Meal 27
"You'll be safe in here," Wolfcub told the unconscious Thomas as she tucked him away in a cave. "All hell seems to be breaking loose outside, but it'll be ok. I'll be back for you shortly."
Carefully looking around, Wolfcub made certain there was nobody else around and quickly made her way back to Jokull. Panting heavily and wiping the sweat off her forehead she stared at the warped world around her. "Is all of this real or just due to dehydration?" she asked herself. "It might be a good idea to cool down with a refreshing drink about now. It feels like it has been getting hotter."
Flames burst out in front of Wolfcub stopping her in her tracks and causing her body to produce a new layer of sweat on her fat body. The flames quickly spread around the area around her creating a ring with a ten meter radius. The flames only came up to her waist, but as she approached the edge the flames at that spot roared hotter and higher, blocking off her escape.
"Seems I've fallen into a trap," she panted feeling her clothes stick to her from all her perspiration. "But who set it?"
"Buenosss diasss, mi gorda chica," answered a suave Hispanic voice. Turning around, Wolfcub discovered it was a large, red, lizard, dressed with a sombrero on his head, and a poncho draped over his body. He slowly approached Wolfcub, his tail sliding side to side as he moved. "You look so lovely in this heat. I am truly lucky to be the first to find you. Now I will not have to share."
"So you intend to find me one-on-one," she replied as she drew her dagger. "Just don't expect me to be one of those damsels in distress types."
"I'm afraid you are the one who is mistaking, senorita," he explained. "This is not a fight. It's a barbecue and you are the main course. And I am the chef. You may call me Salazar."
"Fine, Salazar," she answered. "I am Wolfcub and I can handle a little fire."
"Then I'll just have to kick it up a notch," he retorted, embers coming out of his maw.
The next day, the boy awoke well rested. The old lady had another wonderful meal waiting for him to which he quickly got to work eating. She watched in amazement. She had prepared much more food than she normally did for a single visitor and in time, he managed to devour it all on his own.
"How are my dearies doing?" asked Obamon as she went outside and saw Guilmon and Renamon playfully sliding down the obese mountain that was Krystal. The engorged Miltank was smiling brightly as she admiring the plump, little, butterballs enjoying her obesity.
"Hello Obamama," Renamon called as she tumbled down to greet her with a hug. "We met Ms. Krystal outside and she's been playing with us."
"Pway! Pway!" cheered Guilmon as he bouncing on her massive breasts like he was on a moon bounce."
"I'm glad you both are having such a wonderful time," she stated rubbing Renamon's large paunch. "I bet you both are working up quite the appetite."
"Yuppers," she answered with a smile. "Can't wait to see what you and Anikitty have been working one. Where is Anikitty anyway?"
"He's indisposed at the moment so I am sorry to say he might not be back for some time, but he said to eat double for him."
"I'll eat till I pop then," she replied patting her belly making it jiggle.
"That's my girl," Obamon said. "Well, I still got a bit more to work on before it will be time to eat. Until then I will leave Krystal in charge so stay close to her. And most of all have fun."
"We will, Obamama," called Renamon as she hurried over to leap into Krystal's lard. She managed to trampoline off it and belly flop onto Guilmon resulting in every inch of Krystal jiggling like jelly. The massive Miltank let out a giggle as she enjoyed their tomfoolery.
Obamon walked back into her cottage licking her lips and letting drool drip down her chins. She wiped it off with her apron then took out the book from her apron and opened it. Most of the pages had been ripped out and gently, Obamon ripped out another and then took out a match and lit it. She set the page on fire and watched it burn to ashes. She let go of the page as the flames neared her finger tips and watched as the ashes vanished before touching the ground. "There must not be much left in that world with all the pages that I've burned. If they have even had a moment to take notice I'm certain they are in a frenzy to find a way out. Sadly, all their efforts are merely just entertainment for me, like a dozen chickens running around with their heads cut off. No matter how hard they try they won't get anywhere and in the end they will all end up the same way; dead."
