Welcome to Inkbunny...
Allowed ratings
To view member-only content, create an account. ( Hide )
Roketsune

I'm a Hebephile: Musings of a Brave and/or Insane (probably both) Raccoonboi

Last updated on 23 September 2016


Well, gee, what a surprise that of all the journals I've written on core aspects of me, this has received the most views. And that doesn't even count the ones from non-members since those views aren't counted by Inkbunny's system, alas. I can't blame people for being abnormally intrigued by a post which openly advertises a sexual preference for children and cubs. Virtually no one else is brave/insane enough to write something like this for everyone to see. So much has transpired since then, and my literary capabilities and practices have greatly improved since then, so it's time to re-write this thing entirely.

For those of you who are uninitiated in chronophilias, hebephilia is a preference for children who are peripubescent, meaning ~11-14. Pedophilia in the technical sense means a preference for prepubescent children. Ephebophilia is a preference for children and adults who are in mid-late adolescence, or 15-19 (the 'barely legal' and 'jailbait' genres cater to this -philia). People often ignorantly or even deliberately will lump together all the chronophiles and actions under the pedophilia category, but pedophilia is a distinct and different class. A -philia means there is a preference for that age range/children, rather than a secondary capability for sexual attraction to some children. Pedophilia is a clinical diagnosis only when additional criteria are met, and hebephilia is classified under Paedophilia for that purpose in the ICD but is excluded under the DSM entirely. Additionally, especially for pedophilia and hebephilia, there are two categories: inclusive or non-exclusive, and exclusive. The latter means they are devoid of sexual attraction towards adults, while the former denotes a capacity for attraction to adults but is less intense than their preference for children. I am a non-exclusive bisexual hebephile with a preference for long-haired effeminate males IRL, human anime, and furry. I actually generally prefer anime and furry fantasies to RL human ones and haven't pictured a pretty pubescent child while pawing off in a while. In fact, I tend to get off only to my own characters.


Early Sexual Realizations

Like every other aspect and function of my life, sexual development and realizations were very belated. In retrospect, had femboys been a thing and there was a great proliferation of drawings and pictures of them and I had full access, I probably would have been bisexual and had a femboy preference at 13, and maybe at 20 I would have known I was hebephilic. Unfortunately, the vast majority of males now and then had short hair and were masculine and the internet was nascent and primitive, so until I was 19 I honestly was heterosexual since girls at least tended to be feminine. The couple of times I remember being sexually attracted to males when I was 15 were in response to children with longer hair than normal. I alas forgot about those times and didn't understand the responses as what they were, so I remained heterosexual. When I was 19 I came across a comic most greymuzzles will remember: Associated Student Bodies/ASB. There was a raccoon character who I assumed was a girl and was sexually attracted to, but when I saw this girl was actually a boy, I was still aroused. I didn't have a femboy realization of any sort, but from then on I was bisexual with a preference for girls, which over some years changed to a preference for boys. Unlike what seems like the vast majority of other LGBT people, I had no remorse or shame at all about this.

The deprivation of visual and social and other stimuli caused by a combination of isolation and the relative lack of development of the internet communities caused me to have a belated realization about my sexual attraction to children. Actually, I was fucking retarded socially and in general except in basic raw intelligence, and originally was morally opposed to erotic RP with underage characters or even children below 16 having sex with each other, though in my mid-20's these idiotic aversions disappeared. The earliest event or realization I can remember pertaining a latent preference for children (disregarding the two childhood moments previously) was at age 25. I remember coming across some furry picture of a female who was dressed like a PE coach, and sometime after that I had this fantasy of an underage student who was both sexually experienced and dominant seducing her. This was the moment of conception for my character Kentaro, a 14-year-old dominant and toned minkboy. Shortly after that I developed a fixation on younger teenagers in general, and my central age preference over the next few years fell to what it is now, which is 11-13. I don't remember when I fully realized it, but at some point afterwards I realized the only males I was attracted to were those with longer hair than usual, and the fact male children are more likely to have longer hair made them even more appealing to me. After coming across enough artwork and photos I realized I preferred crossdressing males more than merely twink-types with longer hair. In furry and anime artwork in general I have a strong fixation on feminine and crossdressing males, but my chief preference remains children around the threshold of puberty. Of course, I have not looked at either RL child erotica or tame pictures of crossdressing pubescent males, but there's no reason to assume I wouldn't respond most strongly to such images and people within the RL category.

