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Major changes in my life.

Okay... so two days ago... my mom passed away in her sleep. That day, I pretty much lost all will to live. She was literally everything in my life, and the only reason I ever kept going. Now though... Now I am doing... pretty okay... if i don't think about it.

Her death has allowed... an opening in my life. If things go well, and by all rights they should; but I know how my luck runs; I will be moving in with some friends next month, or maybe Sept. I want to be really excited and hopeful, and technically I am... but I'm also completely fearful that this is just gonna crash and burn like everything else in my life.

Also, for those that don't know: I am Gender Dysphoric... might not be a surprise considering my works... but yeah... I'm getting it out there. IF things go well, the friends I am moving in with are also Gender Dysphoric and can help me finally become the person I always felt I should be.

Even though it went over like a lead balloon previously; I'm gonna need money to help me get up there. I've set up a donation link this time; and I believe Danaume might have something planned for those wanting to see more Wayward art...

So anyway, in conclusion, if things go better I might end up in a better place, with a better state of mind, and might be able to really get back into writing again.

Viewed:	133 times
Added:	10 years, 9 months ago 19 Jul 2014 19:39 CEST

12 Comments on this Journal

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esanhusky

10 years, 9 months ago

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Mom is 84, I have no idea what I'll do when she passes. I wish you well, and really hope things work out for the best

SeleneNightfang

10 years, 9 months ago

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@ esanhusky

Mine was only 53. -=sighs=- Rather young really...

esanhusky

10 years, 9 months ago

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@ SeleneNightfang

Very young! As a matter of fact, I'm only 8 years away from that. Mom had me when she was 38, so I'd have still been I high school if she had passed at that age.

mommavicky

10 years, 9 months ago

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Im sorry to hear for your loss, but wish you the best for your future.

Neosate

10 years, 9 months ago

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It is sad when a loved one passes through the vale, but remember she is on to better thing and better places. I wish you well and pray the mother show you the path she has for you. I will burn some incense for you and your family and send as many blessed prayers your way.

Recovery is a long road for some, and I wish you well on your journey.

SissyLeo

10 years, 9 months ago

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Death affects us all in ways we never imagined until it happens to us. It IS traumatizing and hurts to high heaven, but in the end it does some good. We struggle and fight to keep going, to keep forging ahead when we see someone we love pass away. This in turn strengthens us, not just emotionally but developmentally as well. To struggle and overcome, to break through obstacles and keep forging your path. That is the path humanity treads. THis is something we all go through at one point or another and we all must be there for eachother. Just remember I'm here for you Jeramiah, we all are.

JackDesert

10 years, 9 months ago

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Edited 10 years, 9 months ago by Owner

Mine died of cancer november 2013, it was hard to watch her go downhill so fast. She was only 58
so yo uhave my condolences and all our love. -hugs the cute bunny-

LexiTheShunamir

10 years, 9 months ago

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Gender what?

SeleneNightfang

10 years, 9 months ago

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@ LexiTheShunamir

Gender Dysphoria, its the medical term for Transgender. In short I was born physically male, but mentally am more female. I'd always been vaguely aware of it, but it wasn't till high school that I fully realized it. I'd wanted to start a little over 10 years ago, but life got in the way. Which between my horrid life and trying to repress my feminine side as something that was just never going to happen; lead me to a deep nearly endless depression. Now, finally I might be able to get out of this hell hole, and to some place I can start acting on my desires. I just wish it was on better terms then my mother dying to put me on that path.

LexiTheShunamir

10 years, 9 months ago

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@ SeleneNightfang

Ohhh, I'm transgender as well I just never heard it called that.
and I understand having to hide and repress it as I have to every day since I'm staying with my parents at the moment

DOtter

10 years, 9 months ago

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https://inkbunny.net/journalview.php?id=142982 -- Good luck.

(also here --) https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5961873/

moonglider

10 years, 9 months ago

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Hi, I know I am a stranger here on Inkbunny, but I wanted to give my condolences. I lost my mother 10 years ago and not a day goes by where I don't think of her. Time will never fully heal the wound and there will be a scar on your heart forever, but you will learn to cope. You have to pull from her strength and know that she wants you to be happy and healthy. I can't donate anything, but I hope that you can find your happiness soon. Best of luck.

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