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Raukue

It's Sad How People Can Be

by
It is also upsetting and hurtful. Just some people... ya know? They say this and that but when it comes down to it they don't show it. They say things like "I don't judge" or "Nothing scares me away" and yet...

Though honestly, that only seems to be with those I try to find around my state for some reason. Anyone I would talk to on here or FA and live far away, we tend to get along just great. But it seems most I find near by... that is another story. I was told it was because Texas is conservative or something like that, to probably why... but I dunno. Some part may be caution yet I dunno why... I mean sure knowing you live within the same state but still hours away I mean... some people get cautious about that?

Just I dunno... maybe people can't handle someone like me who is open and honest about many things? I mean yeah I do say too much too soon and all but as I said earlier, those I talk to from here or FA never seem to have a problem with it and we get along great. I feel hurt that someone I had fell in love with recently and sounded like such a good guy, has been ignoring me I feel. At first our chats were good, he'd respond much... but then it became a he is busy with this or that and I thought ok... fair enough. But now, after a serious talk of sort, I don't hear from him at all. He has responded just barely enough to say this or that, but I mean honestly. He just says how he is busy and I mean really? To not make time to talk with me? After he said he loved me too. I feel I may have sounded a bit annoying or bothersome with that serious talk so soon, but I had said we should drop that for now and talk about it later once more time has passed and just talk about the good things. But still... nothing.

I suspect he is being like others have in the past in which they say they are busy, but aren't really, and just don't wanna talk to me. For again, I dunno why, I mean as I said I feel it is because I may sound annoying with my constant worry, because when it is someone near by, I tend to not be myself and worry more and bring out those worries. I just hate how they rather be quiet and leave things alone rather than talk and sort them out, rather than leave it at a possible misunderstanding. How I just found that one of those was so much a liar about being busy to why his chatting to me halted, that he lied about something to another about me and of course that other person, who also knows me, but knows him more apparently, believed him over me. Time and time it happens again, where people believe their better known friend over someone they have not met, not realizing that their friend has this grudge against the other and makes things up and believes that friend rather than find out the truth for themselves and know the person. Though I dunno why he would lie like that, I had been nothing but nice and inviting.

It's just sad man... how some people can be. I have good friends who are online only but live far away so we can't even hang out or anything. Then there are those others who I can meet more easily and yet... as I said all above there... Though I have found those around whom we get along as well, just that don't seem as common though.

So anyway I dunno... thought I would make a journal about this. Get thoughts and insights from others and all that. I dunno if I needed to give any more detail than that but yeah...

In the end though, looking at all this, it is the fact that I will never know what went wrong, if it was something I did or he did that he feels guilty about or whatever else. Instead I am left wondering what the problem was and why things came out to be this way. All just because someone cannot speak up and talk about what is wrong. Instead they are left with an assumption in mind that they never tell the other, could be this complete misunderstanding but it will never be made clear since that person never speaks out. I mean, if not to hurt my feelings is maybe why he does not say anything, makes some sense but even so, I rather know what is wrong than not, even if it will hurt my feelings. I am open and always say something to someone even if I know it will hurt, at least I am being truthful and not hiding what I feel only to let it linger on and leave him unaware what he is doing. It is just sad, I even tell others to tell me if anything I say or do bothers them to tell me so because I wouldn't know, people are affected by different things.
Viewed: 126 times
Added: 7 years, 4 months ago
 
Kupok
7 years, 4 months ago
Goto: Colorado
PeachClover
7 years, 4 months ago
I know the feeling.  It's really annoying.
Raukue
7 years, 4 months ago
Yeah... well I added more to the journal there that I think wraps things up better there. Just really... people don't speak up, ya know? Also your avatar there, such a tease.
DraculJOSHI
7 years, 4 months ago
I know that feeling all too well at the moment...
I had someone I tried to help, I was all nice and naive and stuff and now?
I hate him, wish him death! not just that he robed me slyly of 2000.-SFr., he also lost two of my favourite games! (one of them is easy replaceable, but the other one, Gradius V took me two and a half year to find the first time!)
Raukue
7 years, 4 months ago
Well that makes sense then I guess? I mean if they do things like that I guess that is more of a reason. But I did nothing like that. I did not steal or lose anything or do anything to them... so yeah... hmm.
DraculJOSHI
7 years, 4 months ago
actually, what I wanted to say was, that I know how it is to be put to crap just because you were nice...
PlatinumPen
7 years, 4 months ago
I to share that pain of helping and loving only to be hurt. Another pain is when fate conspires against you. Like when I was forced to move away from the one I loved. Sure we could have had a long distance relationship but we saw what that can do in two of our friends. So we parted with heavy hearts. To lose a love is bad but to be made to surrender it freely is just as painful.

