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Towards the Light
blooper_reel.txt
Keywords male 1154911, female 1042878, wolf 188068, dragon 143936, herm 43033, sfw 27082, lizard 23532, alien 22795, ferret 10130, comedy 3978, no sex 1201, jokes 171
"Hrraaaaagh!"

Ruth let out a cry as she ran at full tilt towards the door ahead of her, holding her shotgun in her hands as she gritted her teeth. At the last moment the ferret lifted her right leg and slammed her combat boot against the metal door as hard as she could.

The door didn't budge.

Sent back sprawling onto the floor, Ruth collapsed onto her back and let out a groan, her shotgun clattering to the floor as she let go of it to hold her leg. "Fuuuuuck...!" she groaned out, sprawled out on the metal floor.

Next to the door, Shain sighed and facepalmed, shaking her head in dismay, while the demolitions expert next to her winced and asked, "You all right there, boss?"

"Never better," Ruth grunted through gritted teeth back at the leopard.

"Commander, PLEASE just let Chu do his job," Shain muttered, exasperated. "Getting through heavy doors is literally what we pay him for."

"And blowing up anything else you don't like!" Chu volunteered helpfully, holding up a demolition charge and waggling it for emphasis.

"Yes, that too," Shain muttered.

--------------------

"Uuuugh, I'm so glad that's over," Laurie groaned as she leaned back from his laptop, sitting in the middle of his sofa.

"No kidding," Revin agreed from his seat next to Laurie. "Let's never do that again."

"As long as we pass this course we won't have to," Laurie grumbled.

Chuckling, Revin patted Laurie on the back. "Want some cuddles as consolation?"

Laurie glanced away but gave a small nod, softly murmuring "Yeah..." to his friend. Smiling, Revin pulled his hoodie up and off of his furry body, tossing it aside. He leaned over to embrace Laurie in a hug and tug him into the big tuft of fur on his chest, only for Laurie to suddenly yelp and pull away sharply.

"What's wrong?" Revin asked, concerned.

"You shocked me!" Laurie whined quietly. "You're full of static!"

"Oh." Revin rubbed the back of his neck and grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, heh..."

--------------------

"Captain Lin, you are cleared to dock," the voice over the radio informed Shiu.

"Affirmative," Shiu replied, "Docking now, out." He flicked a switch to turn off the radio and grabbed the control stick to adjust his course towards the space station.

"How long did it take you to learn how to fly this thing?" Tethryn asked.

"Not that long," Shiu answered without turning to look at her. "I already knew the basics from flying in the Lanbao Space Force. And even an old junker like this still comes with accelerated training materials. I, uh, may have scraped the edge of a docking bay door or two during my first flights though."

Tethryn gave a snort. "You're not really inspiring my confidence here. Do you actually know what all of these buttons and switches do?"

"Of course I do," Shiu retorted, gesturing towards parts of the controls in front of him. "These are the door controls, the reactor lever is up here, these are the communicator controls..."

Tethryn pointed at a button. It had a symbol on it, but she didn't recognize it, and hat to assume it was from whatever language they spoke on Shiu's home planet. "What's this one do?"

He glanced over at it and hummed. "Not sure..." he murmured, reaching out and pushing it in. It clicked, and the computer gave a beep. "Oh, I remember! It primes the self-destruct charges."

Tethryn's eyes widened. "It WHAT?" Shiu managed to hold his expression for only about a second before bursting into laughter, and Tethryn glowered angrily. "Ugh, you asshole!" she snapped, kicking his chair and shaking her head as she left the cockpit, his laughter following after her.

--------------------

Linya pushed open the door to her office, her other hand holding a bag with the lunch she had bought. Books on her desk awaited her attention, and-

She froze halfway through the door as her eyes fell on a curious sight. She had never gotten around to disposing of the empty glass jar on her bookcase that had once held individually wrapped candies, a gift she had received from the college during a yearly event. The candies were long gone but the jar had remained, empty and unused... at least until now.

Now, the jar was quite full again, this time with lindwurm. Hiccup had managed to wedge her entire body into it, her sides pressed against the glass, with just her head poking out of the top and resting on her own tightly-bundled coils. Sensing her master's disbelief, Hiccup opened one eye and lifted her head slightly, peering over at Linya.

"What?" Hiccup asked incredulously. Smugly, she settled her head back down onto herself and declared, "I'm comfy."

"Lindwurms," Linya muttered under her breath, sighing and taking a seat at her desk.

--------------------

Zhen knocked on the door of Code's hotel room, waiting for her to open the door. After a few moments she opened it up and smiled, stepping back to let him in. "Come on in, I've been waiting for you," she told him silkily.

He stepped in and she closed the door behind him, her hands reaching up to his shoulders to pull off his jacket. "Thank you," he murmured, leaning back as she rubbed at his back afterwards. "It's been a long week, and I need to relax."

"Same here," she agreed. Subtly, she tugged on his shirt, pulling it out from his pants and slipping her hands underneath. But rather than him pulling closer to her embrace, he instead shuddered heavily and stepped back quickly with a disconcerted sound.

"Your hands are like ice!" he told her, turning around and rubbing at his sides where she had touched him. "Were you keeping them in the freezer?"

"I'm cold-blooded!" she retorted, holding up her hands. "I can't help it. Besides, they're not THAT cold."

"Easy for you to say, I felt like someone just dropped ice cubes down my shirt," he mumbled. "I'm going to make you some coffee."

"I don't drink coffee," she reminded him.

"I know," he told her, heading for the kitchen area in her room. "I just want you to hold the mug for a few minutes."

