Stan drives his Diablo in the middle of a traffic jam, hocking the car’s horn, while Dipper and Pacifica are sitting on the back seat, eating nachos from a bag, Pacifica takes one out of the bag, and approaches to Dipper’ mouth, who chews it quickly, making Pacifica giggles – Aww come on, what’s with all this traffic? – Stan complains – Yeah, is very rare to see traffic jams here in town – Pacifica looks through the window, and sees covered wagons from the days of the US expansion towards the west, being pulled by horses, and driven by people of fashion of such days – Why there are so many covered wa…? - She stops her sentence opening wide her eyes, and approaches to Stan – Gruncle Stan, do you remember what day is this? – she asks startled – Well, today should be…- Stan thinks for a second, before opening wide his eyes – Oh no! No no no no – He tries to drive away from the wagons, making Pacifica returns to her seat – Not today! Not today! – Stan says panicked, before stopping his card to avoid to hit three women wearing colonizers’ clothes, carrying tomatoes on wooden baskets. Stan drives in the opposite direction – Ah, could you explain me what is happening? – Dipper ask Pacifica – Today is a very special commemorative day for the town – she replies – And we gotta get out of here before is too late! – Stan says before stopping his car, noticing the wagons are surrounding them – They’ve circled the wagons! We’re trapped! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! – I still don’t get it – Dipper says from his place – I’ll explain you later – Pacifica tells her – You stay here, I have to go to the shack quickly, I’ll see you later – she kisses him on the cheek, then unfasten her belt, and goes out of the car, where she sees a man with two horses, then she hops on one – Your horse will be returned later, I promise, Hi-Yoh Silver! – and makes the horse begins to gallop at full speed, making her jump and avoid every obstacle on her way, as if she were an expert. Dipper pulls his head out of the car, looking amazed how she rides away – Wow, she’s fabulous.
IRRATIONAL TREASURE AU
Dipper goes out of el Diablo, and sees that the town and its people have almost transformed into a town of the old west – Man, look at the town – Dipper says amazed, while Stan approaches to him – Aw boy, it’s Pioneer Day, every year these yahoos drees up like idiots to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded – Toby Determined approached to them, offering them a newspaper rolled as a scroll – Welcome to 1863 – Stan then lift up the sleeve of his suit, menacing Toby – I will break you little man! – Toby runs scared, crashing against a barrel, Dipper looks to a side, and sees an old lady making candles, McGucket teaching about gold panning, and a priest marrying a man and a woodpecker – Huh?! – Dipper exclaims – In Gravity Falls, is legal to marry woodpeckers – Dipper hears Pacifica’s voice next to him, but when he turns, he sees a girl of brown hair until her shoulders, dark blue eyes, wearing glasses of lavender frame, light turquoise dress with a purple belt around it, a yellow belt buckle in the front, black leggings, cream boots and a coonskin cap, and holding the leash of the horse Pacifica used to ride away. The original owner of the horse approached to her and she gives him the leash – A weird girl asked me to give you your nag back, and also this in compensation – and she gives him three silver dollars – Wow, thank you, young lady – and the man walks away with his horse.
