Dilemma - Chapter Two by ParadoxPandox < Submission | Inkbunny, the Furry Art Community

Keywords male 1173386, fox 244100, cat 210268, male/male 121849, incest 44200, yaoi 13568, red fox 8840, malexmale 2431, andy 508, connor 79, dilemma 13, andy fuchs 8, connor fuchs 3

Chapter Two

“Hey, Andy, are you all right? You look pooped.” I look up from my cereal and over to my brother. “You seriously don’t look too good.”

I rub my eyes and reply, “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.” Yeah, and what a big fucking lie that is… Truth is, I’m tired as hell. After I had that little revelation last night, I wasn’t able to fall asleep at all. I just kept thinking about it and thinking about it over and over and over… All I wanted was some damn rest to try and clear my mind…

“Have you even looked in a mirror today? You look horrible.” I sigh. “Look, if you don’t feel too well, you can stay home from school today.”

“I said I’m fine!” I snap.

He recoils a bit. “A-all right…”

Without even a word more, I finish my cereal and then, once I’ve put my bowl in the sink, I walk over to the bathroom and close and lock the door behind me before I put my back against it and slide down it. “You goddamn idiot, Andy…” I say to myself. “You’ve fallen in love with your own fucking brother…” Coming to terms with being gay was hard enough, but now I’ve got to deal with the fact that I love my brother more than I’m supposed to…

This is wrong… I know it’s wrong… Then why the hell do I have these feelings? It just doesn’t make sense! For fuck’s sake, I just don’t want to feel this way! Goddammit! I bury my face into my knees as tears start flowing down my face. Despite how strong I act around everyone, and despite how open I am about everything, the truth is that I’m very fragile, and Connor’s about the only person who knows that… and if you tell anyone I’m crying, I’ll knock you into next week, got it?

It’s just that it’s actually really hard on me to go through all of this… When I was younger, I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. I trusted nearly everyone close to me, especially my parents, and when they just up and walked away, I was so hurt that I didn’t even talk for days. I remember that, a couple days after that, Connor told me one thing that I now live by. Being gay isn’t my fault. It isn’t my fault that our parents left. It isn’t my fault that I like other guys.

Except now, it’s a different story. Now, it isn’t just about being in love with another male; it’s about being in love with my brother. How the hell am I supposed to come to terms with that? For God’s sake, I just don’t know what in the world to do! I mean, I know these feelings won’t pass unless I tell him. Either that, or they’ll pass painfully slowly… but I can’t tell him… He just… He wouldn’t fucking understand…

I hear a knock on the door. “Andy, are you seriously okay?” Gah, shit… “It’s all right if you need to stay home today.” I quickly stand up and wipe away my tears.

“I’m fine!” I say in a lively way. “I’ve just got a bit of a cold, I think. That’s all.” The years of putting on a straight mask are still of use to me, I guess. That experience helps me hide emotions. It’s something you kinda need to learn when you’re gay and living in a homophobic environment. I flush the toilet to make it seem like I was feeling sick, and then I walk out with a decent smile on my face. He’s standing there with his backpack on his back, and I notice that he’s wearing his blue long-sleeve shirt that says, “Nerds Make the World Go Round”.

“Are you sure?” He crosses his arms, obviously not convinced.

“Yeah, I am.” I rub the back of my head. “Sorry ’bout being cranky. Just didn’t have too good of a night. I can make it through school, though, so don’t worry.”

“If you say so… Well, then, are you ready?”

I nod. “Uh-huh.” I walk over to the living room to get my stuff, but Connor shoots me this look that I don’t think he knows I can see. He knows something’s up with me. He knows I don’t recover that quickly… but I did what I had to do. He can’t know… at least not yet… and hopefully he’ll never have to know.

I grab my backpack and sling it over my shoulder. “Let’s get going.”

He smiles at me, although it’s kinda halfhearted. “All right.” Yup, it’s official. He’s onto me…

We walk out the door, and the entire way to school, I feel like he’s burning holes into the back of my head… I’m not gonna say anything, though. It’d be best just to let him be suspicious. He’s less likely to ask questions. I’m actually glad when we have to split up to get to class, ’cause I swear, if he’d have spent any longer glaring at me, my hair would be on fire.

The first block of the day today for me is Algebra 3-4. Yeah, I’m pretty high up there for math… Well, actually, I’m pretty high up there for any subject, really. It’s just that I’m best at math… although I hate geometry with a passion. I walk into the classroom and sit down in my seat, lazily setting my backpack on the floor to the side of my chair before I lay my head on the table and have my arms form a box around it… God, I’m so tired…

Unfortunately, I hear someone sit down next to me, and I look up to see Wes sitting right there… Fuck… I hate how I sit right next to him in this class. The gray cat looks over to me and smirks. “Hey, there, sexy.” But I only sigh in reply, and he chuckles. “Looks like someone’s tired. How ’bout I fix that with a li’l smooch.” He starts moving his face closer to mine, but before he can even get within a foot of my muzzle, I slap him right on the cheek.

