Bowsette’s Princess Lessons
Book II: The Decline and Fall of the Mushroom Kingdom
By Yu May
Prologue: The End, and The Beginning
On the surface of the Moon, two white rabbits hopped along, hand in hand.
What’s that? You say rabbits don’t live on the Moon? Don’t be silly, of course they do. Where else do you expect them to find the right kind of green cheese to serve with carrots and rice cake?
Anyway, these two moon-dwelling rabbits were dressed for a lovely night stroll under the Earth light.
One wore a proper little bowler hat, the other wore a frilly bonnet. Coming to a high, secluded spot, the rabbits paused to bask in the light of the blue planet that hung above them. In the distance, they could make out the faint sound of church bells ringing.
Then, there was a crack like lightning, which broke the eerie silence of the infinite moonscape, and what looked like a golden comet flew through the sky. The two rabbits watched in awe as the comet broke apart, and three people flew through the air. Two of them came to a rolling crash landing on the sandy moonscape. One was a handsome, mustached man wearing a white tuxedo (and top hat with cartoon eyeballs). The other was a gigantic turtle-man wearing nothing at all. Finally, a tall, beautiful woman wearing a white wedding dress (and a tiara with cartoon eyeballs) came floating down, gently landing beside them, before approaching the handsome mustached man.
With a burst of light, the man’s top hat and the woman’s tiara flew into the air, and two hat ghosts appeared, embracing each other like siblings. Of course, that’s the ordinary sort of thing you see every day when you’re a rabbit who lives on the moon, but what happened next was truly extraordinary.
As the two rabbits watched with wide, shining eyes, the man and woman approached one another, each staring longingly into the other’s eyes. But then the giant turtle hopped to his feet and knocked the little man aside, thrusting a bouquet of monstrous flowers into the beautiful woman’s face. The mustached man elbowed aside the turtle. As he knelt before the woman, he produced a white flower from his coat, offering it up to her.
The woman backed away, frowning at the sight of the turtle man’s hideous bouquet. The woman shouted, her voice clear, with controlled, regal authority. “Enough!”
Then she stomped away, leaving both the man and the turtle behind. The mustached man hung his head, before the turtle-man turned away, howling with anguish. Finally, the handsome man patted the turtle on the back of his green shell.
Then, there was a shrill whistle, and both the man and the monster looked up. The two hat ghosts floated beside the beautiful woman, who was standing on the deck of a magnificent, top-hat-shaped space ship, waving to the mustached man. “Let’s go home!” she called.
As the spaceship began to take off, the mustached man and the turtle monster ran to reach it, leaping into the air to grab onto the railings. At the last moment, the mustached man kicked off from the giant turtle’s head, sending the monster crashing back down. One of the hat ghosts flew toward him, transforming into a magnificent, red newsboy cap, and with a flourish, the man caught the cap, put it on his head, and landed on the deck beside the beautiful woman.
Then, the space ship took off, and sailed toward the blue planet in the sky.
The two rabbits watched until the ship shrank into nothingness. Then they looked at each other, shrugged, and bounced away, paw in paw.
Now, I know what you’re wondering. Did those two get married and have lots and lots of babies? Well, don’t worry, because I’m finally, finally going to tell you the answer: Yes! Both rabbits got married and had lots and lots of bunny babies!
…What’s that? You wanted to know about the handsome mustached man and the tall, beautiful woman? Will they ever get married, and have lots and lots of babies?
…Sorry, kids. Wish I knew the answer to that one. I know that after the whole escapade on the moon, the tall, beautiful woman went on an independent journey of self-discovery, and the handsome, mustached man went back to adventuring. Some of us have been waiting for those two goofs to tie the knot since 1985. But if you want my opinion, then I think that one day, sooner or later, that man and woman will most certainly get married. However hard the journey, however long it takes, love finds a way.
[End of Prologue]