Dipper looks the girl in an inquiring way, she looks at him, placing her right arm on her hip, she smiles and winks at him, then Dipper open his eyes wide – Paci?, why the…? – he moves the back of his hair with his hand – And the…? – and places his hand over his eyes, mimicking her glasses – Don’t you remember what dad told us about the relationship of our family with Gravity Falls? – she ask him, Dipper thinks for a moment, but he shrugs – Our great-great-grandfather, Nathaniel Northwest, was the founder of the town – she answer her own question, making Dipper face palms himself – Oh!, that’s right!, but that doesn’t explains why you…? – Dad has keep as secret for all town that he changed his surname to Northpines, only we, Gruncle Stan and Soos, know that the Northpines and the Northwest are the same family, also, dad knew that being the child of such a financial influential family, it would create a hard childhood to live, that’s other of the reasons why he has keep me so isolated, so nosy parkers as Toby Determined (she says while points in direction of Toby) don’t know too much about me; until I appeared in the shack, except for Gruncle Stan, the rest of the town didn’t know the existence of Pacifica, that’s why despite being members of the most influential family in town, we haven’t been bothered since we’re in the shack – Pacifica explains to Dipper – Aha, I get it, and that disguise is part of your cover – Dipper says, pointing to her – Yeah, I have to wear it when I must make public appearances, like in this day, as descendant of the funder of the town, I must make a speech… by the way, my name is Atlantica Northwest – she says offering him her hand, Dipper, understanding what she’s doing, smiles and shakes her hand – I’m Dipper Northpines, nice to meet you – So, Dipper – and she grabs his arm with hers – Why don’t you stay with me during this day?, that’s of course, if your grumpy caretaker leaves you – and she sees Stan with a grin – Do what you want – says Stan – Just remember, if you come back to the shack talking like these people, you’re dead to me – Stan remarks, and Dipper begins to talk with a twang – The old man says we can make the turnip cellar moos – Atlantica giggles, and she also talks with a twang – Well, hornswaggle my haversack – Atlantica grabs Dipper’s hand, and both runs away from Stan, laughing – DEAD TO ME! – Stan tells them.
Dipper and Pacifica approaches to a wooden stage build in front of the statue of the founder of the town – You wait here while I give my speech – Atlantica says, going to the stage, where sheriff Blubs, wearing a coonskin cap too, is waiting for her – You did it, miss Northwest – he says – As if I were going to disappoint my family, now that my father is in a business travel, we can begin – sheriff Blubs smiles, and begins to speak to the town through a microphone – Hear ye! Hear ye! Ye olde commencement ceremony is about to commence – deputy Durland appears, ringing a bell – Whoo! I got a bell! – Durland announces – Ha ha, he sure loves his bell – sheriff Blubs says – Now, in representation of the man who founded our splendid community, lady Atlantica Northwest – the sheriff says before stepping aside, Atlantica approaches to the microphone, and taps it to make sure is working – Howdy, everyone, is a pleasure to see ya once more, I am Atlantica Northwest, great-great-granddaughter of the founder of our town, Nathaniel Northwest – she says aiming with the palm of her hand in direction to the statue – Now, if you’ve got the pioneer spirit, we ask you to come on up and introduce yourself – she looks at Dipper, winking at him, he blushes, but then, some noisy steps are heard, running in direction to her – Out first newcomer is – She looks at her side, and sees Mabel – Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma-Marvelous, and you are…? – she says, trying to feign she doesn’t know her – I’m Mabel! Let’s get this pioneer day started! USA! USA! – Mabel says in a very enthusiastic tune, that makes everyone in the audience, begins to chant “USA” along with her – Good! – says Atlantica – Let’s follow her example and enjoy this day! – Atlantica says with enthusiasm, everyone cheers and departs, leaving only Dipper as audience.
DIPPERMAN! – Mabel says, and jumps out of the stage, landing next to Dipper – Where is Pacifigirl? – You’ll see…Pacifica hasn’t been able to sleep well the last nights – Dipper explains, making Atlantica hugs herself, blushing – So she’s in the shack recovering the lost sleep – So Dipperman is alone today, hm… Dipperman wants to spend the day with Mabel?! – Mabel ask excited, Dipper looks at her as not knowing what to say, but then, Atlantica appears, grabbing Dipper from his arm, pulling him at her – Sorry lady, this gentle and handsome gentleman, asked me some minutes ago if I could have a date with him, so he’ll be spending this day with me – she giggles, before looking at Mabel with anger – Dipperman, is that true? – Mabel ask, but her eyes are set in Atlantica, seeing her with seriousness – Yes, yes, Mabel, I’ll be spending the day with Atlantica, sorry – Dipper says, but Mabel just keep seeing Atlantica – Well, I’m sorry Dipperman will be spending the day with her – Atlantica pulls Dipper back, and places in front of Mabel in a posture of defiance – What do you mean?! You don’t even know me – Atlantica tells her – Mabel has heard stories of the horrible things that North family has done to be rich – Like what? – Like stoneman was burp that didn’t know left from right, so stoneman couldn’t have found town – Atlantica looks as I she was to explode of anger, but she breaths deep, and composes herself – I don’t know what are you talking about, now if you excuse me, I have a day to spend in company of this handsome gentlemen – says while she walks to Dipper, and grabs his arms – Come on Dipper, let me show you the rich history, real history, of our town – and both walks, leaving Mabel alone, who walks furious in other direction.