As with the bisexuality realization, these didn't bother me at all, frankly. Why should I feel badly about what fantasies and artwork I paw off to? Hell, I even felt at the time the Kentaro fantasy came about that children at around those ages could consent to sexual behavior anyway. I think virtually every other pedophile and hebephile is fucking terrified and ashamed when they come to this realization, but I recall none of either whatsoever. I believe my autism provides me with this emotional benefit and insulation, and allows me to contemplate these matters much more rationally than the average person. There was no internal conflict at all 10 years ago over merely my orientation and sexual philosophy, and there isn't one now. The only regret I have about this are how severely this complicates and impedes the establishment and maintenance of sexual relationships (even worse since I have an overwhelming femininity preference for males, which we have very few of). Just imagine for a few moments being unable to be sexually attracted to the overwhelming majority of people over 25 or maybe 30 years of age. Even if I find a super-cute and super-intelligent femboy right at the AoC and become mates, the possibility of not finding him attractive in 10 years and the mateship imploding fucking intimidates and scares me. Anyone who hates me who's reading this right now, just empathize momentarily and imagine how difficult that would be for you to contend with. And imagine how much worse it is for those who are exclusively pedo/hebephiles. Of course, you'll probably still berate me and demonize cub porn and this is thus an exercise in futility, but perhaps not.


Relations With Others and the World

The hebephilia alone would cause great estrangement from the world in general due to how maligned we are. However, I also have a very liberal sexual philosophy and abhor the way society views and treats sexuality in general. It does not deserve to be viewed with such uneasiness and given this negative special status compared to other forms of pleasure. Of course, the combination of my orientation and philosophy makes me a sympathetic figure to virtually no one who doesn't share my philosophy and/or orientation. I'm for that alone an extraordinarily hateable individual, probably not much less hateable than Islamic terrorists. I would probably tie with said terrorists for antipathy if I actually fooled around with children regardless of whether they were willing participants. This reality has greatly contributed to a social doctrine of aloofness and defensiveness, and one of preemption in certain online venues. Most who will encounter me face-to-face and probably also online will never know I'm a "pro-contact" hebephile unless I directly tell them, which is not something I generally do because there's no benefit to it. However, the cognizance of their likely theoretical extreme hatred makes me not want to befriend or deal extensively with average people, and in the recent past it has incited me to behave irrationally and selfishly towards people who have never wronged me.

In the last version of this, I recalled in detail specific examples of these sorts of shameful outbursts where I deliberately weaponized my hebephilia and attendant philosophy verbally, or committed more innocuous but still immature and inappropriate confessions elsewhere. I'm not going to discuss them in any detail this time, and the reason is very much tied to what I mentioned last paragraph. Either out of a combination of unmitigated stupidity and malice, or just pure malice and malevolence, someone will misrepresent me if I leave in those sorts of things next time this is discovered by a drama or atrocity tourism site. It happened once before (the fact it was the pre-2015 version made it much worse since I was less talented and thoughtful by far relative to now or even early 2015), and I am sure it would happen again. Someone will latch onto one sentence or paragraph and quote that to their fuckwit compatriots or to their friends or to outside entities, while leaving out the parts where I repudiated that behavior and expressed remorse for it. Instead of being seen as an introspective and self-judging person who is careful not to needlessly upset innocent people now, I'll be seen by a good many people as a deranged, unstable, and sadistic prick who routinely sets out to horrify people. That wildfire sort of incident is likely to have unintended and unpleasant strategic ramifications, and there will be comparatively little benefit to me or anyone else by proceeding as before. There's nothing more I can do at this point to atone than commit to being rational and introspective and fixated in further general development.

All that being said, the feeling of being extremely estranged and marginalized for these things is very justified. Being autistic alone has in multiple ways caused me to be very much an 'other'. If only that and everything else except my orientation were in play I would maybe at worst be hated by a few people for my extremist political views. However, if all of those things were not in play and the only thing which remained was my orientation, I would still be hated and distrusted much more. People may find advocation of eugenics and the abolition of universal suffrage to be detestable ordinarily, but at least they generally wouldn't find me a deranged threat to children for it. People really, really hate and fear pedophiles and hebephiles, and those who are slightly more enlightened and don't universally see them as dangerous sub-humans usually WILL despise those who also openly oppose societal norms on children and sexuality.