After having his fill, the boy thanked the old lady and with a full stomach went on his way through the forest to meet with his friends. Once again the old lady was sad to see another visitor go so soon.
Flying in circles and darting left and right, Vic and Ivy darted around the FSM as its spaghetti strands attempted to wrap around them and stuff into their bellies. Using Flamethrower they attempted to turn the spaghetti brittle and become useless, but just as fast as they could destroy it, more strands grew in its place.
"Come on now," taunted the FSM. "I'm sure you can beat me if you try that again."
"We're not getting anywhere at this rate," stated Ivy. "His regeneration is unreal. I've never seen anything that even comes close."
"Nothing can regenerate forever," stated Vic. "There has to be some part that controls the regeneration and if we can stop that we can kill it."
"Very observant of you," the Flying Spaghetti Monster commented. "But that is something I will never reveal to the likes of you."
"Any ideas?" asked Ivy. "At this rate we'll just keep fighting till we run out of strength."
"Maybe one, but it's risky and I'd save it for a last resort," he answered. He cautiously whispered into Ivy's ear and in surprise she fell out of rhythm for her flying for a moment.
"You can't be serious," she cried. "I mean, it might work, but what about you?"
"No time to worry about one person when everyone is in danger," he told her. "This world is coming undone. We don't have time to deal with endless regeneration. Just back me up and promise not to stop me no matter how bad it looks."
After a quiet moment she answered. "I promise."
"Knock, knock, knock," shouted the Flying Spaghetti Monster. "If you two are done with your private conversation then how's about we get back to fighting." The monster extended its strands out and started molding the strands together into axes and maces. He then began spinning around and moved towards the two Lugias. Splitting up, they rode the wind to dodge and weave the attacks, but it left no room to counter and all the time the maniacal creep just laughed.
"What's so funny?" asked Vic. "You haven't touched us yet."
"You think I've been trying too?" he chortled. "I just let you think you were fast enough. If you were afraid of my speed you'd stay at a safe distance and while I could easily just wear you down bit by bit, but that hardly suits my style of fighting. I prefer to have earned my victory." Fast as lightning, it's spaghetti strands surrounded them leaving no openings for them to escape. They exchanged quick glances before they were both entangled with the spaghetti and pulled into its body. The monster bound their bodies from head to tail. They couldn't even speak let alone breathe as their throats were strangled. "See what I mean?" He struck them with his axe and mace appendages over and over, battering and bruising their bodies. "This is much more satisfying, but you know what will be a total rush? Strangling the life out of you while crushing your bodies as small as I can make them. How about we give that a try? First let's cut the space in half." Retracting his body back into himself, the strands of spaghetti tightened around them. Garbled sounds of pain were caught in their throats. "Mmm, yes very delicious, your agony is. How about we cut the space in half again?" As the space shrank more, their bones creaked as their bindings tightened further. Blood couldn't circulate and limbs were threatening to pop out of their sockets. "So close! Once more and you'll be burst like a pair of bloody water balloons." The Flying Spaghetti Monster tightened some more followed by a nauseating crushing sound.
Later that day, the old lady was surprised to hear a knock at the door. She thought it to be another visitor, but instead it was the same boy. Despite trying to leave the forest he had ended up back at her cottage again, hungry again for more of her food.
Guitar was strummed, drums were pounded on, and keytar was fingered as Vincent battled Rhodes and Donavin in a musical battle. "I can't believe Obamon turned you," he cried. "We came here to save everyone and stop her. You can't let her control you."
"Who says she is?" argued Rhodes. "Maybe you were the one who was controlling us"
"Yeah," agreed Donavin. "And when it was inconvenient for you, you abandoned us. You allowed Obamon to devour us."
"I take full responsibility," he admitted. "I underestimated her too many times and I got devoured too."
"And you managed to escape her," added Donavin. "You left us behind and now we're going to get our revenge." Striking on his drums, he sent a shockwave into the ground causing it to crack in a straight line towards Vincent. Moving quickly, he managed to get out of the way, but saw the endless space that was beneath the ground.
