The first time I ever heard the word "gay" was at the age of eight years old, when the other third graders in my class used it to describe something they didn't like. Not knowing any better, I followed their example. It wasn't until my mom caught me using the word in that offensive manner that I was actually taught what it meant, and I shouldn't say it like that.
I promised my mom that I wouldn't say it as an insult anymore, but with my prepubescent logic, I didn't really understand the whole concept of homosexuality. After all, a mommy can only have children with a daddy, so why would a mommy want to love another mommy, or a daddy with another daddy? It just didn't make sense to me. However, that all changed in high school, when my adolescent hormones finally kicked in and I started having particularly sensual dreams about my friends… both male and female.
My first thought was to panic. I already had bullies calling me by a certain six-letter F-word that rhymes with "maggot" and the last thing I wanted was for the Westboro Baptist Church and other hyper-conservative groups to hate me as well. So, I bottled it up and told myself it didn't mean anything. Eventually, the dreams stopped and I tried to go on with my ordinary, heteronormative life… that is, until I graduated and went to college. It was there that I met the openly bisexual Perci and all of her friends. And through them, I discovered a rainbow I had never seen before.
Having lived vicariously through TV shows and image boards, all I really knew about The Gays™ was the stereotypes. These friends of Perci, however, opened my eyes. Buzzwords I had only read about online, like non-binary, asexuality, and polyamory, now had names, faces, and fully fleshed-out personalities to go with them. I learned more about the LGBTQIA from them than I ever would have from any textbook or Wikipedia article. And the more time I spent with them, the more I realized how beautiful and undeserving of hate they were… and that maybe I was more than just an ally.
A year after meeting Perci, I finally opened up to her about having sexual and romantic thoughts about some of my male friends. As I said everything out loud, I started to break down and cry. After bottling up my feelings for so long, being able to talk to anybody about it had become such a cathartic experience that I genuinely couldn't hold myself together.
Soon after that night, I came out to pretty much all of my friends as bisexual, even my straight ones, who readily accepted me. In fact, it turns out I wasn't the only one, as two of my friends had come out as lesbians as well. At some point, I realized pansexual was a better label for my sexual identity, as I found non-binary people attractive as well. Hence, I ended up coming out a second time, which was met with similar acceptance.
I never told my parents, though. I knew they'd love me no matter what, but it never felt proper to bring it up out of the blue. Then, sometime after joining the fandom, I had an epiphany: With how many friends I had made in the short time I've spent among other furries, it was likely my future SO would likely be from the fandom. And with how friendly and welcoming the fandom is to the LGBT community, the girl I would bring home to Mom and Dad might not be a girl at all. So one fateful June evening, I bit the bullet and laid out the truth to Mom and Dad.
This month marks the one-year anniversary of coming out of the closet to the two most important people in my life, and how they held true to their promise that they'd love me no matter what. I'm grateful to have them in my life and I don't know what I'd do without them.
For all of you out there, whether you're part of the L, the B, the G, the T, or any of the many letters that go against the norm, I hope you find the same love and acceptance that I have.
bunny.paws for proofreading for me, who is also adorable.
