Greetings everyone. At the beginning of April, I went on a mental health hiatus from the internet. It was super important for me to do so. While I was on my break, I drew some of the things I am experiencing or experience often. I will not be posting all of the pages I made, but I thought perhaps a couple pages would be okay for me to share.
Page 1: False Pain I... cannot tell at all when I am in pain or not. I can't tell because my brain will often make up pain that doesn't actually exist. I spent the first two weeks of this month battling my mind that was denying my toe as anything but deadly. My brain gets overtaken into absolute state of paranoia with a focus around "___ will Kill you". This is set off a lot bye illness, so the pandemic has been a horror story, but also includes general injury and sometimes my brain even replaces that blank with people or animals as well. That includes all of you guys, too, so I super had to be offline until my brain stopped doing the thing.
Right then my Toe felt terrible, and although I am certain it is real actual pain, it is very hard to tell sometimes when I am for real hurt. So... I have to go to the Doctor's a lot because of every little thing every time. I hate it. Sometimes it really is my Mind's fake pain, and that's absolutely terrible. It's a pain in the ass for both the doctors and myself. I either go for nothing, or waited too long for something I should have gone to the DR for immediately.
Though, what happened this time is a huge concern. It wasn't just the toe, but a lot of stressors all at once fried me into absolute "[everything] is going to kill me" state. I hate it. I hate it a lot. It was stress as heck. I didn't know how to handle myself. It really is a moment that can be represented by glass suddenly shattering. It was the second worse paranoia attack in my life.
Rush off to the hospital and nothing. No life altering event, nothing on their tests, EKGs or whatever. Now everytime I get them I keep thinking "am I having a heart attack this time? Am I going to die? Am I going to spend 4 hours in the hospital at midnight for it to be nothing?"
I've gotten chest pains several times. Rush off to the hospital and *nothing*. No life altering ev
Gosh frik, that's an absolute awful experience. I've had to do the same a few times. The doctors at the emergency facilities I've never thought were very pleasant anytime i had to go. All of em acting like I'm there for drugs or something. Guys, just make sure I'm not dying please. I can't even be prescribed any of your hard medications because of my size. I don't care. Make sure I'm okay.
Gosh frik, that's an absolute awful experience. I've had to do the same a few times. The doctors at
Uluri
