So, ever heard of an RPG called Lunar Silver Star? Of course you have, and for those who don't, it's about a boy who comes of age and finds out that the leader of the Vile Tribe aims to take over the world and use the Goddess Althena for their selfish purposes. It was a success and spawned a sequel called Lunar 2: Eternal Blue. And so far, we haven't heard much of a Lunar Game.
We had one for the Gameboy Advance that was... crap. And a remake for the PSP of the first game with new voice acting and remastered visuals and music. It was good. Not great, but good in my eyes. But we have a game for the Nintendo DS called Lunar Dragon Song. ... And no, spoiler alert, there is no song in this game. False advertising. Anyways, idiocy aside, let's delve into the worst Lunar game and the worst DS game I've ever played. Let's dive right in.
STORY
Long, long ago. There was a moon, until the Goddess Althena descended upon the rocky planet and gave it life and purpose. It was essentially a second Earth. From there, she and the four elemental dragons governed the world, along with a Dragon Master she entrusted to watch over in her stead. She created the Humans, Beastman and Vile tribe. And then she left and did nothing to those relations.
The Beastman tribe hate Humans because they're so weak and primitive with limited technology, recources and generally living in nature and small towns like hippies. Or something, I dunno. As for the Humans? They dislike the Beastmen because... uhm... their furries? Look, this game doesn't explain things well, okay? I'm struggling trying to comprehend the stupidity here. And the Vile Tribe pretty much hates anyone who isn't aligned with them.
Years have passed and we control the most boring and generic shonen character named Jian Campbell. His abilities consist of standing on his head, being a lazy sleeper and using his feet to attack enemies three times. Yes, you heard me. He attacks three times while everyone else attacks once. Favoritism? I think so.
Then we have Lucia Collins and if you ever played a Lunar game before, you know the twist right away. These two are childhood friends and potential lovers, and they are couriers who work at Gad's Express. They have a delivery in a neighborly village in the forest but it get's stolen by some sasquatch monsters.
So they search to get it back and deliver it safely, and all of a sudden. From hearing the attacks caused by the monsters and the Vile Tribe get's Jian motivated to join in on the assault to the Lord's castle and save the world. ... Yes, really. The pacing is so fucking awful, oh my God. Anyways, they head into the Beastmen town called Healriz so Jian can enter in a tournament.
But you need a pass to enter, and the town figure has it. But he needs something, a bribe. He has a sweet tooth and needs honey. I get it after literally five seconds of leaving the town and coming back. No joke. Anyways, he's going to give the pass, but criticizes them for being weak Hoomens. So, he organizes a test. Defeat an Armored Boar and he'll give it. Jian and Lucia kill it and the guy honestly didn't expect them to do it. Earning their respect, he hands it over and Jian enters.
Battling monsters and meeting the king of all Beastmen, Zephos. And, for some reason, he curses Jian to not be acrobatic and can't attack three times. Oh no! He's like every party member now! They're then joined by a Beastman girl named Gabrielle Ryan, who offers to help Jian cure him of the curse placed by Zephos. It becomes fairly obvious at this point. But before that! Plot! Yay.
So the Vile Tribe is invading the Cathedral of Althena searching for a chamber where the Goddess is. They beat them up and get captured by Rufus Crowe, an elite mercenary and soldier of Zephos' army. They're then brought towards Zephos himself and Jian challenges him. In the fight, Zephos gives Jian his abilities back and is beaten. But it's revealed he held back and wanted Jian to triumph, why?
So they could find worthy fighters on the assault of the Vile Tribe's homeland. And Gabrielle, nicknamed, Gabi, was in fact his daughter and spy, looking for recruits. All soldiers have failed and perished and needed more manpower. Jian and Lucia agrees and go to the Frontier to take the fight to the Lord of all Vile Tribe members. They encounter corpses of failed warriors and Rufus who is mortally wounded. It was all a setup and Lucia get's captured by a monster named Ghideon.
They're then taking inside the Vile Tribe's village and meet a girl named Flora Evans. She's just... there, really. She's Lucia's replacement. Meh. They storm into the castle and find out who is behind this. Throughout the story, you hear about some man named Ignatius, but nobody knows what he looks like. Turns out, he's a Human who is gained the power to be ageless by the Goddess.
He has powerful magic which the party stood no chance against. Just before Ignatius can finish them off, Goddess Althena steps forward and pleads her Dragon Master to spare them. Ignatius, having a soft spot for the Goddess and still partially loyal to her, whisks them away back at the Cathedral while he begins his assault on the place once more. As a sacred power is there.
