Gratuitous: The Edge of Sanity
“Seems like the whole world is going crazy. I guess you either gotta find a way to deal with it, or just join in...”
Chapter 1: A Case of the Mondays.
Trevor sat slouched on an old green corduroy couch in his small studio apartment. The harsh light of his television set danced off the Ferret's fur. A can of beer loosely clutched in one hand, the television remote in the other. Like many Mondays, he sat there catatonic, in just a pair of black boxer briefs, transfixed to the flickering images on his TV.
“...Chaos erupted on the streets of Divinity Nevada today when a Fox dressed in a banana costume went berserk in his workplace, opening fire on coworkers with a shotgun, killing 6 and wounding 8. The shooter has been identified by police as Kyle Matthewson, a disgruntled employee of the Banana Shanty. The rampage lasted nearly 20 minutes before Matthewson was shot and killed when he fired at responding officers.”
Trevor blinked and lifted the remote and changed the channel.
“... arrested 14 members of the Lord's Patriots Militia on Friday during a raid on the groups compound in Divinity on conspiracy to commit terrorism charges. And now over to Chuck Svelte with the weather, Chuck. So it looks like it's gonna be another nice day here in Divinity. The sun is shining and we're looking at temperatures in the mid to upper seventies for the rest of the day. This looks like the kind of weather we can expect for the rest of the week, so get out there and enjoy that sunshine.”
He sighed and lifted the can of beer to his muzzle and took a long sip, emptying the last of the contents from the can. He couldn't remember exactly how long he had been sitting there, but he came to the conclusion it was probably time to do something productive with his day off. Or... maybe not. Standing up, the thin framed Ferret wandered over to his refrigerator. He reached his arms up over his head, stretching as he let out a yawn. Naaaah, another beer sounds better. He yawned as he pulled open the door. The stained insides of an empty fridge, save for a Styrofoam box half full with some cold fries from his lunch yesterday, looked back at him.
“Awww man.. Well.. Time for a beer run I guess.”
Trevor wasn't really excited about having to put on clothes, or walking the block to the gas station on the corner to replenish his beer supply. Leaving the kitchen area he made his way lazily over to a dresser against a far wall next to his bed. After a few minutes he had outfitted himself with a white short sleeve button up shirt, and a pair of brown pants. Now where the hell did he put his boots? As he searched around for his boots the television continued to chatter.
“President Smith spoke at the White House today to address concerns about the sudden surge in violent crime in the United States over the Summer.”
Trevor shook his head as he pulled on his brown boots.
“The whole damn world is going crazy, ain't it obvious?” He said aloud as he picked up the remote and turned the TV off.
A few moments later Trevor stepped out into the noon day sun. He squinted as his eyes took their time to adjust to the natural light. Quite a bit brighter his apartment. Whistling softly to himself as he made his way across the parking lot of the two floor apartment complex he lived at. A short walk up the street, past rows of cookie cutter houses and a strip mall found him at the gas station. Entering the establishment, he was immediately greeted by the loud voice of a wolf standing at the counter, berating a small bat clerk.
“What the fuck are you trying to pull, huh? I gave you a twenty!” The large douchey looking wolf hollered and banged a balled fist on the counter.
The timid bat clerk spoke back softly.
“Sir, you gave me a ten, I'm positive. I have it right...”
“What, you think I'm stupid or something? You want me to come over this counter and smack you upside the head? Maybe then you'll learn how to make change, huh retard?”
Trevor looked at the floor and walked past, heading back to the beer cooler as the wolf continued to belittle the clerk. After staring indecisively for a a few seconds at the cooler, he opened a door and pulled out a 12 pack of bottled beer. As he made his way back to the counter, the large wolf was still there, and being more obnoxious than before.
“Okay shithead, I'm getting really sick of you. You got 5 seconds to give me the change for that twenty or I'm coming around this counter and kicking your ass.” The wolf challenged loudly and knocked a display case of candy bars off the counter onto the floor.
The bat cowered and sighed, opening the register and handing over money to the wolf.
“Okay.. Okay..Here, just take it.”
The wolf snatched the money from the clerk and counted it.
“That's what I thought, you little bitch.”
As the wolf turned around he walked right into Trevor, knocking the 12 pack from the Ferret's hands, it hit the ground with a loud crash as most of the bottles broke against the floor and beer went everywhere.
