Home Repairs
``Hand me that wrench thingy,'' Leonardo said, his voice echoing inside the cabinet beneath their kitchen sink.
``Which one?'' Raphael asked. ``The regular wrench or the basin wrench. Which end of the supply hose are ya' working on?''
``The one connected to the bottom of the faucet,'' Leo replied.
Raph rolled his eyes and passed the basin wrench down to his brother. ``I should be the one under there working on that leak. At least I know what the tools are called. Or better yet, we could just wait for Donny to get back.''
``Don shouldn't have to do it,'' Leo said, grunting slightly as he worked to turn the nut. ``I can handle a simple home repair.''
``You're just pissed `cause Don made that crack about always having to do everything around here,'' Raph said.
``I'm not pi . . . angry,'' Leo told him.
That made Raph chuckle. ``Stick in the mud. A simple cuss word like `pissed' won't kill ya'.''
``It's a gateway curse,'' Leo asserted. ``If you allow one, soon you'll have a gutter mouth. You are a case in point.''
``Heh. Yeah, ya' could be right,'' Raph acknowledged with a shrug his brother couldn't see. ``Don't ya' have that nut loose yet?''
``It wasn't . . . uh . . . turning,'' Leo said. ``There, got it!''
The instant he said that, water began shooting out of the sink to spray Raph directly in the face.
``Pfft! Shit! Turn it off, turn it off!'' Raph shouted, trying to hold back the deluge with his hands.
``I turned it . . . oh, wait.'' A second later the geyser stopped.
Shaking the water from his arms, Raph snatched a kitchen towel off the refrigerator door handle and dried his hands. After removing his soaked mask, he ran the towel over his face and head.
``Great job, Leo,'' Raph grumbled. ``Ya' turned the water valves the wrong way, didn't ya?''
``Sorry,'' Leo said, sounding embarrassed. ``They're off now.''
Slightly mollified by his brother's self-conscious tone, Raph said, ``It happens. Guess I already got my shower for the day.''
Leo slid out from beneath the sink and held up the hose he'd disconnected. ``The hose looks like it's in good shape.''
Taking it from him, Raph examined each end. ``The rubber gaskets don't.'' He passed the hose back to Leo and walked over to the kitchen table, where a metal box sat. ``Pretty sure Don has replacements in here somewhere.''
He dug around in the box for a minute before producing a small cardboard box labeled `gaskets'. Taking it back to the sink, he squatted next to Leo and opened the box. Together they compared different rubber gaskets to the ones in the hose and found two that would fit.
While Leo removed the old gaskets and replaced them, Raph returned the rest to Don's box of plumbing supplies. When he turned around again, he saw that Leo was back under the sink.
``Ya' remember which end goes where, right?'' Raph asked.
``Yes, Raph,'' Leo said, in that overly patient tone he sometimes got when speaking to his brothers. ``It only fits one way.''
Raph leaned against the sink, enjoying the view of Leo's legs poking out from under it. ``Excuse me, but who was the one who forgot a simple thing like turning off the water before messing around under there?''
``Weren't you supposed to open the faucets to make sure the water was off?'' Leo asked.
``That's just like ya', Leo, always finding a way to turn stuff around so it ends up being someone else's fault when things go wrong,'' Raph groused, reaching up to turn the faucets to the on position as slowly as he could so they wouldn't make a sound.
``You just did it, didn't you?'' Leo asked.
``Shut up and finish the job, would ya'?'' Raph asked. ``Geez, it wouldn't have taken Donny five minutes to . . . .''
Water suddenly shot out of both faucets, striking the basin with enough force to completely douse Raph. He jumped back, hit a slick spot on the floor, and fell.
The water continued to splash out of the sink onto him, so he put his hands to the floor and quickly scooted back away from it. A second later the jetting water stopped and Leo crawled from under the sink.
Raph stared at him. Leo was almost completely dry, other than his legs, and there was a slight upward twist at each corner of his mouth.
``Ya' did that on purpose,'' Raph said, slowly standing up, his eyes narrowed as he stared at his brother.
``Whatever can you mean?'' Leo asked with faked innocence.
Reaching for a cooking pot, Raph waved it at his brother. ``I'm giving ya' a head start. Ya' got as long as it takes me to turn the water back on and fill this, and then I ain't gonna be the only one who's soaked.''
Donatello returned to the lair an hour later to discover two of his brothers throwing water on each other and an overflowing sink making a mess of the kitchen.
Neither a borrower nor ...
``That is one huge turkey,'' Mikey said as April took the roasting pan from the oven.
``It's a little over twenty-two pounds,'' April said. She set the pan on the stovetop and turned the oven off. ``I wanted to make sure you guys had leftovers you could use for making sandwiches. Be sure you let it rest for about forty minutes before carving it.''
