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i don't normally give descriptions to anything i create, but this drawing is different to me.
it's not good, it's rougher than almost anything else i've put out. it's not even that well composed or anything.

what's important about this drawing is what it was meant to be.

once i finished this and had shared it with my friends, i got into my car and left to do it. I drove around for a while, looking at important places from throughout my life. my old friends house, the school i went to, etc.

when i felt i was ready, i got onto one of the main roads and just hit the gas. i kept speeding up. i wasn't looking at the speedometer, but the last number i remember seeing was 95mph. i tried to let go of the wheel but something stopped me.

i was thinking about my family, my friends, my dog.

i hadn't said goodbye to anyone. just left this shitty picture on my computer.

this fucking vile picture would have been the only goodbye anyone would have gotten from me and that wasn't okay. no explanation of any kind, no note.

i slowed down to around the speed limit, and just went home and cried for a while. i spoke with a very close friend of mine and he suggested that i seek professional help.

------------------------------------------------

i'll call in the morning.

Keywords
male 1,116,303, cub 251,214, night 14,954, border collie 4,246, vent 1,873, vent art 673, suicide 583
Details
Type: Picture/Pinup
Published: 3 years, 8 months ago
Rating: Mature

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6 comments

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ZwolfJareAlt306
3 years, 8 months ago
*Offers hugs*
snuffpuppy
3 years, 8 months ago
c: thank you
WeakenedState
3 years, 8 months ago
I feel that. Honestly having troubles getting up in the mornings, just wishing I could waste away and starve. World's fucked.

Not going to say things are going to get easier, but I know I'm looking out for those around me that are doing bad. Hoping my assurance can be anything of help to you.
snuffpuppy
3 years, 8 months ago
yesterday the self hatred had reached a point where i couldn't deal with it anymore. i figured the world would be better off without me in it.
after the attempt i felt somewhat at peace, as i knew there was nowhere to go but up. i don't know how long this feeling will last for but i feel pretty okay right now.

thank you for caring, i hope you're able to find some solace as well.
RockDove
3 years, 8 months ago
I pretty much never post comments onto things, but i feel i should for this.
I don't know you, i don't watch you, but i found this picture. And honestly i cannot relate to a picture more than this.

2 years ago, i tried to finish the job. In my tree house. (yeah i'm a 23 year old with a tree house. Feel free to judge me :P).
I spent 2 days writing letters to people, giving away my stuff, quitting my job and preparing for the end. It had gotten to the point where self harm didn't even help me cope anymore, the only things that made it bearable was alcohol and weed.

On the last day, i got dressed smart, nice suit and tie, left the house unlocked and went to my treehosue with nothing but a knife, a telescope and a final letter. While looking at the stars through my telescope, i took a last swig of whisky, and ct my wrist deeper than ever before. Blood was everywhere.. less that a minute later, with my mind clear and for once at peace, i blacked out..

I woke up, 5 hours later in hospital.. Apparently my neighbours were watching me from their window and called for an ambulance. I spent the next 6 months in a psychiatric ward.

jump to today, i'm out and about and at university to fore fill my dream. im still on antidepressants and have therapy once every 2 weeks.

I still get depressed some day. Other days i'm fine. Other days, i'm over the moon with joy!

I guess what i'm trying to say is this.. be strong, it gets better, i promise you that.
Everyone has a place in the world, it might just take time for you to find yours.

You take care of yourself my dear, this random stranger on the internet believes in you <3
FitKit
1 year, 4 months ago
I recommend following Jordan Peterson. I was in the same place in my life and his teachings of psychology helped profoundly.
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