The wolf immediately got right in Trevor's face, his nose mere millimeters from Trevor's.
“You better watch where the fuck you're walking, faggot! You're lucky I don't beat your fucking ass for getting beer all over my new kicks, Bitch.”
Trevor took a step back and put his hands up. “Whoa. I'm sorry dude, my bad.”
The wolf sneered and pushed pass Trevor, shouldering him roughly as he passed. “Get the fuck outta my way.”
Trevor sighed and looked down at the broken glass and beer all over the floor. Kneeling down he began picking up pieces of broken glass from the floor. The small bat came around the counter wheeling a mop bucket.
“Hey, It's okay, I'll clean that up.”
Trevor stood up and dropped the broken pieces he had picked up into a nearby trash can.
A few moments later, Trevor returned to the counter with a new 12 pack of beer. The bat leaned his mop up against the wall and shuffled back behind the counter and rang up Trevor's beer.
“That'll be $9.25, sir.”
Trevor fished a ten dollar bill out of his wallet and handed it to the clerk.
“Here you go.. That guy didn't give you a twenty, did he?”
The clerk shook his head as he handed back Trevor his change.
“You mean Chad Taylor? Nah, bought a candy bar and gave me a ten. He does that all the time. Nothing new, he's just a huge asshole.”
Trevor picked up his 12 pack and pocketed his change.
“Well, then why do you put up with that if he does it all the time?”
The small bat clerk rolled his eyes and made his way around the counter to continue mopping up the beer on the floor. “I didn't see you do anything, buddy.”
Trevor looked down at the floor. He looked back up and opened his mouth to say something but then, said nothing. He turned slowly and exited the store, making his way back to his apartment.
The small bat clerk shook his head and continued mopping the floor. “Exactly...”
As Trevor exited the store he say the wolf over by a car, talking on a cell phone. He stopped for a moment and looked at the wolf. What a fucking douche, Trevor thought to himself. The wolf looked up at Trevor and lifted up his free hand and flipped the Ferret off. “What the fuck are you lookin' at, faggot?” Trevor looked away and very hastily made his way out of the parking lot. The thought of that bat at the gas station still hung in his head. Poor guy, he must have to deal with assholes like everyday. Ah well, best to just mind his own dealings. No point in getting mixed up in other people's business.
Time seemed to fly by Trevor once he got home. Once again back in his apartment he stripped back down to his underpants and planted himself back on the couch with a Fresh beer. Picking up the remote he clicked his TV back on and wiggled into his couch happily, getting himself nice and comfy. He clicked through the channels idly looking for something entertaining to watch.
*Click* “...Tonight on America's Funniest School Shootings...”
Seemed like all there was on was garbage nowadays. Either stupid reality TV shows, or just stupid people doing stupid things.
*Click* “...Next up on Jersey Douche Bags...”
No more plots, hell, there weren't even likable or relatable characters anymore, well, not unless you were some kind of freakshow with frosted hair and the IQ of a refrigerator.
*Click* “...And we're back to Miss Pre-Teen USA! Next the contestants will be competing in the swimsuit competition...”
Trevor shook his head in disgust and changed the channel. When the hell did it get this bad?
A few hours later found Trevor lying on the couch about 7 empty beer bottles littered the floor. His eyes half open he smiled and sipped slowly on his 8th beer. The Ferret was rather drunk. It was now dark outside, the radiating light of his TV set being the only thing illuminating his studio apartment. Trevor couldn't remember what exactly it was he was watching, or how long he had been watching it. Or.. Or.. where the hell the remote went.. Inside, he thought about that wolf. That fuckhead from the gas station. Why hadn't he said anything... Why didn't he stand up for himself. Or for the clerk for that matter... What... Was this what the world was coming to? A place were people just looked at their feet while people like that wolf just did as they pleased. The whole world is going to shit. Everyday more and more people lose it. Everyday it gets worse and worse. Like all of earth's population was just swirling down into this dark abyss of madness. Baaahhh, who cares, I got my job. I got a car. I got my apartment. I got my TV set and I got beer. It's none of my business what the rest of the world does. You just mind your own business, Trevor. Things will work themselves out... Wow Trevor, you're kinda drunk and... Who was this guy on the TV? Trevor's eyelids began to dance as he stared at the fox in a slick suit on TV.
“..And with my program, I can help YOU, find the successful person YOU want to be. You see, change doesn't come easy.”
Trevor chuckled drunkenly.
