WARNING: Although this particular chapter does not depict violence or cursing, future installments will. As this story is based on an adult parody of MLP called The Mentally Advanced Series. I would encourage that if you had not watched it to do so to get a grasp of the world in which this takes place. Many of the jokes, lore, and otherwise are in reference to MAS, not just simply My Little Pony. I have also made a supercut that includes every reference and appearance of Celestia in the series. In case watching the entire MAS series maybe too time consuming. If you find Celestia, or other canon characters, used in crude and unpleasant depictions offensive, this is your warning. However, I would appreciate that you take a look anyway with an open mind.
The sound of hooves thundered through the halls. Valiance swallowed breaths of air as she rushed past several castle employees. Only one goal was on her mind and she had to make sure she got there at a decent time. Finally she could see the grand door of the throne room.
‘Almost there.’ she thought to herself, sweat gathering on her face.
Stopping short of the door, Valiance quickly adjusted her armor to look its best, caught her breath, and knocked on the door. A royal guard cracked the entrance open and whispered, "The princess is in a meeting. She is not taking visitors at this time."
"No, no. I'm her new acolyte. Tell her that Valiance Ascalon is present whenever she's ready." Valiance whispered back.
The guard paused, closely observing Valiance, before uttering, “Wait right here.”
Valiance nodded cheerfully as the guard closed the entrance. A brief amount of time passed before he returned waving for her to come inside.
Inside the throne room, Valiance was in awe of its majesty. Prismatic glass murals embellished the walls proclaiming Celestia’s conquests. And sitting atop the golden throne was the Princess herself, speaking with an advisor. Noticing Valiance’s presence, Celestia looked up from her documents then turned to her clock with squinted eyes.
"You are ten minutes early, Valiance." Celestia noted, turning back to her document.
"Well, you know what they say about early birds and worms," Valiance chuckled as she knelt before her Princess.
"Indeed," Celestia mumbled, darting her eyes to her subject, "and in doing so, you have interrupted my meeting."
Valiance's ears shot back, "I… I meant no offense by it, your Majesty."
Celestia scoffed lightly with a coy smile, rolling up the document and handing it to her advisor. Then rising from her throne, she commanded, “We will continue tomorrow, Gen.” At her order, the spindly, rotten green advisor bowed before quickly shuffling out of the throne room, with the grace of a dying spider. Once the advisor closed the door behind him, Celestia turned back to Valiance. “I believe I deserve the rest of the day off.” Celestia sighed, strolling down the golden steps of her throne.
“I can only imagine, with the kind of work you do. What’re you going to do now, maybe enjoy some more of those cookies?” Valiance jested.
“Of course not.” Celestia replied leading Valiance to the door, “I ate them all, they were delicious. Be sure to tell your little friend to make some more for me sometime.”
Valiance tightened her lip with no hope of recovering her gift, she attempted to clear her mind of her disappointment and asked, “Does that mean I will still be accompanying you? Or perhaps you’ll need my services elsewhere?”
“No. You are to remain at my side, my dear acolyte, until your day is done. And it will end when I say so, as will everyday from now on. Do you understand?" Celestia asked as they made their way through the maze of halls within the castle.
“Yes, ma'am.” Valiance answered astutely with a welling of excitement gathering in her throat.
Celestia chuckled lowly to herself, guiding Valiance out into the castle’s orchard. Fruit trees of all kinds adorned the landscape as they approached a sunbathing chair along with a small outdoor table, underneath a massive beach umbrella.
Valiance noticed the sweat beginning to condense on her forehead, removing her helmet to wipe it away. With her face bared, Valiance squinted. The sun's heat blanketed the outdoors in a smothering wave.
“I didn't realize how warm it was going to be today.” Valiance noted, observing the cloudless sky.
"Certainly, I cannot imagine a more relaxing day than one that is bright and serene. Wouldn’t you agree?” Celestia asked as she sprawled out onto the sunchair.
Valiance took a moment to wipe her forehead again and placed her helm on the nearby table. “I suppose, though I never would’ve thought you liked it so hot.” Valiance pondered aloud.
Celestia tapped her hoof to her chin, “Perhaps you’re right, I do find myself quite parched. Your first order as my new acolyte is to simply bring me a glass of fresh lemonade.” Celestia leaned back in her chair and with the glow of her horn, a variety of items appeared on the table, a pitcher with iced water, a bag of sugar, and a glass cup with a straw and umbrella. Finally, sunglasses appeared over her eyes and she proudly explained, “Here’s all the materials you will need. Don’t disappoint me.”
“As you wish, your highness.” Valiance assured confidently while immediately making her way towards the nearest lemon tree.
“Oh, and one other thing.” Celestia called to Valiance, causing the soldier to stop in her tracks, “You’re not allowed to use magic.”
Confusion crept across Valiance’s lips, but after a moment of pondering, she caught onto Celestia’s scheme. ‘A test of sorts, huh? Well, no matter the lesson I’m supposed to get out of this, I’ll be sure to pass. Don’t you worry, Celestia!’ She noticed a step stool leaning next to the tree, and after a brief set up, began her ascent. She could taste the citrus with her nose as she reached into the tree branches. The yellow fruit themselves were bathed in a light mist and were nearly flawless in their color, shape, and texture. After picking a small batch, Valiance hurried down and began preparation.