--------------------

Everything was ready. Shaaria took a deep breath and gestured to cast the spell to open a portal between planes, conjuring a shimmering rift in the air in front of her. She strode forward through it and into another world to begin another journey...

...or at least, that was the intention. There was a loud noise from behind her and a bright light, and before she could turn around, something struck her.

A moment later, at least from her perception of time, Shaaria came back to consciousness on her bed back at Planeswalker's Retreat, and let out a frustrated cry. "Oh, come ON!" she groaned in aggravation.

So much for THAT adventure...

--------------------

"Princess Opal?"

Hearing a voice from behind her, Princess Opal turned away from the balcony edge where she had been looking over the courtyard, and saw a familiar knight approaching her. She blushed timidly, not from anything he was doing - he was simply bowing to her with one arm over his chest - but from the memories of what they had done in this last visit.

"Sir Verian," she replied cordially. "It is a surprise to see you here. I did not think you were the type to attend a gala such as this."

"I am not," he agreed, standing straight. "But I am here as an escort to Count Zafferin's daughter."

Princess Opal raised an eye-ridge curiously. "And why are you not with her, Sir Verian?"

"She finds my company... not to her preference," Sir Verian replied tactfully.

"Really? A strong, handsome knight like yourself?"

"Lady Zafferin is more interested in other ladies than in knights," he told her delicately.

Princess Opal gave a small chuckle, holding her mouth to her pearly muzzle. "I do not blame her, most knights - present company excepted, of course - make for poor company."

"No, Princess," Sir Verian pressed, "I mean that she... entirely prefers the company of women."

"Who doesn't? I do not see soldiers fighting each other to lay claim to knights," she remarked.

Sir Verian cleared his throat. "Be that as it may, Lady Zafferin's... intimate preferences are not typical."

"Neither are yours," she reminded him.

"Yes, Princess, and I am trying to say that she would prefer to spend the night with another lady."

"That does sound like a much nicer time than listening to some local lord go on about his plans to expand his dominion."

Sir Verian inhaled deeply, folding his arms behind his back. "Lady Zafferin's interest in other women is beyond simple conversational matters," he murmured. "She is more interested in taking them to bed."

"Really? Does she want to hear stories from them?"

"I would hazard a guess that she has other uses for her companions' tongues in mind," the knight muttered.

"Hm? Oh, of course. The Zafferin domain is well-known for its wineyards, I suppose she wishes to share with her visitors?"

Sir Verian raised a hand and held it to the side of his head, lowering his voice. "Forgive the crudeness of my speech, Princess, but to be blunt: Lady Zafferin is a lesbian."

"Oh," she said in response, staring at him for a moment of silence, then added, "Is that some new religion, Sir Verian?"

--------------------

Zhen nearly spit out his drink, coughing as he tried to regain control of himself to fix the situation. "She-" he began, then coughed again.

"Zhen?" Code asked, looking at him from across the table with concern.

Their waiter, a young whiskered dragon, glanced between the two of them, looking a little shocked as he held his pen near the pad of paper in his other hand. "Could... you repeat that, ma'am?" he asked, sounding flustered.

Zhen coughed again and took a deep breath, waving his hand back and forth at Code insistently to indicate for her to remain quiet. "She wants the dumpling soup," he managed to get out, gripping the edge of the table with one hand.

"Oh," the waiter replied. "Oh! Yes, ma'am. Of course," he murmured, then backed away with a small bow and left in a hurry.

Code raised an eyebrow and turned her attention back to Zhen. "What was all that about?" she asked him in her language.

"You, er..." Zhen stumbled, thumping his chest with a fist, recovering with another heavy breath. "You asked him to give you his pants."

"Oh," she said in realization, then chuckled sheepishly. "In my defense, those words are spelled exactly the same when they've been translated. I'm still getting the hang of all the different tonal sounds!"
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Help Wanted
Towards the Light
Prelude Between Skies: A Fateful Failure
Last in pool
1,798 words, but I'm not even counting this as a "proper" upload. This is just some silliness I threw together for April 1st, and I'll throw it in scraps later. As such, it hasn't been heavily edited, so there may be minor errors.

I'm not really a fan of traditional "April Fool's" gags, but I do like to take the opportunity each year to do silly nonsense in some form or another, when I have ideas. Previously these have been things like:
- The Bad RP Bot (it would respond to every message with a one-word horny response no matter what you sent it)
- The FA Roulette Bot (it would return a random non-deleted FA link with the preview disabled - while this was effectively playing Russian Roulette with your eyes, it mostly served to show me how much stuff on FA is actually clean and SFW, and I found a bunch of cool stuff like photography and origami artists while testing it). I can barely begin to imagine how much worse an IB Roulette Bot would be.

But this year, I decided to just do a series of funny mini-scenes, tangentially related to my personal works. Hopefully funny, anyway. I didn't spend a lot of time on this, but with any luck it'll be amusing.

Featuring:
- Ruth and Shain from Leading By Example

- Laurie and Revin from Study Buddies

- Shiu and Tethryn from Small Fish, Big Pond
Small Fish, Big Pond (Chapter 1) by Codelizard

- Linya, Hiccup, and Shaaria from The Planeswalker: Between Skies

- Code and Zhen from Warmly Welcomed and the rest of the Warmly series

- Sir Verian and Princess Opal from The Word of a Knight


All characters belong to me.

Keywords
male 1,154,911, female 1,042,878, wolf 188,068, dragon 143,936, herm 43,033, sfw 27,082, lizard 23,532, alien 22,795, ferret 10,130, comedy 3,978, no sex 1,201, jokes 171
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Type: Writing - Document
Published: 5 months, 2 weeks ago
Rating: General

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Yuval
5 months, 2 weeks ago
lol
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