1 As the last leaves of autumn fell and gave way to the long nights of winter, the trees of The Valley, Sven's little backwater hometown, withered while his friendship with Kyaw Bits, the bubbly bunny boy he befriended one Valentines Day in 1986, began to blossom into something a little bit more. The weather continued to get colder as Sven's heart became ever warmer, and not just because of the warm glow of Christmas fast approaching, though that was certainly a part of it, but also because of the company of his dear little rabbit companion he had grown increasingly fond of, in spite of himself.
2 The wintery weather came early that December of the same year, and soon all the baseball diamonds were all blanketed under several feet of beautiful and serene white snow. As a result Sven began to spend less time with his friends Torvald and Helmer since their friendship was mainly based around playing baseball, and more time indoors with Kyaw, sitting cozy by the Bits fireplace with cups of hot cocoa, talking about everything and nothing it seemed. Just enjoying each other's company and sharing their passions, Sven's for baseball and Kyaw's for ballet. Each was a window into another world the other barely understood, and they found themselves increasingly fascinated by each other.
3 Besides, Torvald was no longer in the same class as Sven, and Helmer never had been. The only friend that had followed Sven from Kindergarten into first grade was Kyaw, which ironically he had only really become friends with near the end of that school year. As such it was only natural that Sven began to spend more time with Kyaw as they spent most of the school day together.
4 Sven had met Torvald, a handsome Greywolf pup, in pre-school and he quickly became Sven's best friend. They both had an interest in sports and both had fathers that were encouraging them to learn and hone their skills early in the hopes of them entering a junior league. They both met Helmer and later Cadence through baseball practice.
5 Kyaw had first met Sven when he saw Sven and Torvald practicing on the baseball diamond one fine summer's day in 1985. Kyaw, a boy who was the only male in his family, and whose friends were all girls, was instantly captivated at the sight of two boys his own age. "Boys, other boys!" he thought upon seeing them for the first time, with an excitement and glee he could barely contain. They looked so handsome and electrifying to him. Everything about them seemed so very different from himself and all the females that he knew in his life. He couldn't help but be fascinated by the rambunctious chatter he heard from the two as they walked over to the diamond to practice.
6 On that day, Kyaw with barely a care for how it looked, hung on the gates separating the field from the bleachers, his tail already twitcha-twitching enthusiastically as he watched.
7 Torvald got up to bat and practiced some swings. He seemed unusually strong for a boy his age. The raw aggression fascinated Kyaw even while he did not understand it.
8 He then came to look upon the winsome Sven for the very first time as he walked up confidently to the pitcher’s mound. He wore a red and white uniform with the number Seven featuring prominently on his back. Kyaw found himself rapidly swooning, his eyes becoming transfixed on the lithe and handsome yet sturdy figure of the roo boy as he calmly prepared himself mentally. Sven moved with such control as he warmed up. Kyaw found himself fascinated with the way Sven's arms moved, smacking the ball into his mitt with a certain anxious power. Kyaw had fallen for other handsome boys before, but this was more intense than anything he had yet experienced. His heart was already a pitter patter, and he forgot himself.
9 But we are getting ahead of ourselves, so let’s begin at the beginning.
10 On that fine day Kyaw had been skipping along in the park having gone some distance from his older cousins Flipsy and Skipsy who were babysitting him. The two girls had been lost in a conversation with their other friend Bridget. Kyaw had been part of the conversation, able to keep up with it just as well as any girl, but gradually his fiddly boy nature overcame his desire to chatter, as effeminate as he was, and he simply had to skip and dance about to exhaust some of the rambunctious male energy that stirred in him even as his mind had not the least hint of boyish thought in it. He stopped to pick flowers, chase butterflies and practice his pirouettes, as best he could on the grass without his ballet shoes. He was surprisingly good at it despite this and could throw his light body into powerful and controlled spins with ease. He lifted his legs gracefully and leaped across the fields with his arms expressing his emotions, his love of motion and his inner sense of freedom and self. It would have looked quite silly if not for the fact that he was actually quite good at it, especially for a boy his age.
11 His prancing was only interrupted when he heard the approaching boys, and frightened, his timid rabbit instincts kicking in, he ducked beneath the concrete base of the gates where the bleachers were. He heard there loud booming voices, and he could tell instantly from the way they talked ... they were boys.
12 Kyaw knew that he was a boy, but he also understood he was different than them. He did not have the imposing presence that seemed to surround them like an aura. He was meek and mild, but something in his heart was drawn to their bold energy. Kyaw had peeked up to see them enter the diamond, and got up with his nose twitcha-twitching in fascination as they took their positions. He was so entranced by them that he had forgotten that they could plainly see him standing there intently watching their every movement. But they seemed not to notice the timid bunny boy pressing his nose slightly through the gate for the moment.
13 Torvald's father took the catcher's position behind his son at bat, while Sven's dad was in the outfield. Kyaw's eyes were on Sven as he hit his fist into his baseball mitt. Sven's eyes were laser focused towards Torvald, sizing up his friend and his rival, knowing what Torvald was capable of. Sven liked Torvald as Torvald Sven, but that wasn't going to get in either of their ways. Each of their prides were on the line with their fathers there watching their every move. In a way, the true core of their friendship, of their bond, was their rivalry. Sven smiled a cocky smile and Torvald did the same. The meaning was understood implicitly, a secret knowing between them, a mix of love and admiration, as well as hate and envy, to be felt, but never spoken out loud; a feeling that could only be acknowledged with this glance between them. To bring any more attention to it than that would spoil the magic and be too uncomfortable for the both of them.
14 Kyaw could tell Sven was far too deep in concentration to notice him. He simultaneously wished he did and hoped he didn't. He felt far too shy at that moment to handle even a glance in his direction, yet his heart skipped a beat at the tantalizing possibility.
15 Sven took his time preparing and planning. Then with what felt like the lash of a whip that excited Kyaw's very being, Sven sprung into action like a flash of lightning. In what seemed like an instant the ball flew across the field at great speed. Kyaw was awe struck in that moment.
16 "STRIKE ONE!" bellowed Torvald's father. "Nice one Sven!" praised his father from the outfield. "Thanks dad!" Sven said, an adorable smile emerging on his face. Kyaw loved the beautiful and sweet cadence of Sven's voice. Kyaw couldn't help but wiggle his tail and bounce a little bit on his feet in glee. He was falling in love with everything about Sven.
17 This finally got Sven's attention as he heard the gate rustle. "Huh?!" he said as he turned to face Kyaw for the first time. Kyaw went into instant terror mode and ducked down the below the gate, hiding behind the concrete to get out of view. His heart raced a hundred times faster. Had Sven actually seen him? Was he angry that Kyaw was staring at him? As so many other boys had become before for Kyaw merely being transfixed by their 'beauty'?
18 But Kyaw's thoughts quickly turned to the recent revelation. "So Sven is his name … oh ... so lovely … sigh", thought Kyaw, as he tried to suppress a giggle fit. Kyaw replayed the pitch in his mind. Such speed precision and power! He'd never seen anything like it! He sighed as he gripped his chest with both hands. Kyaw had just experienced love at first sight, and for the first time, and it was exhilarating! Butterflies fluttered about in Kyaw's fey little heart with such ferocity that it almost hurt.
19 "Come on Sven, focus" said Sven's father. Sven was momentarily confused by what he had only briefly seen by the gate. But he soon lost interest. "Got it dad" he said as he caught the ball being tossed back by Torvald's dad effortlessly.
20 Kyaw couldn't help but peak over the edge to watch him pitch again. The view was just too tempting. He had to see him again, no matter the risk!
21 Sven's concentration was finally broken when he noticed a pair of bunny ears sticking up above the concrete barrier.
22 "Who's there!" Sven demanded. This frightened poor Kyaw. Such a commanding voice! Kyaw's rabbit instincts kicked in and he scurried away on all fours behind the bleachers to hide. Sven approached the gate but found no one there. Kyaw's heart was racing at 300 beats a minute it felt like, but he held his breath to not make a sound.
23 "Sven, stop getting distracted and get back on the pitcher's mound!" shouted his father. "Sorry dad, I thought I saw someone sneaking around!" explained Sven, still not convinced there had been no one there.
24 Sven went back up to pitch. He tried to forget what had just happened, but it was distracting him. He threw a little too early. PING! Torvald hit that one clear into the sky! Kyaw took this moment to scurry off to some bushes as he heard the two families scrambling far too focused on their game to notice him. He eventually made his way back to Flipsy and Skipsy who were still chattering away with Bridget none the wiser. Phew! Kyaw was glad they hadn't noticed. He would have gotten in trouble. Also he was not prepared to explain what had just happened. He was still reeling from the emotions and just wanted to bask in them privately for a bit. He just sat on the benches, rested his head in his palms and got lost in his dreamy thoughts.
25 Kyaw felt a strange mix of fear and delight. He had to meet that boy again one day and speak with him! He had to find a way to make friends with him ... somehow. But how? His heart ached with the longing.
26 And that ladies and gentlefurs is how Kyaw had first met Sven. After that day the thought of Sven was never far from his heart or mind, for Kyaw had become instantly smitten with the charming boy who was at once sweet and gentle yet so brash and bold. Something about it made sense to Kyaw. It was as if he could recognize something in the shy boy that others couldn’t. A vulnerability only Kyaw could see and wished to know more intimately ...