Even if I wasn't hebephilic and just supported reforms to various laws and attitudes about children and sex, that's not merely a political disagreement to most people. It's per se a casus belli, a cause for going to war. There's a woman who was harassed to the point of losing her job and is currently closely monitored by various people, and the main reason is she wrote a thesis supporting a liberalization of child porn laws and a change in focus to address the root causes of the suffering and exploitation of children. She's not even attracted to children herself and never advocated production of the real stuff be permitted, but she's so viciously hated by so many people because of the above. I'm actually astonished I don't have whole legions of enemies after these years now that I'm contemplating this.

It's actually worse than just that being hated by ordinary people. I'm also very much anathema to many of my own kind. There are two broad categories of MAPs (Minor-Attracted People). One is known as anti-contact.  They side with society morally and find the idea of sexual contact with children abhorrent. The other is pro-contact. They hold the views I do more or less on children with regards to sexuality and pederasty, and I would include those who oppose sexual contact with children only because the laws and the epic levels of pedo/hebephobia make such conduct dangerous to the child if caught. Well, obviously, I am not going to be much liked by the anti-contact people, nor would I be liked by many of the pro-contact people for various ideological reasons. There's honestly no unity at all within the MAP demographic, in the rare cases they even speak to each other at all communally. I've come across pro-contact people who were fucking pro-circumcision, and there are probably plenty of anti-contact people who are against such sexual abuse. They also for whatever fucking reasons see fit to divide themselves into boylovers (BL) and girllovers (GL) more often than not, which is incredibly fucking absurd for a variety of reasons. I honestly feel as if I wouldn't be that much less likely to cross swords with fellow hebephiles than with the general population. Actually, I haven't even visited such a community in quite a while (I'm sure some are making assumptions right now... it and all others I know of are 100% legal), largely due to a lack of interest and impetus. I know of only three other places. One is the anti-contact place Virtuous Pedophiles, the second is a GL place whose environment I know nothing about, and the third is a place with the appearance of an early 90's website populated by paranoid and bitter lunatics who are atrocious representatives of my demographic.

Since I can't expect much support from and compatibility with either the average people or those of my own kind, I was forced to adopt a general social doctrine of preclusion, preemption, exclusion, and defense. Were you wondering why I chose to announce my orientation and philosophy and other inflammatory things below the front conditions on my profile? I did this not because I have diarrhea of the mouth (well, paws in this medium, technically), or because I prefer enraging people to having harmonious relations (though trolling can be fun periodically, I won't lie). I did this to conserve emotional stamina and time. There's no point in developing relationships with people who are just going to wish I didn't exist in the end, and there's no point in calling someone a friend when they're only an acquaintance. I do not want unworthy people as friends, most people are unworthy of being my friend (and if I call you a friend that's about the highest compliment I can bestow upon someone short of mateship), and I need no one's friendship to get by in the world with my set of circumstances. There's no reason not to preemptively screen people in such a grand and inflammatory manner, though it does carry with it risks and it has caused significant negative consequences on a strategic level once or twice. Of course, I only do this in select places, primarily here on Inkbunny- my spiritual home. I speak and behave differently when I am out and about on foot, or in secondary communal venues. I generally am averse to conflict because it usually does not behoove me or anyone else to engage in it, so I rarely do or say things that risk it. Of course, anyone who wishes to draw closer who hasn't read my core information here I generally ignore, push away, conduct probing maneuvers on, or refer to my Inkbunny profile and account, depending on which I find to be most appropriate. While all of this comes across as extremely snobbish to the average person, they generally don't consider my unique set of circumstances.

While I ordinarily am opposed to laws and people which needlessly restrict the freedoms of people and intrude into their affairs, and while ordinarily I am quite capable of empathizing with other people when they're being aggressed, the fact I'm hebephilic makes me particularly truculent, venomous, and combative on the matter of fictional underage pornography. I am really fucking tired of lawmakers, average people, and furries coming up with all sorts of ostensibly sound reasons for their campaigns to ban my genre of porn from a site or a country, especially since their efforts ultimately are rooted in extreme antipathy and bigotry. They can come up with as many reasons and interpretations of data favorable to their position they want, but ultimately the reason these moralistic buffoons are carrying out such efforts is they despise and mistrust us no matter which camp we're in, and in fact don't recognize there being such a thing as a stable and non-practicing pedo/hebephile. We're all seen as these inherently dangerous people who either are predatory criminals or just haven't become one yet. It's inherently no less shameful than assuming all gay people are predatory sluts, or black people usually are criminals. It's even more pathetic when they insist we all seek psychiatric help ASAP, yet foster such a level of malevolence and bigotry with these sorts of laws and rhetoric that most of the few who actually do need help for it wouldn't dare seek it out. I'll get into this next, but, the counselors are hardly better than the general public about this, which just makes such demands even more unreasonable.

