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by DrJavi

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On February 14th 2020 I realized that, for over 30 years, prejudice and irrational fear have controled my every action and influenced my every decision, preventing me from ever functioning like a normal human being.

I reject this abomination inside me, I am taking full control of my own personality.

Keywords

transmale 1,903, andromorph 1,817, genet 605, vagentleman 446, trans man 232

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Type: Picture/Pinup

Published: 4 years, 2 months ago

Rating: General

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SamWamm

4 years, 2 months ago

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that's not healthy.

never reject a part of yourself.

instead learn to let it have it's hour of play a day and get on when it calms down.

DrJavi

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ SamWamm

Hmm. Maybe I can just tone it down from "self-hatred" to "modesty".

hammse

4 years ago

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@ DrJavi

He is pretty intense but Harald Kautz is great to muse on in this, almost like the ins and out of ego.

Flyingwolf

4 years, 2 months ago

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Haven't you ever seen Persona? *Puts on the super nerdy glasses and braces* Rejecting the part you hate most about yourself only makes it come back overwhelmingly stronger! Irrational Fear and Prejudice aren't things you can shuck away like a bad shirt, they are pretty well knit into you. What you CAN do is recognize when that fear and prejudice is controlling your actions, and work to correct those actions, one piece at a time.

DrJavi

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ Flyingwolf

Indeed, I keep hearing that. But finding out what the wrong core belief was is already a huge step towards a better life, even if the flaw will always be there.

Flyingwolf

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ DrJavi

It's the biggest step, and I'll be rooting for you to take more steps.

Also, if your fear and prejudice is a yellow goo monster, does this mean your changling fluttershy would be able to communicate with it, and maybe help it not be a raging demon? I know it's not really helpful since you haven't done anything with her in a long time, but a random thought I had.

DrJavi

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ Flyingwolf

Hehe, that would be a really interesting skill, communicating with other creatures' feelings as autonomous beings.

I have to draw more ponies again. Now that Tumblr is dead, I don't get much motivation to draw them, but they're still there.

DaemonGodFox

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ Flyingwolf

What kinda Persona would you get from this? i have to know...

Also, nice to see the P4 and P5 love

Flyingwolf

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ DaemonGodFox

Well, it's golden in color... dominates with fear... seeks to spread more of it's golden-ness... So obviously it would be King Midas.

DaemonGodFox

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ Flyingwolf

Hmmm, yes, that makes sense. Maybe it's ultimate form would be Gilgamesh?

DrJavi

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ DaemonGodFox

Clearly it's Hierophant Green.

DaemonGodFox

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ DrJavi

nice jojoke but this a persona discussion.

Doggard

4 years, 2 months ago

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I know the feeling, I abandon it some time ago. You become not afraid of anything Kind of liberating... your bosses at work cant control you through fear anymore. they fired me over it...

Crimpy

4 years, 2 months ago

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Aww, but why did you have to make the prejudice look cute? It looks so scared and I wanna cuddle it to make it feel better X3

DrJavi

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ Crimpy

No, don't trust them, that's how they get you! They make think they're harmless and necessary!

Crimpy

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ DrJavi

B-but look at that cyoot face D=

SigmundRingeck1438

4 years, 2 months ago

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Edited 4 years, 2 months ago by Owner

What did you fear?

DrJavi

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ SigmundRingeck1438

Biologically male people, including myself.

SigmundRingeck1438

4 years, 2 months ago

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Edited 4 years, 2 months ago by Owner

@ DrJavi

I understand, so you did overcome this fear?

DrJavi

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ SigmundRingeck1438

I am doing my best, but personality changes take time and effort and never fully conclude. However, realizing the problem is still a huge step forward.

SigmundRingeck1438

4 years, 2 months ago

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Edited 4 years, 2 months ago by Owner

@ DrJavi

I agree! I hope that you will succeed! My very best wishes to you for your chosen path!

DrJavi

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ SigmundRingeck1438

Thank you! :)

SigmundRingeck1438

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ DrJavi

You are very welcome!

QuestionMark

4 years, 2 months ago

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Rejection of self-rejection?
Been dealing with that myself lately.

DrJavi

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ QuestionMark

I wish you good luck!

Rakaziel

4 years, 2 months ago

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More Power To You!

I can relate to some degree - most of my issues stem more from internalized fearmongering and propaganda than from the ways in which I am a bit (or a lot) different from "normal" people. And I would not want to be them, either.

Embrace who you are, for in being who you are, you can wield who you are. In knowing your impulses you can choose whether to follow them, because you perceive them consciously, instead of as background rationalizations.

We need our emotions for decision making (that's how the brain works, we tend to weigh things based on our internal stores of chemicals), and in bringing that decision to the fore, we can consciously weigh the factors instead of relying on half-remembered emotional implacts (i.e. chemical releases) that might not even apply to the current situation, or whose weight has shifted (best example are phobias born from childhood fears of things that can no longer impact us as adults - and the key to treating that phobia is EXPERIENCING that).
It's not distance, in facts it's quite the contrary, its being so close you can see the little wriggly things.
It's not all cold rationality either - the key to motivation is being irrational about things, to weigh the joy over all pains and efforts.

Know yourself, so you can reject the propaganda, reject the lies with the truth.

Another thing to consider - the brain defines itself. In how you think about yourself, you link your neural architecture to topics, and there are some visualizations and tricks that can give you near direct conscious control of it. But it is something you need to be extremely careful with. It's giving yourself administrative access and thus you really need to check for viruses BEFOREHAND. I damn near fucked myself up with this several times, and there are things that I am still repairing.

I can give you some tips but I am still learning myself.