When they’re away from Mabel – I knew one day we’ll confront each other when she told me the other day she tried to mate with you – Atlantica says – She what?! – Dipper ask startled – Never mind, but I don’t like she tries to be that close to you – Pacifica says, and Dipper look at her with a smile – Well, it can’t be avoided, as far as she know, Pacifica and I are just siblings, but now that I know about her advances, I’ll be rejecting them – he says to her – You promise? – she lets her arm free, and both hold their hands, crossing their fingers – I promise.
Out of town, Stan’s Diablo has a rear wheel trapped into a mud hole, making the car not wanting to move, when he sees a man with a donkey walking next to him – Donkey boy, give a hand with my car, huh? – Here in 1863, I have never heard tell of a… car, pray tell, what is this magic wheel box? – The man says – Ach, come on Steve! You’re a mechanic, for Pete’s sake, cut me some slack! – Stan says annoyed – “Slack”, I am unfamiliar with this bold new expression – Steve says before Stan grabs him from the neck of his costume – I can’t take this anymore! I’m getting dumber every second I’m here! – At that moment, sheriff Blubs and deputy Durland arrive – Are we gonna have to intervene here? – sheriff ask Stan – (sarcastically) Oh look, the constable, what are you gonna do? Throw me in “ye stocks”? – Back in town, Stan is put in the stocks – Aww, Come on! – Stan heard a humming near him, and sees Gideon with a bag of tomatoes, approaching to him – Hey, nice outfit, Gideon, you actually look less girly than usual ah ha ha ha ha ha! – Why, Stanford, I’m just a humble tomato farmer, selling his wares – then grabs one tomato from his bag – Whoops, I dropped one – and throws it to Stan, hitting him on the glasses – Ah, whoops, I dropped another one – and throws it to Stan again – AHHHHH PIONEER DAY!!! – Stan screams to the heaven.
Sitting at the stairs that lead to Nathaniel Northwest statue, there are Dipper and Atlantica, eating butterscotch candies – You know, is pleasant to be able to walk for the town holding hands, smooching – and she places a candy inside Dipper’s mouth – acting as a couple instead to have to hide our relationship, maybe Atlantica should come to town more often –Atlantica says – I don’t think is a good idea, if Atlantica wants to pass unnoticed, is better she doesn’t go out that often – Dipper says while chews the candy, making Atlantica place sad her head between her hands – Hmm, you’re right, it looks we wouldn’t be able to show openly out relationship – It’s just a matter of time, trust me… but I can’t stop thinking what Mabel said about Nathaniel, I think I read something about it in the journal – he takes out the journal from his vest, he begins to pass the pages, until he stops in the page he was looking for – Here is, “in my investigations, I recently made a discovery, Nathaniel Northwest may not be the founder of Gravity Falls, I believe the proof of this secret is buried somewhere on the enclosed document, if only I could crack the code” – and he and Pacifica sees a piece of paper pasted with tape to the page, Dipper untapes it, and opens it, revealing the draw of a pyramid with an eye, a set of dotted lines going on all directions, along a set of draws that it looks don’t have any sense – Oh man, if this cover-up is true, it means all our family is a fraud, this could be a major conspiracy – Dipper says excited – Dipper, if that’s true, this would be a problem, for us, have you think about that?, this would ruin our lives, definitively, should we really try to uncover this? – Atlantica ask – Is better we be the ones who do it – Dipper says while place the journal inside his vest again – If someone else find it out, then our lives will really be ruined, at least we can decide what to do with what we find – Dipper says while stands up, and Atlantica stands up too – I think you’re right, ok Dipper, it’s time to solve this crime! – She says with enthusiasm, pointing to the horizon – Ah, this is not a crime, Atlantica – Dipper says – Let’s hope is not – Atlantica says, she grabs the bag of candies, and both run away from the statue.