"I wasn't even aware I escaped until it was already too late," he explained. "I didn't have a chance and taking my life will not change that."
"But it's what Obamon wants and that's enough for us," Rhodes retorted and hit a few keys on his keytar and fired blades from his instrument. Vincent sent a shockwave of sound out his guitar to deflect them, then lifted up his instrument and swung it at them like a sword. Rhodes struck back in a similar manner. Donavin wielded his drum like a shield thrusting it at Vincent and managed to hit his side. The force was amplified and blasted him quite a distance to the frozen armadillo.
Struggling back to his feet, Vincent saw them fast approaching him again. "Bad enough I have to fight them both at once," he coughed. "Obamon sure gave them a lot more power and I'm still tired from earlier. I may not be able to beat them on my own, but they are right. It is my fault for letting them down. I will find a way to save them." Looking up at the towering dillo and both of them closer and closer with each step he started to climb, digging his nails into the ice.
"Where are you going?" called Donavin. "Running away scared?"
"I just thought it'd be a lot of fun to have one of our jam sessions up here. Think of it like a last request to me and everyone else," he explained. "It's looking more and more obvious that there is nothing that can be done to defeat Obamon so why not end this with a bang?"
"I suppose we could do at least that much," commented Rhodes. "It'd be the last chance we ever get to play together and you do play a mean guitar."
"Then let's make it official," shouted Vincent to the heavens. "Our farewell concert." He stood atop Dillon's head and tuned his guitar as Rhodes and Donavin took their positions and did the same. The tension they had been feeling between one another faded as the nostalgia of their band reuniting filled them with the warm fuzzies, if just for this short time. "This world is coming to an end, but I haven't felt this peaceful in a long time." Turning to his friends, he took a deep breath and nodded to them. "Let's rock out! One! Two! One! Two! Three! Four!!!"
The old lady invited the boy back into her home and fixed him up another meal and once again he ate every last bite. "Are you sure you got lost?" she joked. "And you just didn't want to come back for my delicious cooking?" "I just might have," the young boy answered patting his gut and giving a yawn. Seeing the sleepy look in his eyes, the old lady carried him to bed to take a nap.
"Let Zane go now!" demanded the Golden Retriever to Wolf's Bane. "Don't make me use my secret weapon!"
"Bwa ha ha!" he laughed. "Go ahead and try your best. You don't scare me you overstuffed turkey!"
"Then you leave me no choice," he answered pulling out a strange bone-like boomerang. "Behold my ultimate weapon, the Bonerang! When I use this it is a sure-fire kill attack. It has never let me down." Getting into his throwing stance he tossed it with all his might at Wolf's Bane. It spun fiercely towards its target, but all the villainous dog did was laugh. As it came to him, he merely stepped to the side to avoid the Bonerang and watched it fly off.
"What are you going to do now?" he snickered. "It missed and I can just as easily dodge it when it comes back around or perhaps you planned to miss me so I wouldn't expect it when it comes back."
"The joke's on you!" laughed Logan. "The Bonerang doesn't come back. You must be confusing it with a boomerang, but thanks for leaving yourself open!" Bruce turned to see the massively fat dog body slam on top of him. He lost his grip on Zane, allowing the small Pokemon to tumble out of his grasp before he got smooshed flat underneath the hero. "Haha! I pinned ya!"
"Get your fat gut off my fat gut!" snapped Bruce as he shoved Logan off of him and grabbed his thorn whip. He cracked it once in the air and then snapped it at Logan, wrapping it around his body. The spikes dug into his flesh and made him left out howls of pain that were quickly muffled as Wolf Bane used his whip the slam him into the ground over and over again.
"Why can't I fly or use my superpowers?" Logan moaned helplessly. "The only answer can be that there is Derpinite around here, my one weakness besides processed bacon and tofu. Also, sticky bus seats, sugar free candy, and old lady kisses. Not to mention Tuesdays that come on an odd number and atomic burritos. And I think I'm allergic to television show reruns not on their channel of origin. And I shouldn't leave out that..."
