There is a lot of sympathetic or philosophical things I could say about this but I would rather mention something Christopher Titus said about this. When he knew he was going off the deep end when the voices in his head started singing. "Just put the gun to your head and pull the trigger! Go under the chin so the hole will be bigger!
There is a lot of sympathetic or philosophical things I could say about this but I would rather ment
I've been down some dark roads, too. Never went to a mental hospital. Took to drinking for a few years, and then discovered my love of cars. Specifically wrenching on the engines. Considered this exact route a couple times, though, neck deep in rum, usually.
I've been down some dark roads, too. Never went to a mental hospital. Took to drinking for a few yea
Good post, holland however has 2 numbers, the one mentioned and 0900 0113 not sure about the one you mentioned but 113 also has 24/7 online chat service for people that dont like phone calls and also provide emergency counseling online for a couple of weeks afterwards if needed. Would also like to add you do not need to be suicidal to call these numbers, any sort of intense emotional crisis is okay to call for.
Good post, holland however has 2 numbers, the one mentioned and 0900 0113 not sure about the one you
Toons maybe able to survive that but humans cannot. Followers are not educated in suicide prevention.The People of suicide hotlines are and they are great at listening and giving moral support.
Toons maybe able to survive that but humans cannot. Followers are not educated in suicide prevention
I really, honestly, genuinely hope the commissioner is getting help. Please be ok, and please know you can get better. Not some imagined BS 'fixed' or 'perfect'. But better
I really, honestly, genuinely hope the commissioner is getting help. Please be ok, and please know y
Your icon... appears as a reflection. {UHTH} If you're at where I think you are, I don't blame you for the thought. But it might warrant some more... then again it is safer to blend when among wolves... I don't know the circumstances. Just don't forget your aim, or at least your core desires if you were to think better of it. {/end unsolicited heart to heart}
Either way, take care of yourself.
Your icon... appears as a reflection. {UHTH} If you're at where I think you are, I don't blame you
That's good. That's more than most can say when they need to take up arms. Not that you need it, but good luck with your battles/pursuits. Whatever they may be.
That's good. That's more than most can say when they need to take up arms. Not that you need it, bu
Yeah, a pep-talk aint gonna help. Sorry. I need a car, maybe a relationship , to live somewhere other than a box, and perhaps a trip out of my shitty town. People can talk til they're blue in the face, but words don't dig you out of a hole.
Yeah, a pep-talk aint gonna help. Sorry. I need a car, maybe a relationship , to live somewhere othe
This is not a pep talk... but I offer a tool. Words are just the gateways to ideas. Needs often lead to ideas. Ideas often preclude action. And if an idea is slowing you down... preventing you from getting something (anything really) that you believe you need, it's important to acknowledge it. Not hate it. Berate it. Or even debate it. It exists because it made sense of world that doesn't make any. It gave safety in a way unavailable. Offered a comfort or control on a Semi-truck without brakes. It served a different need. And it still can. Sometimes you don't need to pull the baggage off your back. But it's silly not to stick an umbrella to it when it rains...
Don't try to "fix" everything. Because often even useful or nurturing change can even be seen as "broken"... You exist. Therefore, as a complex continuing system you have needs. In our society we're encouraged to "buy" our way out of our problems... but plenty of people living in boxes are living content. I did it for a time too... When I left my community I decided to set a small goal... to not smell (as sticky) and that lead to buying baby wipes (and off brand lysol for my clothes) of all things. Overpriced crud... but they did the job... that made it possible to land a cruddy job... etc. etc.
You're clearly not an idiot. But I do hope you'll hear me when I say, "Stop looking for someome(something) else until you find yourself." Don't know what that looks like? Try stuff... start with the safer stuff, but I'm not opposed to trying drugs if you've already exhausted lots of other options with legitimate attempts...
Somewhere along the line I found myself loving theater BECAUSE I wasn't being myself, I was a character in a different narrative. And that (8 years later) lead me to my wife... now my own narrative isn't great, but I'm genuinely happier.
No one can stop you from complaining. Frankly it can be quite useful... but no one else decides when you're happy either.
TLDR : good luck with that. Just "find yourself" first before finding other things.