27 As the summer wore on Sven's and Torvald's friendship grew. Kyaw never forgot about Sven, though he faded into a kind of pleasant daydream he'd revisit from time to time. He would not see him again for the rest of the summer.
*2*
28 It would not be until the very first day of Kindergarten that Kyaw would see Sven again. Kyaw remembered it well. He was sitting in a circle with the other children, his best friend Asha Purrs to one side and another girl to the other. Kyaw's heart skipped a beat when Sven entered the room, soon followed by Torvald. Where as Kyaw had been happily chatting away before he now fell deathly silent. Would Sven recognize him from that day at the baseball diamond? Would he be mad? Kyaw held his breath almost as if he was afraid the slightest sound would alert Sven to his presence, much the way a prey animal freezes when an unaware predator passes by. He felt an almost uncontrollable urge to run and hide in that moment, but he also dared not make a move and draw attention to himself. All he could seem to do was stare intently at Sven in disbelief that he would get to spend a whole school year with this beautiful boy he barely knew but desperately wished he did. His mind scrambled to take stock of this development that both terrified and delighted him.
29 On that first day, Kyaw remembered, how the teacher began going around asking the children what they wanted to be when they grew up. Sven had proudly said he wanted to be a professional baseball player and the other children seemed impressed by this, including Kyaw. He didn’t quite know what it meant, but Sven said it with such confidence it impressed him none the less.
30 When it became Kyaw's turn to speak he said with some pride that when he grew up he wanted to be a world class Ballerina. The children in the class room giggled and the teacher, Ms. Deer, was quick to correct him. "Kyaw, I think you mean a ballet dancer not a ballerina.”
31 “No! I mean ballerina.” said Kyaw with some consternation.
32 Ms. Deer became more firm and clarified. “You can't grow up to be a ballerina because Ballerina's are girls and you are not a girl". The children giggled again, but the teacher signaled the class to calm down.
33 But Kyaw was not deterred, "I know I’m not a girl. I'm a boy, but I can still be a ballerina. I will just be a boy ballerina, that's all. My mom always says I can be whatever I want to be, and didn’t you just say we can be whatever we want when we grow up Miss Deer?” he asked with a sweetness that made it unclear if this was defiance or naivety. Miss Deer shrewdly narrowed her eyes trying to figure out which it was.
34 “Yes I did but-“ she began weakly, realizing she was beginning to lose ground to a five year old.
35 “and I want to be a ballerina when I grow up.” Said Kyaw satisfied he had proven his point. He stood there with his head held high and his fists perched at his hips.
36 Miss Deer decided to approach this delicately, though she was beginning to lose her patience. “I understand you like ballet and want to become a ballet dancer." She said the last two words slowly and patronizingly. "That is the word used for when a boy participates in ballet”, Miss Deer tried to calmly state to regain control of the conversation.
37 “I know what a ballet dancer is Miss Deer! I know that boys and girls have different parts in a ballet! But I still want to be a ballerina some day, BAL-LER-RINA, not a ballet dancer! I just have to learn the girl's parts, that's all! My Mom says I can learn how if I really want to. And I have been learning! And someday I’ll be up on stage as a real ballerina, even though I’m a boy, and I’ll be the world's first boy ballerina, and I'll be famous, just wait and see!” Kyaw said with a little rabbit stomp. While rabbits may not be particularly intimidating they certainly can express their agitation and irritation which is what Kyaw was expressing now.
38 That was it. Miss Deer had enough of this teaching moment. "Kyaw sit down and behave yourself. You are being silly!". The children pointed and laughed. "Haha, Kyaw is a girl!" said somefur. Then Torvald yelled out "Sissy boy!". Kyaw turned to his accuser. He didn't even know what that meant. It was the first time he had ever been called a sissy, though it certainly wouldn’t be the last. He saw Torvald and Sven sitting together. Sven had cleary been laughing, though now that Kyaw was facing them with his face flustered Sven abruptly choked it down, being, deep down, a kind boy at heart.
39 Tears began to well up in Kyaw's eyes. A normal boy would choke them down or wipe them away. But Kyaw had not been socialized to hide his feelings. He had been taught to let furs know when they hurt his feelings. This is because when he was young he was not only surrounded exclusively by females, but his mother had deliberately raised him like a girl, going so far as to only put him in frilly dresses as an infant.
40 Despite this, deep down a little fire raged in his heart, an assertiveness that would not be stifled. "I'm not a sissy boy! I'm a boy! A BOY! Stop calling me names!" he shouted back with his two fists clenched in anger. Why were those boys being ... so mean to him?! He liked them, especially Sven. Why were they making fun of him. He didn't understand. Kyaw looked Sven directly in the eye for the first time, but with a look of resentment. Sven looked at Kyaw for the first time with a look that almost seemed apologetic. "Kyaw go sit in the corner. You need to calm down. Torvald, I don’t know where you learned that kind of language but in our class we don’t use hurtful words like that. Now, apologize to Kyaw" said Ms. Deer.
41 Everyone went silent and there was an awkward pause. It was uncertain whether Ms. Deer would be able to regain control of the class at this point. Kyaw's eyes remained fixed on Sven as tears began to stream down his face. Finally Torvald broke the uncomfortable silence, "Pff ... no need to act like such a baby. I'm sorry alright, just stop crying about it!" he said without looking at Kyaw. Kyaw and Sven's glance continued unbroken until Ms. Deer stepped in "Alright Kyaw, Torvald gave you an apology. Now stop crying and go sit in the corner for a little while". Kyaw wiped his tears and stamped his foot down "But I didn't do anything wrong!" he yelled. "ENOUGH! CORNER! NOW!" she said. This frightened Kyaw enough to get him to back down and he scampered off to the corner with a huff while the other children snickered.
42 How humiliating! Kyaw buried his face into his knees, and cried to himself quietly so the teacher wouldn't continue to pick on him.
43 As Kyaw sat in the corner and continued to cry, he heard the teacher explain how some titles could be for boys or girls, like police officers, or fire fighters, but other titles like a princess or a ballerina were by definition for girls, and that boy versions of those words existed instead, such as a prince or ballerino. The children hadn't heard the word ballerino before and were surprised that there were male ballet dancers.
44 As she eventually clarified, it wasn’t a matter of boys and girls not being able to do the same things, but that when a boy did the same thing as a girl or a girl a boy, it was simply called something different. What Miss Deer had failed to take into consideration however, and which Kyaw was well aware of, was that male and female ballet dancers did not actually dance in the same way. It wasn't the same thing! It was not simply a matter of labeling the same thing something different depending on the sex of the participant. There were parts, modes of dress, and ways of moving that were assigned that were different for boys and girls. And so, as Kyaw understood it, being a ballerina was not about whether you were a boy or girl, but rather, what part you were to play. So in a very real sense, Kyaw wasn't wrong.
45 Kyaw had in fact already begun to take ballet classes and he did in fact wear a ballerina's dress to some rehearsals and he was learning some of the female parts. He had been given permission by his unorthodox Instructor to do so in class. He was however forbidden to do so in an actual performance. Tabitha Bits, Kyaw's mother, was good friends with The Instructor and had gotten her to go along with it to appease her only son. The Dance Instructor figured Kyaw would likely outgrow it in time, but in the meantime, if it encouraged him to take his instruction more seriously and work twice as hard then she felt in the long run it would pay off. She didn't see much harm in it since Kyaw was still so young. The girls in Kyaw's class had initially teased him about it in their own way, often giggling. But they slowly came to accept Kyaw as one of their own. In fact he had eventually earned the respect of his female peers and was considered the best “ballerina” in the class. Yet here he was, once again, the object of ridicule, having to convince furs to take him seriously, and it deeply frustrated and upset him.
46 And it wasn’t just being scolded by the teacher. It wasn’t just being mocked by the class. It’s that he had been humiliated in front of his crush. He had even laughed in his face for a brief moment before feeling bad about it. “Sven must think I’m a sissy too” thought Kyaw through sniffles. "He’ll never want to be my friend now", he thought tearfully, "it’s hopeless. I haven’t even said a word to him and he probably already hates me. Just like every boy I want to be friends with …"
*3*
47 Kyaw still wanted to talk to Sven, but the experience was so humiliating he couldn't bring himself to do it. Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. How he longed to say anything to him, even just a simple “hi” would have brightened up his day, but every time he had an opportunity to speak he couldn't make any words come out. He’d freeze in fear. If their eyes ever met he’d quickly look away and feel flushed and flustered. Yet his gaze would always return longingly when Sven wasn’t paying attention. Oh if only he could let him know how he felt! It made him feel like his heart would burst out of his chest in desperation.
48 And that is how it was for most of the school year … that was until one day in late January he hit upon a clever ruse. He would give Sven a Valentine's Card and ask Sven to be his Valentines! That would be the pretext on which to finally speak to him and hopefully forge a friendship. It was the one socially acceptable excuse he could think of to finally speak with him for real, and share his true feelings at the same time!