"Shut up with your endless babbling!" roared Bruce. He changed his tactics from slamming Logan into the ground to spinning him round and round faster and faster till he was a red and yellow blur.
"But spinning makes me sick," moaned Logan, his face turning green. "I'm gonna blow chunks."
"Don't you dare," hissed Bruce as he cracked the whip and sent Logan flying into a cliff and smashing into it. "I don't need and dog vomit on my whip."
"You fell for it!" laughed the Golden Retriever as he walked out of the debris. "I fooled you into letting me go." His face started to turn green and sick again. "Um, just one moment." He ran off out of sight, but the sound of retching was easily audible. Moments later he came back like nothing happened. "Fooled you completely."
"Gross," stated Bruce. "Well the warm up round is now over. How's about we get serious?"
"I'm always super serious!" shouted Logan as he flew at Bruce with all his might.
"I'll believe that when you beat me!" yelled Bruce as he flew at Logan just as fast. As they came within reach of one another they both swung a crushing blow at once another.
The cycle of events repeated day after day. The boy would wake up to have breakfast and then leave to be on his way. Sometime later, he would return, unable to find his way out of the forest and return to the old lady who was ready with another meal for him. She was concerned that he could not find his way out, but was also happy to see him return.
A puddle of perspiration was at Wolfcub's feet. Her breathing was quick from the burning hot air and her fur was glistening with sweat. Her clothes were soaked and uncomfortably sticky. Wiping her forehead dry, she charged once more at Salazar with dagger in hand, but the lizard merely dodged her attacks in a manner more like they were dancing together.
"You move so divine my dear," he told her in a suave voice. "And you are glowing with absolute radiance."
"Shut up and take this seriously!" she snapped.
"Oh, but I am," he answered. "I just prefer not to hurt such a beauty. I'll just watch as you slowly fade away in the heat of my passion."
"Not in this lifetime," she answered, throwing her dagger and nailing him in the chest. "And I like my busty figure and would prefer not to sweat it all off."
Pulling the dagger out of his chest, the wound healed up till it was gone. "Resist all you like, but nothing escapes the flames of love," he wooed. "They are flames that nobody can extinguish and will consume you in the end. Until then, come at me with all the passion you have."
"You want to see passion," she barked and pulled out some more daggers. "Fine! How's this for passion?"
"Oh, very wonderful, mi chica," he answered pulling out the daggers as he started walking forward. The stab wounds healed instantly and as the daggers the ground they splattered into liquid metal. "Such a roaring fire inside of you. It woos me even more. You shall be mine!"
"Stay away," Wolfcub told him. "Not another step closer." She backed up to keep her distance from the enormous heat source, but soon she was against the wall of flames. They roared up higher and the blazing heat was just like a wall at her back. She looked at the flames behind her and then back at Salazar, but when she looked she saw him right in front of her. Before she could react he had his arms around her in a loving hug. The heat that flowed over her body sweating profusely. The moisture dripped from her body adding the already considerable amount she already sweated. Wolfcub could not even struggle against the lizard as her energy left her body along with her moisture. She was helpless to do anything besides lean into Salazar's loving embrace and burning presence. Her vision was fading and her mind was spinning.
"You are so lovely, chica," Salazar said. "You are like a flower at its pinnacle, but now you are going to wilt before my eyes. Your death shall be one more beautiful than any other." Wolfcub's eyes slowly closed as she neared losing consciousness. "Pity all your allies will not be so lucky. They lack your great beauty and die as the ugly cretins they are. It is great fortune that I have confronted you before I had to sully my hands on them." Wolfcub could not hear his words anymore as the heat had dulled her senses. "Nearly lifeless now. So precious, and delicate in my hands. I must plant a kiss on your delicate lips." Placing his lips on hers, he gave her a kiss as romantic as any other. As he did, Wolfcub's eyes opened and with a sudden burst of strength forced an end to the kiss and then shoved him away.
