When I first moved into my new place over seven months ago I told myself I would change. Would do better to become better than I was. In the past months I had to deal with a lot of anxiety and depression issues, especially during certain time. The approaching Christmas being one of them.
I went to see a psychologist in order to get stuff off my chest and mind and one thing became more and more apparent to me. Special days and things that some people see as good and benevolent have slowly become twisted to me over the many years due to things I did not expect. Things like 'Love' took a similar meaning to 'hate' and 'family' wasn't the grand thing I had been lead to believe.
I felt I had to leave parts of myself behind, discarded due to them only weighing me down and hoped in doing so would see me rise above the sad mental image my own family chose for me. Along the way I got angrier than usual, more annoyed at myself and at others but decided not to say anything because I knew those I now associate with and talk to weren't to blame for the things that happened in my life, no. It was those people whom I realized could do for me what I thought may never would happen for me again.
Give me hope.
I owe a lot to my friends, and not just the ones I have had for many years but the ones I have known only for a few months or chat with in passing. The ones who dust me off when I fall (and chose to tell them) and the ones who simply ask if I am alright. It is thanks to these people and many others like them that I feel my heart mend a little more each day, fill with hope and a passion I longed to feel once more.
Am I a good man? I don't know. Can't really say. I've done a lot of things and made a fair few mistakes. Made promises I have failed to keep and helped people I thought were in need. I know my life isn't the best but I do my best to live it in a way that is good by me. After all that's all we can do.
We all have low points in our lives but we don't have to deal with them alone, but you need to remember it's a give/take sort of thing. You want people to give up their time, give advice or sympathy, but you have to take the advice, or take the hint that if someone, anyone stops for you then there is hope to be gained.
Thanks to you my friends, my watchers and to those who simply stop by to look at something done for me. I appreciate you all.
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8 years, 5 months ago
21 Nov 2015 14:47 CET
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