Except.... Well... I kinda do. In fact, yeah, I really do believe in no-win scenarios, and I especially believe you can LOSE a no-win scenario.
I'm of course, discussing the most famous No-Win Scenario in fiction history: the Kobayashi Maru.
I bought Star Trek Bridge Crew for the PSVR. Getting it working aside (I don't have a great play-space for VR), I LOVE this game. It's gorgeous, the gameplay is fun, and it's PURE Trekky joy. It's what every Trek fan has ALWAYS wanted from a game.
SO! Story mode. I begin the shakedown mission for the Aegis. Cap'n Skye is acing it. The crew is working together perfectly as we scan for smuggled animals, help a guy whose ship broke down, and rescue a busted-up Starfleet ship. It's going great. The only thing that went wrong is that my idiot helmsman, Ensign Rao decided to get within 20 kilometers of an exploding warp core and damaged my beautiful saucer slightly.
Deciding to confine Rao to his quarters after the mission was over as punishment for scratching the paint job; I pulled up the next mission: Go to the Klingon Neutral Zone.
....Crap.
Okay... Set a course.... Warp 5.... Engage.
I arrive to gravitic mines freakin' everywhere.... and a distress call. It's the Kobayashi Maru.
...Double crap.
Massaging away my instant headache, I review Starfleet's diplomatic protocol, review tactical options, and write my last will and testament.
I have Rao set a course towards the ship. We move in slowly, destroying the few mines in our path.
I give a crew command to scan the ship for life forms so we can find the people and get 'em off to safety. So far so... wait, what do you mean "Shields Raised, Torpedoes Armed?!" What are you... What... NO! WAIT NOOOO!!!
....Somehow, my crew interpreted my command to "Save these poor souls and take them to safety" as "FIRE ALL PHOTON TORPEDOES! UNLEASH ALL PHASER BANKS! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! FOR THE GLORY OF THE EMPRAHHHHH!"
...Yes, I know those are two different factions, but if they were confused enough to interpret "save them" as "KILL THEM," then I imagine they don't know what side they're on.
They begin firing everything in the arsenal at the Kobayashi Maru.
I begin flailing about desperately, screaming, "CEASE FIRE! CEASE FIRE! FOR THE LOVE OF KIRK, PICARD, SISKO, AND JANEWAY, CEASE FIRE!"
They respond, "DERP DEE DOO! You want us to fire more?"
"NO! STOP SHOOTING! STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!!!"
"Ohhhhhhh, DON'T shoot the crippled vessel full of innocent people under attack by ten Klingon Birds o' Prey... I kinda thought that was an odd command..."
........*Sighs.* Yeah. Six lives saved.
....Out of three-hundred eighty-one. 6... out of 381.
I'd say that's grounds for having my Starfleet uniform burned, and being stranded on a deserted asteroid as an utter failure of a captain. So much for having my own show....
*Sighs.* Well, Cap'n Skye's not done with her legend... Things can only go up from here... right? o.o;;;
Edit: For those of you who think being confined to quarters for a month or two for scratching the paint job of my new ship is a little harsh... I think it's lenient, considering my first impulse was to phaser him in the groin and toss him out an airlock. X3
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6 years, 11 months ago
08 Jun 2017 02:15 CEST
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