“You won’t even be able to make a move when I’m sleepy, asshole!” I exclaim, partially more awake from the rush of slapping him.

“Andrew!” I hear from the front of the classroom, and I see my teacher glaring at me. “Watch your language, young man!”

I sigh and mumble, “What the fuck ever,” as she looks back down at the papers on her desk.

Wes chuckles, his yellow eyes narrowed just a tad as he smirks as well. “Someone’s a bit worked up today.”

“Look, Wes, I’m not in the mood for any of your shit, and if you push me, I will push back, so don’t test me.” And I’m really not in the mood for it. Normally, I’ll be able to take quite a bit of it before I flare up, but today is just not a good day.

Surprisingly, the whole entire block goes by without another word from Wes. I can’t believe he actually didn’t try to annoy me any further. Thank God I don’t have any other classes with him on A-days… Although I do have PE with him on B-days… and every day in PE, he tries to grope me. That fucking pervert… Man… I wonder if he’d be doing all this stuff if I had never dated him in the first place.

Yeah, I dated Wes. This was back before he was a jerk and a pervert. I broke up with him because he was turning into those. He started getting violent with me… and he even tried to rape me once… Ugh… I can’t stand him now…

But that’s all in the past. Besides, I’ve got more important things to worry about, like how the hell I’m gonna keep my crush on Connor a secret from him. What, you thought I was gonna tell him? Like hell. I’m not dumb. It’d take a lot for him to hate me… but I’m pretty sure that’d do it.

The problem is that I don’t know what to do to keep my big mouth shut around him. Sooner or later, he’s gonna ask me what’s wrong, and unless I’ve got myself under control, I’m gonna end up fucking everything up. I’ve just gotta keep thinking of things… but I doubt I’ll get much thinking done next block. Connor’s in that class, English, with me, and knowing me, I’ll probably just stare at him all block. It’s what I did when I had a crush on Wes.

I walk into the English classroom and sit in my seat, and not even five seconds later, in comes Connor. He sits in his seat next to me and doesn’t look at me for a few seconds, but he ends up asking, “You doing any better, Andy?”

I put on my best smile and reply, “I already said when we left that I was doing fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“I hope you realize how terrible of a liar you are.” Of course… He has a knack for telling when I’m lying. I don’t know how he does it, but he can just tell. That’s why I was pretty sure he didn’t believe me earlier. “What’s wrong? Seriously, I’m a bit worried.”

I shake my head. “Look, it’s nothing that important, and it’s nothing that can’t wait till after school.”

He sighs. “Yeah… I wish you wouldn’t worry me, though. Once we’re out of school today, I expect you to tell me what’s wrong. I don’t like worrying.”

I only nod, and then the bell rings. Thank God. I’ve never been happier for English class to start. The teacher walks up there and tells us that today is just gonna be a day to get caught up on stuff, though… Great… Just great… I don’t have anything to get caught up on… and I know Connor doesn’t. For God’s sake…

I look over at him. “What? I said I wouldn’t make you say anything till we’re out of school, and I intend on keeping that promise.” He reaches into his backpack and takes out a book. After only a few seconds, his eyes are glued to it. While he reads, though, as I expected, I can’t keep my eyes off him. Dammit… I wish I could stop looking at him…

After a few minutes, he looks over a bit and sees me staring. “Uh, Andy…?” Wait a second… Is that… blush I see on his muzzle…? Nah, I’m seeing things.

I force myself to look away and reply, “It’s nothing. I just… think your hair looks nice today.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Um… I didn’t do anything different with it…” And then he shakes his head and goes back to reading his book. Ugh, I wish I wouldn’t stare… It’s not like I could say that every time, and it’s not like I could compliment his eyes or anything like that. That’d sound so wrong coming from his brother. Ugh…

No matter how much I try to restrain myself, though, I turn my head back at him. After a few seconds, I find myself saying, “You’re beautiful.” And… Connor gasps? Did I seriously say that louder than I thought? Shit… Shit, shit, shit… I can’t believe I just did that…

He looks over at me, muzzle red as a tomato, and asks, “Uh… Did… did you j-just call me b-b-beautiful?”

I blush as well, despite how much I try not to, and reply, “Nononononono! Of course not! I said it’s beautiful out! Heh… Heh heh… Ohhhh…” I put my head down and box my arms around it. Oh, God… Ohhhhhh… I am such a goddamn idiot…

I spend the rest of the block trying not to look Connor in the eye. After saying something like that… He probably thinks I’m being crazy… Jesus Christ, I can’t believe I said that… Stupid, stupid, stupid!

