Let's go over to my friend's house. My friend is a giant slug named Max. He's an okay guy, but a bit shy. Shy guy. Prolly would be easier on him if he was a snail, then he could pull into his shell and hide. But he's a poor, naked snail. Heh. But he's a gamer. Really bad one because he lacks hands, but he does what he can. (and his reaction time sucks too) Like I said, good guy. I don't know why we became friends. He was sorta sliding along one day and ran over my foot. Didn't hurt any, but slimed my shoe pretty bad. He apologized and bought me dinner. We sat around and chatted and got to know each other. For a snail, he's pretty chatty sometimes. Talks about his miniature collection. Those little soldiers for D&D. He paints them. Again, rather tough for a fellow with no arms, and they look terrible, but that's fine. Does what he can with what he's got. He hasn't ever had a girlfriend. Probably a bit too nerdy for the slug gals. Although I never pried, so maybe he's gay. That would be fine. To each their own. One time I asked him if he wanted to go fishing, but he thought I meant as bait. I'm like "Bro, I have no clue where to find a hook that big anyway." But we never ended up going fishing. And really, slugs make rather lousy bait anyway. I was talking to him once about some local news. Seems the mole-people were acting up again and trying to take over the world. He just shrugged. "Mole-people, lizard-people, it's all the same" says he. I guess he's right. Sometimes you don't get to choose who rules. You can vote, but that only gets you a reptile on one side or the other. Never any slugs running for office. Or humans, for that matter. Just lizards. But we don't talk politics much. There was a time when I thought maybe he'd want to move in with me as a roommate, but it all fell through. I suppose cleaning slime all the time would get old. Now he has his own place. A rather shit place. Cold and dark. But he likes it like that. Keeps him from drying out. I don't know what else to say about him. He's just a good friend. I'm not sure what he does for work, but somehow he makes money. Guys can be like that sometimes. Don't know much about their friends. No clue when his birthday is. I think it's in August. Maybe. Definitely in that part of the year. I don't even know Max's last name, now that I think about it. Just "Max" on my smartphone. I met his mother once, but I completely forgot her name. Now I'm embarrassed to have to ask. Mrs. Something. Something. Not sure. It'll come up in conversation at some point and I'll try to commit it to memory. I don't know his father's name. Although his dad passed many years ago. I think his mother ate him. Something tragic like that. Mom is rather fat, now that I think about it. Slugs can be a strange people. What else? I think he has siblings. Or rather, a lot of them. Like 20,000, give or take. Not sure how he could remember that many names, and I expect there are many duplicate names in a family that large. Like "Meet Joe #235" or something. I don't think I'll ever go to any of his family picnics. It would be way too awkward. I don't do well in crowds. Heck, I barely do well in my own family gatherings. Anyway, let's go over to Max's house. He's got some of the best games. All the systems and shit. And a nice gaming cpu. It's a neat place, outside of it being a bit dark and wet.
