There's no violence here, but there's dying.
associations on the notion of Sonic growing old, with Shadow. (as a side note, I tend to write lots of versions of the same scenario)
*
”I just... Hate... I don’t want to tie you down.”
”I’m not like you, Sonic. I need a purpose. I need someone to...”
”You always think you’re the only one, don’t you,” Sonic growled through his teeth. ”Man, your head’s as thick as ever. How d’you think it feels to know that I’ll never...” ...never be the one to carry you again. Never even be the one to support you. That I’ll never be able to race you again.
The insight hit Sonic like a brick wall. Shadow’s voice barely made it through that.
”...I thought we were closer.”
The bare sadness forced him to look up. Shadow was trying to keep up a front, but it was a long time since he could hide his feelings around Sonic. And the look was embarrassed disappointment. Someone who’s let you into their secret rooms and back garden, only to find yours locked when they try to enter.
Sonic stared at his face, saw the tears he fiercely held back, how useless and shut out Shadow felt. And somewhere deep inside, he started laughing at himself. It simmered on up until it washed out the bitterness. They’d gone full circle.
He had thought he would be gone long before his body started to break down. But he was here, and his legs didn’t carry him.
And still, he wouldn’t have to stop. He wouldn’t even have to slow down. He would see much more of this world.
He didn’t know he was moving before he’d wrapped his arms tight around Shadow’s neck, muttering something like apologies or gratitude. This muscle, these bones, they were his. He was laughing for real now, even if it was chopped up. Shadow answered the embrace, couldn’t hold back anymore.
”I’m going to outlive you by centuries,” he said in a shaky attempt at the truth Sonic lived without thinking. ”Let me find some way to be grateful for that.”
*
You mellow with age, they say. Yeah, right. All I notice is, everything hurts more and takes more time. Maybe I’m just a little bit more patient... ’cause I have to be, if I don’t want to lose my mind. It’s gotten harder and harder to do anything fast, even talking.
But thanks to him, at least I’m not a prisoner. He does everything to my body that it can still take. Makes up for everything it can’t.
He’s my legs since I used up my own. He’s my hands since mine started shaking too bad.
Every time I feel like I’m tying him down, I remember the look on his face when I refused that help. I never saw him that hurt. Never saw him that angry, after he let go of his old baggage. Gotta give it to him, he knows how to convince you.
”I need a purpose, Sonic. Someone to serve. It’s in my blood. And you made yourself the obvious choice. If you deny me this now, after all you did, it will be the most cruel thing you ever did to me. No matter my past mistakes, I don’t deserve that.”
He says he’s aging, too, decaying he calls it, but it sure doesn’t show. I think he looks younger every day. Not that my eyes are that good either, but this close, there’s no mistake. Same red emeralds, same midnight black. He might have grown weaker from what he used to be, but he’s still strong. Still standing tall.
I’ve shrunk. I can see it even lying on our sides like this, faces almost touching.
It’s getting hard to talk at all.
”I... Have... To leave...”
He just laughs softly. Then he shakes his head, and the smile’s there. Warm and just a little cheeky. I can see he powers it on his own just fine.
”You never stick around.” Funny how that mock accusing note makes me feel less guilty.
I freed that smile. If I’d screwed up everything else I tried in life, if there’d been nothing good in there besides that, it’d still be worth it.
I’ve always said goodbye to my friends every time we part; I’ve never known if there would be another chance. It’s made me easier when I leave. It shouldn’t be any different now. Just like last time... Just like next time, I tell myself, but it doesn’t help. He slowly pulls me closer, puts his forehead to mine.
”I will not promise you to find someone else.” His voice is steady, and deep like a well. ”But I promise you I won’t waste my time.”
It’s the truth. I know he stands by his word.
We don’t waste a second tonight, either. We could be talking about memories; we’ve made enough for several lifetimes. But that’s all behind me, and I don’t want to miss this stretch of road.
I run my hand through his hair, see that I can still find the sweet spots in his neck. I use the last energy I have to hear him lose himself and sigh like that again.