``I'll have to serve it in the pan,'' Mikey told her. ``We don't have a plate big enough to hold it.''
April removed her oven mitts and reached into the shopping bag she'd brought along. As she withdrew a large serving platter, she said, ``That's why I brought this with me. It belonged to my great aunt. She loved to cook for big family gatherings.''
``I wish you were staying for Thanksgiving dinner,'' Mikey said.
``Me too,'' April said earnestly. ``This is the first one I've missed since meeting you guys. I need to be with my sister though, since she did come to spend the holiday with me. On the bright side, you get to have Casey's company. The idea of sitting down to a meal with Robyn and Uncle Augie was too much for him.''
Grinning broadly, Mikey said, ``The big coward.''
April said her good-byes to the remainder of the small mutant family and left. The turkey she had helped Mikey to prepare was enjoyed by all. There was even enough left over to send some with Casey and still have plenty for a couple of days' worth of sandwiches.
On their way to the dojo for a workout the next day, Leo and Raph heard a loud crash from the kitchen and changed direction. When they entered they saw April's platter on the floor, smashed into several pieces.
Mikey was on the other side of the room, staring at the borrowed platter with wide eyes.
``What did ya' do?'' Raph demanded.
``Don't look at me,'' Mikey said. ``I didn't do it.''
``That's what you always say,'' Leo said.
``Well, this time I really didn't. I was clear over here this entire time,'' Mikey insisted.
``Oh come on, Mikey. Just `fess up,'' Raph said. ``April might not skin ya' alive if ya' apologize fast enough.''
Mikey had just opened his mouth to repeat his protest when the floor under their feet began to vibrate. Anything that was sitting in the open on the table or countertops started to jump and skitter towards the edge.
Leaping forward, Raph caught a drinking glass as it bounced off the table. Leo spread his arms across the countertops to stop objects from spilling onto the floor. Mikey grabbed hold of Master Splinter's favorite tea pot to keep it from falling off the stove top.
``See?'' Mikey asked when the vibrations stopped. ``It wasn't me.''
``The last time this happened, a bunch of mousers busted up our home,'' Raph said.
Leo was frowning. ``It's not mousers. Come on, I have a feeling I know what's causing this.''
His brothers followed as Leo led them towards the service bay. They reached the stairs at the same moment as the vibrations began again, this time much stronger and accompanied by a roaring sound.
Near one wall of the service bay sat a speed boat. It was one of Donatello's newly acquired toys and it's motor hung from chains attached to the ceiling. Don wore headphones as he tinkered with the motor, its rumble thunderous.
Ignoring the stairs, Leo leaped down to the lower floor and ran towards his brother, waving his arms to get Don's attention. It took a second before the motion caught Don's eyes and he immediately shut off the engine.
Removing the headphones, Don straightened up. ``Something wrong?''
``You're shaking the entire lair,'' Leo answered.
Don looked up at the chains. ``Maybe I shouldn't have suspended it from the ceiling.''
``No shit, Sherlock,'' Raph said, coming to stand next to Leo. ``You're in some serious trouble, Donny boy.''
``Trouble?'' Don asked, looking from one of his brothers to the next.
Mikey gestured towards the engine. ``That thing shook the kitchen so hard that April's platter fell off the counter.''
The color drained from Don's face. ``Oh no, please tell me it didn't . . . .''
``Yeah, it did,'' Raph said, interrupting him. ``Ya' get the pleasure of explaining that to her all by yourself. Sucks to be you.''
``I'd do it on my knees if I were you,'' Mikey said.
``You guys have to help me,'' Don pleaded.
Shaking his head, Mikey told him, ``You'd better be ready to perform a whole bunch of honey-dos to make up for this mistake.''
``Guess we won't be seeing you for a while,'' Leo added, waving to his brother as he turned to leave.
``Hope you make it back alive,'' Mikey called out. ``If not, it was nice knowing you, bro'.''
Don stood frozen in place, his mind a complete blank as his brothers quickly made themselves scarce.
Margin of Error
Raphael peeked into the lair, his eyes scanning the interior for signs of life. When he saw no one, he assumed they'd all turned in for the night and that the coast was clear.
As quietly as he could manage, he tiptoed across the lair, careful not to crinkle the paper bag he was carrying. He had spent a few hours at Casey's place watching the game, but when his buddy had dozed off, Raph knew it was time to go home.
Being able to spend time at Casey's apartment was one of Raph's greatest pleasures. The human was his best friend and they enjoyed and shared a lot of the same things.
There was one thing that Raph didn't get to share with him though, and that was having a few beers during the ball game. It wasn't that Raph hadn't ever tried one because he had, and he'd liked the taste. He hadn't enjoyed how Leonardo had pounced on him when he'd gotten home, smelling his breath and then lecturing on the sins of alcohol.
