I’ve always been a masculine bear, into cars, computers and all that shit. That fact seriously fucked me up when I first thought that I was gay. Growing up the image that I had of gay guys was … well … flaming, you know the kind of guy you can spot is gay from a mile away. I first thought that I was gay when I was thirteen but like I said I didn’t think it was possible because of the stereotype that I had in mind. So I did what so many have done before me I went into denial.
Like I said I never had many friends and at the time I actually had no friends at school. The only friend I had was a bitch that I was in kindergarten with. She would be the one that I lost my virginity to at age 15. Freya was not your typical bitch. She actually knew more about cars than I did so it was easy for me to talk to her because all we ever talked about was guy stuff. She always had a huge crush on me ever since kindergarten, but I never realized it until she actually came on to me one night. I guess that should have been a clue to my sexuality by itself that I was completely unaware that my only friend was in love with me. I don’t know what I was thinking one minute we were … well doing not so legal thing on her computer, and the next she had her paw down my pants. I don’t know why I went through with it or even how I was able to. The only thing I know that when we were done the only thing I could think was “EEEWWWW that was discussing”. She turned to me when we were done and asked me how it was to which I replied “I now know that I’m gay”. She actually took that better than I thought she would. I mean she just lost her virginity to a gay guy I can’t imagine that being good for any females self-esteem. After staring at me for I swear to god like 10 minutes without even blinking she replied “I always suspected”. She then told me why she made her move when she did, she was moving and we didn’t speak much after that.
