
Saddam Hussein from South Park
Professor Farnsworth from Futurama
Chef Skinner from Ratatouille
-
Luann Van Houten from The Simpsons (Milhouse Van Houten's mother)
The farmer from Courage the Cowardly Dog
Carl Fredricksen from UP
Chun Li from Street Fighter
The Genie from Aladdin
Syndrome from The Incredibles
The Arbiter from Halo
Morpheus from The Matrix
The Japanese SegaSonic version of Dr. Eggman
Dr. Warpnik (Dr. Robotnik's cousin)
Dr. Neo Cortex from the Crash Bandicoot series
Michael, the head of the South Park goth kids group
-
The Spy from Team Fortress 2
Bonkers the Bobcat
Jafar from Aladdin
Cruella de Vil
Maleficent
Lord Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Jay Leno
Squidward from Spongebob Squarepants
Dr. Zitbag and Horrifido from Dr. Zitbag's Transylvania Pet Shop
Patty and Selma from The Simpsons
Edna Mode from The Incredibles
Dug and the other three dogs from UP
-
The Crow from Fritz the Cat
The Grim Reaper from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Totoro and his little Totoro from My Neighbour Totoro
Lena Hyena powdering her nose and applying makeup before admiring her toothy face in the mirror, causing it to shatter.
The Police Chief from Freakazoid holding yet another cheeseburger and soda
Mushu from Mulan
Deadpool
Professor Genki from the Saints Row series
Mickey Mouse
Droopy dressed as a bellhop
Yakko from The Animaniacs
The Queen of Hearts from Disney's Alice in Wonderland
-
on the balcony above:
The Mask from The Mask Animated Series
The Squirrel from Ice Age
The Jew Producer from Drawn Together
The March Hare from Disney's Alice in Wonderland
The Weasel in the straight jacket from Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Tom Nook from Animal Crossing
The hunter from All this and Rabbit Stew's Looney Tunes sketch.
The Tim Burton version of The Queen of Hearts
Magica De Spell
and Captain Pete from Kingdom Hearts
Sonic is standing by with Swatbots across the room as they stand guard. Orbot and Cubot stand besides the podium as defence witnesses.
There's chatter and gossip amongst the jury as Queen Robotnik bangs down on his hammer to commence with the trial.
King Snively: *Ahem* Members of the jury and Toons of all ages. Before our trial can begin we asked each of you to come up with a verdict on our guilty suspect. I trust you have one prepared?
Freakazoid stands up in the crowd to address the King.
Freakazoid: Yes your honour, we find the defendant guilty as charged.
King Snively: Excellent. Then we can proceed with the trial.
Robotnik: You can proceed to bend over and take my foot up your arses if you think that's how a trail should be carried out!
King Snively: We make the rules in this world, boy. And in this world, Queen Robotnik and the jury decides who is guilty and who's innocent. Though, I never did trust the verdict on that serial killer who makes the Queen's tarts every morning...
The camera then cuts to the window where the serial killer from Too Many Cooks is holding the Queens tarts with oven mitts while dressed like a chef and chuckling to himself in the corner while the Too Many Cooks theme song plays again.
"And you've got, Too many cooks, too many cooks. Too many cooks, too many cooks..."
Queen Robotnik: Well then, lets get on with the trial!
Voice: NOT SO FAST!!
Everyone turns their attention to the entrance where Momma Robotnik storms into the courtroom to interrupt the sentence.
Robotnik: MOMMA, YOU FOUND ME!!
Momma Robotnik marches into the courtroom to stand by her son on trial.
Momma Robotnik: Nobody accuses my cuddly-wuddly poopsiekins of being guilty, without going through -ME- first!
Everyone in the courtroom besides Queen Robotnik giggles to themselves.
Robotnik: You're embarrassing me, Momma.
Momma Robotnik: You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I love all of my boys, isn't that right, sonnies?
Momma Robotnik turns her attention to the Beagle Boys from DuckTales who are in the audience rowdily cheering.
Beagle Boys: Yeah! Thats our Momma! You tell 'em, ma!
Queen Robotnik bangs down on his hammer.
Queen Robotnik: Order in the court!!
Orbot: Your majesty, we believe its time to call in our first witness.
Queen Robotnik: hmph! very well, bring in the first witness!
Mike Wazowski is escorted on stage by Swatbots before one of them kicks him like a football directly into the witness stand.
Mike: Ow! Right in the tooshie!
Queen Robotnik: Order! Order I say! -Bangs down on the hammer repeatedly- Now, proceed with your opening statement!