I didn't choose to be a hebephile, and no one else chose their orientation. Why should we be even more deprived and marginalized than we already are, even those of us who don't condone RL sexual contact with children and/or are satisfied with artwork and stories? To merely make these self-righteous hysterical bigots feel better about themselves, to give them a false sense of accomplishment on behalf of children despite what they demand causing even more sexual frustration? No, fuck these people, and fuck you if you're one of them! This is a preemptive act of not only intolerance and malice, but also of stupidity. What the fuck are these people thinking, trying to make cub porn and lolicon tantamount to RL child porn? This is utterly retarded. It would not only take away an inherently innocuous source of pleasure, but it would incentivize people to seek out actual child porn and children because there'd be legally little or no difference. If someone's going to be on a sex offender registry and the like for either one and they just need to get off to underage porn, why shouldn't they just download the RL stuff as well?

Some of the more aggressive evangelists openly equivocate the two, like there's some RL child who has to engage in copulation in order for me to write one of my stories or have a picture drawn. So, if they're both just as bad and someone's too horny and desperate to refrain from both, they might as well go collect both since apparently there's no difference. Actually, if they REALLY wanted to protect children, they should just advocate for mandatory and universal sexual response testing, and castration for all who test positive for pedo/hebephilia. That at least would resolve the supposed underlying issue more effectively than how they are addressing it now. God damn, I'm becoming substantially agitated just contemplating this mind-bending level of idiocy and demagoguery.


Professional Help? What Professional Help?

There are a variety of problems with the exhortation/belligerent demand (depending on the style and sentiments of the person) to seek counseling if one is a pedo/hebe/ephebophile (mainly the first two). One is generally an inflated perception of what psychology and psychiatry can actually do. Another is the industry generally is barely anymore knowledgeable about us than the general population is, outside of maybe those who deal with sexual disorders. Another actually is the popular perception that pedophilia and hebephilia are by default viewed as psychological disorders. People usually have little or no understanding of what these people are actually capable of, what they view as an actual problem to be treated, what they actually would be liable to attempt to address, and how well trained and educated they are about us. Outside of a limited range of circumstances, as a primary issue this is not a worthwhile avenue for us to pursue.

I think many people in my demographic are erroneously terrified of certain things such as being reported to police merely for confessing attractions, because even in Canada and some of these European nations, merely being a -phile is not a crime. The therapist can also be sued and face professional sanctions if they break confidentiality outside of a very narrow set of parameters, and saying "I am a hebephile, have never broken any laws, and do not intend to break any laws." does not constitute child abuse or imminent child abuse. I doubt even disclosing use of fictional porn where it's legal would prompt more than a couple of them to break confidentiality. The problem isn't that they will disregard their professional codes and laws. The problem is, perhaps except for sexual dysfunction and disorder specialists, their attitudes are barely any better than average. We're seen by a fair number of even the doctor-level ones as people who could go off the rails at any moment, people who are more trouble than we're worth. I have had two psychologists- people with Ph.Ds after their names- react with alarm by me disclosing to them preemptively I'm hebephilic. The first one insisted I sign a document before starting therapy pledging to report myself to her (who would then report me to police, she emphasized) if I offended. As I mentioned in the autism journal, the second one exclaimed just from me telling her my orientation, "There are children here!", as if I was possibly unable to control myself in the event I saw a child in the waiting room who I found sexually attractive. I think another therapist asked me if I was a zoophile as a result of the hebephilia declaration, in a very suspicious and condescending manner. These people, despite all of their training- possibly BECAUSE of their training- see us as dangerous by default as often as laypeople do. This is a tertiary matter, yet people don't want to treat me because of it.