49 Sure, Kyaw was told that a Valentine’s was something a boy gave to a girl he liked or a girl gave to a boy she liked. But he was also told Valentine’s were for someone you loved, and he knew in his heart of hearts there was no one he loved more than Sven. And why would love work any other way? Why should it have some extra conditions that didn't seem to have anything to do with love. Love was just a feeling for someone you thought was special. You could think anyone was special! And Kyaw, even if couldn’t fully put it in words, thought Sven was very special indeed. A boy like no other. Kyaw knew most of the girls in class. But none of them delighted him. The conclusion seemed clear, there was no one Kyaw wished more to be his Valentines … then Sven.
50 That said, really all Kyaw wanted was a chance to speak to him at least once … and the ruse worked … sort of. Sven thought it was weird, but he was also curious about the strange boy who had said he wanted to be a ballerina and who would give another boy a Valentines on Valentines Day. Ultimately though he said that he couldn't be his Valentines because he loved another fur in their class, a girl, Kyaw's best friend, Asha Purrs. Kyaw took that opportunity to help Sven by delivering Sven's Valentines card to Asha.
51 The friendship hadn't taken immediately after that. Sven at first thought Kyaw could be helpful because Kyaw knew how to talk to girls where as Sven did not. Kyaw could act as his mediator. But as he got to know Kyaw better he began to appreciate him more as a genuine friend.
52 The school year ended and Sven did not think much about Kyaw, though Kyaw thought about him every day, just had he had done that previous summer. Sven and Torvald continued to see each other in their summer practice and get closer in the mean time.
53 Then first grade had begun. But that year Torvald wasn't in the same class as Sven as previously mentioned, but Kyaw was! Sven eventually apologized for laughing at him whenever Torvald made fun of him throughout kindergarten. Sven promised to help Kyaw learn how to be more boy-like. He took him under his wing and tried to teach him how to play baseball in private. He couldn't introduce his new friend to his father. Sven knew he would not like this new boy for some reason. He didn't even tell Torvald and Helmer about these clandestine practice sessions. He knew they would tell Kyaw to beat it and they didn't want his kind around them. What was Kyaw's "kind"? Sven didn't quite know, but he could tell there was something different about Kyaw from other boys.
54 Gradually, over just the next few months, Sven was invited to the Bits household more and more frequently and had gotten to know Kyaw's family pretty well. They were all quite eccentric, but on the whole a good natured and loving family that looked out for each other, especially for the delicate and dainty Kyaw, the youngest of the Bits.
55 In contrast, Sven had only been to Torvald the greywolf's house once, but the visit didn't go quite as well as expected. Sven quickly found he had little to actually talk to Torvald about outside of practice, so he turned to his other favorite topic, girls. Unfortunately Torvald wasn't interested. Torvald still found the subject of girls annoying at this age. He didn't like the way they giggled. He always thought they were making fun of him. He didn't understand them and found interactions with them frustrating. He didn't understand their interests and the way they thought and didn't want to. He considered fawning over them sissy stuff. Torvald was tort and irritable on the subject and made Sven feel silly for bringing it up as Torvald lay lazily on his bed and tossed a ball up in the air and repeatedly caught it while laying down.
56 "I wonder what Asha likes. She's was in our class last year. I wish I knew her better. Do you think she would like me? Do you think she would think I'm handsome? Do you think girls like boys who are good at sports? What do you think I should try to talk to her about? What do you think girls spend all their time thinking about? What does she spend all her time talking to her friends about?" came the rapid fire questions from Sven who spoke with a sense of wonder and awe. "How should I know what goes on in those bird brains of theirs. And more importantly, why would you care? It's all just scatterbrained sissy stuff anyway." came back Torvald sternly and with a tone of disinterest and mild annoyance without pausing in his ball tossing. He did however begin tossing it hard enough to hit the ceiling lightly, suggesting a slight agitation on the subject.
57 Sven just stood there in Torvald's room with one hand clutching his other arm feeling kind of humiliated for even bringing it up. Torvald had all but called him a sissy for even entertaining such thoughts and Sven started to blush from embarrassment. Sven tried to recover, "Ye-yeah you're right Torvald. Hehe, who cares what those air heads think about! ..." said Sven with an uncertain tone. There was an awkward silence. Torvald didn't say anything and continued to toss the ball up in the air irritably.
58 Sven walked to the window and then tried to continue, "Anyway ... it does-sn't re-really matter ... Asha doesn't re-really seem interested in me anyway. I gave her a Valentines last year and she didn't really seem to care. Hehe ... I just thought ... I just thought maybe I had some sort of chance with her. Sigh ... you're probably right, there is nothing interesting to know about girls ... but you have to admit Tor ... girls are just so pretty to look at sometimes. It's ... it's kind of amazing. I can't even describe how it makes me feel". Still there was no response from Torvald.
59 Sven felt worried, but he felt strangely compelled to continue and confess even though he could sense the building irritation, "th-there was another girl I saw once. I don't even know her name. I saw her in the pre-school playground one day." Sven continued wistfully now almost half speaking to himself, "She was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. Sh-she was so beautiful that ... it hurt to look at her. She was wearing a white dress and she had light colored tan fur. I think she was a fox of some kind. She was playing hopscotch and well ... I just couldn't look away from her Tor. She was so pretty the way her hair bounced as she skipped about. She went to go pick up the stone she tossed on the ground, cause that's how you play hopscotch I guess, and when she got up she caught me staring at her and our eyes met. She looked at me like I had done the worse thing imaginable. I was so terrified I quickly looked away. I was so ... af-afraid. I'm so frightened of girls. Will I ever be able to speak to them? All I could think was, did she know? Did she know how incredible she was to me? Could she see it in my eyes? Girls are just ... too smart, ya'know? I can't even get close to them without them already knowing. Sigh ... I ... ne-never saw her again ... I wi-wish ... I wi-wish I could--" but Torvald cut Sven off by tossing the ball at him. "Ouch!" said Sven shocked and emotionally hurt as he turned around.
60 "Why are you telling me all this!? Why you talking about all this mushy stuff all of a sudden?! You never talked about this sissy stuff before! Why are you stuttering, and why are you acting like such a scaredy cat! You sound pathetic. Girls aren't scary or terrifying. They're just silly and annoying. Man up!" Torvald said bitterly.
61 Sven wanted to cry in that moment, but he knew he couldn't. Not in front of Tor. Sven had opened up on a subject that made him feel very ashamed already. Where as he was otherwise a quite brave boy who never backed down from a fight, he was absolutely terrified of girls.
62 He had hoped Tor could have given him some advice about how to talk to girls. Tor had in fact an easier time talking to them, although it was often to tease and make fun of them. But Sven, for some reason beyond his control, couldn't even bring himself to do that. In fact he couldn't bring himself to be mean or look down on girls in any way. If anything he secretly felt they were better somehow. So much better behaved and kinder than boys. So much better loved by parents and teachers alike. And so much prettier, to the point where Sven felt very unattractive in their presence. All he wanted was for a girl to like him as much as he liked them. But what he feared most was that he would never get over his fear. That he would never have a girlfriend or wife when he grew up and would wind up alone.
63 But there was no way Sven was going to open up about any of that now! Instead he turned his hurt feelings into anger, the only appropriate response Sven had learned for a boy in such a bind, and he picked up the ball and tossed it back at Tor as hard as he could. "OUCH!" shouted Tor. "You didn't have to throw the ball at me Tor!" came back the enraged Sven.
64 "Ow! That really hurt. You threw that at top speed you jerk! I barely threw it at you that hard, you pussy!" said Tor, clearly no longer playing around. "Pff ... that wasn't even my top speed. Otherwise you wouldn't have even seen it comin', just like on the playfield. Now who needs to man up!" came back a spiteful Sven.
65 "Alright, that's it!" said Tor as he leaped off the bed to try and hurt Sven for real. They ended up getting into a wrestling match which was fast running the risk of one of them getting seriously hurt. Before long they were bumping into furniture, a lamp got knocked over and Torvald's parents had to quickly intervene and separate the two boys before something even more serious happened. Even has the parents pulled them apart there was a rage in both of them they could scarcely understand. Weren’t they good friends. But boys will be boys. None the less, they had to be separated for the rest of the visit.
66 Sven never forgot that awful visit and always remembered it bitterly. He never again opened up like that with Torvald, and Torvald never did apologize.
*4*
67 Perhaps that was when Sven started to become a little less close to Torvald, although he was still good friends with Helmer and Cadence. But even with them he found himself unable to share his deepest and darkest insecurities, especially after that fiasco.
68 Sven had been wary of Kyaw even while he had begun to try and get closer to him during that first half of first grade. It was Halloween of that year when they went trick or treating together that finally broke some of that barrier between them when he began to really trust Kyaw. It was that night that Sven had finally admitted that he loved Kyaw, and told him he always would. He didn’t really know what he meant. He often dismissed those words in his own mind afterwards. They haunted and confused him. All he could make of it was, when he felt compelled to try and share his feelings, after Kyaw himself had admitted to always loving Sven, whatever that meant, Sven found that there was no word that seemed quite right except to simply say, that he loved Kyaw. To love and be loved, in that moment, was all Sven needed. But when the moment slipped away in the following weeks he struggled to recapture the feeling. What made sense in the moment suddenly didn’t. He liked Kyaw, of course, as a friend. But what on earth did it mean to say he loved him. Love him how? In what way? He put it out of his mind as a fluke and tried not to dwell on it.