Mike: *Ahem* Ok, well, first of all, hello. I'm Mike Wazowski. I'm playing the role of the March Hare. (Scene cuts to The March Hare in the jury who shoves the person next to him with his elbow while raising his eyebrows) I hope you're all enjoying the show so far and I'd like to stress, absolutely that I...
Queen Robotnik: NEVERMIND ALL THAT!! We just need you to point out the guilty suspect in this room!
Mike: Well ok, let me see. There's ...that guy (points to Saddam Hussein), ...that guy (points to Captain Pete), that guy (points to Lord Frollo), that guy (points to Jafar) ...oh and that guy! (Points to Dr. Robotnik)
Robotnik: Well its about time you got to me, you comedic outcast!
Momma Robotnik: Shhh, Sonny!
Robotnik: Well the little green bastard kept me waiting long enough, Momma!
King Snively: And of those guilty suspects, would you say Dr. Robotnik's crimes are the most heinous?
Mike: Oh, definately. He crashed our party uninvited, stole our tarts and biscuits and didn't even have the nerve to sing along with us during King Candy's unbirthday.
Robotnik: THATS A LIE! I NEVER TOUCHED THOSE BISCUITS!!!
Queen Robotnik: ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT I SAY!!
Robotnik: FUCK YOU!!
Queen Robotnik: One more indiscretion out of you and you'll be forced to watch every episode of Joey back to back until you go completely senile with boredom.
Robotnik: Ohhh I'm shaking in my boots.
Momma Robotnik: Sonny! Don't make me beat you over the head with a flashlight like I did with your half brother, Gregory.
Robotnik: It's not my fault Onision doesn't call Momma, he's too busy being gay and wearing makeup on the internet to take part in my evil schemes.
Momma Robotnik: Well you shouldn't make fun of his mannerisms anyway. It's no wonder none of your brothers want to spend any quality time with you.
Robotnik: He's an effeminate pansy. That's what he is!
King Snively bangs a small wooden cup on the desk to get the courts attention.
King Snively: Dr. Robotnik. It seems you have a distinct lack of respect for authority. Do you believe you're somehow better than everyone else around you? That you're above all the rules here in Wonderland?
Robotnik: Of course I do you whiny little beast. I'm the protagonist after all.
Robotnik then turns to Sonic and blows a childish raspberry at him, causing him to boil with envy.
King Snively: Mm-hmm, and how do you find our Queen?
Robotnik takes a second to pause then shouts: HEEEEE'SSS GAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
Queen Robotnik: Thats enough of that! Anymore outbursts of the kind and your head will be off first thing tomorrow morning.
The scene immediately cuts back to Roger, Jack, Sleet, Dingo and Wally Walrus on the guillotines while Roger stuffs his face with more pie.
Roger: Uhhh, now I really can't manage another bite...
Jack: Are you sure? Because I spy with my little eye, something that contains the letter "p".
Dingo: ...Is it pie?
Jack: Correct!
Jack hands Dingo a raspberry pie.
Dingo: Ah wow! Look at that Sleet, a pie of my very own!
Roger: Now wait a second, thats not fair. I've been here way longer than these two stooges.
Walrus: Can I be guessing the next one?
Jack: Of course you can.
The camera then pans out a little further to reveal that Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama was their executioner, standing by for the orders to behead them, but instead he takes off his executioner's mask to make friendly banter with them.
Zoidberg: I hope you've saved room for Zoidberg!
The scene immediately cuts back to the courtroom where Robotnik is yelling at the Queen in unprovoked retaliation.
Robotnik: Don't tell me what to do, you child molesting hermaphrodite!! Go jump off the tallest bridge in India and die of lou gehrig's disease!!
Queen Robotnik: India!? thats absolutely preposterous! bring in the next witness!
King Candy is then escorted onto the stage while the Swatbots behind him march like Nazi soldiers. One of them gives him a kick up the arse and then turns around to walk off.
King Candy: WOOOAAAHHHHhhhh-hoo-hoo! Oh my!
Queen Robotnik bangs on his hammer in anger.
Queen Robotnik: Thats enough of that! Off with his head!!
The rebellious Swatbot gives the Queen the middle finger before leaving the courtroom, completely unmoved by his threat.
Queen Robotnik: Hmph, juvenile delinquent!
King Snively: So tell me, where we you when these horrible transgressions took place?
King Candy: Why, I was at home of course, today y'know is my unbirthday!
Queen Robotnik: It is!?
Mike Wazowski; It is!?