"Gross! Nasty!" she spat trying to rid her mouth of the lizard's saliva. "I have never felt so grossed out in my life!"
"But my love," he pleaded. "It was a kiss of my burning passion. How can such a beautiful thing be so horrid to you?"
"Those were the same lips that you used to insult my friends," she cried. "To me your mouth is the vilest I've ever seen. I didn't like you at all, and now I downright hate you! For the sake of my friends I am going to kill you!" Grabbing at her shirt, she gave it a strong tug and tore it off. She then did the same for her pants and afterwards removed her cap leaving her with nothing more than her gloves, and her soft pink bra and panties that left nothing to the imagination. She reflexively shook the sweat from her body sending sweat drops flying in all directions from her, making the air sparkly around her. Her body seemed a bit slimmer since all the sweating, but it comparable to removing a bucket of water from the ocean. As she shook her body, her obese frame jiggled in an almost hypnotic fashion. "Damn, that feels a lot better. At least I feel cooler for the moment."
"Are you a Goddess?" gawked Salazar as he stared while clutching his face. As best as he tried, he could not hold back the massive nosebleed he got from merely staring at Wolfcub's mega-sized beauty.
"Not at all," she answered as she bit her thumb to draw out a little blood on her hand. "I'm your executioner." She slammed her hand on the ground. "And now I'm going to summon my ultimate weapon to kill you!"
A giant poof of smoke exploded outward from where Wolfcub's hand was. Salazar tried to peer through to see just what Wolfcub had done. When he was finally able to see it clearly he began to tremble in fright. "Senorita, my love, what the hell have you summoned?"
As the days passed, the young boy seemed to grow less interested in leaving and grow more in every direction. His once thin body had become obese. His clothes strained on him and were full of rips and stretch marks. His body jiggled with each step he took and he became hungry again very soon even after stuffing himself with an enormous meal. His memory also seemed to have been effected as he could not recall where he was supposed to be going or how long since he first arrived at the old lady's home. Even more startling, he couldn't recall much of anything. The only thing he could recall was how much he loved the old lady, who he began to refer to as Obaasan.
Killajor was surprised at first, seeing the anthro camel unharmed after his attack, but he quickly laughed it off. "Haha! Seems I underestimated you a tiny bit, but rest assured by the end I will be the one standing over the corpses of everyone and that includes Obamon."
"Very boastful, Kill," the camel. "You have such grand plans, but how many times have you failed so fantastically? No matter how strong you try and become you lack one essential thing."
"And what would that be?" asked Kill.
"Heart," he explained. "You are so lazy that you cannot put your heart into anything but your slothful behavior. You could be a billion times stronger than everyone and yet you lose over and over. You are nothing more than a loser who can talk big and even back it up, but you will lose every single time. In my book, that is worse than just being weaker than your opponent. It is just pathetic."
"Shut up, you ass!" snapped Kill. "Those little fights meant nothing to me. Why waste time and energy fighting battle after meaningless battle when I could bide my time until the fights that actually matter. Let those fools get beaten up and I can just come in and clean up afterwards."
"Do you really feel that way or perhaps you have another reason for not winning," suggested the camel. "Perhaps you actually like those others. Maybe beneath all that evil, greedy, gluttony and laziness is a hamster trapped in a hamster ball desperately yearning for friendship."
Kill became silent and turned to Tagmer's body on the ground. He leaned over and lifted up his head. "Perhaps all this rivalry and aggression I had for you and all the others was simply because I could not express my desire for your friendship. He tapped a finger on Tagmer's snout then got to his feet. "Just thinking about that churns my stomach." With a mighty kick, he sent Tagmer's massive body airborne. He then quickly grabbed Tagmer's tail began swinging him around sending the magic of a self-destruction spell from his body into Tagmer. When he finally tossed him, Tagmer's body was sent flying at the camel and exploding destroying a large chunk of the planet's remains in the process. Before the explosion reached his position, Kill warped just out of range. "Friends, hah! Who needs them?"