Another misconception is the orientations themselves are something a professional can or should attempt to treat (disregarding chemical and physical castration). Sexual attraction is something which is immutable and hardwired. The more stupid and incompetent professionals might try aversion therapy or that orgasmic tactic where someone changes their mental image to the desired object at the moment of orgasm, but they are as ineffective for attenuating pedophilia as they are for homosexuality. So-called reparative therapy has been thoroughly discredited for some years now. The things which they would and could address would be negative emotions caused or precipitated by their orientation (mainly anxiety, depression, self-hatred), and poor impulse control in the event their behavior is or might become problematic. My understanding is the latter is treated through increasing one's awareness of and resistance to their impulses much the same way addicts are trained to deal with and evade whatever urges and triggers, and also through a sort of moral therapy where empathy for children is fostered and the like.

Because of the cultural hatred of those groups in general, and the mandatory reporting laws in so many parts of the world, a very high proportion of those pedo/hebephiles who are in therapy are convicted sexual offenders. This only reinforces the stereotype we are inherently very dangerous, and also I'm sure it reinforces the popular notion the -philias themselves are treatable. There actually is a pretty good program in Germany that encourages offending pedo/hebephiles who wish to stop offending to enter therapy without being sent to prison, but in America and I'm sure some other Western nations such people generally would be unable to be so frank with a therapist without at least running a very high risk of being referred to police. And of course almost everyone would rail against such an initiative because it would be enabling them or being soft on crime or some other nonsense.

Furthermore, they do not consider having a -philia of any sort to be by default an actual disorder. The DSM doesn't even discuss hebephilia or ephebophilia, though a doctor can diagnose someone with it by giving a Not Otherwise Specified (NOS) followed by the -philia or behavior. As for pedophilia, to be succinct about it rather than list all the criteria, someone has to have a preference for prepubescent children and have either broken the law or incurred substantial distress or impairment from it, to be diagnosed with 'Pedophilic Disorder'. The same standards are used for the ICD, though hebephilia is included in the 'Paedophilia' age criteria. So, yes, someone could masturbate exclusively to fantasies about toddlers and the equivalent fictional porn, and as long as they don't break the law or suffer any sort of impairment, they're healthy according to these vaunted professionals these people are so keen to shove us towards.

There was one time where someone in my outpatient intensive services had the monumentally retarded and arrogant idea of unilaterally adding to my treatment plan the objective of receiving treatment at some clinic which specialized in both sides of sexual abuse and trauma. I had stumbled onto this when the employment specialist of all people had me review documents. I was infuriated by the act of arrogance AND incompetence and immediately called them to remind them I was the chief strategist of the war against my mental illnesses rather than them. It was one of the most foolish and futile things I ever experienced from a psych professional because if it had been carried out, not only would there have been no actual sexual disorder by clinical definition for them to have treated, but we would likely have pissed each other off in the process because my sexual philosophy would have been utterly antithetical to theirs and their professional training. If this wasn't real and it wasn't happening to me, I would have found such a proposal of futility and mutual frustration amusing.

I honestly don't have any practical experience with therapists with a heightened familiarity with sexual therapy and disorders. Whether they are substantially more competent on these orientations, or whether their training tends to be applicable to those whose orientations are not ego dystonic (dystonic means the person dislikes that about themselves) or debilitating, I really don't know. They might be overall much better than average, maybe the same, or maybe even worse. I'm sure those who are "Kink-Aware" are far more likely to not be pedo/hebephobic since they work with ageplayers and BDSM people and all the other special classes. As a whole, however, even if someone's primary issues are related to whatever chronophilia, there aren't many places for them to go to or resources for them to use. Of course, if a remorseful person is committing offenses and needs help to stop, they cannot receive it unless they accept possibly being prosecuted if they don't live in a country with more limited allowances for breaking confidentiality such as Germany. Those of us who don't commit offenses due to whatever factors and motivations are often treated as if we have or will.

So, when people insist we seek out a therapist for our perceived or real sexual disorders, I ask: To whom? For what? With what type of therapy? There literally are no options of that nature for me. As for the issues I need assistance with, and for the tertiary matter of anger towards the world for its bigotry, this alone makes many of these people not even want to try, and a couple of them were downright disrespectful and unprofessional to me. I will conduct another campaign in the early autumn and go through the leads I acquired from the last attempts in June, but there's only so much I can do alone. I need their cooperation to make this work, obviously, but some of them just don't want to take me on or even respond merely because of the hebephilia. On an end note, I find it utterly revolting that I have these college-trained buffoons recoil from me and make rude remarks because supposedly all pedo/hebephiles are very liable to fool around with children and that is always abusive, yet many or most of them are perfectly fine with circumcision, a very disgusting and disfiguring form of sexual abuse. And then people marvel at how malevolent and callous I am about humans in general. How am I supposed to feel when even the best of the species is this deranged and vile? I think the psych profession actually treats those who have frequent homicidal urges and histories of violence with more benevolence and less suspicion than they treat us merely for existing!