“You're fuckin' A right it doesn't.”
The fox on the TV smiled widely, showing off a pair of perfect bleached teeth. "Change comes from within. Everybody has the power to change. To change themselves, and to change the world. It's all a matter of putting your mind to that goal and going for it. Being the change you want to see in the world. And my program will help you learn to BE the change you want to see in the world...”
Trevor's eyes slowly closed and he drunkenly mumbled to himself. “Be the change... Haha.. Be the... Change.. For what?... Whole.. world.. is fucking crazy...
Trevor slowly opened his eyes and sat up. Sitting on his couch he looked around his apartment, completely dark save for the light coming in through the window from a street light. Huh.. He didn't remember turning his TV off. The light coming through his window seemed, odd, it almost flickered. Wait. What was going on out there. Getting up he made his way to the window. Trevors eyes went wide as he gazed out his window. Before him, the sky was a bright orange glow with millions of small red spots ascended through black smoke into the night time sky. Great waves of fire roared, what seemed like the entire city of Divinity was engulfed in flames. Down in the streets, cars burned and people ran everywhere, looting buildings, fighting each other. It was complete chaos. Over head, the sound of a roaring jet filled the air. Trevor clasped his hands to his ears as the the deafening roar increased as a jet came Soaring in, maybe 50 feet above his apartment, traveling a few blocks into the city before vanishing into the buildings. A few second later a massive fireball and a concussive boom tore into the sky from where the jet had crashed. Trevors jaw dropped as he took a few steps back from the window.
“It's beautiful, ain't it buddy?” Trevor looked to his right where the voice had come from. Standing in the darkness, partially iluminated by the glow coming through the window was the fox from the TV show he had been watching. Trevor stared in abject horror at the fox, whose face was now starting to drop from his skull in large oozing clumps. The fox gargled a laugh as his jaw fell open.
“The whole world is going crazy, Trevor. You gonna just go along with it or are you gonna be the fucking change, pussy.”
Trevor jolted upright from the couch. His fur was soaked through with sweat. He looked back and forth over his apartment. No fox. Daylight showed through his window, outside he heard the familiar sound of traffic and people outside. He got up from the couch and stumbled to the window. No fires, no riots, no crashing jets and other scary ass shit. Everything seemed in order. The ferret looked back to his TV set, it was still on. Some morning news program rambled on.
“With the steady rise in violent crime here in Divinity, it has many people asking, why can't police and lawmakers do more to stem the flow of this epidemic of crime that seems to be mirroring itself all over the United States?”
Trevor reached up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
“Ugghh.. The fuck kind of dream was that?” He said to himself.
Reaching his arms out he arched his back and yawned loudly as he stretched.
“Well, That was weird. Hmm. Time for coffee.”
He made his way into his kitchen and set about making a pot of coffee. After a few minutes Trevor sat down happily on his couch with a large steaming mug of coffee. Picking up the TV remote he began cycling through the channels. No sooner had he gone through maybe 2 channels, his phone began to ring. He looked around his apartment, slightly perplexed, trying to figure out where his phone was. Two rings later he was able to figure out it was in fact, under the couch cushion he was sitting on. After retrieving it he lifted the phone to his ear quickly.
“Trevor's Taco Shack, How can I help you?” He said jokingly.
“Very funny Trevor.”
Trevor's ears dropped as he heard the voice on the other end of the phone. It was his boss, James, and whenever James called him at home, he usually wanted something.
“Oh, Hey James, What ummm.. What's up.”
“Hey Trevor, I know it's your day off but I was wondering if you could do me a favor?”
Here it comes.. He thought to himself.
“You see I need somebody to run out and do a quick line survey for me on some property. You hear on the news how those Militia crazies got busted? Well they had some property on the outskirts of Divinity, I think it's was about 20 square acres from what I'm seeing here on the property forms. Well, see, the property got seized by the FBI so it's technically Federal property now and since it hasn't had a survey done on it in about 15 years, they're gonna need it remapped before they can auction it off. You think you could swing out there and get some measurements for me so when you come in tomorrow you could get a map drawn up for the Feds?”
Trevor sipped his coffee and sighed.
“Isn't Chris working today? Can't he go out and get the measurements?”
“Oh... yeah, no can do, see, Chris took the day off, said he had to go to a funeral.”
