Alain Rex, a wolf, walks into Dr. Cromwell's office with a paranoid look on his face.
"Okay, Mr. Rex, tell me what's wrong."
"Well, it started this morning. I woke up and checked myself in the mirror. That's when I found two suspicious stains on my shirt. Then, I noticed this white discharge from my nipples."
Alain takes his shirt off and Dr. Cromwell examines this "discharge."
"Hmm. Breastmilk..."
"Breastmilk?! Am I lactating?"
"It definitely looks like it."
"How?"
"It's natural, basically. Both males and females have mammary glands that secrete and produce milk. However, it's more obvious in females than in males. On the males' account, it usually accompanies gynecomastia, a condition in which males develop female breast tissue. They recalled an ADHD medication because of this hidden side effect."
"But I'm not on any medication whatsoever. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I've been maintaining this build for three years, and yet, something like this still happens."
"True. Lactation, on the other hand, is not the result of estrogen, but of two other hormones from the pituitary gland: prolactin and oxytocin. Oxytocin aids in penile erections in males and uterine contractions and milk production in females. Levels in the two sexes are about the same. Prolactin, from a Latin root word meaning 'milk,' works with oxytocin to produce milk. Levels in females are far greater in males."
"I still don't--"
"Okay, I'll put it another way. Let's say thay this lone French fry represents the amount of prolactin that the male pituitary gland typically produces. Apparently, your pituitary gland is producing an amount better represented by a serving of French fries that has 206 calories and approximately 27 grams of fat."
"That's a lot of French fries."
"And that would be the amount females typically produce."
"And all I want to know is, is this normal???"
"Well, lactation without gynecomastia is relatively uncommon, but I've read in a medical journal a while back that this condition, officially called 'androlactia,' is most common in single and married fathers."
"'Singled and married fathers'!? But I'm not anybody's daddy."
Beatrice, Alain's wife, enters with a pregnancy test. "You're not anybody's daddy yet."
Alain faints. The test was positive. Now you know whether or not you are a child's biological father (or at least he does).
P.S. In good time, Beatrice gave birth to a healthy baby boy.