Information and Advice on Therapy

There are two formal psych organizations that I know of for our kind in the USA. The one I knew of until literally 15 minutes ago was B4U-Act, and all they do beyond running a forum and providing links to other resources (I wouldn't go to Virtuous Pedophiles or Lifeline despite their endorsements; Lifeline is on the aforementioned site of paranoid and unhappy lunatics, and the other has an embarrassingly erroneous and badly designed FAQ and they seem opposed to even fictional underage stuff) is advocate for reforms in attitudes and services. They do not provide any lists of MAP-friendly therapists and pretty much tell people they're on their own, which is absolutely fucking ludicrous considering the state of affairs. There is also the one I just came across because Google suggested it (my search on Florida's child porn mandatory minimum prison terms was suspicious enough to be given that, I guess). StopItNow (this is their UK and Ireland branch) is far more expansive and offers guidance to people at every angle of child porn/abuse cases and pedo/hebephilia treatment. Since they're extremely overtly anti-contact, I do not know how useful they'll be if your situation is not acute and you instead just want a counselor who won't behave like an intrusive dick over your orientation, but they seem to at least offer names of counselors for people (this and this seem most pertinent). They also have relevant professionals on call to explain potential legal ramifications and the like.

There are also peer-to-peer/self-help programs one can use, though I have zero experience with any of those which are pertinent to this issue beyond a little familiarity with doctrine (PROTIP: don't use Sexaholics Anonymous if you're pro-gay marriage and/or don't feel you need to abstain from any and all sexual behavior outside legal heterosexual marriage, because that's their definition of sexual sobriety; the others set no standard and leave that to people and their sponsors). These types of programs are run and managed by those who have the affliction(s) the organization addresses. All of the 12 Step ones such as Alcoholics Anonymous (actually, all of them have Anonymous at the end), and the secular alternatives such as SMART (I really don't trust them very much, to be brutally honest; I've observed too much shit from their staff on all levels) and others I'm not aware of, are peer-to-peer. You will not have any reason to go into these unless you have actual behavioral problems or some unrelated addiction. Be forewarned that 12 Step fellowships (a 12 Step term for the general membership and organization) generally are very God-centric at least in language, though the various fellowships have varying levels of acceptance of non-deistic 'higher powers', and the groups within each fellowship vary wildly in all regards. The secular organizations tend to be far smaller in scale, and as far as I know only SMART addresses sexual addiction (and it addresses all the others). This is not a substitute for therapy, but it will be much better than nothing if no counselor or therapy is available and they're all you have.

I suggest attempting to find counselors in a certain sequence based on whether your issue pertains to sexual behavior. If it does not, I suggest going to Kink-Aware --> StopItNow --> ordinary therapists or sexual dysfunction specialists. If it does, then I would very strongly suggest StopItNow --> sexual dysfunction/addiction --> Kink-Aware --> ordinary therapists. Even if being pedo/hebephilic is not even a tertiary issue for you with regards to estrangement from the world or whatever, you ought to use it as a probing tactic. If they recoil, they're not very bright and thus maybe they wouldn't have been very insightful, empathetic, or adaptive. If they don't recoil or treat you with suspicion or give it undue scrutiny, they are somewhat more intelligent and wise than the average person and this would be a positive indicator for their competence and versatility. Therapy entails more than schooling and mechanically dispensing therapeutic remedies. They also need to be generally rational and perceptive, and to determine how best to respond and minister to a patient, and to actually give a damn about them. Use what is ordinarily liability to your advantage.

I wrote the below points before coming across StopItNow, before realizing there actually was an anonymous volunteer organization in the US. Thus, if your case makes anonymity during the initial phases indispensable, you would want to go with StopItNow first and speak to actual professionals in various phases and aspects of these cases. If you aren't served well by them or you don't feel they're necessary, the info would still be useful if you wish to approach prospects very carefully, so I've left them as they were written with a few adjustments.


