Craig sat at his desk late at night. He could almost feel the bags under his eyes from the usual difficulty sleeping. He was told by various furs he tried to confide in that it was due to him being ‘smart’. Yet those comments did nothing to stop his mind from racing at various random things when he laid in bed and tried his best to sleep.
He stared at the reflection of him that shown on the computer monitor. Even though it was on and showing his screen, he could still be his exhausted self look ahead at the screen. His fur was sticking out every which way, his neck and cheek fur was grown out and looked a bit uneven, and of course under his eyes were dark markings to show the world just how tired he was.
Craig thought about taking a shower for a couple minutes. Debated on if it was worth it to temporarily smooth his jet black fur down. But he didn’t want to run the loud water and fan around one in the morning and bother the neighbor. At least, that was his justification for not taking a shower. He knew deep in his mind that it was the low grade depression talking. Or perhaps it was stronger than mild depression. Not that he cared at the moment. The ache of his body one only got from not sleeping enough forbid him from really getting into caring about his mental health.
He sighed as he rubbed his muzzle and between his eyes. Just how did he get this upset today? He looked back on events as he had a bad habit of doing. He made good progress on a project. That was good. Something to commend himself for when he could have just said ‘fuck it’ and told his client that he wasn’t going to complete the work. Or put a sudden end to the project and only charge for what he worked on so far.
What didn’t help was his talk with his close friend. Someone who he cared for, but was too cowardly to call him anything more than ‘close friend’. He despised that single word that everyone threw around like it was a cheap candy or something. And he hated how scared he was to call this specific close friend his boyfriend. Yet he couldn’t do it. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t. Using that word made him even more vulnerable. Which was the last thing he needed now.
Yet deep down, Craig knew he was closer than a friend. The way this friend pissed him off. Craig tried to help his friend. Give him advice for helping with a difficult bad habit. Nothing serious, but Craig tried to be there for him. But his friend was stubborn. Didn’t listen to him. When his friend pissed Craig off by not listening, that highlighted just how much he cared.
Craig looked down on his desk. A card from his friend was on his desk, as well as a couple knick-knacks he used to decorate the desk. He felt his frustration build up in his chest again. He slid the card under some papers so he didn’t have to look at it anymore. Tiny pangs of guilt stabbed at him as he hid the card. Craig knew his friend only ever meant well. So why was he hurting?
He reached to the left and drank some of his tea. The bitter flavor and undertones of floral and fruit flavors calmed him down some. He then browsed his small game collection on his computer. If he couldn’t sleep, he might as well play something.
A couple notifications popped up on his computer. Messages that pinged him. That was in a group with two or three people he didn’t get along with. That was another reason he was upset. He never told those couple furs off. Sure he vented to someone he knew. Someone who was also teased and made a fool of by these same couple furs. But it didn’t help a lot. Only made him feel better for a bit at that time. Not nearly as cathartic as it would have been if he would have just told the two or three furs off. Tell them just how he viewed them.
Craig Xed out the messenger and ignored the couple pings. He didn’t even view them. Didn’t care if it was any of the furs he actually got along with. He knew if they wanted to talk to Craig, they could message him directly. He assumed not all of the messages were for him. A couple had to be to wish happy holidays.
The exhausted puma couldn’t focus on a game at the moment. Too many things were on his mind. He felt his tiredness make his eyelids feel heavier. He stood up, grabbed his cup, and put it in the kitchen counter. He would put it away later. He walked into his bedroom and looked over the bed. It was a wreak. The cover that had two corners off of the bed that normally covered the corners of the bed mattress.
He didn’t care about the bed though. He flopped onto it and closed his eyes. His mind raced for a bit, but gradually ran less as he laid into the usual position he laid in when he passed out. It would be a new day when he woke up. He hoped his frustration would be slept away.