69 That had not been much more than a month ago at this point, but his relationship with Kyaw had advanced quickly after that despite his uncertainties. He confided in him that he had a debilitating fear of girls that made him feel like a wimp. He found it humiliating when he was so confident in all other areas. Kyaw didn't make fun of him. He was sympathetic. In fact Kyaw confided in Sven that Kyaw had been terrified of other boys before he met and had gotten to know Sven. That made Sven feel a little more hopeful.
70 Sven began to talk about girls with Kyaw. Kyaw didn't seem to mind. He seemed to have an almost encyclopedic knowledge of which girls were considered the prettiest or kindest or smartest or most talented or most popular, and even had some of his own opinions on the matter. It wasn't clear to Sven whether Kyaw liked the girls he said he thought were pretty, which Sven found weird. Sven did notice that Kyaw talked about it very matter of factily and didn't seem particularly emotionally invested in the topic. But at very least, Sven knew he could talk to Kyaw about literally anything, including which girls he liked, and that made him feel safe in his company. He found he could talk about even more intimate things. Things he’d never talk to anyone about, even his parents. His fears, of living up to the expectations of his parents, of furs in general, as a boy. His concerns of maybe being different in a way he couldn’t quite grasp. His fears of winding up alone and without a wife, and his fear he would never become the great baseball star his father so wanted him to become. Kyaw never made him feel stupid for having these fears. He listened intently and always lent a sympathetic ear. Sven learned that there was strength in the meek boy everyone had dismissed as a sissy. A strength of character. Kyaw was far more confident and far less laden with self-doubt, and Sven came to admire that about his friend.
71 And so this is where the two boys found themselves in their blossoming friendship on that brisk winter day, the last day of school before the winter recess began. Both boys sat close to one another as they worked on Christmas crafts together. They both felt quite cozy despite the classroom being kind of chilly, as they were wearing their favorite Christmas sweaters. In addition they stayed close together to stay warm.
72 They spoke enthusiastically of what they both hoped to get for Christmas of course, all the toys and games that were all the rage that year. They also considered what kinds of gifts they would be able to give to family and friends without any money. They also speculated on the metaphysics of Santa Claus and how his reindeers were able to deliver all those presents across the world in one night, but nothing conclusive came of it and they shrugged it off and got back to their crafting.
73 The teacher came around to offer Christmas cookies and milk. There wasn't really any work to do. They had covered the material they had needed to cover up to that point in the school year. Today was for the children to have a break and try and make decorations to take home for the Christmas vacation.
74 Sven had been busy drawing something. He hung over it close with his tongue sticking out in deep concentration, but also because he didn't really want anyone to see it. Presently though he took notice of Kyaw who had been busy concentrating on making a sequence of careful cuts into a piece of white paper.
75 "What are you making?" asked Sven, genuinely curious.
76 "You'll see" said Kyaw as he put on the finishing touches.
77 Snip, snip, snip! It was done. "Look" said Kyaw as he unfolded the paper to reveal a series of connected snowflakes.
78 "Wow Kyaw! That's really good! Where did you learn that?" said Sven impressed.
79 "Flipsy taught me the basic idea. You cut out wedge shapes and you get different patterns dependin' how you cut 'em. I can teach you if you like" said Kyaw enthusiastically.
80 "Alright" said Sven.
81 Kyaw then noticed the piece of paper Sven was careful to cover. "What you working on Sven?" said Kyaw leaning in like the curious rabbit he was with his ears perking up and his nose twitcha twitching.
82 "Oh it's nothing. I'd rather not." said Sven covering it up even more embarrassed and starting to blush.
83 "Oh com'on Sven. I showed you mine!" Kyaw started to pout. "I promise I won't make fun of you Sven. I'm just curious" he pleaded.
84 "Well ... okay ... but only if you promise not to tell anyone. It's kind of embarrassing" Sven said nervously.
85 "I won't tell anyone!" shouted Kyaw, "cross my heart and hope to die, turn me into rabbit pie" he recited while going through the signs.
86 "Shhhh! Alright fine, just be quiet about it. I don't want anyone else to know. It's a drawing" he began. Then Sven closed his eyes and turned away as he thrust the picture before Kyaw like he was showing his deepest and most embarrassing hearts desire. It was a picture of the golden little fox girl he had met on the preschool playground that one magical day. He had drawn her wearing a beautiful little red Christmas dress.
87 "Wow!" shouted Kyaw.
88 "SHHHH!" shushed Sven irritably.
89 "Oh sorry ... tee hee" said Kyaw biting his tongue and putting his hand in front of himself in a dainty way. He then leaned in to get a better look and continued more quietly "She's very pretty. I don't think I know her. Who is she?".
90 "That's the thing. I don't know. I only met her once ... sigh", said Sven as he rested his head between his arms staring forlorn over his own creation.
91 "She was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. I only wish I knew who she was" Sven said broodingly.
92 As Kyaw looked at Sven’s cress fallen expression, Kyaw felt his own heart break a little, though he did not know why, but he brushed the feelings off and tried to force a smile for his friend.
93 “oh … well … hm … I don't think I recognize her … she's not any of the girls in my ballet class I don't think. Maybe I could show it to Asha? Maybe she'll recognize her, or she might know someone who knows someone who knows her ... who knows ... tee hee?" Kyaw offered weakly, trying to be helpful, while feeling oddly pained by this new development.
94 Sven dived down over his masterpiece "No! No one can see this! No one can know about this ever!" said Sven.
95 "But why?" asked Kyaw genuinely perplexed.
96 "Because, if word gets around that I drew a girl I barely know it will be really obvious how I feel about her. I don't want this girl to know how I feel!" said Sven sternly under his breath.
97 "Uh ... how do you feel about her?" Kyaw asked sincerely, partly out of a kind of naivety, but also partly because he felt compelled to suss out Sven's true feelings for reasons beyond Kyaw's own understanding.
98 "Seriously?! Isn't it obvious!" said Sven irritably. Kyaw just shrugged. "Ugh!" said Sven, annoyed at his friends apparent cluelessness at times. Kyaw seemed to lack certain kinds of common sense. But Sven thought better of it and decided to try his best to put into words a feeling.
99 "Sigh ... well" began Sven, pausing to give a moment to ponder this inquiry seriously and give a thoughtful response, "I feel like I want to melt whenever I think of her. My heart races and I feel like I'm going to burst with joy ... sigh" Sven said lost in bittersweet daydreams.
100 "Oh ..." said Kyaw disappointed at the answer. He knew Sven liked girls a lot … but it still hurt him a bit to hear it said out loud so plainly and so passionately.
101 After a few moments past. "That kind of sounds like ... how I feel about you." Kyaw finally said earnestly looking directly into Sven's eyes. Sven looked at the dear bunny boy, entranced by his beautiful eyes, his winning smile. There was something so sweet and innocent in Kyaw's response, so guileless and yet naive, but Sven knew even if what Kyaw said were true it was not a feeling that could ever really be acted upon. It was better to place such feelings into their appropriate category.
102 "Oh ... hehe ... I ... like you very much too, Kyaw. But I don't think it's the same thing. Being in love with a girl is just this amazing feeling, I can't really describe it. You would need to experience it yourself. I don't think you understand entirely what I mean." Sven said, simultaneously trying to be supportive of his friend and his feelings while dismissing them and trying to diminish their significance and true meaning.
103 Kyaw responded now with some agitation, as was common when he was being misunderstood, "I do understand what you mean. I know what I feel Sven". Kyaw reached his hand under the table and put Sven's paw into his. Sven did not pull away as he had done on many other occasions. Both looked at their paws and then their eyes met. Kyaw continued, "I know you don't think a boy can’t feel this for another boy". As he said this he clutched his heart with his other paw. "I don't understand it, but I don't need to Sven. All I know is that you are everything to me. Everything you described is how I feel about you ... and more. When you smile at me you make me want to giggle ... when we hug I feel like nothing could ever harm me again ... when you hold my paw I feel at peace, like the world is as it is meant to be".
104 Just a few months ago such talk would have made Sven severely uncomfortable, but as he had gotten to know and understand Kyaw better he began to understand it on an implicit level even if he couldn't quite wrap his mind around it intellectually. Emotionally ... it made sense. It was only when he thought what it might imply … and what complications that it might cause, that he couldn't make sense of it.
105 What was Sven suppose to do? Marry Kyaw? How absurd would that be! Sven tried to push the thought of Kyaw in the wedding dress he made for halloween out of his mind. Sven experienced some momentary discomfort as he dismissed the thought, although he couldn't quite admit to himself the silly thought did have a certain pleasantness to him. And how would they have a family? He knew that neither him nor Kyaw could ever have cubs on their own. He knew only mommies could have babies. He remembered when his mom's belly had become enlarged with his baby brother and it was explained to him that mommies and daddies came together to make a baby but only the mommy could carry the baby until it was born. Sven was fascinated and mystified by the whole affair.
106 Kyaw took his hands off his heart and took Sven's other paw into his, forcing Sven back to reality. "Don't you understand Sven. I love you. It's that simple. I don't know why I do, or the how it is possible, but that doesn't make it any less real, or any less than the love anyone else feels for someone they love. Actually … I think the love I feel for you Sven is just as strong if not stronger than any love you’ve ever felt for someone else". Sven felt the power of those words in his heart but still Kyaw could see the skepticism in Sven's mind.
