Raph brought a hand up to wipe away the dried tears and then looked at their predicament. Donnie would need a shower. Although he had already wrapped up his wounds, he would need one to wash away some of the... other stuff.
The larger turtle carefully stood up with Don in his arms and gently placed him in the tub. "'m gonna give ya a bath okay? So, jus' relax. Don' worry about nothin, okay?"
Donnie tried to keep hold of him for as long as he could before he was placed on his shell in the tub with Raph hovering over him.
He knew he needed to be cleaned and so far they had cleaned him with soft cloth instead of just throwing buckets of hot or cold water over him. That was what Raph was going to do right? With the nice cloth that didn't hurt.
Raphael turned on the water. He made sure it was warm before placing the plug in the water drain. The larger turtle figured that Donnie had never taken an actual bath before.
Babysteps.
He turned off the water once it was at Don's torso and grabbed a cloth along with some soap on it. Once the cloth was lathered with enough soap, Raphael brought one of Donnie's legs up and began to scrub it gently.
Raphael's actions were smooth and gentle and not at all rushed. He was aiming to get Don to relax, to be at a right frame of mind.
As the water slowly rose in the bath Donnie's eyes widened and he scrambled to sit up on his aching rear. He'd only been near a bath once or twice and never to be cleaned.
He'd had his head held under the water until he was desperate to breathe, sometimes at the same time as being raped. But he was sat /in/ the tub this time, Raph wouldn't hold him down... Would he?
Shaking but not about to move away since he was trying to trust Raph.
Luckily the water wasn't that deep and Raph was soon gently washing him down with the rag again, making Donnie slowly relax and feel a little safer.
Raphael cooed to the the smaller turtle when he seen him began jittery. Donnie had nothing to fear. Everything was going to be fine.
The larger turtle cleaned up the dried blood and then worked on the other leg. He avoided Donnie's entrance on purpose. Raph would not touch him there without permission.
THe hothead then worked up to the smooth and slimmer plastron, rubbing it down in gentle strokes. "We gotta get yer strength up, Donnie-boy." The emerald turtle mumbled, but continued his gentle rubbing.
Donnie just stayed still and watched Raph cleaning him without touching him in anywhere that would make him feel good.
He just shrugged when Raph said about getting his strength up, it seemed pointless since Donnie never fought back with anything. He had learnt that fighting meant more pain, conditioned to go limp and just take whatever he was given, and usually thank them afterwards.
The hothead moved the cloth towards Donnie's arms and hands. He cleaned all of his fingers and even his nails. He massaged each arm carefully before getting the sides of Don's shell and carapace.
Raphael scrubbed down the smaller neck and he frowned at the bite marks that had started this from the beginning. If only he had not been so stupid. Thinking more clearly on what his gentle biting would have done.
But that was in the past and right now he needed to focus on getting Donnie to relax.
Raph then pushed Donnie over so that his shell was facing the larger turtle and the hothead worked the cloth around each groove. The dirt that came off was not as bad as the first day, but it was still not healthy.
The abused turtle had frozen when Raph cleaned over his bite marks but apart from that seemed perfectly content to just sit and let Raphael clean him thoroughly.
When he was turned around though he once again automatically spread his legs and lifted his tail, purely out of learnt habit and conditioning that it was what was expected of him
Raphael held in his breath, quickly looking away from the sight. "I-It's just a bath Don." The larger turtle reminded, continuing to clean the smaller turtle's shell until he placed him back onto his back. Raph then began to splash water onto Donnie's body, washing away the soap and dirt that had clung to his skin.
Donnie had never had a proper bath before so he just looked up at Raph and blinked with innocent eyes, not understanding what difference that made. He'd been raped at any opportunity back with the foot, no matter what they were doing to him.
"After what happened taday... I figured ya would feel bedda if I didn'... touch ya there." Raphael said gently, his eyes full of sincerity and guilt. Guilt that he had caused Donnie pain. Guilt that he had not been strong enough to hold Donnie back.
BUt those eyes... that face...
How could he have said no?
"I.i d'not u.understand." Donnie admitted sadly as he looked away.
To him the fact that Raph had hurt him wasn't a big deal, everyone hurt him, it was normal, he wasn't important. It was allowed to hurt him... Right?
"I.i'm confused..." He confessed, though broken was a better word for Donnie's mind set as he moved his tail to cover himself again.
Raphael said nothing else after that. Whatever he said to the smaller turtle was either taken in with confusion or was not comprehended at all. Raph removed the plug from the drain and watched as the water drained from the top.
Once the tub was completely empty, Raphael picked Donnie up and had him stand onto his own two feet as he grabbed a towel and began to dry the little turtle off.
