Poppy Burracho, mother of three, member of the esteemed Burracho brewing family, Miss Elysian MILF 2016, was assaulted in her bedroom last night by an unknown assailant.
An individual determined through witness testimony to be a perverse male dragonbird snuck into Mrs. Burracho’s room and painted her massive breasts in her sleep. Despite their normal sensitivity, Mrs. Burracho did not stir or indeed notice anything odd until she was already dressed the next morning. “I’m a heavy sleeper ‘n’ just a mite of a bimbo, I reckon,” she was quoted as saying.
Her daughters bluntly refused to make more than passing comment on the situation and seemed aggravated by even being bothered.
“Aren’t mine big enough??” asked eldest daughter Pepita, the only daughter to inherit her mother’s endowments and apparently feeling slighted that her bounteous bosom was left bare.
Middle child Ambergail spoke with hostility and threatened reporters: “I knows ya did it 'n’ you got some nerve pullin’ this bullshit interview 'n’ expectin’ ta git out of a Grade-A ass-whoopin’!”
“Yer a nasty piece o’ work, Mr. Fibriel,” was all youngest daughter Ginger-Allison volunteered before inexplicably scowling at something unseen in the distance and angrily excusing herself, mumbling about costumes.
The perpetrator remains at large. The investigation has uncovered several other potential targets in the local area, most of them big-boobed moms, and urges potential victims to watch their fronts.