Moments later, in Gravity Falls Library, McGucket is telling a story to some kids, while lighted for a candle, Dipper and Atlantica are looking at some books – Dipper, if this is a cover-up, I don’t think we can find info in the books made available for the public – I know, but any could contain a clue to break this code – The two keep looking through the books, Atlantica opens one, and is a book of how to make origami sculptures – Origami… I must have picked it up by mistake – Atlantica looks the paper, and her eyes open wide, he compares the dotted lines on it with a diagram of how to fold a paper, both looks very similar – Dipper, that’s it!, the dotted lines are folding instructions – and begins to turn the pages – We must just look for… this – and shows Dipper the instruction about how to make a paper hat – The folding lines of this looks exactly like the ones in that paper – Atlantica points – Hey, you’re right – Dipper says, Atlantica grabs the paper, and begins to fold it as in the instructions; in the end, Atlantica made a hat with the paper, and Dipper sees the draws now form a map – You were right, is a map, but to where? – Dipper ask, Atlantica looks the map, and notices a draw of a house with a X inside – I think I know, there is only one place in all the town that has a shape like this.
Minutes later, both are in front of the Gravity Falls Museum of History, when they go to the entrance, a lady greets them – Welcome to the Gravity Falls Museum of History, here you have your free Pioneer Day passes – and gives a button to each one – and your balloons, blue and pink – and she gives a blue balloon to Dipper, and a pink to Atlantica, both thanks her, and walk in – What are we gonna do next? – Atlantica ask – According with the map, the next clue about the real town founder should be right… here? – both are inside a room filled with old saws hanging from the walls, and they stop in front of a clay sculpture with the form of a triangle, hanging from the wall, but what is sculpted in it makes no sense – So what is it, anyway? – Dipper ask, both look at the sculpture, trying to decipher what is, when suddenly, Atlantica closes an eye – I feel something in my eye, give me a moment – Atlantica sits on a bench in front of the sculpture, she takes out her pocket double mirror, she moves to an angle she has more light, and clears her eye from an eyelash – That’s better – When Atlantica looks the reflection of the sculpture on her mirror, she sees is a very crude image of an angel, holding a book and pointing to her left; Atlantica puts the mirror on her pocket, and sits upside down on the bench looking at the sculpture – Dipper, it’s upside down – Dipper looks at her, she sits next to her, also sitting upside down, and sees the angel – You’re right, but is she pointing to somewhere or…? – No, it looks similar to a statue I saw in the cemetery – And both stand up – Let’s go, quick! – both run out of the room. Sheriff Blubs appears at one side of the room, and speaks through his radio - This is sheriff Blubs, we’ve got a code sepia – and he hears someone spitting a liquid from his mouth on the other side – WHAT!? And what are you doing about it? – ask a male voice from the other side – I’m following them right now – Blubs answer – Find them and stop them, there’s no room for error – the voice says – I understand, Blubs out – he cuts communication, and Durland approaches to him – Deputy Durland, maintaining this cover-up is the mission we’ve been training for our entire careers, are you ready? – and Durland whoos while rings his bell – Let’s go get ‘em – Durland replies.