Suddenly this is turning into Legend of Zelda apparently. Jian, Gabi and Flora wake up and informed by Zephos that Ignatius is a Dragon Master and the only way to combat him now is if Jian takes the same test that Ignatius took with the four dragons. Becoming another Dragon Master. So they scour the land and face off against the elemental dragons of Blue, White, Red and Black. Each teaching lessons of the painfully obvious about following what you truly desire, not everything's as it seems, don't be corrupt like Ignatius, yadda, yadda, yadda. Who cares?
So, with Jian becoming a Dragon Master, they take the fight back to Ignatius after they acquired an airship since the bridge leading to the Frontier is destroyed. They arrive and go down memory lane throughout the dungeons they explore and fight Ghideon once again. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. Rufus dies. It wasn't really important. They fight and find Ignatius along with Althena who's revealed to actually be Lucia. Yeah, what a shock, huh?
Anyways, they right Igna-oh, I guess Ghideon again all suped up. So they kill him and something backfires with the ritual that Ignatius prepares for and he just... falls and allows himself to die. ... The fuck was the point of this? Althena closes the chamber for good, congratulates us on a job well done and goes back to being Human and Lucia and learned absolutely nothing because of her incompetence.
The end.
... Blow me. GAMEPLAY
Righty-o then! Gameplay. The gameplay is the most baffling thing I've ever seen. Get this, when you run, you lose health. And when you're low enough, you come to a crawl. You walk so slowly in this game that enemies are bound to get you all the damn time. Plus, getting experience and items is fucking ridiculous.
There are two modes. Regular Mode and Prayer Mode. Regular Mode is just earning some items, materials and Enemy Cards that do different effects in battle and out in the field, such as healing MP, speed you up in combat, and refill your health. These are very useful and essentially required to survive. But... you don't get experience and the enemies don't stay dead.
This is where Prayer Mode comes along. By activating this, you kill enemies and they stay dead, but you have to kill all the enemies in the area you're in a dungeon. There's a blue chest containing and item or weapon that requires all of them to be defeated. And there's a time limit. If the clock passes by, an enemy get's resurrected, rendering that kill pointless.
You also earn experience called Althena Conducts. I have no idea what these are, but whatever. Do you realize the problem yet? Why are there two modes for this? Why not merge them like every other RPG? That makes no sense for me. That's like saying in Final Fantasy 1, you get items, but no experience. "Oh, sorry. You didn't turn this setting on. Try again." Fuck you game.
You also earn no money either. So, how the fuck do you earn money in this game? Why, by doing deliveries using Gad's Express of course! ... I never did them. It doesn't really matter anyways since everything's so God damn expensive! A simple weapon costs 1500 gold! What the fuck?!
Plus, MP costs are expensive too. Lucia starts out with 30 MP. How much does first aid cost? Guess. 3? 5? Maybe a 7? Nope. 10. 10 MP. That's fucking horseshit! So, I can use this spell three times and I'm fucked? How is that fair?! Oh God, I haven't talked about the battle system yet, have I? Uggghh... this game will be the death of me...
Your inputs are non-existent. You have the choice of Manuel and Auto, but to me, they don't make a fucking difference. The A.I just does whatever it wants and attacks whatever enemy they deem necessary. What the fuck's the point of Manuel then if I'm just watching the action anyways? Pointless.
The way to run away from battles is by blowing into the DS Mic. ... Yes, really. Instead of pressing a button they have you blow into it like a complete jackass. Oh yeah, this doesn't look awkward at aaaaalll...~ The battles go by so slow that thankfully, there is a speedup button. By holding the R button, you can speed things up.
Thank God. But it's such a slogfest and it starts to get boring after a while. Just doing the same thing, over, and over, and over again. It was miserable through and through. Gameplay sucks balls. What were these guys thinking?!
SOUNDS
Nothing special. Stock sound effects. That's it. Next.
MUSIC
Okay, here we go. Music's... actually decent. Battle theme's kickass and I like the Dragon Battle theme. The music ranges from decent and generic to some good ones. I like it. Thumbs up. Also, I did a remaster of the music too. *Cough* Shameless plug https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLtluGaz2_O6TIrE5AL5he0ats7fV6BMTZ *Cough*! Oh, sorry.
FUN FACTOR ..................................................................................... Oh, sorry, you were expecting something? Nope. None to be found here. Move along...
FINAL THOUGHTS AND SCORE
"From the original creators of Lunar Silver Star!" Ugh. Just reading the quote on the box just makes me sick and depressed. Really? It's like they took everything they know about good game design and just chucked it out the window. This was such a huge disappointment. I hate this game, and I'm not alone either. My sister played through ALL of it, and hates it with a burning passion as well.
My final score is...
0.5/10
Why the 0.5? The music's actually good which is a shame for a shitty game like this. Ah, well. I'm sure we'll get another Lunar Game soon.
