No amount of words I put here could ever match the rhapsody in my heart. Writing is such a tiny, tinny, limited, giraffe-legged traintrack failure of an artform. Shadow puppets compared to full 3D Cinemascope with Sensurround. I can type words into Bing AI and it can make single images for me, but that takes whole seconds. It's so unbelievably primitive compared to what I could accomplish if I could shape reality itself with my thoughts. If I could stand in a gargantuan oval room as big as my mental space could imagine, standing in the middle with a conductor's baton, and create music/sight/motion/color, character and setting, all without needing to move my fingers across keys, or push breath from my lips. Oh... so soft this lovely yearning. Delicate as a golden silk shawl upon the wind... >.< I probably sound godawfully pretentious now. Like some Hallmark gift card writer. Well, fuck! Who's NOT a hack!? There's a finite amount of words in the English language, and only so many combinations that can be made with them! Some of them are bound to echo ones that have come before. It's stupefying that I'm able to type words in this order and be sure that no one's ever typed this exact paragraph before. Or if they ever have, I've never heard of them. Only felt the echoes of 'prose that feels like it fits this category of heartsick attempting-to-be-profound schmaltz'. But... *You* try being ephemeral with something as stark, rigid, and stick-like as language. See the ugly black lines upon the page like silhouettes of railroad tracks. There's nothing gentle about them. I just have to hope that, I can somehow arrange them in such a way as to capture the flow of speech, such that it may make you imagine a voice, and with it an emotional quality to the tone and timbre that would cast a primitive caricature of myself upon your firelit shadowed inner walls. And thus an echo of me will reproduce into the world: nothing more. I've chosen the most inelegant of artforms to paint my music with. I suppose I always have to do it the hard way, don't I?
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5 months, 1 week ago
17 Aug 2025 13:50 CEST
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