Robotnik: Oh no...
All of a sudden everyone besides Dr. Robotnik in the courtroom including his own mother spontaneously cheer and sing to King Candy, wishing him a merry unbirthday.
Everyone: Aaaaaaaa very merry unbirthday!
King Candy: To me!?
Everyone: To you! A very merry unbirthday!
King Candy: For me!?
Everyone: For you!
Cruella de Vil: Now blow the candles out my dear and make your wish come true.
King Candy blows out the candles for the cake he was just handed by Swatbots as it explodes into fireworks, revealing a gift wrapped present he tears open to reveal a nice, shiny new golden crown.
Everyone: A very merry unbirthday, tooooooooooo-oooooooooooo yoooouuuuuuuuu!
Robotnik sits there sulking in the corner, refusing to take part in the celebration while everyone else applauds and cheers.
King Candy: Ohh myyy.
Mike Wazowski still sitting in the witness stand notices Robotnik not taking part in the celebration and points him out for it.
Mike: He's still not singing along!!
Queen Robotnik: AFTER HIM!!!
With little given warning, the crowd immediately turns on Robotnik as everyone chases him out of the courtroom while he uncuffs himself and runs away screaming.
Robotnik: Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
A chase scene unfolds as all of the jury lead by Magica De Spell, the entire army of Swatbots and everyone else in the courtroom chase Robotnik through the Queens hedge maze, Scooby Doo style
Dr. Robotnik leaps over a heart shaped hedge and through the tree portal which lead him into Queensland, only to then find himself caught up in Wes Weasley's caucus race again, only this time is joined by all of the previous cameos he's met so far, including Stewart Ashens, Wes Weasley, Bugs Bunny, Ursula, Scratch, Grounder, Coconuts, Cruella de Vil, The Jew Producer, a naked Dexter from Dexter's Lab in a diaper and Scrooge McDuck.
Everyone: Onwards, outwards, inwards, outwards, here we go again! No one ever loses and no one can ever win. Onwards, outwards, inwards, outwards, racing to the top. We'll be dry in no time as we win this caucus race.
Robotnik attempts to flee from the group only trips over a twig and find himself flung into the arms of The Mad Hatter, The March Hare and The Dormouse from Alice Madness Returns as they try and force him into one of the giant spider infested cups of tea from American McGee's Alice.
March Hare: Well its about time, you're late for your tea and supper, Laddie.
Robotnik: Dahh! Calm your tits! I told you Toys R Us terrorists, I only drink Earl grey!
Mad Hatter: Nonsense! If you knew tea as well as I, you wouldn't dream of wasting it!
They throw him into the giant cup of tea which sends him wailing in pain as he floats towards another part of the beach where he see's a portal with the sleeping doorknob from the earlier rabbit hole scene floating through the end of it. Broken clocks and floating dining chairs litter the scenery around him.
Queen Robotnik notices Robotnik and calls the others to his position.
Queen Robotnik: There he is, after him! Off with his head!
Robotnik runs through the portal up to the doorknob and struggles to reach it as time seemingly slows down as he approaches. He manages to reach the door but can't get it open as the doorknob just chuckles at his meager attempt to open the door.
Doorknob: Ohhohohoh, still locked, you know?
Robotnik: Well shut up and unlock yourself you worthless gimp! Those Lily Savage loving pirates want to behead me!
As he says this, the angry rampaging crowd is drawing ever closer to him.
Doorknob: Hmmm? If you'll want to be heading outside that's quite impossible, for you see, you already are outside.
Robotnik: Whaaaat?
Doorknob: See for yourself.
The doorknob opens his mouth and Robotnik takes a peak inside to witness himself back on the riverband sleeping besides Dinah.
Doorknob: You've been sleeping like a baby this entire time, you know?
Robotnik: In that case, I suppose I better take drastic measures.
As the crowd approaches Robotnik, he spontaneously pulls out giant barrels of dynamite from his left pocket along with his own world's version of Grounder attached to the plunger again.
Grounder: Hiya, Dr. Robotnik!
Robotnik: Shut up, you fool!
Robotnik attempts to blow the portal sky high as everyone closes their eyes and plugs their ears with their finger, only this time Robotnik discovers the fuse is faulty.
Robotnik: Oh blast! I'm out of matches!
Robotnik turns to King Candy and the rest of the crowd before him.
Robotnik: Errr pardon me, my good fellow. do any of you mentally retarded stool pigeons happen to have a match on you, by any chance?
King Candy searches his pockets then sadly shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders, to which every single person behind him does the exact same thing.
