Leo woke with a splitting headache. He groaned wishing he could just go back to sleep, but the sound of Splinter’s voice caused him to sit up. “Boys!” he heard his father yell from the front room. Despite the screaming pain in his head Leo ran to meet his father.
“Father!” Leo said, entering the room and bowing deeply. An action he quickly regretted. After a quick glance around, Leo felt himself flush. “We’ll clean this all up, just don’t… look.” Leo glanced over at the rope on the floor and the other various sex toys and felt himself flush again. “We didn’t use all this.” He tried to explain.
Splinter held up his hand, “Did you enjoy yourselves last night?”
“Yes,” Mikey exclaimed making his way down the hall. His hand was on his head, “Who hit me?”
Leo looked at him, “No one.”
“You sure?” Mikey moaned, “It sure as hell feels like it.”
Splinter handed Mikey and Leo each a cup. Leo looked down at the drink in his hand, “What’s this?”
“A treatment for hangovers,” Splinter explained.
Leo took a drink, it tasted awful, but he drank it down. Mikey drained his then looked up at Splinter and laughed, “Donnie’s gonna have to find a way to sound proof your room, Master. Because after last night….”
Mikey was cut off by a loud snap followed by an ear piercing scream. The three of them raced down the hall to the room shared by Raph, Donnie and Mona. They entered the room to see Raphael sitting on the floor backed up against the wall. He was horrified starring down at Mona as Donnie carefully wrapped the crying woman in a blanket pinning her right arm to her body. Her humerus looked to have been snapped in half.
“What happened?” Leo asked.
Raph cried, bringing his hands up to cover his head, “I had a nightmare,” he whimpered.
Donnie scooped Mona up in his arms. She had stopped screaming and looked to be in shock. “I’m taking her to the healers.” Donnie looked at Leo, “Calm him down,” he said glancing back at Raph. “He did it in his sleep.”
Donnie barley finished speaking before he was out the bedroom door heading down the hall. Leo looked down at Raph, “You okay?” He reached out but Raph pulled away slamming into the wall.
“Don’t touch me.” His whole body was shaking. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”
Leo fell to his knees, “This is my fault.” Raph glanced up at him with bloodshot eyes, but said nothing. “I forced you last night. I didn’t even stop to consider your past abuse. I saw you with Donnie and I just… I couldn’t… just….”
Raph sighed, “Leo no.” He uncurled himself and leaned in to look at Leo. “You didn’t do anything to me that I didn’t let you do.” Raph snorted, “To be honest, I liked it, you finally being forceful and all. I always kind of wanted you to, but those feelings conflicted with the fears left by the abuse…. I am just all sorts of confused.” He sat back again against the wall.
“But, it triggered a nightmare,” Leo ventured.
Leaning his head against the wall, Raphael looked up at the ceiling. “My nightmares aren’t about the abuse, Leo.”
Before Leo could ask anything more Splinter placed a hand on his shoulder. Leo looked up at his father understanding the silent command to stop. He stood to make room for Splinter to sit in front of Raph who rolled his head to look at their master.
Splinter took a moment to consider his words, “I have known for some time now that you have been struggling, my son. Though I did not know the details behind your trauma I knew you had suffered something great in those three weeks you were gone. Despite my best efforts, you never opened up to me about it. But, I could see the pain and anger it had caused to grow inside of you.” There was pain in Splinter’s voice and Leo could see the tears forming in his eyes. “I have done all a can do to help you contain it. Sadly it has grown beyond my abilities.”
Raph leaned towards Splinter, “What happened has nothing to do with my dreams.”
“You freed yourself with a vicious and violent act,” Splinter explained. “Your rage saved you, and became your way of handling things.” Raph closed his eyes as the connection came to point. Splinter reached out and wiped the tears from Raphael’s cheeks. “The Daimyo has agreed to help you.”
“How?” Raph’s voice was weak.
Splinter started to stand and Leo was quick to help him up. The old rat squeezed his son’s hand in thanks and leaned on his cane for support. “Come. The Daimyo is waiting. He will explain everything to you when we get there.”
