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Saying Goodbye... (To Commissions)

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So paypal has permanently limited (which is to say banned my account, id , and associated bank accounts) my account and... I don't think I'll be trying to dispute it.

For sure there were those first few minutes of immense panic and feelings of self harm that you can only get from losing possibly the one thing you have in your life you're partly successful in that you've invested your adult life into... I was then overcome by the most dreadful and insightful epiphany
This is... the only thing in my life I had invested my adult life into and I am relatively successful in...

I have wasted the entirety of my adult life I have lived through so far... on this

About 5 years ago I dropped out of college (for teh second time) for... the usual reasons most do... depression, anciety, failure, and honestly just a general lack of direction in life. I was failing really hard, admittedly possibly more due to emotional issues, and I was pretty unsure of how I'd even go about with college feeling that I'd continue to just be stuck failing over and over again wasting years of my life in an institution that doesn't even really guarantee me success in any career anyways.
My only place of respite was posting furry shit and seeing people react so positively and supportively for it. Living a life with no real friends dealing with failure after failure I started looking to the fandom, a place on the internet where all the strangers were (well most of them were) all supportive in all of my interactions with them and lo I saw people setting up patreons, selling comics, and doing commissions all looking like they were living relatively confortably at home drawing on a cintiq working on stuff that I could only naively assume back then could pay the bills.
And so in my stubborn arrogance I went in there thinking I could live off of... all this.
And obviously that didn't work out teh way I planned
Oh for sure I may have said before, not only to other people but myself, that this will just be a springboard for me to jump off to a more illustrious illustration career. But as I became more and more prolific deep down I knew I was just gonna keep doing this and this alone until it stops being viable with no intention to actually start doing anything else, and why would I? Over teh years as I continued to isolate myself and my anxiety to even go outside grew even worse I started to just live on the internet. As every day went by I became more and more convinced I'll never be good at anything outside of just drawing for people and while everybody on this site was supportive with good intentions everybody just basically became an enabler. I mean two relatively close friends I have in the fandom I'm only ever this close with cuz they actually criticize me on my art and decisions in life. And besides... why would I humiliate myself as a lowly jobless loser when online I'm a hot talented breedable popufur (I'm exaggerating but that's not the point here).
The point is I've made it so that living outside the internet with a real job was not an option which makes... all of this the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. I was gonna be stuck working my ass off on nearly exclusively just porn half of which is not necessarily something I'm even like that into (some I'm definitely not into) that I can never show off or put down on my resume because it's ALL PORN. Like I'm a HORNY bastard but you can get sick of doing just that eventually. And the real worst part is the consistent inconsistency. I can have a month where I'm just stressed out and panicked the entire time because I have literally nobody commissioning me at that time or I can have a month where I'm stressed out and panicked the entire time because I have way too many people commissioning all at once that I can't feasibly finish in one month. I can earn anywhere between 0-600$ and the only thing consistent about it is it never goes beyond 600$. Slowly increasing my prices overtime just made less people commission me so the benefits just cancel themselves out.
I've been doing 5 years of this and what do I have to show for it?
Or atleast nothing I can put on my resume.

So from now on I wanna stop running away from real life to live on the internet. I'm gonna go get a normal job that probably doesn't even pay that much better than before but is at the very least consistent with that monthly paycheck, insurance, and mostly handled taxes. It's going to be hard but that's... the point... I don't wanna keep running away from my problems and it's high time I face them.

Not to say I'm never gonna do art anymore as I'm still a horny bastard and I may even eventually find a conventional job that involves art but... I'm never gonna be opening commissions again... even if I do sort things out it'd be a thing exclusive to friends (and priced unreasonably high)... but yeah... goodbye art commissions

male 896,768, fox 189,815, cub 189,210, cat 157,960, pokemon 127,880, feline 109,659, rabbit 97,384, bunny 81,966, boy 58,822, hybrid 50,745, mouse 39,796, bear 35,495, lion 32,665, vulpine 28,638, skunk 24,953, rodent 24,309, squirrel 22,830, adult 20,719, reptile 19,922, lizard 18,223, kangaroo 12,043, lagomorph 9,345, hare 7,502, guy 7,312, lapine 6,141, marsupial 3,231, reptilian 3,064, polar bear 2,940, dude 2,374, felid 2,103, charmander 1,977, box 1,702, vulpes 906, pachirisu 782, felidae 697, mephit 465, lagomorpha 296, mephitidae 41
Type: Picture/Pinup
Published: 1 week, 2 days ago
Rating: General

