It is also upsetting and hurtful. Just some people... ya know? They say this and that but when it comes down to it they don't show it. They say things like "I don't judge" or "Nothing scares me away" and yet...
Though honestly, that only seems to be with those I try to find around my state for some reason. Anyone I would talk to on here or FA and live far away, we tend to get along just great. But it seems most I find near by... that is another story. I was told it was because Texas is conservative or something like that, to probably why... but I dunno. Some part may be caution yet I dunno why... I mean sure knowing you live within the same state but still hours away I mean... some people get cautious about that?
Just I dunno... maybe people can't handle someone like me who is open and honest about many things? I mean yeah I do say too much too soon and all but as I said earlier, those I talk to from here or FA never seem to have a problem with it and we get along great. I feel hurt that someone I had fell in love with recently and sounded like such a good guy, has been ignoring me I feel. At first our chats were good, he'd respond much... but then it became a he is busy with this or that and I thought ok... fair enough. But now, after a serious talk of sort, I don't hear from him at all. He has responded just barely enough to say this or that, but I mean honestly. He just says how he is busy and I mean really? To not make time to talk with me? After he said he loved me too. I feel I may have sounded a bit annoying or bothersome with that serious talk so soon, but I had said we should drop that for now and talk about it later once more time has passed and just talk about the good things. But still... nothing.
I suspect he is being like others have in the past in which they say they are busy, but aren't really, and just don't wanna talk to me. For again, I dunno why, I mean as I said I feel it is because I may sound annoying with my constant worry, because when it is someone near by, I tend to not be myself and worry more and bring out those worries. I just hate how they rather be quiet and leave things alone rather than talk and sort them out, rather than leave it at a possible misunderstanding. How I just found that one of those was so much a liar about being busy to why his chatting to me halted, that he lied about something to another about me and of course that other person, who also knows me, but knows him more apparently, believed him over me. Time and time it happens again, where people believe their better known friend over someone they have not met, not realizing that their friend has this grudge against the other and makes things up and believes that friend rather than find out the truth for themselves and know the person. Though I dunno why he would lie like that, I had been nothing but nice and inviting.
It's just sad man... how some people can be. I have good friends who are online only but live far away so we can't even hang out or anything. Then there are those others who I can meet more easily and yet... as I said all above there... Though I have found those around whom we get along as well, just that don't seem as common though.
So anyway I dunno... thought I would make a journal about this. Get thoughts and insights from others and all that. I dunno if I needed to give any more detail than that but yeah...
In the end though, looking at all this, it is the fact that I will never know what went wrong, if it was something I did or he did that he feels guilty about or whatever else. Instead I am left wondering what the problem was and why things came out to be this way. All just because someone cannot speak up and talk about what is wrong. Instead they are left with an assumption in mind that they never tell the other, could be this complete misunderstanding but it will never be made clear since that person never speaks out. I mean, if not to hurt my feelings is maybe why he does not say anything, makes some sense but even so, I rather know what is wrong than not, even if it will hurt my feelings. I am open and always say something to someone even if I know it will hurt, at least I am being truthful and not hiding what I feel only to let it linger on and leave him unaware what he is doing. It is just sad, I even tell others to tell me if anything I say or do bothers them to tell me so because I wouldn't know, people are affected by different things.
7 years, 10 months ago
18 May 2011 01:00 CEST