Valiance laid her batch on the table and got to work. Using her halberd, she gently sliced the fruit in half and placed them in a pile. Taking each piece in between her hooves she squeezed the tart fluid into the pitcher and began stirring. Water gathered on the surface of the glass from the contrasting heat of the air and the refreshing frigidness of the pitcher's ice. Lastly, Valiance poured the sugar into the mix before topping it off with a straw and an umbrella. The acolyte gingerly passed the drink to the Princess and proudly awaited her response.
Celestia sampled the cold beverage, taking in every minute flavor. Her eyes shot over to Valiance with a dissatisfied glare, “How disappointing. It’s too sour.”
“Oh, my apologies, your majesty. Allow me to fix it for yo-” Valiance was cut off by the gentle splattering of Celestia emptying the pitcher into the grass. Afterwards, she handed it back to her knight, manifesting more ice inside.
“I shall not subject you to the torture of gracing your lips with that concoction. Make it again.” Celestia shooed away Valiance.
Perplexed, Valiance bowed before returning to the table and trying again. Using the remaining lemon slices, she made another pitcher full. This time, however, she was sure to add a few scoops more of sugar. Hoping this time around that it was more palatable, Valiance drew a small sample with the spoon.
Yet, before she can taste test her creation, Celestia snapped, “Ah, ah, ah. That isn’t for you to drink.”
“But Princess Celestia-” Valiance began, but again was silenced by Celestia raising a hoof to the air. Defeated, Valiance poured the new batch into Celestia’s glass and handed it over to be judged again.
Much like before, Celestia dumped the beverage in disgust, “Much too sweet. Again.”
Fed up with the heat and her failure to appease the Princess, Valiance’s horn glowed brightly as she tore off the top half of her armor. Sweat glistened against her musculature as she pulled out a ribbon and tied her hair up into a messy bun. Now able to breath properly, she confidently flared her nostrils as she marched back to the tree. It was clear to Valiance what her master’s angle was. She was sure then that she could meet the Princess’s demands, no matter how high. All the while, intrigued pink-lavender eyes followed, closely studying her every move, thought, and expression.
The Princess pulled off her sunglasses and lightly bit on one of the arm tips. Charmed by the brazen mare, Celestia wondered how long it would take for her to break in her new plaything. How long would Valiance last compared to her disappointing predecessor?
The sun slowly dragged across the sky, beating down on Valiance’s shoulders. Though she tried everything she could think of, nothing seemed to satisfy the Princess. There was always something wrong about each batch of lemonade. It was too warm, too cold, too pulpy, too acidic, too bland, and so on. Not to mention, the Princess would give contradictory criticisms that further confused Valiance. In one batch, Celestia claimed it was too watery, despite that Valiance had mostly used the lemons. Or that the lemonade had seeds, even though Valiance was absolutely sure that the fruits were seedless.
After many attempts and failures, Valiance’s wrists had begun to ache. Pulsing from the constant juicing, she could swear she was beginning to develop carpal tunnel. On top of that, she also suspected that the Princess was making a joke out of her at this point, she was almost positive of it. Valiance quietly pondered for a bit when her face lit up.
Quickly assembling the latest pitcher, she hurried over to Celestia’s side and presented her the drink. With a light swill, Celestia paused, then leaned back and sighed, “Finally, a satisfactory beverage. Not a strong start for you, dear acolyte.”
Disappointed with Celestia’s dissatisfaction, Valiance asked, “My apologies, your Highness. How can I improve to better serve you?”
“Another time. Instead, why don’t you tell me what you have learned.” Celestia commanded as she leaned her head on her wrist, waiting attentively.
“Hmm, well… that’s a good question. You had me make several batches, and yet the first recipe was the one you're enjoying now." Valiance thought aloud as she leaned against the table. "Perhaps, what I learned was…" Valiance continued as Celestia's condescending smile slowly disappeared into a predatory stare of perplexity, "...Ah! I think I know now!" Celestia's eyes widened further as her well intentioned knight actually attempted to learn from her pointless venture. "What I learned was that sometimes, your first idea maybe your best idea even when it doesn't seem so. And more importantly, patience persevered in the presence of hardship!" Valiance finally concluded with a proud smile and gleaming eyes.
A stifling silence swept in the air as Celestia contemplated Valiance's thoughts. Yet all that could escape her lips was simply, "What."
Valiance shot glances around to no one in particular with a cold sweat. "W-what? Was that not the lesson?" she weakly replied back.
A rumbling chortle escaped Celestia's lips as she rose from her sun chair. She poured out the rest of her drink in silence then shattered the glass with her magic. "That will be all for today, dear acolyte." She sighed contentedly as she sauntered off.
Valiance's heart pounded in her throat. She would not have ever expected to see the Divine Princess act in such a bizarre fashion. 'Did I… really just learn the wrong lesson?... What was so funny?' Valiance contemplated as she watched Celestia stride off back into the castle.