After the block is over, I rush out of the classroom, not even saying goodbye to Connor. I can’t stand to look him in the eye. Not after that little comment I made. Well… only two blocks to go… I’m probably gonna beat around the bush to avoid telling Connor after school. I can’t tell him. I just can’t. Being gay is one thing… but loving him more than I’m supposed to is something completely different…

I quickly walk to Biology class and sit in my assigned seat, right near the back of the classroom. I don’t have this class with anyone that I’m acquainted with. Well, I do know a couple people in here, but they’re just annoying straight guys. There’s only one straight guy in this entire school who doesn’t annoy me, and that’s only because he’s been my best friend for years.

I just sit in Biology, doodling in my notebook, and I end up drawing Connor several times. God, what is wrong with me? I just… I don’t get it. I’ve tried my hardest not to do anything wrong in my life… but this… I know it’s wrong. I know being gay isn’t wrong, and I knew that right from the start… But this is completely and utterly wrong. I don’t really believe in God, but… if He exists… is He punishing me? I’m not saying He does exist… but… it sure feels like I’m being punished for something. I don’t know what it would be, but it feels like it.

As class goes on, I hear the teacher announce that we’re going to start working on a project in small groups, and I just happen to be paired with the two most homophobic jerks in the freshman class. Figures that the one day I can get easily pissed off, that happens. I sigh and keep doodling in my notebook as the two guys reluctantly come and sit at my table. One is a gray wolf, and the other is a black cat.

They start talking amongst themselves. “Of course we get stuck with this gay motherfucker,” complains the cat in his southern drawl.

The wolf sighs. “I know, right? Why’d he have to put us with him?” And he has an annoying southern accent, too.

I don’t even look up from my notebook as I respond, “Oh, just shut the fuck up. You’re already stuck with me, so stop complaining. If you really wanna switch with someone, go bring it up with the teacher. I’m not in the mood to deal with any of your goddamn homophobic shit.” The wolf stares at the doodles in my notebook, and I casually shift my hand to try and hide them, but he can still see them. “Do you mind?”

He chortles. “Ain’t that yer brother? Why ya drawin’ him? He ain’t nothin’ special. With as awkward as he is, he ain’t got no value in society.”

He did not just say that. I look up from my notebook and glare at him. “Don’t you ever insult Connor like that. He’s better than either of you could ever be.”

The cat starts laughing. “Oh, please. That kid couldn’t speak to anyone properly even if he tried his damn hardest! He’s right, yer brother ain’t nothin’ special. Just a stupid kid who can’t do anythin’ right.”

I clench my fist. “Say that again. I dare ya.”

The cat smirks. “Yer brother’s a fuckin’ retard. That’s all there is to it.”

And I launch my fist across the table and straight at his face as I loudly growl. “You’re the fucking retard, you goddamn bastard!” He falls off his stool from the force of the punch and almost hits his head on the desk behind him. When I look at him on the floor, I see that his nose is bleeding.

“Ya made my fuckin’ nose bleed!”

But before I can retort at all, I hear my teacher yell, “Andy Fuchs, get up here this instant!” I sigh in irritation and walk up to the desk, and my teacher is writing me a referral. Great… Just awesome… Why does it seem like everyone wants me to have the crappiest day ever…?

Once he’s done filling it out, I take it from him and walk over to my table, packing up my stuff and then heading out the door, but I don’t get out before I hear the wolf shout, “Yer brother still ain’t nothin’ special! He’s awkward and dumb as a post!” And I slam the door before I get the urge to walk back in there and punch him in the face, too.

I walk down to my administrator’s office and go in. “Ah, Andy. Got sent down here today, eh?” That’s my administrator, a golden lion. “I had a feeling you were going to show up today.” Wait, what? He chuckles a bit. “I don’t know how I knew, but I did. Anyway, what’d you get sent here for? Did you punch Wes in the face?” I just place the referral on his desk, and he reads through it. I didn’t even bother to read through it, but knowing that teacher, there’s probably something wrong on it. “You… punched someone in the face with no provocation? I find that hard to believe.”

That bastard of a teacher… Of course he’d say that… Fucking liar… “I would never punch someone without provocation. Those two…” I have to stop myself from swearing, “jerks were making fun of me and my brother. I couldn’t just sit there and take it, and if you know those two, then you know as well as I do that words won’t work on them.”

My administrator sighs. “I know you have your reasons, and I’ll see to it that those boys at least get reprimanded, but I can’t let you off the hook.” Oh, great. “I’m assigning you a SAS”—or after-school suspension—“today after school. I expect you to be there.”

“But—”

“No buts, Andy. You’re a nice kid, but you need to get those anger issues of yours under control.” He’s right… God, I wish I didn’t have these anger issues. Had ’em since I was little. It’s something I’ve always tried to work on. It’s why I swear all the time, actually. It usually helps me not to take my anger out physically. Usually. Obviously, today isn’t “usually”.

I sigh and reply, “All right. I’ll be there.”

He smiles and dismisses me, and I go back to class.

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Dilemma - Chapter Two

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