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1 week, 2 days ago
btw hope some of you guys recognize some of these characters I've used over the years
1 week, 2 days ago
That's terrible!
Paypal really sucks!
No way...you don't give up making awesome pics!
Sorry what happened to U..*snuggle hugs*
1 week, 2 days ago
If you change your mind, there’s still Venmo, or you could start a Patreon or one of the other half-dozen services. Good luck, stay safe, be well.
1 week, 2 days ago
don't you need a paypal for patreon or am I mistaken?
1 week ago
I have no idea but their site doesn't mention PayPal specifically.
Plus there's FanBox, SubscribeStar, and others that support adult content.
Edit: They do support PayPal (obviously not an option) as well as others: https://support.patreon.com/hc/en-us/articles/115004029...
1 week, 2 days ago
Overall you've done a LOT better than Many other people. A lot of people coast through life and don't even get this.

I went through college paid off my college debt and I still don't have a good job. All my friends died because of Boomer drama which also nearly destroyed me financially and now I have a hard time getting a proper job no friends and honestly i have little to live for because certain boomers wanted to just drink more and didn't believe the economy was sooo bad and that college could be paid off by a job as a waiter
1 week, 2 days ago
" kat37 wrote:
All my friends died because of Boomer drama which also nearly destroyed me financially and now I have a hard time getting a proper job no friends and honestly i have little to live for because certain boomers wanted to just drink more and didn't believe the economy was sooo bad and that college could be paid off by a job as a waiter

nhhh that's pretty rough too honestly
1 week, 1 day ago
Yeah its hard
1 week, 2 days ago
Man that's rough but good that you have something planned for whats ahead of you, hope you can find something.
1 week, 2 days ago
Thats horrible it happened to you.
I have PayPal for years, and i'm afraid if i lost It. Sorry for what happened to you
1 week, 2 days ago
I’m so sorry to hear that. Your art really is great and I definitely do enjoy it.
1 week, 2 days ago
Sorry that happened to ya pal, I know how it is when they just ban you and I know its pointless to try and get it back.
1 week, 1 day ago
Yeah very pointless... I kinda have not choice but to move on
1 week, 1 day ago
Yeah, you found out the hard way that very few people can live comfortably off of furry porn alone. It's much better to have a job, even a part time job, and do it on the side. And you do have something to put on your resume, you can say you pursued an artistic career and did freelance work. Any employer won't care what you did, just as long as you were doing something productive. If they press you about what you drew, you can say you focused mostly on character design. If they press further than that, LIE. The purpose of interviews is to judge your character and not to ask you further about your qualifications, so they probably won't dig too much into it.

As your getting banned by PayPal, it sucks and paypal sucks. But there are realistic alternatives. I've never tried it myself but everyone says Venmo. So that's probably your best bet. Patreon is another, and it doesn't require paypal. Ko-Fi is another. And there's always crypto-currency. I think the most widely used normie exchange is Coinbase. There's stablecoins on there that are always worth $1 if you don't want to deal with market fluctuations.
1 week, 1 day ago
Huh? Well then
Kinda thought kofi and patreon needed PayPal for some reason
1 week, 1 day ago
also ngl
quite nice to recieve some advice from ya
especially a pretty established furry artist
3 days, 9 hrs ago
I hope you end up having a similar experience to me, school was terrible for me. Ended up getting an entry level job, kicking ass and gaining self confidence to self teach myself at my own pace and move up. +Surround yourself with people who want to see you improve and ask them for help. +Don't quit a job, I have out of anxiety which was a mistake, take a breather and talk to your supervisor. +Set goals with your supervisor, explain where you want to be in a year for example and what you need to do to achieve that goal(Salary Increase, Title, Education, Personal). +If you don't have a supervisor that takes interest in your desire to better yourself then you may not want to continue working there, or at least find another mentor nearby. I often chit chatted with the CEO's of the small business I worked for, learned their daily routine and what they did to overcome their obstacles. I found many of the executives I worked with were 'C' students with learning disabilities just like me. Do your best!
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