"From this day forth, I forbid the two of you from being alone. To think about what you have done."
Donnie whimpered, eyes wide and terrified at that command. "No!" Raph was his only anchor here, the only one who showed him affection and taught him love and how to read and how to do everything they expected of him.
He'd been taken from everything he'd ever know and brought here, know his new life he'd started to build was also taken from him...
He was growing weaker from his struggles and his hysterical crying, trying to catch Raph's eye but he wasn't looking at him. Was he disgusted at him. All the insecurities from when Raph had stopped him from blowing him that first time was back. Had he really forced him into all of this?
Donnie managed to squirm away and ran from the room, crying out as he stepped on glass and cut his feet as he ran straight for the bathroom, to the one room he knew had a lock.
Leonardo watched as Donatello ran off. But before any of them could stop him, the smaller had already locked himself in the room.
The leader looked towards Raphael who seemed to be at war within himself. Leonardo wondered if this was the right thing. It had to be. What Don and raph were doing was wrong.
Right?
Raphael watched as Michelangelo and Leonardo left him to his thoughts. Raph's eyes trailed to the bed. The blood stains and the semen as well.
Raph knew that Donnie had not used him. Or that what they had shared was not disgusting. But... What just happened now. Donnie using him for pain...
For the first time in years Raphael huddled over himself, tears running down his cheeks
Donnie probably hated him now.
Donnie had curled up in the bathtub to cry his eyes out. He didn't want to be here. Suddenly feeling utterly alone and empty.
This hurt more than the physical abuse that he had been craving. He wanted a normal life but he didn't even know what normal was. To him normal was being held down and forcible raped by maybe two or three humans but he now knew that was wrong.
He cried out painfully each time he picked out pieces of glass and shattered plate from his feet, but there were a few pieces that were either too deep or too painful to pull out by himself so he left them in.
Donnie just sat there in the tub, huddled up by the taps and staining the white bath with blood
Raphael stood there for a moment after he collected his thoughts. Everything made sense. Donnie was broken.
The smaller had been abused all of his life. Something that was all he ever knew. And Don had wanted to feel that again. So, he chose to manipulate the hothead into getting what he wanted.
But the hothead did not want this. He did not want Donnie to be in pain.
Leonardo and Michelangelo were wrong. The did not understand.
Raphael fled from his room, not at all caring what Leo or Mikey had to say. The hothead stopped at the bathroom door and slowly knocked.
"Donnie?" He spoke softly, his voice cracked. "I'm sorry for what I said. I know ya were hurt an confused. Ya can be mad at me. But... I just gotta make sure you are okay."
"I..I used you... I was bad... you never did anything wrong and I......" Don’s voice was cracking badly from his hysterical crying, borderline hyperventilating as he rocked on his shell in the bath tub.
He wanted to be held and loved like they'd had before. He wanted to not have to think and just do what he was told and be a good boy but he didn't know how.
Raphael heard the hysterical crying and worked his way to break the door knob. Despite everything, Raph still cared for Don. The hothead still wanted to be near him.
The hothead could forgive.
Once the kick was unhooked and out of the socket, Raph barged in, his eyes widening when he seen Donnie lying in the tub with a small puddle of blood.
"Shell Don."
Most of the blood and pain was in the splinted ceramic and glass embedded into his feet, a little still seeping from the micro tears in his entrance but he was mostly healed up back there, his mind and body were used to being torn.
He was still rocking slightly in his hysterical crying when Raph barged in and his eyes shot up to look, full of hurt, confusion and pain.
He tried to speak to ask Raph why he'd come back but couldn't breath enough during his panicked sobbing to make out any words properly.
Raphael wasted no time as he quickly grabbed Donatello and held him within his arms. Anyone else would have left said person if they were used. But, Raph could not do that to Donnie. The poor turtle had been used and abused all of his life.
Don had never experienced love or affection.
Love.
That was what Raphael had been trying to show him. But... what happened earlier... somehow Raph knew that Donnie did not mean to. He was just confused and scared.
To hell with Michelangelo and Leonardo. Besides, they kind of had something too, right?
Raph inspected the wounds, his hand gently tracing the deep cuts. He needed to get those out. His finger gently traced the swollen entrance and felt guilt, but said nothing.
The larger turtle had Donatello lean against the tub as he went to grab some tweezers, gauze, and some peroxide. Raphael hovered over him a moment.
"Are you okay with this?"
Donnie whimpered as Raph traced and gently touched the deep tender cuts. He tensed and fell almost limp again to try and relax and save and further damage if Raph wanted to go again.
His breathing evened out only slightly, letting him breathe but still not really able to do much else in his hysterics.
Eyes wide at the cleaning equipment but nodding that it was ok. He knew that it was needed, but also how much it hurt. He wanted pain though... He deserved it...
Raphael frowned at the look of pain and hurt within Donnie's eyes. He was hurting too, but he had to be the bigger person. Leo just did not understand.
No one did.
Raph rested on his knees, his hand gently picking up Don's wounded foot and looked at the cuts. He picked up the tweezers and tried his best to gently pull out the broken glass. Raphael knew that it would hurt, but he hoped that with gentleness it would not be as bad.