107 "Put your paw on my chest. Feel my heart. I mean it. This feeling is real and I'm feeling it now" Kyaw said.
108 Sven, without thinking of what it might look like, put his paw on Kyaw's heart, as he closed his eyes in order to truly focus. Sure enough he could feel it. The rapid pitter patter he himself knew so well whenever he thought of the girl whose fur was like the sun. Here was the evidence, the physical manifestation, of the truth that Kyaw would not allow to be snuffed out or silenced. Kyaw gripped Sven’s paw and closed his eyes to bask in the moment.
109 "Hey what are you two doing?! Teacher Kyaw and Sven are acting weird again!" came out a voice from one of their nosy classmates, a girl who felt it was her job to police these boys and keep them from getting too chummy. Sven quickly retracted his paw and turned away from Kyaw blushing with genuine embarrassment, looking a bit ashamed.
110 The teacher came over to the pair, "What have I told you two about keeping your paws to yourself." she said with a gentle sternness. "I'm very sorry Ms. Badger it won't happen again" came back Sven apologetically. But Kyaw wasn't having it, "I asked him to feel my heart and he did. Why is that bad!?" Kyaw said without a hint of shame. Ms. Badger, who was all too familiar with the willful rabbit boy put her hands on her hips and stamped her foot, "Kyaw I don't appreciate your tone. Use your inside voice and behave yourself. I have explained to the class and to you personally many times that the classroom policy is to respect each other's personal space and keep one's hands to oneself-" she began, but Kyaw interjected, "But Ms. Badger, we weren't fighting and we weren't hurting each other. And I was okay with Sven putting his hand on me, I asked him to". Ms. Badger lost her patience with the unruly boy, "KYAW! It doesn't matter if you say it's okay. I am saying it is not. Not in my classroom. You two are not the only ones in the room. You are sharing this space with others and you can make others uncomfortable”.
111 What she didn’t add, but knew all too well herself, was that such before always lead to all sorts of problems: jealousy, fighting, arguing about who got to sit with whom. Normally it was boys and girls who would get this way with each other, but in her years of teaching she had witnessed the same occasionally between a pair of boys or girls who got particularly close. Sometimes the cubs would even fight over friendship. The best thing was for everyone to keep their hands to themselves. This way no one got jealous.
112 “If this problem persists I will have to separate you after the break."
113 This at last was the only threat that could get Kyaw to back down. "Hmfph!" he grunted as he folded his arms and looked away from the teacher and Sven frustrated.
114 With that the bell rang and the first half of the school year came to an abrupt end. Kyaw's ears perked up at the sound and the two boys hopped out of their seats and holding both their hands together enthusiastically said "Christmas Vacation! Wahoo!" and went off to grab their coats and bookbags.
115 They only came back to the table to collect their crafts. The teacher was still standing there and she commented on the picture Sven had drawn as he stuffed it into his bag, "Who was that a picture of Sven?". Sven began nervously, "Oh that? No one ... hehe ... I just ... made her up!" he smiled hoping that would be the end of it.
116 "Alright boys, no hard feelings. Have a wonderful vacation" she said dismissing them. They said their hasty goodbyes and turned around to leave.
117 Just before the boys were about exit the classroom and leave however Ms. Badger remembered something, “oh hold on boys. I forgot to give you these earlier” she said, as she handed each of the boys a flyer. The boys hastily tried to stuff them in their bags paying them little mind. “Now remember to show those to your parents, and have a Merry Christmas you two”. “Alright, we will, thank you!” they said in unison. “Jinx!” said Sven, “You owe me a Soda!” came back Kyaw with a giggle. “No I don’t! That’s not how this works!” came back Sven a little cross. "Hehe ... I know ... I just like saying that" Kyaw said as he bopped Svens nose. Sven felt a bit annoyed but it quickly melted away into a warm smile “Oh … you silly billy … come on let’s go”. And with that they were off.
118 The boys continued to chat, smiling together lost in their own sillyness. Ms. Badger just shook her head knowingly. Their friendship was sweet and innocent, but she had to keep her children from crossing certain boundaries of decency regardless. Things could easily get out of hand if not kept in check. After all, children didn't know any better. This would have been just as true if it had been between a boy and a girl, which happened more often than she cared to think about. With that she didn't give it another thought.
*5*
119 The boys were walking home together towards Sven's house and discussing their vacation plans. "Oh boy oh boy, what do you wanna do first Sven?!" said Kyaw barely able to contain his excitement. "I don't know. Oh wait, have you ever gone sledding before?" Sven asked. Kyaw shook his head no. "Oh cool. I got a sled last Christmas, but I didn't get to really use it, but my dad explained how it works. You steer with your feet. And two furs can ride in it together. I just need to find it in my house. You can wait outside while I look for it and then we can go to the park with that hill and learn how to use it together!" Sven said enthusiastically.
120 "That sound's great" began Kyaw, "But I'm not so sure about waiting outside. Why can't I come inside and meet your family?"
121 "Oh ... hehe ... they wouldn't really understand our friendship. I just ... want to avoid problems" said Sven with his arm behind his head feeling a bit conflicted on the issue.
122 "Are you ... ashamed of me Sven? Why can't I meet your family? You've met mine. They all like you very very much" Kyaw offered.
123 "Oh I know. I like your family a lot too. But ... well ... my family is different, just trust me. It's better this way ..." Sven said.
124 "hmfph. Alright. If you say so ..." said Kyaw dejected. He wouldn't push the issue. At least Sven and him had become close friends. Kyaw tried not to dwell on it even though it bothered him a little bit, though he didn’t quite understand why.
125 The boys continued to walk towards the house, skipping and playing along the way. Kyaw was excellent at skipping and prancing about. Normally Sven would be too self conscious to join in, but today he was in an especially good mood, filled with the Christmas spirit of good cheer, and besides there wasn't really anyone around on those empty snow filled streets to jeer ... as far as the two boys could tell.
126 Kyaw bounded along the empty snow filled streets, playfully skipping about while swinging his arms in rhythm. His motion was fluid and natural. It was light, free, and uninhibited. Kyaw would then reverse direction and skip going backwards. "la dee da" he sing-songed to himself. Then with a little run jump he leaped into the air and did a little twirl.
127 Sven had been carefully observing Kyaw, mesmerized by the carefree and yet precise movement of the young rabbit boy. Beautiful is not a word he would dare use for another boy, but there was a graceful beauty to the gentle boy’s movements. Sven felt this intuitively even while he could not find the language to adequately describe it. Without realizing it, he found he had stopped walking to gaze at Kyaw, studying his delicate features in motion.
128 Kyaw turned around and noticed his handsome and unwitting admirer. Kyaw's bouncing came to a halt and he looked at Sven and gave a knowing smile, tilting his head. "tee ... like what you see?" he said teasingly.
129 "Uh ..." began Sven with a raised eyebrow of suspicion, not sure what to say that.
130 Kyaw responded by skipping his way back to Sven, and then around him. All the while Sven tried to turn around to keep his eye on Kyaw, but didn't seem quite fast enough.
131 "How are you doing that?" Sven asked about the skipping.
132 "Oh, what? This?" he said while demonstrating the basic technique.
133 "Yeah" said Sven.
134 "Oh it's simple. Instead of switching feet right away there's an extra bounce on each step. Like this. Try it." said Kyaw as he continued to skip about casually.
135 "Oh ... I don't know ..." said Sven starting to feel a bit embarrassed again.
136 "Oh come on. It's not hard. And it's fun!" said Kyaw encouragingly.
137 "but ... what if someone is watching" Sven looked around nervously. "I m-might look silly. I mean ... isn't skipping like … for girls?"
138 "Nah Uh! Anyone can skip. It's just playful walking. And 'sides, you gots the feets for it" Kyaw said brightly.
139 "I do?" said Sven.
140 "a'course! You got those springy roo legs. Come on try it!" Kyaw continued to encourage.
141 "Well ... alright" said Sven. He then made a half-hearted attempt, but his rhythm was all off and he couldn't seem to figure out the foot work.
142 "No no no.”, Kyaw shook his head. He might have not been good at baseball, but in this domain Kyaw was in his element and it was Sven that was awkward and gawkish. “You have to skip like you mean it. Here hold my paw" Kyaw said holding his paw out with a smile on his face. Sven looked up at his friend. Part of him wanted to back out of this, but another part of him, a scared and barely acknowledged part, wanted to allow himself to be lead. To try something new. To not live in constant fear of what others thought. To feel and to feel freely, and to embrace these new found feelings that Kyaw awoke in him.
143 Sven smiled a gentle smile and shrugged. "Oh alright" he said and grasped his little friends paw.
144 "Okay. Try to follow my lead. Watch my feet" Kyaw said as he began to shuffle into the skipping motion.
145 It took a little practice, but soon Sven was starting to get the rhythm, and the two boys were actually skipping down the street hand in hand. If those that knew Sven could see it now, it could scarcely be believed. Sven, of all boys, was skipping with another! And Kyaw no less, the sissiest boy in the valley.