"You do, it that's the best that you can do," answered the camel, from behind Killajor once again and just as unharmed as before.
"What the hell are you?" snapped Killajor panicking and quickly attempting to strike at him.
His swinging fists were easily avoided and the anthro camel grabbed his head and smashed his head to the ground effortlessly. "I am Nocturne and I am worse than any nightmare. I am real!"
"I may sleep tons, but I don't get nightmares," Kill groaned getting back to his feet. He gripped his nose and adjusted it back into alignment, blood dripping out. "I am a nightmare to everyone else and by the time I'm done with you I will be haunting you when you sleep."
"I never sleep," Nocturne commented. "I lay others down to rest. Now enough of the back and forth banter. I have plenty more victims after you."
Darkness started to pour out from Nocturne's feet and quickly spread out in every direction. It surrounded them until the darkness surrounded them from all sides. Then stars dotted the darkness.
"What the hell is this stuff?" asked Kill looking. It didn't simply feel like he was surrounded by something, but rather than feel like something was surrounding him it felt more like he was somewhere else entirely. When he turned to face Nocturne he was gone from sight. "Where are you now?"
"I already told you," Nocturne answered, starts forming and taking shape of the camel. "This is nightmare, but I am very real."
At first, the old lady was concerned that the boy had changed so much since coming over, but the feeling passed and was replaced by the love a granny would give to their grandchild. He stopped attempted to leave and instead spent each and every day eating and spending time with his Obaasan and each day he grew fatter and plumper. Then, one day, it happened.
"Dead! Dead! Dead!" chanted the Flying Spaghetti Monster. "You both are dead! I'm the one who killed you two! Crushed your guts and now you're through! Ha! Ha! Hahah! Ha! Oh, I crack myself up, but seeing as I won't get any more enjoyment out of the two of you I have no need to keep putting the squeeze on you." He released them and watched the two lifeless Lugia plummet to the ground. He eye watched their lifeless corpses with glee, but it changed to an eye of shock when their bodies poofed away in a cloud of smoke. "Fakes? I've been tricked, but where did they go?" Frantically he searched all around, but by the time he spotted them it was too late. Vic bashed into him using Giga Impact. The FSM still had its spaghetti strands retracted into its body making it impossible to do anything to defend itself as Vic sent them both plummeting to the ground.
"That was much too close," thought Vic as they came closer and closer to the ground. "Luckily, we managed to use Substitute just in time and it looks like it worked out very much in our favor and this is one opportunity I am not going to pass up!"
"You think this is going to stop me?" he laughed. "Even if you smash me to bits I'll survive all the same."
"I wouldn't count on it," replied Vic. "Not this time. Not for what I have planned."
"Then please enlighten me," the FSM stated. "Why is this different?"
"Because we're going into the pizza lava," he answered.
"So what?"
"I experienced it first hand," Vic continued. "And one thing I know for certain, you can't use magic when you're caught in it and that means your regeneration will be useless."
"No! You can't!" cried the Flying Spaghetti monster. His eye started glowing red. "I'll kill you first with my laser death beam!" He charged it up fast and fired, but the beam was blocked as green barrier appeared in from of Vic. "Safe Guard too? But you can't use that and Giga Impact at the same time!"
"We can together!" Ivy answered flying beside Vic.
"Ivy, what are you doing here?" said Vic. "You know what will happen, don't you?"
"I do, but I promised to back you up," she stated. "And no matter what happens... we will face it together."
"Ivy," he managed to say as the ground was right before them. "Thank you..."
They smashed into the ground and broke through with ease and splashed into the pizza lava below causing a geyser of some to pour out and then rain back down. As the lava slowly settled nothing emerged from out of it, not the Flying Spaghetti Monster or the two Lugias. In the wind above, two glistening silver feathers danced together on a gentle breeze.