Just when all hope seems to be lost, Fix it Felix Jr. pops his hand out from the far distance while holding a match and calls out to him.
Fix it Felix: I've got one!
Everyone in the crowd claps and applaudes Felix as he proudly struts to the front of the crowd with a smirk on his face to hand the match over to Robotnik who then snatches it from him, not impressed by his attitude whatsoever.
Robotnik: Give me that!!
Winnie the Pooh, Piglet, Owl, Chris-Chan, Sonichu, The Queen and everyone else crowd around Robotnik curiously as he lights the match on top of Grounders head, seemingly all ignorant to the fact they're crowding around lit explosives.
A huge explosion then triggers and blows Robotnik and everyone else sky high, causing the real Robotnik's head to spontaneously explode while the Wonderland version of Robotnik and all of the other characters go flying through the sky and into Mount Rushmore, recreating the scene from the Trail Mix up Roger Rabbit short where the monument heads scream in terror before the characters blast right through them.
As they plough through the very scene, Robotnik and several other cartoon characters end up flying through the wall in a pile of flames and rubble and crash land into a real life film set, ruining the scene and causing the director to scream "CUT! CUT! CUT!!"
Baby Herman from who framed Roger Rabbit was sitting besides the director smoking a cigar while wearing a robe while beautiful women massage him, indicating that this entire story was a film being shot in real life with cartoon actors.
Baby Herman: What the hell was wrong with That take!?
Raoul: Nothing with you Baby Herman, you were perfect, you were better than perfect! Its Robotnik, he keeps blowing his lines! Robotnik read the script! It says Robotnik blows up the portal and the door, goes flying into the Hollywood sign and crashes all over the studio, not the face of Mount Rushmore for Gods sakes!!
Raoul storms off kicking and screaming in a foul temper, knowing this blunder has cost his studio a fortune
Raoul: Look at this mess, clean this set up! Lose the lights! Someone say lunch! *Lunch* Thats lunch!...
Everyone walks off set while Robotnik stumbles away struggling to get broken debris out from around his neck collar. Baby Herman picks up his robe while storming off angrily with a cigar in his mouth, grumbling to himself.
Baby Herman: I'll tell ya, thats the last time I works with amateurs.
As he's about to leave the real Alice from Disney's Alice in Wonderland stops him whilst holding a red balloon.
Alice: Oh pardon me, Mr. Herman, sir, but I believe you forgot something.
Baby Herman takes one look at the red balloon and then pops it with his cigar, causing Alice to shriek in fear while he sadistically bursts out laughing.
Baby Herman: Ahahahahahaa! Whats the matter, doll? Afraid of a little... Bang?
The end credits then roll as the theme tune to the real Alice in Wonderland plays and it depicts scenes from the story that just happened.
-Robotnik lying peacefully in the grass with Dinah.
-Robotnik falling through the rabbit hole with the Coonskin cast and Fat Albert upside down.
-Robotnik in the caucus race being crowned king by the KKK Disney group.
-Robotnik with Stewie and Chris Griffin as they sing to him.
-Robotnik being molested by Lena Hyena while an angrily Sonic gets his whip and cane out.
-Robotnik chopping down the flowers psychotically with an axe in the flower garden.
-Robotnik talking with Ursula from The Little Mermaid while she sits on her giant mushroom next to her hookah pipe holding two mushroom pieces.
-Robotnik talking with The Cheshire Cat.
-Robotnik at the tea party with King Candy, Sour Bill, Mike Wazowski and The White Queen, scared by Sonic's presence as they try and fix his pocket watch.
-Robotnik chasing the Wally Walrus with the croquet mallet as crowds of spectating Swatbots cheer in the distance.
-Robotnik in the courtroom besides his mother, arguing with Queen Robotnik over his sentence.
-Roger Smith eating more blueberry pie and licking the plate clean as everyone else in their guillotines just sits there and watches.
The credits stop rolling and the scene fades to the now darkened and empty movie set with Roger Rabbit coming out of the animators room drunk and hungover, drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels with a brown trenchcoat draped over his back.
Roger: Boy, they're not payin' me enough for this gig... Boy I'll tell ya... Jeepers...
The scene then fades to black to show this final disclaimer:
In tribute to Disney's Alice in Wonderland, 1951.
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll.
Made by "TheCrimsonEmo" Ashton Godfrey.
This is purely an adult work of fiction and fan tribute to the original creators.
All characters depicted in this story belong to their respected studios, copyrighted.
The End.