146 Sven giggled in spite of himself. "Hehe, this is kind of fun!" he said. "I told you" replied Kyaw.
147 Kyaw abruptly broke free and standing before Sven said "Hey, see if you can do this!". With that, he prepared himself, crossing his legs and crossing his arms as he bowed. Like a loaded spring he launched into a carefully crafted little spin with one foot paw in the snow. His scarf flailed out and then wrapped around him gently when he finished.
148 "Wow Kyaw ... that was very ... er ... graceful." he said awkwardly, mostly because he felt strange saying it to another boy, not because he didn't think it was true.
149 "I don't think I could spin like that" he added after a moments reflection.
150 "Can you balance on your tail?" asked Kyaw.
151 "Oh sure, for a little while" said Sven not sure what Kyaw had in mind.
152 "Okay, do that and I'll help spin you" offered Kyaw.
153 "Oh ... alright" said Sven, learning to loosen up.
154 Sven flexed and balanced on his tail and Kyaw held both his paws in his own. Once they both found their balance Kyaw began to run around Sven in circles and the boys giggled as they spun. Then they lost balance and Sven fell unto Kyaw as they laughed together
155 As Sven lay on top of Kyaw he forgot himself and let out a little sigh as he gazed at Kyaw lovingly. It was the stress and uptightness leaving his body, but also a sigh of admiration for his cute and courageous fey little friend. In that moment Sven was happy. He had forgotten he existed. He forgot everything he was taught about being a boy. More than that, in that moment he felt a pang of love for the adorable rabbit, boy or no boy. Even more than that, Sven had a brief moment of authentic lived experience, unfiltered as it were by preconceived notions … and then … the fleeting moment passed and was forgotten.
156 "You're crushing my heart." said Kyaw in a little bit of discomfort.
157 Sven came out of his little daze, realizing the embarrassing position he was in out in the middle of the street. He only hoped no one was looking out their window in that moment. He clearly had momentarily fawned over a boy, which was quite confusing to him. "Oh s-sorry" he said hastily as he got up and brushed himself off looking away from the rabbit boy feeling somewhat ashamed of himself.
158 "It's okay. I'm happy I could break your fall" said Kyaw, as he gave Sven a little peck on the cheek, and then continued to prance off ahead of Sven.
159 Sven looked up at Kyaw, blushing slightly, his cold breath making little clouds in front of him. Such confused emotions in that moment. He touched his cheek gently where Kyaw had kissed him. He smiled to himself quietly. This then transformed into a sneaky little boy grin, as he bent over to gather some snow. Such transgressions, could not go unpunished, he thought mischievously to himself, though not with any true malice.
160 "Hey Kyaw, look out!" he said as he tossed a sizable snowball in Kyaw's direction.
161 Kyaw turned around and PAM! The snowball hit Kyaw on the chest and he fell over and landed on his tail.
162 "Hey!" said Kyaw a little cross.
163 "Hehe ... got you!" giggled Sven. Kyaw was not amused. "Why did you throw that at me! I didn't do anything to you!" he said becoming upset. "Uh ... it's called a snowball fight? Come on Kyaw, throw one back at me! It's fun!" encouraged Sven.
164 Kyaw didn't quite understand. He's feelings had been hurt. "Hfmph. I'll show you" he said as he tried to gather some snow into his hand and hastily toss it in Sven's direction. "gnah" he burst out. The snow did not stick together and form a snowball. Instead all he managed to do was toss a flurry of snowflakes a foot away from himself.
165 Sven tried to stifle a chortle, but he couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing at his friends expense. "Ha ha ha! Heh heh!” Sven said as he bent over in laughter.
166 "H-hey, stop laughing. Hfmph!" Kyaw said as he got to his feet. His cheeks were puffed and red and his little fists were clenching at his side.
167 " I’m sorry … your just so funny Kyaw! Ha ha! I've just never seen anything so funny. Is that how you throw a snowball?! Like seriously!? Oh man, if Torvald saw that you'd never hear the end of it! Teehee ... you’re just so funny Kyaw ..." at this point Sven was tearing with laughter and doubling over in pain.
168 Tears began to form in Kyaw's eyes. It was like the first day in Kindergarten all over again. Sven was laughing at him again. And here he thought Sven really was beginning to like him.
169 "Fine!" he shouted. "If you find me so funny then I'll just go home ... alone. Hmfph!". And with that the indignant little bunny boy turned and tried to walk off with as much dignity as he could muster.
170 Once Sven saw he had seriously hurt his friends feelings he swallowed his laughter. "Oh come on Kyaw. I was only teasing.” He said drying his eyes. “Me and my other friends make fun of each other all the time. It doesn't mean anything. Please come back …" he began to beg becoming concerned Kyaw really wouldn’t. He really didn’t want to lose him as a friend.
171 But Kyaw continued to walk off. He wasn't used to that sort of friendly teasing. He didn’t understand it.
172 Sven ran towards Kyaw and put his hand on his shoulders. "Wait don't go Kyaw. I'm sorry, really I am. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It's no big deal-“
173 “Well it is TO ME!” Kyaw cut in.
174 “No what I mean is, it’s no big deal you can’t throw. You just need someone to teach you how is all. I can teach you, if you’d like Kyaw, I’d be happy to” Sven said,
175 Kyaw turned around to face Sven. His tears could plainly be seen, and unlike most boys he made no effort to conceal that fact. He simply wiped one away with one hand and said "Really?", with a sniffle. “You’d do that for me?”.
176 "Sure. Of course I would. We’re friends aren’t we?" Sven said reassuringly. He then bent down the ground, and showed Kyaw how he packed and formed a snowball with his paws. When Kyaw had trouble imitating it, Sven wrapped his paws around Kyaw's and pressed them together to show him how much pressure to apply. Kyaw quickly got the hang of it and made a nice tight and round mass of packed snow. "There you go. See it's not that hard. Now try to throw it. Here I'll run and you try to hit me".
177 Sven ran on ahead and Kyaw tried to toss the snowball at Sven but his throw was completely off. It barely left his hand and didn't even seem to go in the right direction.
178 Kyaw just stood there with his head down clearly humiliated with his lack of ability to do even the most basic of boy activities. Sven looked back sympathically at his friend. He walked over to Kyaw and lifted his chin gently with his paw and smiled. "It's okay. You just need practice. You taught me to skip, I'll teah you to throw". Kyaw's look of insecurity gradually turned to a gentle smile. Sven really did mean him no harm and did genuinely want to help him be a better boy.
179 Kyaw built up another nice snow ball and Sven came up behind him and grabbed his arm. Sven talked him through the motions as he moved his arm, just as his father had taught him. Kyaw tried his best to pay attention but he couldn't help but notice their bodies pressed together in the cold winter weather. He felt Sven's gentle yet confident voice tickling his ear. Kyaw didn't understand why but he felt so safe and warm in Sven's grasp. Kyaw’s focus drifted as he was too busy feeling their fur pressed together through their clothing, Sven’s firm and sturdy yet soft form almost melding with Kyaw’s gentle body. A sense of oneness over took him as he basked in that glorious moment. Oh how Kyaw wished he could stay in Sven’s embrace forever.
180 "Alright, now try to follow through" Sven said, finishing his lesson. "Huh?" said Kyaw coming back to reality. “Uh … okay I’ll try?”. He was already feeling much better about the whole thing. He tried his best to throw with his whole body this time, just as Sven had showed him by moving his body around like a puppet. How strangely satisfying it had felt to Kyaw to be Sven’s plaything to control just moments ago. In any case, the snowball left his hand and did a much better job of going some distance. Kyaw smiled.
181 "Much better. Come on let's play. Try to dodge this time" Sven said as he ran on ahead.
182 The boys began to throw snowballs at each other. Kyaw was still struggling. Sven had managed to dodge every one that he threw, and Kyaw was starting to get frustrated. As the game continued, Sven naturally went back to his modus operandi, teasing and taunting, as he was used to with his other friends. It only seemed natural.
183 "Is that the best you can do?!" he taunted, sticking out his tongue. "Come on my grandma could do better than THAT!" he said as he pelted Kyaw with yet another snowball. "Heehee ... you throw like a girl!" he said at last.
184 "For the last time, I am not a girl!" said Kyaw. "Oh yeah..." said Sven as he gathered up some snow, "prove it". Kyaw in a fit of rage began to quickly pack a little snow ball of his own. Sven threw his snowball, but this time Kyaw dodged it, and not only that but managed to put all his force into a very angry throw of his own. "Huh?!" said Sven a bit surprised by the sudden burst of aggressiveness PAM! Sven fell to the ground a little dazed.
185 Kyaw had pelted him directly in the face and it was now red with cold ice streaming down it. "Sven!" Kyaw gasped with his paws to his mouth in regret, "Are you okay?! I didn't mean to hit you in the face! I'm so so sorry, I don't know what came over me!"
186 Sven looked up at Kyaw mad. It didn't last though. He could see the little rabbit boy was genuinely concerned for him. Sven brushed off his cold bruised face and steadied his bruised ego and smiled. "Hehe" he laughed reassuringly. Both boys started to giggle. "I got you good that time didn't I?" asked Kyaw. Sven paused and let his pride go, "Yup ... you did. Good job mate. You got me good that time", and he gave Kyaw a playful little punch to the shoulder.