This is not a pep talk... but I offer a tool. Words are just the gateways to ideas. Needs often lead
Already "found myself". Gave up crack and booze (alcohol I quit cold turkey after decades of heavy and constant drinking). But now that I found myself, I don't have any wind in my sails. It took all I had to quit booze. Made worse by doing it during a political year here in the states, getting involved in it... and finding out the elections are rigged. On disability for multiple problems (like the fact I GOT STARTED on drugs before I even hit my teens. As well as insomnia, depression, anxiety...), and too broke to afford a car. I'm too dysfunctional to work. I'm being driven crazy stuck in a box (apartments) with everyone I hate (a redneck, "Jesus Power Hour" - this christan woman, I don't despise ALL christians, but I do those who feel the need to shove faith in my face - and "Mrs. Stomps-alot directly overhead).
And I CAN'T take being reliant on a case worker to get bills paid, or shopping done... or have to walk blisters into my feet in order to get groceries home. Nor can I really cope getting my bills paid, at this point. As my country's economy isn't REMOTELY as great as it's news media says it is, and it's not too far from collapsing like it did in 2008 (and everyone was saying our economy was great just before it crashed back then, too), and I have no one visit, and even my own "family" wouldn't know if I already died half a year ago, I really see no reason why not.
It'll take FAR less effort and be FAR less stressful than trying to rearrange my personality all over again, or to slough through another decade, AND STILL be nowhere close to SOME degree of independence a car provides.
So there you have it. I'm about as low as it gets on the societal ladder, and I've no one/nothing to look forward to, and no energy to even attempt to fix my fucked up life. And I'm not even sad by the fact I'm planning it. Indeed, I see it like a "vacation". One I wont return from.
Already "found myself". Gave up crack and booze (alcohol I quit cold turkey after decades of heavy a
*Nods* Nice. Change typically isn't easy. It's why I don't usually suggest it. 'Specially up front. Definitely relate to the sh*tty apartment gig... I remember one year we got so infested with fleas (was close to a marsh, throw a rock and half the grass would flutter with a wave of the little f*ckers) it'd keep us all up at night. I thought it was a plague and we (if not just I) were all as good as dead. We used salt, peppermint, whatever we could to keep them off us, but they kept coming... Harrowing time. All while dealing with a "catholic" couple and a flaky drunk.
But regardless of where life takes you now, Out of the apartment (into the wilderness? Hmm. We'll see how many make it if society truly breaks down this time), 6 feet under, or whatever spaces between, I do appreciate the recap. As much as life has managed to deal handful after handful of bad circumstances and realities, you've shown the capacity to survive that long regardless, (gracefully? meh. But survival isn't about 'grace' then, is it.) and others might find inspiration in that... I certainly do. Hope that, misery aside, you've taken a moment to appreciate the reality of how unlikely that is... Maybe it's all pointless and we're just deluding ourselves and we can't overcome our nature in the long run... But at least, even if it's an illusion, I still feel I can choose at this point and that brings me some peace. I hope it does for you too in whatever time you have left. And I hope you don't have to weather it alone either... depends on if you want to wallow alone I guess. (I suspect not, since you're willing to share anyways. Thanks again for that, truly.) You, like every human on this planet, has the ability to identify the possibilities and choose what you feel is best between them. I'm rambling, I'm sure you know this, given you're likely in your late thirties? (Forties? Am I even close?) But for those who don't know, the trick is to not let the consequences fool you... and yet you can still regret choosing something you think you want...
Choosing to run. Choosing to do nothing. to fight. to die. to live. to rest. to suffer.
We have a surprising amount of possibility available to us in this day and age if you consider what came before... And some of what we've accomplished as a species is... an anomaly. A "beautiful accident" is one of my favorite descriptions of it. But we've also crafted equally terrible atrocities in turn... Like some cosmic joke that forever creates enough cold to quell heat... enough pain to offset pleasure...
I'm rambling again.
My point boils down to,
TLDR: Life isn't a game. But it isn't all black and white either. It's one big dark grey mess. And the fact that anything nice, like a warm blanket, or a cup of coffee-tea-clean water exists is kind of it's own small miracle... and I suggest appreciating it while it lasts. Because tomorrow has no guarantee. And that can be just as damning as it is freeing... how you choose to see it won't tip the scales. But let tomorrow's feelings belong to tomorrow so you can focus on today. Let the outside problems stay out there so you can address the one inside.
~ Take care of yourself
*Nods* Nice. Change typically isn't easy. It's why I don't usually suggest it. 'Specially up front.
Rambling or not, I appropriate that you put thought into your comment (and didn't ask if I planned to livestream it). Ideally, I'd like a mate (mid 40s - you?), so I'm not responsible for EVERY day to day detail from cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and shopping. Problems with that: I don't seem to relate well with most other babyfurs, far too many OTHER furs are eager to misjudge me as a pedo (and fuck if most non-furs wouldn't automatically assume the same). And trying to find someone I relate to is damn near impossible.
