Ferro was awake now in the adjacent familiarity of a Driftwood guest room. It felt strange to be a guest here, but Coal had moved into the caretakers suite where Ferro used to sleep. So on the rare times when they returned, they had to sleep in one of the inn's many rooms. Not that the rooms were bad, just without the things that make a place feel lived in. The caretaker suite was filled with the ephemera of their life lived in the Driftwood, and even more stuff from their aunt.
Ferro couldn’t remember why they even came back to the Driftwood last night. It certainly wasn’t to get drunk with Coal, though that memory was fresh in their mind. As well as the consequences of that night of drink. They were quite hung over, and it was making it hard to remember why they were here.
Thankfully they had the world's most potent hangover cure. Digging through their bag they found their small jar filled with potent golden Hearth Honey. It was at least their preferred cure, for hangovers or any kind of suffering.
After letting a single drop sit on their tongue, they lay back in drug induced ecstasy. Their mind empties and they could think clearly again, though just for a moment before dread burrows through the blossoming bliss. The reason that they came back was because they had a session of their court assigned Reintegration Therapy tonight.
“It’s going to be fine,” Ferro told themselves as they left the Driftwood. “You’ve never done this high before, but it’ll be fine.” They muttered as they entered the office of their therapist. They’d sit down, and be lectured on how they could be more normal. With the help of the drugs it would be over before they knew it!
“So have you made any progress in your life?” Their gold furred Verling therapist asked it like the previous slew of questions they were able to shrug off with one word answers, or lies.
“I think I’m proud of the progress I made, actually.” Ferro smiles while they speak, “I met someone, I mean, not romantically yet, a friend I guess... Someone I can relate to, someone like me. I think I’m starting to really feel close to him. Never thought I’d be able to feel that way about anyone.”
The therapist gloved paws patter on the edge of her notebook for a moment, before asking, “Why did you never think you’d be able to feel close to someone.”
Ferro squirms a little in their seat, “I’ve never really been able to put it into words...”
“Try too.” The therapist commanded.
“It’s like when you buy something from a store, and you talk to the clerk that you’ll never see again. That relationship, that fleeting little passing, not even acquaintance. It’s the fear that is all there really is. Even if logically I know I mean more to the person, even if they're laying in bed with me. It always feels like I’m as close as I am with the store clerk.” Ferro sinks deeper into their well cushioned chair. “It’s like you're walking down an empty shoreline. Across the sea is everyone, even the people you love so dearly. And no matter how much you love them, they’ll always be the same distance away.”
The gold Verling took so many notes on Ferro. Perhaps they said something wrong, they could never be sure. Finally she took a break from writing. “Do you understand this is false, when you are with someone who cares about you?”
“Logically yes, but thinking that doesn’t stop the relationship from feeling meaningless.” Again many notes were taken, Ferro was worried they were answering incorrectly, but they were just being honest.
“And how about when one of these ‘meaningless relationships’ shows you affection?”
“I usually push them away...” Ferro nervously sputters out.
“Push them metaphorically or physically?”
“Both???” Another slew of notes, this time Ferro was positive they answered incorrectly.
“When you hurt someone like this, do you understand how they feel?”
“Well after they get mad at me I feel guilty over it.”
“But you don’t understand until they tell you?”
“No…” More notes, every scratching sound ratcheting up the anxiety.
“What do you feel while you are hurting someone?”
“I said I feel sorry afterwards.”
“I didn’t ask about afterwards, do you feel anything while you hurt people. Anger, vindication, joy?” The therapist prodded.
“I feel nothing. Okay... I don’t know what anyone feels, including myself, until I have time to think about it later…” More scratching on the notepad, this time there is a finality to it.
The therapist puts her notepad and pen down onto the table. “The reason you feel this way is because you lack empathy, Ferro. You are sick and a danger to everyone around you, you’re a ‘Psycho’. I need to report this so you can be given Anomaly Status.”
Ferro couldn't believe that was the point of the questions. Just to slap them with a disorder that accused them of things that weren’t true. “I’m not a danger to anyone else, I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone ever. And being able to feel the ‘right’ emotions at the right time wouldn’t change that. You said I lacked empathy, not a moral compass! And I’m already an Anomaly!”
“Why didn’t you disclose you were an Anomaly?” She asked it as if it was somehow Ferro’s wrong doing.
“Because my disorder doesn’t matter unless I need to read something. Because being an Anomaly makes people hate you irrationally. Because all the talk about helping people like us is a lie! All you want to do is put people in neat little columns so they can’t move. Ruining people’s lives because you didn’t find them acceptable enough!” Ferro screamed their words out, they couldn’t hold it in anymore.
Their therapist camly checks something in Ferro’s file before responding. “You aren’t taking your medication, are you...” This was it, Ferro had ruined everything. “You wouldn’t be able to have such a strong emotional reaction if you were still on it.”
Ferro wanted to lie, but couldn’t hold back their hate and frustration. “So you people knew that stuff was going to sap all desire in my life away?” Their voice was seething and shaky.
“Of course we did. The court gave you that because you were a danger to society.” She gestures at some figures behind the glass, and shortly guards arrive. Putting hands on Ferro, as if they could do anything about this. “You failed your reintegration, Ferro. Expect a court summons in the mail.”