He holds me tight now, he’s warmer than I am. Up to the heat of his eyes.
I’m so sorry I can’t stay. I don’t even have the strength to say it. And he knows. For years now, he’s known when I have to leave before I know myself, and he knows how much I wish I could resist. No matter how much he wants to, he never holds me back.
He says he’ll be fine, and I believe him. He’s here for me, now, so I let him comfort me, let him make me feel better than him. I enjoy it all-out. Anything else would be pretty dickish.
He’s talking about what he’ll do, where he’ll go, there’s pure excitement in his voice, and it feels like I’ll be doing it with him. I stare into his eyes, they seem to melt and I drown in a sunset in the pit of night. Red and black, and just black.
I force my eyelids up, see him looking back at me. Black.
Black.
I can’t open them again. I’m moving on. There’s a big ocean pulling on me, and I can’t hold on anymore. I can’t see him, can’t see the world I’m leaving with him, but his hands and his voice wash over me, carrying me on from the shore out into the open waters before they finally let go.
***
It’s hours since he stopped breathing. The last warmth is gone from his body. It’s safe now.
I felt like if I didn’t wait far beyond all kinds of limits, there would be some risk that he could feel my distress; see me crying even though he’ll never see anything again. And my pain would have ruined his last moments.
But now, I let go of him and pull out of his arms, and realize it wasn’t for his sake at all. I wanted to hold on as long as I could. And the tears rip me to shreds when it sinks in that he’s already been gone for hours and the warmth has just been the last gift he left behind. I crawl backwards until I hit a rock. I can’t stand; I can hardly breathe. I curl up in the sand and cry and scream like a child.
I’m not going to make the same mistake this time. I promise, Sonic. I won’t let you down.
It won’t take the force of someone else to make me move on. But this is too heavy to keep inside if I’m going to be able to take another step.
* * *
There’s many enough research facilities that wanted it. But what can they learn from it that matters? And you said I could be selfish.
So I’m watching your ashes become one with the oceans and the winds. Wherever I go, you’ll be there.
/
(Shadow)
”Now, that won’t do. What’d he think if he saw you like this?”
Tails looked at him for a long moment, at the devil-may-care smirk and the spark in the red eyes. Then he shook his head, fighting the smile creeping up.
”You’re insufferably cheerful.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes. ”I envy you. But how can you stay like that?”
”Because I promised him I would. If I broke it, he’d find a way to kick my ass. It’s been a long time since I underestimated his ability to do that.”
And he made me promise to take care of you; all of you. Everyone he leaves behind. Knowing him, that was as much for my sake as yours. Maybe he knew I needed that incentive to be able to do what I wanted all along. But you never know where you've got him; maybe he just trusts me to do it better than anyone. Either way, I keep my promises.
/
(Omega)
”I am likely to find other beings with which to form similar interaction patterns. They will not be equivalent to you or her. But I sense they will suffice for the function.”
”You’re practical.” Shadow laughed. ”I always liked that about you.”
//
Had this hypothetical convo between Nicole (here, a conscience digitalized and set in a robot body) and Shadow lying around, just a scrib but it kind of connects to this topic...
”I don’t know what is worse, honestly. Dying or forgetting people. In a way, they’re almost the same.”
He made a humming noise. She assumed he was interested.
”I could live forever. Technically. But my data patterns change. Somewhere along the line, I’m not myself anymore. I erase old memories to make room for new ones, so I forget people and what I used to do. I keep some, for now..." Her eyes followed a wind tearing a few leaves with it. "But at some point, if I live long enough, I may even delete those, to move on, because remembering too much makes me tired. So in a way... At some point in the future... Myself as you’ve known it - as I’ve known it - will be gone.”
”I would suppose that goes for those that live a much shorter life too, Nicole.” Shadow leaned forward. ”Sonic could as well have died multiple times in his life, and it was short compared to ours. From the little I ever got out of him, it appears he left many enough lives behind to start new ones. And the old Sonic was left behind, too. He remembered... For a while, in a sense... But he didn’t look back. Where’s the line?”