Mikey and Leo helped Raph to his feet and the three Turtles fallowed their father out of the rooms. He led them to the healer’s area within the compound. They looked as if they were expecting them, and Leo suspected that they had been. As they entered one of the healers exited the room, only to return again with the Daimyo and Ue-Sama.
Leo glanced over to see Mona Lisa on a nearby bed. The healers had bound her arm to her body to keep it immobilized as it healed. Donatello was by her side, but soon joined his brothers to stand before the Daimyo. “What’s going on?” He asked Leo.
“We are going to help your brother, Donatello.” The Daimyo answered. “Come. Before I can fully explain I must show you something.” Splinter and the four Turtles followed the Daimyo along with a few healers. They entered a private chamber with a tatami on the floor in the middle of the room.
One of the healers turned to them, “May I have a volunteer other than Raphael, please.” Leonardo stepped forward and the healer gestured to the mattress, “Please, lay down with your hands to your side.”
Leo did as he was asked and the healer moved his hands over Leo’s plastron stopping at the top. Leo felt a warm pressure as his chest began to tingle and it became harder to breathe. “Try to remain calm,” the healer soothed.
It wasn’t painful, but it was incredibly uncomfortable as it began to feel like the healer was pulling something out of Leo. Whatever it was that the healer wanted he managed to pull it free from Leo. He felt an odd emptiness, like he was in between wakefulness and sleep. The world felt hollow as he looked up to see a white orb hovering over his chest. Tendrils of energy remained attached to Leo as it drifted slowly up.
“This,” the Daimyo began, “is Leonardo’s soul.” Leo could hear Mikey gasp and Donnie let out a slight whimper. The Daimyo moved to stand over Leonardo. “As you can see, there is darkness even in the purest of souls.” Leo could see a small dark spot in the middle of the white orb. “A good individual manages to suppress the darkness. The white is the goodness holding it down. The gold is the love that is true.” Leo squinted his eyes and tried to focus, he could see flashes of gold streak across the white surface.
With a wave of his hand, the Daimyo directed the healer to return the soul as he stood. Leo’s heart pounded as it was pushed back inside and for a brief moment it seemed to skip a few beats. As soon as his soul was returned, Leo felt like he had just been punched in the chest.
The healer assisted Leo to his feet then looked up to Raphael. With just a gesture, the healer directed Raphael to the mattress. Swallowing hard, Raphael stepped forward. Mikey clung to Leo as their brother laid down and the healer began.
It seemed to take more work for the healer to remove Raph’s soul. Tears filled Raph’s eyes and a grunt escaped his throat as his soul was forced from his body.
The difference was apparent, even to a novice. The darkness was out and looked as if it were fighting with the white covering over a third of the area. It was a storm of activity.
Donatello sobbed falling to his knees and Raphael looked over at him. His hand seemed heavy as he reached out to his favored. “It’s okay,” he choked out.
“Interesting,” one of the healers stated. Leo looked at Raph’s soul to see streaks of gold flashing like lightning across the black. “There is true love in him. That means there is a greater amount of hope.” Donnie clutched Raph’s hand a touched their foreheads together.
Leo looked up at the Daimyo, “So what happens now?”
The Daimyo knelt down next to Raphael drawing his attention away from Donnie. “We will place you in a meditative state and sustain you with our magic, but you must find the darkness at it source and what is feeding it. Defeat the darkness or it will consume your soul.” Raph nodded his understanding.
Leo knelt next to Donatello and grabbed Raph’s hand. “You and I have so much in common, little brother. I used to run whenever I did something wrong too, remember.” Raph nodded. “I wonder if I had run that day instead of you, if I would have been strong enough to get away from that man.” Leo fought back tears, “Or, if I would have fared any better with the abuse. You would be the leader and I would be lying here.”
Raph shook his head, “You would have told Splinter everything and not held it in.” His voice was strained and it sounded like it was hard to breathe. “I was always the impetuous one. And, you know as well as I do that you never ran away that far. You hid just around the corner, topside.” He managed a weak laugh. “Splinter knew too and just let you stay out there and calm yourself. We do have a lot in common, but you were always better behaved. Even if I was never abused, you would still be leader.”
