Time, Life, and Friendship

So many of you that know me know that I've spent a LOT of time bitching and complaining about schedules and how constantly busy and jam-packed they are. I feel like there is more that I want to address about them, even though I'm not sure how to put it to words.

But yeah. I spend a lot of time being told that everything I'm doing is building toward my future. Over and over again I'm presented with 'do the right thing now and you'll enjoy your future'. Yet, if I was to base it on my track record, my future's likely as bleak as my past and present have bee. Of course, nothing based in fact. Just a gross, gut feeling I have. I'm sacrificing one of the things I hold most dear.

One of the WORST things, I'll readily admit, is losing out on time and friendship. It gets so old, so tiring and grows more depressing as time continues to slip from my fingertips. I miss out on getting art with my friends because I can't stay fresh on anyone's minds. I miss out on important updates to their lives. I miss out whether someone's in a relationship or whatever. And when gaming, I have to do all of it solo because I'm never around when my friends are to have fun because I'm so busy trying to be responsible.

I keep being told "You deserve better" and "The future will be better" and all that fun stuff. It's nice and all but what's it supposed to mean to someone who doesn't have a good 'vision' as to what a better future is supposed to be? Or telling me I deserve better only keeps reinforcing me that I'm still not in control of when things go right and wrong. I hate the feeling of desperately wanting the fast forward button to just keep going until I get to the good part. I didn't have that as a kid, didn't have it as a teen, my adult life has been literally nothing but jobs. So I don't have anywhen to go back to for reference. I just don't want THIS anymore.

I just hate that feeling that I'm legitimately missing out on life because I'm trying to live. I just don't know what to do. All I know is that if my presence keeps lacking, I'm gonna lose that importance to most of you guys. And I don't know what I'l o if that point actually hits.

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Added:	7 years ago 08 May 2017 14:01 CEST

6 Comments on this Journal

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Phazon

7 years ago

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-quietly hugs you tight-

IsabelleUrsaga

7 years ago

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*Gives you a big hug* :(

jonhskitsune

7 years ago

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Know what, that's one of my biggest fears to, I'm the worst in the "build to the future thing", but I do manage to get some things that makes me happy that is My computer, My Motorcycle and my friends and family, not in any order of importance, those are the things that helps me and makes me happy, I fear losing them, but one important thing I follow is "Be happy being yourself" and a passage from the movie "The Last Samurai" that touched me very deep:

Katsumoto: I also. It happens to men who have seen what we have seen. But then I come to this place of my ancestors, and I remember. Like these blossoms, we are all dying. To know life in every breath, every cup of tea, every life we take. The way of the warrior....
Nathan Algren: Life in every breath...
Katsumoto: That is Bushido.

Like: live your life like it was your last day here with us, be happy being yourself and don't hold grudges on people, sometimes they simply doesn't know better.

So in short my advice is, We always have to have a balance, building to the future is only part of your life, the now and your happiness is important to, time with family and friends, people who make you happy is to be enjoyed the fullest at each moment together.

For me, bulding for the future should be only 30% of our life, you need to be happy to be good on your life, on your job and with friends, so we need to build the right balance for you

I'm not rich, or famous but we only need so little to be happy, I know people who lives in motorhomes and they are happy with it, the vehicle gives them so much freedom to go anywhere they want and some of them live on the road everyday on a new place, on the beach, on the lake, mountain and having an adventure traveling the country stoping only for a short time on each city, and they are actually prepairing to go around the globe on a VW Bus, filming and capturing the wonders of our planet, they have a Chanel on YouTube: "Vivendo mundo a fora" with new videos everyday

I hope you manage to Balance your Life and be the happy fox I remember! ^^

Sorry for rambling a little! XDD

Aviose

7 years ago

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I may be quiet these days, but know that I look fondly upon the friendship we had and always look forward to hanging out once again.

LucidDreamdancer

6 years, 12 months ago

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@ Aviose

I couldn't agree more:)

Shokuji

7 years ago

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As you may know I recently spent about 6 months away from being active on the internet for various reasons, one of which was to normalize 'online life' and 'real life'. My 'real life' was stalling in many aspects because I was overly focused on 'online life', I spread myself so thin among all my friends that I may as well not been around at all.

It's been somewhat heartbreaking allowing people I've developed some kind of a relationship with drift away but I felt I had no choice. I had to embrace the concept of acquaintances, keeping lots more people at a comfortable distance rather than open my arms and welcome more people in only to keep enough free time for the few people I decided to keep close & in contact with.

As painful as my social restructuring was it really has been for the better. I feel less negative or guilty for spending time with certain people, I'm able to invest additional time to strengthen and deepen relationships, and overall socializing feels less like an obligation thus making it more enjoyable. I may suggest a few month 'vacation' from being online; allows you to focus on & improve your life, allows those who would naturally drift away the time to do so, and those who remain tend to be more 'real' as they've endured the test of time.

Do not continue being unhappy; it's difficult to make others happy when you're not. Do not allow yourself to continue this downward spiral, it won't be good for you or anyone you consider a friend. If you need someone to talk with feel free to poke me anytime.

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