Donnie moved and lifted his arms for Raph to to dry him, his tail wagging happily at how caring Raph was being, even though he was just doing what any decent person would do.
He hadn't eaten, but he really didn't feel like eating... Maybe some water though... "C.can I have a drink? Please?" He could do without one, he had managed quite a few days sometimes without water but that was something he didn't miss from the foot. He was a turtle and needed quite a lot more water than he'd been living off before.
Raphael was stunned by the sudden request. Was it finally starting to sink into Donnie's brain? Raph hoped so and he nodded his head with a small smile. "of cou -"
"What do you think you are doing?" Came Leonardo's voice from the doorway, laced with anger. "I told you not go near him."
"Watch it Leo, Don wanted comfort so I gave it ta him. Now get out of my way so I can get him some water."
"you are not giving him anything. I will send Michelangelo to get it for him. If you don't stay away from him Raph, there will be consequences."
Raph squared his shoulders, getting right into Leo's face. "Is that a threat?"
Donnie still had tear tracks down his face but had calmed down and stopped crying. Now though his crying had started up again as he shrunk back to the bath to curl up and make himself small. Arguments and fighting terrified him, but the fact it was about him made it worse.
"S.stop! Please! I.i Like R.raphie... H.he's good t.to me!" The broken turtle had finally settled down with Ralph's help before this, but now he was building back up towards his hysteria again, curled up in the bath tub with his bandaged foot starting to bleed again from where he'd been standing on it without Raphs help.
Leonardo wanted to yell at Raphael. Tell him what a fool and an idiot he was for even doing the things he had done to Donnie. But the smaller was scared. And obviously needed the arguing to stop. "Get out."
Raph wanted to argue, but Don was scared. He didn't want him to be scared anymore. "Whateva." The hothead then walked out of the bathroom.
Leo watched him leave before walking towards the tub, frowning when he seen how scared and shaken Donnie was. His bandaged foot was bleeding.
He got hurt?
"I'm sorry Donatello. He won't touch you again."
Donnie moved away from Leo as he got closer, he didn't trust him like he trusted Raph. "I.i'm sorry. I'm sorry!" The closer Leo got the more he tried to move away.
"I.i want R.raphie" He whimpered, using Raphs old nickname because it seemed to be burned into his memories now. The nickname seemed so familiar, he was starting to remember flashes of the past, but he was trying to stop it because there was a lot of abuse he'd locked back aswell.
Leo hadn't hurt him but he was always shouting and arguing with Raph, they hadn't spent time together enough for Donnie to not be scared of the obvious leader. Maybe Leo wanted Donnie to himself which was his right as the leader?
Leonardo frowned as he watched Donatello move further and further away from him. Was the turtle really that scared of him? Had Leo really done Donnie wrong?
But the smaller wanted Raph. Why? The hothead had raped him! Why on Earth would Don want to be around him?
"I wont hurt you Don..." Leo whispered sadly, not at all understanding the bond Donatello and Raphael shared.
Donnie still had a little dried blood around his entrance since Raph hadn't wanted to touch him there, apart from that he was perfectly cleaned, his skin seeming much brighter now and shell not as dark.
He knew that whatever Leo said seemed to go around here, was he the Master and angry that Raph had claimed Donnie for his own? "I.i'm sorry... W.what d.do you w.want from me?" He'd serve Leo if he had to, but he wanted Raph back.
Out of everyone Raph seemed to understand him, and gave him affection and praise when he deserved it and even when he didn't.
Leonardo just looked down at Donatello in shock. It seemed as though Donnie was looking up at him like he would touch him? In the same manner Raphael had....
Leo quickly shook his head. No. That was not what he wanted. Far from it.
Though he felt guilt for not spending more time with Donatello or else they could have had a better understanding. "I just want to help you Donnie."
Donnie nodded and just looked down at his bandages around his foot that was starting to turn red in tiny splotches where his cuts were bleeding again.
He wanted to get affection and Leo had never touched him in anyway apart from to wash him. The smaller craved physical attention because he'd never had it, Leo didn't make him feel comfortable in this strange new place.
Had Raph taught him wrong though? Maybe he wasn't meant to feel accepted and at home here, maybe he really was meant to be a pet or something to them.
Leo frowned as he walked closer toward the smaller turtle. Donnie looked as though he were in pain and Leonardo wanted to at least help him, even a little bit.
The elder removed the old gauze and began to gently clean up the reopened wound. Once it was not bleeding, he began to patch it back up.
When he looked up, Leonardo frowned when he seen Don looking at him, though it was in a way that he could not explain. "Donnie?"