Also, WHO DARES HURT MY FAVORITE CHARMANDER!?!?!?!?
Raukue
7 years, 4 months ago
I'm sorry you had to go through that, it sounds painful indeed. That was a bit of what worried me with the guy I fell for is that he'd eventually go away for a few years, dunno I think 2 at least, to school in Washington, but he said that won't be for a long time. But ah well I guess I gotta get over it... he is not the one for me. His lack of interest in me and all that... yeah...

Heh, me your favorite Charmander? I wonder if I have you on IM and forgot, if so, sorry about that, heh. My memory is bad and well people use different names as well.

But yeah, I thought I had found love after like 4 years of not feeling love for another. I feel like this is another phase of my life. That just came to mind, like I go through friends and all and I think of the friends I had years ago and have through the years. It sure makes me a certain way and feel a certain way and now, with this that has gone on, and meeting 2 new friends who are nice and seem too good to be true, but of course live far away... at least with the bad came the good.
PlatinumPen
7 years, 4 months ago
forgot to hit reply :p
PlatinumPen
7 years, 4 months ago
Well you know what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I do feel that in spite of the pain it made me a better man. Also as for fav. Charmender, I doubt I'm on your IM (always called Faceless Scribe or Fscribe, except on emails)but to me you are simply the sexiest little Charmander I've ever seen and if within 50' of your Charmander self I'd melt into a pile of putty, just waiing to be shaped. And as for friends, you seem like the kind of guy that not only could I care for but even if just friends I would trust your blade at my back in a fight.
Raukue
7 years, 4 months ago
Heh I see. I imagine how that could be a cool pic with epic anime clothing and all serious and just bad ass... heh but I see. It's nice to know that I am liked more than I think, cause I feel I am not all that.
Shokuji
7 years, 4 months ago
" I mean yeah I do say too much too soon
Sounds a lot like me..

" those I talk to from here or FA never seem to have a problem with it and we get along great
I think it's because there's a level of anonymity that allows people to open up, where as IRL they feel the need to be reserved.

" Though I dunno why he would lie like that, I had been nothing but nice and inviting.
People do the weirdest things because of the smallest situations. Semi-recently an artist who has an account on here (& FA), draws furry art/porn, has a furry character, hangs out with other furry artists, etc blocked me because he doesn't like it when people label him as furry. When I first met him I put him on my 'furry' twitter list and forgot about it. A month later he found out and rather than just ask me to take him off of it, he cut off all contact. o_o; Whats worse is that he said lots of really nice things like "But you're my friend, and as someone who grew up with few it means a lot to me..I can't ever hate you. I'll forgive you a million times over." only to drop me over a twitter listing? ~_~; I guess it was all just talk.

" In the end though, looking at all this, it is the fact that I will never know what went wrong, if it was something I did or he did that he feels guilty about or whatever else. Instead I am left wondering what the problem was and why things came out to be this way.
I know how that feels to a lesser degree. Couple of artists have blocked me without a known reason. It's not that I was blocked but that it was done so w/o a known reason. I want to know what I did so I can at least stop doing it. This is exactly why I made this journal. Oh well.

Hope you feel better soon. =/
Raukue
7 years, 4 months ago
I am ok now I suppose... but I keep thinking about him and I see him online just... yeah it is obvious he rather not talk, after all the things he said... meh.

And yeah that is really out there to cut off a friendship over such a small thing like that... I mean really. Some people... and how the least they can do is talk it out not just suddenly poof and end it all... bah. Recently someone I know who was "trying" to help me and all got all upset and blocked me. He was wanting me to only listen to him and do things his way and since I was saying more things he got annoyed and ran off. I have had someone else try to help me in that way, that is not a way to help, to sound rude and not understanding of the person or anything like that, not listening to them, that being me and yeah... oh well. Upsets me now people can be that way and cut off everything over such a thing.
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