I'll be keeping it short, sorta burnt out on long replies. But that's the tip of the iceberg. Oh, and I'm fairly certain I'm developing cancer due my last addiction (smoking, which I HAD been trying to quit.)
Rambling or not, I appropriate that you put thought into your comment (and didn't ask if I planned t
Mmm. Nice of you to say. I'm not living your life but I think I can safely say, I can ballpark that sensation of being alone. Still find myself occasionally wondering if I didn't crash land here from another planet, if you know what I mean. (30's) THAT sharing of responsibility was definitely a big game changer for myself... already lousy at self care, so I admittedly picked a woman who I knew wouldn't let that sh*t fly readily. Many days are a challenge, but if I'm not worth my own time, what am I worth? I decided I also wasn't worth anything dead neither, but maybe that's blind optimism talking... *shrug* ^_^
Ooph, that dragon cancer too? Might be an interesting test case for them sciency types... but then again you'd prolly have to tolerate being poked and prodded. A few more issues and you might manage to set a Guinness World Record? Maybe there's a prize? Sponsorship? Might be worth looking at, eh? *heh* I digress... hope you can forgive the jest.
Whether or not we pick up this conversation again, I'm glad we had it. I hope you find yourself worth preserving the way I do right now... (hopefully) talk to you later.
Mmm. Nice of you to say. I'm not living your life but I think I can safely say, I can ballpark that
lol A prize for being the most fucked up person, eh? I'm sure I'd be a strong contender. But with billions of us on this rock, I'm sure someone has me topped.
lol A prize for being the most fucked up person, eh? I'm sure I'd be a strong contender. But with bi
I wish I'd seen this before. I hope you haven't gone yet. I know that no pep talk can help, but I'd at least like to offer up a more objective perspective. I certainly don't want to dismiss what you're going though, but it's something that often happens when people move past addiction, and it's not insurmountable.
If you're gone... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't faster and more perceptive. If you're not, well, at least poke me because I feel like some things need to be said before the deed is done, if only so they can have been said.
I wish I'd seen this before. I hope you haven't gone yet. I know that no pep talk can help, but I'd
I'm still around. Mostly due to inconvenient timing. I'm already past addiction. At least the worst two. I still smoke like a chimney. But at this point, that isn't even my biggest problem(s). Those would be isolation (family dumped my ass the other side of the country, what few "friends" I had were either the people I'd score from, superficial asshats, or moved away. Or a combination of those), and lack of transportation/self efficiency. And as my country's economy is shit (contrary to my media's lies), I'm all but screwed.
I appreciate your words, and wish I never spoke up, here. Just saw both a journal and this submission concerning this topic, both made me feel as if someone can relate, at least a little, and just felt like SPEAKING (typing) my thoughts. Get them out of my head, for a change.
I'm still around. Mostly due to inconvenient timing. I'm already past addiction. At least the worst
Well I'm glad you are. I don't want to hammer you with things that you likely already know and haveheard time andtimeagn. Yes I also have depression issues that putme in thatspot. Yes a lot of people do. But the thing is there are some elements of detox and addiction recovery that many docs andsocial workers suck with and I want you to get that info beforeanything else. I'm at work and my phone sucks soi can't go intodetails here, buti hopeyou canwait afewhours toat leashear meout.
Well I'm glad you are. I don't want to hammer you with things that you likely already know and haveh
*a soft, but annoyed, huff comes from the doorway. A large, elderly komodo dragon trots to a spot beside the squirrel. He places a shot glass full of whiskey and sits beside.* "Don't forget the safety, kid." *takes a swig from a larger glass of his own, rattling the ice.* "Liquid courage for ya... If you'll excuse me." *revolver in hand and the bottle placed on the floor, the silver barrel pops out one side. A single bullet. Giving it a spin, the old male holds it to his head. The barrel stops.* ... *click.* ... *the old Lizard grumbles, pouring another shot as he eyes his furred acquaintance.* "Guess you're first..." *takes the drink and 'hahs' loudly to himself before leaning back. Eyes searching.* "Before you go, mind bookending this story with a recap? I'd like to know since the ending seems to be around the corner."
... === (What came to mind... inspirational piece for me. Thanks for that.)
*a soft, but annoyed, huff comes from the doorway. A large, elderly komodo dragon trots to a spot be
This is the weirdest Patreon request I've seen in a while, if ask if there's any deeper meaning to this one but someone sane already posted the list of numbers so I'll just leave this be.
This is the weirdest Patreon request I've seen in a while, if ask if there's any deeper meaning to t