187 Kyaw offered his paw and helped Sven up. When Sven got up he was only an inch away from Kyaw's face. Their eyes met. Kyaw had such pretty eyes for a boy, and he was smiling so winsomely at him. What was this feeling Sven was beginning to feel. For some reason he had this feeling like he wanted to give Kyaw a little peck on the lips in that moment; a real genuine kiss. A little playfunear l way to tell him, without words, that he really loved and appreciated him as a friend. Sven almost leaned in a little, but then stopped himself. WHaT in Yah-Hasha’s green Furth wAs He DoiNg?! A kiss on the lips was something a boy did with a girl! How many times did Sven have to remind himself of something so basic. How he had dreamed of kissing a girl on the lips. He remembered the daydreams he had laying on his bed at home and sometimes becoming distracted while in class. Especially when he thought back to the pretty little fox girl who was playing hopscotch. Why oh why did the thought of kissing cross his mind now of all moments?! He turned away from Kyaw. He wanted to pretend that the moment had not happened. He hoped Kyaw hadn't picked up on that brief moment of near shameless abandon.
188 "Come on Kyaw, we’re almost there" he said waving his friend to follow.
189 Finally they got to the street corner just before his house. "Alright, that house over there is where I live. Just wait here behind the neighbors fence. Okay? I'll be right out with the sled, I promise" Sven said as he put his paw on Kyaw's shoulder reassuringly.
190 Kyaw put his paw on Sven's, "I don't want you to go. Don't leave me out here. I won't be weird I promise. Just tell you parents I'm your friend and we are going to the park together. I'll just wait quietly. I won't say anything."
191 "Please Kyaw. Just stay here. Just do this my way … for me?" Sven begged.
192 "You are always saying that! You are always hiding me from your friends and your family. Didn't you say you loved me Sven, and always will? The night we went trick or treating? Don’t you remember? Why are you so ashamed to let furs know we are friends?" Kyaw pressed.
193 "Ugh. Can we not talk about this right now, right here?! Let me just grab the sled and then we can go have fun in the park." said Sven.
194 "Pff. Fine ..." said Kyaw exasperated. He looked away from Sven a little bit cross.
195 "I'll be right back. I promise." said Sven, giving his friend one last firm little shake with his paw and then off he ran to his front door. Kyaw peaked around the fence to see him as he entered the house and disappeared. Kyaw leaned up against the fence out of view and folded his arms in displeasure. “Hmfph”, how he hated hiding his feelings. Kyaw had gotten used to the fact that Sven would only truly open up to him alone. If only Sven could stop being ashamed of how he truly felt, Kyaw thought to himself.
196 Just then Kyaw's ear's perked up at the sound of crunching snow. Someone was coming his way. Instinctively he crouched down a bit and started sniffing the air. "Who's there?!" he yelled out a little frightened.
197 "So you are the mysterious friend Sven has been spending so much time with lately … hehe … hello … Kevin" came a voice from behind a car. Out stepped a teenage kangaroo with a devilish smirk on his face.
198 "Who are you? Just leave me alone and stay away" said Kyaw nervously.
199 "Listen you little pansy..." the older kangaroo boy said as he got closer and closer, "I know what you are ..."
200 "What do you mean? What am I?" Kyaw asked uncertain he wanted to know the answer.
201 "Heh, you don't know do you? You have no fucking idea! Well … you’ll find out for yourself one day, but I’ll tell you this much for now … you’re unnatural, that’s what you are!” with that he shoved the little rabbit boy onto the snow. Kyaw laid there looking up at the menacing boy. Kyaw was too scared to run away, he didn't know what to do. He wasn't entirely sure what was happening and why he was being targeted.
202 "Now skidaddle twerp! And stay away from my little brother from now on! And I better not catch you loitering around here again if you know what’s good for ya’!" the older roo snarled.
203 "But but ... Sven told me to wait here until …" Kyaw said weakly, pointing towards Sven's house "w-we were gonna go sl-sleding ta-tagether" Kyaw tried to plead.
204 "I said clear off!" the roo shouted as he kicked snow in Kyaw's direction. The rabbit boy instinctively leaped out of the way.
205 "Sven, help!" Kyaw called out, hoping his friend could hear him. This got the teenage roo really mad. "Shut your trap!" he said as he repeatedly tried to grab him. But Kyaw was too slippery and would leap just out of reach.
206 The teenage roo decided to chase him down. Kyaw ran on all fours as fast as his rabbit legs would allow, but he was no match for the teenage roo, who eventually overtook him and grabbed him in a tumble slamming him to the snow covered floor. Then he lifted him up and pinned him to the fence.
207 "Don't hurt me" Kyaw cried out terrified, his breathing rapid and uneven. He was scared. Where was Sven? Why was it taking so long?
208 "Pah! What a pathetic wuss you are. A dumb little rabbit like you would have been gobbled up by wolves a long time ago if we weren’t all so civilized-like. I haven't even done anything to you yet and you are shivering like the pathetic prey you are. I did tell you to git, didn't I?! Well now I'm gonna tell you some things you don't want to hear, so listen carefully with those big stupid rabbit ears of yours. I saw how you were fawning over my brother, getting him to do all that gay shit with you. Sven is NOT your loverboy. You hear me?! He's not like you! He's not a sissy or a faggot or a queer, unlike you. He's not in love with you! He's not a freak like you! So just stay away from him! He already has good friends who've got his back. He doesn't need some pansy ass rabbit to babysit and protect. He doesn't have time for a sissy boy like you!" shouted the teenage roo.
209 Kyaw's eyes were tearing uncontrollably. Not simply out of fear, but more so because the roo's words hurt. Somehow this stranger saw right through him. He saw how much Sven meant to him, and he was able to bring out his deepest fears into the open. What if he was right? What if he was a freak? He knew he was different somehow. He knew he was different than the other boys. But even worse, what if Sven really didn't feel the same way as Kyaw did? Kyaw noticed how Sven would pull back when he would get too close. Maybe the roo was right, and that really broke his little heart and his spirit to think about.
210 "Go home and cry to your mommy, before I get really mad." the large roo said as he tossed Kyaw down to the ground. Kyaw couldn't take it anymore. He ran off home. He was too confused, scared, and heartbroken to do anything else. Was it true? Did Sven lie when he said he loved him and always will? He only hoped his mom would be able to console him and provide him with some much needed answers.
211 Just as the little rabbit boy disappeared around the corner, Sven exited his front door, sled in hand, calling out enthusiastically "I found it! Let's go!", only to be greeted to the sight of his older brother. Sven dropped the sled and marched across the street to confront him. His expression was cross.
212 "Where is he?! What did you do to him Sigmund!?" demanded Sven to his older brother.
213 "I didn't do shit to him. He's a pussy. I told him to run home to his mommy and he did" the older roo said haughtily.
214 "Damn it Sig, why do you always have to butt into my life!" Sven said as he shoved his older brother Sigmund.
215 "Butt into your life? Please. More like, I did you a favor. You don't need a friend like that. Trust me." Sigmund began as his little brother crossed his arms and looked away aggrevated.
216 "Oh yeah, well, what business is it of yours anyway. I c-can have any friend I want!" Sven said, lifting himself up with his legs to challenge his older brother.
217 "I'm your older brother. It’s my job to protect you. Your business is my business pipsqueak. I'm looking out for you dingus. You don’t need pervy little creeps like that in your life. He’s just trying to get you to do gay shit with him. That boy is gonna grow up to be a faggot, believe it" Sigmund warned.
218 "Pff ... y-you don't know that. H-he doesn't have a dad like we do. He just needs someone to show him what being a boy is all about ..." Sven tried to defend.
219 "Oh come on! That boy is as gay as a daffodil. Ain't nothin' curing that little queer... damned from the start" Sigmund stated matter of factly. Sven clenched his little fists. It was already so embarrassing to be confronting this directly. What could he say against that.
220 "You jerkoff! I was gonna go sledding with him! You should just mind your own business Sig! We were gonna have fun and you ruined it! Just like you ruin everything in my life!" Sven blurted out at last, giving his brother another shove.
221 "Hey quit shoving me you little shit!" Sigmund said shoving his little brother back. "I saw what you two were up to on the way home..."
222 This got Sven's attention, "You followed us from school?!"
223 "Yeah. I did. What of it. You've been keeping this new mysterious friend a secret from us. No one even knows his real name, and I don’t buy this ‘kevin’ bullshit for a minute. Anyway, I decided to find out for myself. Now I understand why. I saw everything Sven. I saw the way you two were skipping along hand in hand giggling and smiling together like a couple of love sick kits. It was disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself" Sigmund reprimanded.
224 Sven's cheeks puffed up and he severely blushed with embarrassment.
225 “Your lucky I’m not gonna say anything to mom and dad” Sigmund said.
226 “You wouldn’t!” said Sven very concerned now.
227 "Pah! Just stop associating with him. You don't need a friend like that. One day he's just gonna up and kiss you on the lips out of nowhere … if hasn’t tried already " Sigmund scolded.
228 "It's NOT like that Sigmund!" Sven said as he gave a punch to his older brother's shoulders.
229 "Yeah right, and I'm Rudolph the fucking Red Nosed Reindeer!" Sigmund said with his arms folded.