Trevor rolled his eyes. God damnit. He knew damn well that Chris wasn't at a funeral, he had been talking the previous week about how he had gotten tickets to got to the football game at Divinity Stadium. That bastard. But Trevor kept his mouth shut.
“Oh.. Well that's too bad. Umm.. Yeah, just gimme like an hour or so and I'll be into the office to pick up some stuff and then I'll head out there.”
“Ahhh, wonderful, thanks a bunch Trevor, You're a real champ. See you in an hour.”
Trevor hung up the phone and dropped it on the couch. He squinted up his eyes and talked in a high pitched voice. “Thanks a bunch Trevor, you're a real champ blah blah blah I'm a fucking shithead.”
Trevor sighed and hauled himself up off the couch, and made his way over to his dresser. Short while later he had begrudgingly put on some clothes. A pair of blue jeans and a Blue polo shirt with a small business logo on the front that read, 'Hossman Surveying and Construction'. Grabbing his watch, cellphone, and keys, he then peered around his apartment to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Hmmm Now where the hell where his sunglasses? He spent a few minutes searching high and low in his apartment for his sunglasses but they were nowhere to be found. If he was gonna be working outside on a day like today, he needed his sunglasses. Especially if he was gonna be working on the outskirts of the city near the desert. After searching for awhile longer, he couldn't find them anywhere. He frowned as he looked down at his watch. Ahhh shit, he was gonna have to just buy some at the gas station on the way to work. He didn't have time to keep searching.
A few minutes later, Trevor made his way across his parking lot to his car. A blue 2010 Chevy Pick up truck. He had just finished paying it off the month before and this truck was his baby. Opening the door and hoping up into the driver he started it up and rolled out of the parking lot.
“Hmmm..” Trevor rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he looked at the dozens of pairs of sunglasses on the rack in the gas station. He needed something that looked stylish, but not something too douchey. Man, there were way to many pairs to pick from. He finally picked a pair and started making his way towards the checkout. As he approached the counter, he heard a loud and familiar voice.
“Look, I fucking told you, I only wanted 5 bucks worth of gas. It's not my fault it pumped over. I only got 5 bucks on me.” Sure enough, it was Douchey McFuckface from yesterday.
“Sir, I told you it wasn't prepay here, you have to watch the pump as you get gas.”
“No you fucking didn't, look fuckface, I only got five bucks and that's all you're getting. Who the fuck you think you're trying to rip off here?”
Trevor stopped before getting to the counter, nervous and unsure about approaching after yesterday. Maybe he should just put the sunglasses back and leave.
“Are you fucking hearing me you little retard? I'm not paying for that gas!”
“Wow, what a sad sack of shit that one is, eh Trevor?” Said a voice.
Trevor spun around, looking for it's source. But there was no one to be found in the store except him, the clerk, and that asshole wolf.
“You really should do something about him Trevor. You know you want to. Go ahead, give that fucker a little lesson in civility.”
Trevor smiled brightly and then began looking around the store. A few moments later, his eyes rested on what he was looking for.
“Okay, I'm gonna tell you one last fucking time. I'm leaving, and getting in my fucking car and driving away, I ain't paying for no 25 bucks in fucking gas I didn't want.” The wolf yelled across the counter at the bat, who cowered slightly.
Trevor reached up and tapped the wolf on the shoulder. “Hey, shit for brains.”
The wolf whipped around to face Trevor. “What the fuck did you jus-”
The wolf was cut off mid-sentence as Trevor smashed him full force across the face with a fire extinguisher he had taken off the wall. Teeth clattered across the tiles as the wolf spun slightly and hit the ground in a heap. Trevor smiled widely and then dropped the fire extinguisher to the floor with a clang. Stepping over the wolf's unconscious body he set the pair of sunglasses on the counter.
“I'd like to buy these.” He said cheerily.
“Uhhh.. Okay... uhhh... sure...” The clerk said, wide eyed and in complete disbelief.
“That's uhh.. Uhh.. Just.. Just go ahead, you can have them.” He sputtered, forgetting momentarily how to use the register.
Trevor smiled and put on his new shades. “Well, that's very nice of you. Thanks a bunch. You have yourself a nice day.”
The smiling Ferret turned and walked out of the store without even looking down at the still motionless wolf lying on the floor.
The bat looked over the counter, down at the form on the floor. He chuckled slightly and then looked out the window at the Ferret getting into his truck and driving away.
“Exactly...” He smiled to himself