Donnie had dealt with pain like this before and knew the best way to deal with it. Unfortunately it was hard while gasping desperately for breath as well.
At the foot headquarters he had a blunt knife to bite down on to help, but here he just settled with biting his own wrist on the bone, whining out in pain as Raph started to gently remove the sharp splinters
Raphael slowly removed his wrist and shook his head, indicating to Donnie that that would not help. Would only make things worse. Raph allowed Don to squeeze his hand instead as he removed each piece of broken glass.
Once that was done, he placed some peroxide within a rag and gently smeared it over the wounds, cleaning away all the blood and helping with the infection.
He knew this would hurt the most.
Donnie screamed out in agony, not able to bite down on anything made it worse and he squeezed his hand tightly around Raph, showing a lot more power than when he first arrived but still weak compared to what they are meant to be
"Shh... it will get better Don." Raphael wanted to clean his entrance as well. But would Donnie let him? Would the smaller get the wrong idea? He was not sure, but he did not wish to chance it just yet.
Raph wrapped Donnie's foot up with gauze once it was clean. Though, he was honestly impressed with Don's tight grip. It was a good thing. Donnie was getting stronger.
The larger turtle then pulled Donatello in close, just holding him. "'m sorry fer what I said ta ya. I didn' mean it."
"I.i k.know" He knew that Raph didn't mean it but it still hurt, it hurt.
He felt terrible for using Raph like that, it finally hit him how Raph must feel because it wasn't lost on him that their roles had been reversed. Only Raph would never use him like that, he was too good for that.
"I.i'm sorry I... I.i wanted the p.pain..." He tried to explain while curling up in Raph's lap and just continuing to cry and reflect upon his broken life as much as he could.
"But why?" Raphael asked suddenly, trying to comprehend what was going through Donnie's mind at the time. "Why on Earth would you want that on yourself? To feel used? To be put in that situation?"
Raph was trying to understand. He really was. But how could someone want to go through all of that again?
The hothead tried to understand it, but none of it made any real sense. Raphael sighed as he held Don close, just like a protector should.
"I didn't want that for you."
"E.everything... I.it's too d.differant... I.i wanted t.to feel. L.like before..." It didn't really make sense to anyone but Donnie, but he just wanted a little 'normal' treatment, to be used and put in his place because right now he didn't have a place.
He didn't know what to do or what was expected of him. Was he allowed to speak his mind and ask for things? everytime he did they looked at him like he was crazy or didn't understand.
To him his past wasn't really abuse, it was just his life, he didn't know that it was weird or wrong until his brothers rescued him and told him that.
Raphael tried to understand. He honestly did. But it was difficult.
The hothead figured that Donnie would want to be treated more with respect then just thrown around and told what to do. Don deserved to be treated better. That life... no, that prisonment Don lived in. That was no life at all.
Here, Don actually had a chance to live normal. To be happy.
"I guess, that I can understand. But, don'cha wanna be happy? Don'cha wanna feel like a person?"
"I.i. Don't k.know what t.that means..." Donnie admitted with more tears. That was the problem, he'd never known or even seen a normal life before so didn't know what to do with one.
He had no concept of right or wrong or how to behave around people. To him words like 'slut' and 'freak' weren't insults because he'd been called them as much as his real name, they were just like nicknames to him because he didn't understand or really take them in as anything more.
"I.i Like doing s.stuff with you." His crying was starting to calm down but he was still shaking in Raph's arms, the calming way that Raph stroked his shell was helping a lot.
Raphael noded and he continued the soothing strokes, just holding Donatello close. Trying to understand all of this was going to take some time.
Though, he did understand that all of this was a big step for Don. After all, he came from a very sheltered and very abusive lifestyle. Trying to shift from one to the next was difficult to comprehend.
Raphael understood that much. And he understood why Donnie liked when he touched him. The smaller enjoyed the affection, craved in it. But it was all confusing and too overwhelming for him to really comprehend what was going on.
"I know, it's because I am gentle with ya, right? Ya say dat ya want abuse, but ya also want ta feel affection. I mean, I guess I finally understand though. Ya went from a life full of abuse and rape, and now you are in a life where ya don't have to be treated like that anymore. So you are confused and unsure of what ta do, right?"
"I.i Don't understand..." How could it make sense to want affection and abuse at the same time.
He didn't want to be back there, he loved the soft gentle affections that Raph gave him but, they were the complete opposite then what he was used to. He was scared of being treated like a lover because he didn't understand, it was all unknown territory for the abused turtle.
Donnie turned to cuddle up closer to Raph's plastron like a frightened child. Mentally he was still a child, his sheltered life having stopped him from really growing up by learning new things.
The smaller was really proud to be able to almost read a children's book, not knowing that he had mastered that same book perfectly when he was about two years old. To him it was a great achievement just to get the chance to better himself.
Raphael cradled Donatello gently and just held him. There was not much else for him to really say. Donnie was just confused and a little lost right now.
All he could do was be there for him.