"T.thank you...." Don was still shaking but didn't move the whole time Leo tended to his injury.
He'd taken a step forwards with Raph by asking for a drink, but now he was too scared to make requests, he just had to do what he was told and be a good boy.
"H.have I b.been b.bad?" He didn't know if Leo was angry just at Raph or with him too, preferring to be safe than sorry even though he was scared to hear the answer.
Leonardo looked at Donatello with surprise. "Of course not." The elder spoke softly.
No, Donnie had done nothing wrong. Raphael had been the manipulator in this situation. Don had done nothing wrong.
Though he still felt wary, Don seemed to act different around him. Scared even. Was the leader really that terrifying?
The only Leader that Don knew of besides Leo was the shredder, and if the blue banded turtle was anything like that human then Donnie knew to behave and be wary of him.
"Y.you were a.angry and I...." The abused turtle tried to explain away his nerves, would Leo be angry at his fear?
Donnie stayed where he was and curled his leg back up once Leo had bandaged his wounds, trying to stay as small as possible
Leonardo frowned more as Donatello closed himself off. Though the smaller did not need to fear him. Leo would never do to Donnie what Raphael had done.
"I was not angry with you Donatello. I was... I was angry at Raphael. He knows better. Should have known better."
Leo gently patted Donnie's head a small smile on his face. "You did nothing wrong. I am sorry if I scared you."
Donnie moved up into the head pat like a pet since he craved the touch.
"R.raphie m.made me feel g.good... I.i wanted him t.to..." He defended his master loyalty, wanting to be with him and not Leo. But it wasn't his place to say.
He just had to do what he was told to stay on the leaders good side.
Leonardo said nothing else after that. What was he supposed to say? Donatello was already lost and confused as it was.
And for Raph to do what he had done... it made Leo's blood boil. But he kept the fire under control, his features calm as he tried to assure the smaller that he was not a threat.
But he had to know. What did Donnie mean?
"What do you mean you wanted him to?"
"I.i wanted t.to be hurt... I.i'm used t.to it.... E.everything m.makes no s.sense here..." He quickly stopped talking though and held his hands over his mouth in panic. Did he just insult them? He didn't mean for it to sound like that.
"I.i'm sorry!" He curled up a little tighter in fear of being punished for implying that their way was wrong. He didn't know anything and to suggest that they were wrong...
He was just making it worse for himself, he just knew it.
Leonardo's frown returned and he gently touched Donatello's arm. He had not really shown any signs of comfort besides toward Michelangelo. He had seen Raphael hug Donnie, but he figured that Don would not want said comfort from him.
"You have nothing to apologize for. You said nothing wrong. I just - I..." Leo suddenly trailed off. Why would Donnie want to feel pain? And then it dawned on him. Don lived a life where he was pushed around, abused, and always told what to do. Living a life without rules was a drastic change.
But wouldn't Donnie wish to be happy and not hurt?
"You want to be happy, correct?"
Donnie shrugged but leaned into the contact once again as Leo touched his arm. "I.i Don't k.know what t.that means..." He admitted quietly, feeling stupid since Leo was talking like it was something everyone should know.
He needed to be slowly eased into this new way of life but, he'd just been thrown straight into the deep end and didn't know how to swim.
Oh god. Happiness. Donatello... all the years of pain. All the years of abuse and rape... no wonder the smaller was having such a hard time accommodating to their ways.
Donnie had never been able to experience freedom. Never been loved. Never been fed properly nor bathed.
Leo felt his heart drop stomach right then and there. They were idiots. Thinking that Don would understand after day one.
Perhaps there was more to it? DId Raphael really know more than the two of them?
Leonardo swallowed a lump and looked down in defeat. "I'm sorry..."
Donnie was still shaking slightly, eyes wide as the leader apologised to him. "S.stop... D.don't apologize... I.i'm not worth it..." He panicked, not sure what to do with himself.
He wasn't important enough to apologize to, especially to have the leader saying sorry to him. "Y.you can do w.what you want to me... Please!"
It wasn't his place to say no to anything, he needed orders and he needed to be put into his place because honestly he had no idea what his place was anymore
Leonardo looked up at Donatello confusion. What was Donnie talking about? What did he want Leo to do or what did he expect of the leader to do?
Raphael always seemed so calm around Donnie, as though nothing was wrong. Those two had gotten close from the very start. Leo was out of the loop.
He knew nothing, understood nothing.
"I-I don't get what you are saying Don."
Don didn't know what Leo meant. He wasn't telling him anything, just saying that he could do what he wanted with him.
This was all so confusing, he just wanted to curl up with Raph and try and forget about it.