Tonight Raph had stuffed a couple of cans into a bag to take back to the lair with him. If Leo was waiting up, Raph would have left the bag in the tunnels and retrieved it another time. Since Leo wasn't around, Raph carried the beer up to his room and closed the door firmly behind him.
After turning on the small portable radio and tuning in to a sports station, Raph settled back on his oversized bean bag chair. With a sigh of satisfaction, he extracted one of the cans from the bag and popped the top.
Raph was taking his first sip from the can when it was unceremoniously snatched from his hand, spilling some of the contents on his plastron. Expecting to see Leo, Raph jumped to his feet, curse words flying. He almost bit his tongue to stop the flow of invectives when he came face to face with his father.
``Ninjas do not drink,'' Master Splinter said in his firmest tone. ``They cannot afford to have clouded minds.''
``It's only a couple of beers, Sensei. That's not enough for me to even feel anything,'' Raph protested. ``I just like the taste.''
Master Splinter studied him for a moment, taking in his son's defiant expression, before saying, ``Follow me and bring your beer with you.''
Raph dutifully picked up both cans of beer and trailed after his father. He fully expected to be taken to the kitchen and ordered to empty the cans into the sink, and was resigned to doing just that. He was surprised however when Master Splinter led him to the dojo.
After leading Raph to the center of the room, Master Splinter directed him to remain in that spot. The aged rat then walked to one end of the room and pulled a practice target into place several yards from where his son stood. He tacked a new paper target onto its face and then moved to the side.
``Throw your sai into the center of that target,'' Master Splinter ordered.
Confused but obedient, Raph flipped a sai up, grabbed the point and threw it. The weapon flew straight and true, landing in the center of the target.
Master Splinter immediately withdrew the sai and said, ``Now the second one. Please hit the same spot.''
This was something that Raph had done thousands of times, so he didn't even blink as he threw his second weapon. When Master Splinter went to retrieve it, he nodded.
Walking back to Raphael, Master Splinter handed him the weapons and said, ``Now drink one of your beers. Drain the can, please.''
Raph had never actually chugged a beer, but he wasn't going to argue with Master Splinter if his father was giving him permission to drink. It didn't take him long to down all of the contents of his already opened can. When he finished, he could feel the bubbles rumbling in his chest and released an extremely hearty burp in response.
``Excuse me,'' he said, looking sheepishly at his father.
Master Splinter flicked his fingers in the air to indicate that the belch was of no consequence. ``Now I want you to throw one of your sai into the target. Please hit the spot where you have already pierced the paper.''
``I get it now,'' Raph said, a cocky smile spreading across his lips. ``No sweat.''
Just to be on the safe side, he took a second to aim and then threw his sai at the target. Master Splinter said nothing as he walked over to remove the sai, stepping in front of the target as he did so.
Without moving from his position, Master Splinter said, ``Drink your last beer.''
The first had given him such a pleasant sensation that Raph happily popped the tab on the second and quickly guzzled that one as well. He didn't bother to apologize for his burp after finishing that can, though he did chuckle at the way it echoed in the dojo.
His father walked back to the side of the room, still holding Raph's first sai. Putting his hands behind his back, he said, ``Please throw your remaining sai at the target.''
That initial feeling of well being remained, but beneath it Raph also felt a touch of insecurity bordering on paranoia. For some reason, his sai didn't seem balanced and Raph spent longer than usual adjusting his grip. Still, when he hurled it, he was gratified to see it strike the target in the center, just as he'd done with the first three throws.
Master Splinter held up a palm to indicate that Raph was to remain where he was. Going to the target, Master Splinter pulled the sai from it and then removed the target as well.
There was no hurry in his steps as Master Splinter walked back to where Raph waited. He handed his son's weapons back to him and waited for Raph to tuck them in his belt.
``Raphael, attend,'' Master Splinter said, holding the paper target up in front of the turtle's face.
Raph had to blink a few times as he studied the target. Rather than a single hole, there were three of them. He did not need for Master Splinter to explain that the one hole in the exact middle had come from his first two throws, and that with each can of beer, the sai moved just a bit off of center.
``Perhaps you find that to be a satisfying margin of error,'' Master Splinter said. ``I do not.''
He rolled up the paper target, lifted Raph's hand, and placed the tube in his palm.
``Take that to your room and hang it on the wall,'' Master Splinter instructed. ``I want you to remember this the next time you feel the need to drink.''
Since it was clear he'd been dismissed, Raph left the dojo with his head hanging.
Master Splinter watched him go and exhaled heavily. ``Children.'' Shaking his head, he returned to his room and the warm bed he'd had to leave in order to teach one of his sons a lesson.