Mikey ran up and sat at Raph’s head to bend down and pepper his forehead with small kisses. “I love you.”
Raph nuzzled Mikey as best he could, “Love you too, Mikey.”
Tears ran down Donnie’s cheeks as his gently kissed Raphael, “I will stay here the whole time.”
“Donnie….” Raph started, but Donnie shushed him.
“You can’t talk me out of it.”
Raphael smiled and took a deep, heavy breath as he looked back up. “Okay, I’m ready.”
Michelangelo moved to make room for the healer to sit at Raph’s head. Covering Raph’s eyes the healer began his work. Leo could see a protective barrier cover Raphael’s body.
Mikey looked up at Splinter, “What if he can’t do it?”
Splinter sighed, his fur wet with tears, “If he fails and he is consumed by the darkness then his soul will go black and there is no coming back from that.”
“What would happen to him then?” Mikey asked.
Splinter struggled to find the words to answer.
The Daimyo spoke up instead, “Let’s just hope that he can conquer the darkness.”
Panic was in Mikey’s voice, “But what if he can’t”
Splinter cupped his son’s face in his hands and wiped away some tears, “Then we will deal with it if it happens.” Before Mikey could ask another question Splinter raised a hand to stop him. “That is enough. Go tend to Mona Lisa and let her know what is happening. The healers should be finished with her by now. If she must see Raphael then bring her here.”
“Yes Master Splinter,” Leo bowed his response before grabbing Mikey’s hand and leaving the room.
After a few steps Michelangelo stopped. “Leo.”
Leo turned to face his favored, “Yeah, Mikey.”
“I need you to hold me,” he cried. “I can’t imagine what Donnie’s going through right now, but I’m dying inside.” Mikey leaned on Leo for comfort. It was difficult given the fact that Mikey was bigger, but Leo held him and let him cry.
“What’s going on?” Mona asked walking up to them. The healers must have sped up the healing process because all she had was a simple wrapping on her upper arm. “Where are Raph and Don?”
Mikey simply grabbed Mona’s hand and led her back toward the room and Leo followed. Donnie was on the floor next to Raph. The barrier around Raph kept Donnie form touching him, but he was as close as he could be, whispering something in Raph’s ear. He looked up when Mona gasped.
“What?” The word got caught in Mona’s throat.
Leonardo explained as best he could, “Raph has been struggling with a blinding rage for several years now and nightmares. There is a darkness that is starting to overwhelm him.”
Mona looked at Leo, “Is it some kind of infection?”
“Not really.” Leo felt his heart sink, “We all have the darkness within us. Raph is just having a hard time keeping his contained.”
“What’s that above him?” She asked.
“His soul,” Leo choked out.
“Why is it outside of his body? What purpose does that serve?”
“It’s so that if he fails,” Donnie’s voice was bitter, he was looking down at Raph, “they will be able to clearly see it and just sever the ties.” He looked up to meet Leo’s eyes, “That’s what Splinter couldn’t bring himself to say. Raph’s too strong. He’ll be too dangerous if he succumbs to the darkness. His nightmares will come true.” Donnie was fighting the urge to break down and cry.
“He’s told you about his nightmares?” Leo asked.
Donnie nodded looking back down at Raph.
“What happens in them?” Leo prompted.
“He kills us.” Donnie’s voice was scarcely a whisper. Leo could see how desperately he wanted to touch Raph.
“Can I stay too?” Mona asked.
Donnie simply nodded and Mona made her way around to sit next to him on the floor. She kissed him and whispered in his ear. Leo couldn’t hear her words, but they brought tears to Donnie’s eyes as he reached up to hold her. They found comfort in each other and Leo was happy that Donnie didn’t have to sit alone with Raph anymore.
Leo grabbed Mikey and left the room. He resisted a little at first but allowed himself to be guided out. “We’re not staying too?” Mikey asked.
“No. We don’t need to crowd them.” Leo answered. “Let’s go back to the rooms and occupy ourselves with cleaning up the mess.” Leo sighed, “I have no idea how long this is going to take.”
Mikey nodded and they walked somberly back to their room. Leo had no idea where Splinter was, but was sure that wherever he was he was struggling with what might be.