230 "Just let me handle it Sig. I know what I’m doing. I’m … I’m … I’m gonna help him become a good Christian like us … you’ll see!" Sven said at last exsaperated. It's not that Sven didn't have his own doubts, but he didn't need Sigmund deciding who he could and could not be friends with. "And you better not have hurt him Sig! I mean it!" he added.
231 "Aw, you worried about your pwecious wittle wabbit fwiend" Sig said mockingly, with his hands clasped together mimicking Kyaw's mannerisms.
232 "Just shut up and leave me alone Sigmund! Just get out of my life! UGH!" Sven said at last, giving a little punch into his brothers chest and walking off sullen. He dragged his sled back into the house, gave one last scowl at his brother and slammed the door.
233 "Hey whacha slamming the door for Sven!" demanded Sven's father from the other room. Sven tried to respond without his voice wavering "S-sorry dad!".
234 Then Sven marched up the stairs to his room. He had really been looking forward to going sledding with Kyaw. Somehow Kyaw seemed like the right sorta friend for such an activity. Sven didn't feel awkward being physically close to him. Kyaw didn't make it awkward. He made it feel natural. Sven felt like sledding with Torvald or even Helmer would be awkward for him. Physical contact usually came in the form of slaps and punches to the shoulder. They rarely hugged the way Sven and Kyaw would. It would be awkward for Sven to wrap around Torvald or Torvald to wrap around Sven on the sled. Secretly Sven would have very much liked to have held Kyaw securely, or have him hold on tightly as he steered. Being loving and caring towards Kyaw gave him a kind of joy he had never felt with any other boy before. He could be tender towards him without it feeling like there was something wrong about that. In a strange way, Kyaw felt like the brother Sven didn’t have. His older brother was always mean and cold to him, for reasons he never quite understood. His baby brother was still too young to be close to. As the middle son he often felt neglected between his parents having to deal with Sigmund’s rebelliousness or his baby brothers needs. Truth is, Sven was a bit starved for real affection at home. He had been quickly expected to be a little man and not be so needy.
235 Sven recalled one time where Kyaw and him were playing video games and Kyaw decided to take a break. He just stretched out and laid his head onto Sven's lap and looked lovingly up at him. At first Sven felt odd about it and tried to pretend he was uncomfortable "Hey, what are you doing?! Get up you! He he …". But Kyaw didn't respond like other boys would have. He didn't try flicking and annoying him to hide the fact that he just wanted to comfortably lay in his friends lap. Instead Kyaw would just turn to his side lazily and put his paw on Sven's leg and say "Oh Sven, just let me lie on you a bit. I'm sleepy and you feel so comfy". After a while Sven stopped fussing about it and smiled. If Kyaw wasn't making it awkward why should he? There was something nice about Kyaw laying there. There was a sense of closeness and comfort that he hadn't ever experienced with his other friends or even his older brother. Whenever his friends would get close like that they always had to play fight or squabble. Pinch, punch, push, or name call. Anything to deny the truth: that all they really wanted was to snuggle together. To be close. But with Kyaw there didn't need to be any denial or pretense. They could lay together and just enjoy each other's company. It felt nice. Something Sven couldn’t experience with anyone else, even his siblings, even his own parents. It was an intimacy and understanding that could only be between two furs of the same age.
236 Sigmund's words confused Sven. They made him begin to doubt himself again. Was he wrong for feeling that way? Sven didn't quite know what a faggot was, but he knew it was bad, just about the worse thing a boy could ever be. He didn't want to believe that his best friend could be one. He didn't dare contemplate what his own feelings might say about him. Should he stay away from Kyaw? Was he changing because of him? He feared he might be.
237 In any case the moment was ruined. Sven felt too awful to try and go out sledding now, alone. And he now had something to worry about. Sigmund knew. He knew about Kyaw, and he had seen the way they behaved when no one was around. What if he told Mom … or worse … Dad about it? How would he explain? He barely understood his behavior himself. How could he possibly explain to his parents how he truly felt deep down inside …
238 Sven lay on his bed and put the pillow over his head. He felt so confused and conflicted.
*6*
239 Kyaw had run straight home after the altercation with Sigmund. Kyaw slammed both fists on the door and called out "Momma! Momma!”. Kyaw's mother, Tabitha Bits, came to the door and hugged Kyaw as tears streamed down his face and he embraced her. "What has happened my child?" she asked.
240 "Oh momma" Kyaw tried to begin but could help breaking out into more tears.
241 "My stars, what's all the waterwerks for?" asked aunt Agatha. Kyaw's cousins came rushing down upon hearing their dear little Kyaw upset. “What’s going on?!” they are asked in frantic tizzy. "It's alright everyone. Let’s hear what Kyaw has to say. Now Kyaw. try to calm down. Tell us all what happened." Tabitha said and she carried Kyaw over to the rocking chair.
242 "There was an older roo boy en' he pushed me en' I think it was Sven's older brother en' he said not to talk to Sven no more en' en’ en’-" Kyaw managed to sob out in rapid succession.
243 "Where's he live! I'll learn that punk a thing er two" shot back aunt Agatha.
244 "Yeah Kyaw, we’ll take care of 'em for ya!" said Skipsy rolling up her sleaves and slamming her first into her palm itching for a fight. “Let me go get my barbed bat” Skipsy said running up to her room. “You’ll do no such thing!” shouted up Aunt Agatha “Use the metal bat instead!”.
245 "I'll go get my voodoo kit" said Flipsy sweetly as she prepared to disappear upstairs.
246 "I can bite his knee caps for you Kyaw! My teeth are strong enough! Nom nom nom!" said Naw.
247 "Everyone stop!" shouted Kyaw. Everyone stopped in their place. "I don't want you to do anything! Ya’ hear?! Don't do anything bad to Sven's family, please! No black magic, no voodoo, no spells, no curses, no bats, no biting! Nada! Zip! Zero! okay?! Please ... I’m begging y’all!?" Kyaw pleaded.
248 "But Hun, what that boy did was not right. Tell us where they live. Me and your mom will have a little talkin' to with those Bobs like they never heard!" Agatha said.
249 "No! You guys are just going to make things worse! I want Sven's family to like me, not hate me!" Kyaw fired back. Everyone went silent. Normally they would do anything to for their little Kyaw, but Kyaw wasn't having it.
250 "Honey. Tell me. How does Sven feel about you?" Tabitha said calmly at last.
251 Kyaw pondered for a moment, and then said sheepishly, "I don't know."
252 "Well I know, and I know Sven likes you very much" said Tabitha reassuringly.
253 "You think so?" Kyaw said brightening up again.
254 Tabitha whipped away his tears as she continued, "I know so. He has been a guest in our house many times, and I have been very observant. And besides, your mother just knows these things. I can sense the aura of a furs heart, and Sven has a aura that strongly resonates with yours. Also your digital roots both match. You’re both a Six".
255 “Really?” said Kyaw surprised.
256 “Yes. Really. And you know what that means. It means deep down Sven must have a gentle caring and loving heart just like yours” Tabitha said.
257 "Yeah. Your mom was always real attuned. Clairvoyant like. You can believe what she is telling ya" added Aunt Agatha.
258 "Ahem ... yes ... well the important thing is this: if Sven cares about you, he is not going to let his family come in the way of your friendship. Did Sven saey he didn't want to talk to you no more?" Tabitha inquired.
259 "Well ... no" admitted Kyaw shyly.
260 "Well then there's nothing to worry about. You'll see Sven again very soon. I can sense it" reassured Tabitha, "in fact...", she said putting her hand to her forehead, "I'm getting something. Yes, you shall see Sven's face a glow, illuminated by the ambers of the Yule log, before the feast day of the unconquered sun. That means you will see him sometime between the Winter Solstice and Christmas Day."
261 Kyaw wiped the remainder of his tears, smiled and kissed his mother on the cheek. Whether it came to pass as she said or not, that was a good enough answer for him. No nasty big brother was going to get in the way of their special friendship …
Total Stats: Total Parts: 1 Total Chapters: 6 Total Paragraphs: 261 Total words: 15,636
Bits&Bobs: The Mischievous Mistletoe Pt. I
Stats: Chapters: 6 Paragraphs: 261 Words: 15,636
Synopsis:
It's The last day of School and Winter is in Session! Kyaw and Sven have so much planned for the Christmas vacation together, but there is just one obstacle: no one must know of their secret friendship! But Sven may not be able to keep up this charade up much longer, and Sven may have to face his own demons to understand what truly lies in his own heart.
Sandy Marton - Merry Merry Christmas And a Happy New Year https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqiKWZuaKds ^^That special feeling of Christmas, particularly one lost in childhood memory
This is only the first part in a multi-part mini-arc. The idea of this story predates "The Princess&The Pirate", yet it acts as a kind of sequel to that story, taking place on the Christmas season directly following the halloween of 1986, when "The Princess&The Pirate" takes place.
The original idea came from a Bits&Bobs piece I created during my first christmas on IB, titled "Kyaw, Sven, and The Mischievous Mistletoe". The idea was fairly simple then and has expanded to become a very large story that helps to flesh out the Bits&Bobs lore. None the less the key scene depicted in the cover, remains the centerpiece of this tale.
Consider this my Christmas gift to my Watchers. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