In the cemetery, Dipper and Atlantica find the statue that resembles the sculpture – So is pointing to the next clue? – Dipper ask – Maybe not, the other clues have been more… irrational in their way to solve them, it could be the same with this – Atlantica says, and looks at the statue - What would be the most irrational thing you could do with a statue like this? – she ask, and looks at Dipper – Mmm, picking your nose? – he says shrugging, Atlantica then grabs the finger of the statue, this bends, causing a plaque on the floor in front of the statue, opens a secret door, revealing stairs that goes underground. Dipper takes out a flashlight from his vest, and both go down the stairs, until reaching a passageway – We must be careful with the booby traps – Dipper says – The only boobies you have to worry about are mines – Atlantica says, before stepping on a switch, suddenly, a dart comes out of a wall, incrusting on the wall, leaving Dipper an Atlantica startled – Tranquilizer darts! – Dipper says, grabs Atlantica’s hand, and both runs quickly, avoiding the darts miraculously, the passage ends on a slide, where Dipper and Atlantica slides, screaming, they finally stops inside a room, that has a lot of papers, document, and an old cinema projector – This is what I call a treasure trove – Atlantica says, Dipper lights the place, when he sees a folder with the US government coat, a red signal of TOP SECRET, and the title “THE NORTHWEST COVER-UP” – Bingo – Dipper says while both approach to it – Now we’ll find out who the real town founder was – Atlantica looks nervous, Dipper opens the folder, and begins to read – “Let it be here recorded that Nathaniel Northwest, fabled founder of Gravity Falls was, in fact, a fraud, as well as a waste-shoveling village idiot” – Wait, WHAT?! – Atlantica says not believing what she’s reading, while Dipper keeps reading – “The true founder of Gravity Falls was Sir Lord Quentin Trembley III” – Who is Quentin Trembley? – Atlantica ask, before both are lighted by a flashlight, and when they look at the origin of it, they see Blubs and Durland – That’s none of your business! – Blubs say – Ohh, hello! it is, I’m the great-great-granddaughter of the idiot of the town, I have the right to know the true! – No, you have not! – Durland says, ringing the bell, but then, he starts to look sleepy, until he falls face down, showing his back has a lot of darts – He got hit with quite a few of those darts – Blubs says, then approaches to the folder, and grabs it.
I hate to do this, but Quentin Trembley’s a matter of national security – Blubs says to the twins – What do you mean with national security? – Dipper ask – And what does he have to do with my family? – Atlantica ask – See for yourself – Blubs says, and turns on the projector. The black and white film shows the coat of the US government, along with the words “TOP SECRET”, when a man of the secret service appears – “If you’re watching this, then you are one of the eight people in these United States with clearance to view this information, in fact, I myself will be shot as soon as the filming is complete… What? No? Ha! Well, that’s a relief! Of all of America’s secrets, the most embarrassing was the case of Quentin Trembley the eighth and a half president of the United States” – President?! Eighth and a half?! – The twins ask in unison. – “After winning the 1837 election in a landslide, Quentin Trembley quickly gained a reputation as America’s smartest president, he made many drastic changes to improve the life of American citizens, but this radicalization made him a lot of enemies; without many allies, Quentin Trembley was forced to escape from Washington to plan for a return, arriving to an uncharted valley, but the most unusual thing happened, suddenly the smart Quentin Trembley became the stupidest person in all America; he named the valley, Gravity Falls, after plummeting into it a high speed, for riding his horse backwards; in Gravity Falls, Quentin waged war on pancakes, issued the de-pants-ipation proclamation, and when was asked about his plans to retake control the presidency, he said: (Quentin’s reenacted voice) in this moment, the only thing we have to fear is gigantic, man-eating spiders!
- Due this, Trembley’s term was erased from history, and officially replaced by William Henry Harrison as president, and local nobody Nathaniel Northwest as founder of Gravity Falls; the whereabouts of president Trembley’s body are unknown” – ant the film ends – Until now – Blubs say.
AS INKBUNNY’S RULES SPECIFY THAT SEXUAL SITUATIONS WHERE HUMANS OF HUMAN-LIKE CHARACTERS, EVEN IN WRITING WORKS, ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THE SITE, THE REST OF THE CHAPTER CAN BE READ IN MY PIXIV, YOU’LL FIND THE LINK ON THE DESCRIPTION.
Made wih the help of my friend XUnlimited. None of us is a native English speaker, so please, forgive our grammar mistakes.
If you have suggestions of what episodes should be rewritten for this Alternate Universe, please, comment, just take in count that due the changes, some episodes wouldn't have ocurred in this universe.