    • If you need to enter psychotherapy and you feel it is prudent to mention a -philia to the prospective therapist because of relevance (guilt over it, feeling estranged from and resentful towards society, etc), and it's not a case warranting a sexual disorder specialist as a primary choice, I would start with therapists who identify as 'kink-aware' or 'kink-friendly', and this is a central database of them.
    • If you fear being reported by therapists for disclosing your orientation or your fictional porn interests, this possibility will be precluded by vetting them before you're a client of theirs. If they are that repulsed by you they will make that clear during the preliminary phase, and they will not have most of your information to relay to the police. If you're REALLY trepidatious about this, you can use TOR and a special e-mail address which cannot be tied to even your actual IP address, so they have zero information to hand police and the e-mail company also will have nothing useful to give in case they're contacted.
    • If you actually have a sexual addiction/compulsion issue pertaining to RL children, it is super-imperative you go the full anonymous route (maybe even if you're referred by StopItNow or someone similar, in case there was an error) and ask them whether they will report you for whatever it is you're doing and seeking help to stop, and I also suggest going with sexual addiction/disorder therapists in this scenario. If you don't have such compulsions but you work with children or care for them, use the anonymous process and ask whether this paired with your orientation will cause them to even consider reporting you to police, or just don't mention this if it's not very pertinent.
    • Remember that laws on mandatory reporting for various professions vary wildly between countries and even between states, and interpretations of them vary wildly even between therapists within the same state. My state's standards for breaking confidentiality are actually very high and about as friendly to pedo/hebephiles as one could rightfully expect in America (though a couple of parts could be fancifully interpreted). Conversely, in more liberal areas such as California and other states, the lawmakers and some therapists (I suspect more the latter than the former, given the obvious intention of the lawmakers and laws) have gone pants-on-head retarded, some laws evidently stating and being interpreted to mean those who are adult victims of childhood sexual abuse must be referred to police. Thus, be careful even if you're a victim or had been exposed to or watched child porn as a child.
    • Regardless of whether you have a sexual behavioral issue, if you are chronophilic this makes you especially well situated to assist those who are suffering for whatever reason who are also chronophiles. It's even better if you're a pedophile because that demographic is the most hated and marginalized of all (though hebephiles are not far behind in that respect). If you are emotionally well enough and have the spare time, go to FurSupport or some other furry peer-to-peer therapeutic resource. Actually, go to the non-furry places/groups as well if you can manage that! There are also 100% legal forums for childlovers/MAPs and I'm sure some who go there are seeking assistance from like-attracted people. I can hardly overstate just how underserved we are in general, and the more troops there are to combat emotional illness for us the more that grievous deficiency is ameliorated.


Advice on Socialization and Exploration

Over the last several years I have acquired a great deal of insight and maturity on a variety of things. This paired with my natural strategic talents and inclinations allow me to very effectively analyze and utilize this insight, and to articulate advice and observations.

    • In my experience, furrydom is an excellent venue relative to the general culture to conduct sexual exploration, attain sexual gratification through fictional means, and to find like-minded and like-attracted people. This also applies to matters of gender. Gender roles aren't recognized here and femboys are practically a furry-owned concept because of how hugely they're favored by furries and furry artists. A major reason I have fared as well as I have in general with regards to my orientations and gender identity is I have always had this subculture to explore in and fall back to. I don't socialize much outside furrydom, so most of the online bigotry people speak about I've been shielded from.
     • My greatest regret in general is having my development even in gender identity delayed for so long because of a lack of information and stimuli, which is why I am super-adamant about people going forth and exploring and acquiring information in various forms within reason and within their emotional limits. Data and experience also is derived from other people, and this is especially critical for things you don't yet know you need or desire (you can't search for it if you are ignorant of it entirely). If I was active in local furrydom years before I might have been exposed to femboy stuff enough to know this was what I wanted IRL and for my fursona. It also is a reason I oppose censorship and excessive moderating in general.
    • If you are going to be open about being a chronophile of whatever sort, be sure you are open in the right venues and manners, and be sure to expect negative repercussions which can be rather severe. Of course, Inkbunny is a great place for being open without fear of repercussions (some say Inkbunny's dominated and run by RL pedo/hebephiles, which is probably false but far from utterly meritless), and SoFurry I have observed is similarly accepting. Especially if you're prone to being the center of drama (try to not be a center of controversy and derision for the wrong reasons), you run the risk of troll and atrocity tourism sites discovering you, and they could cause substantial problems even if you don't misbehave and reveal too much. Especially if this happens or you otherwise come to their attention, conventions you favor might actually blacklist you from certain functions like dealer/artist tables and staffing and such, and maybe even ban you entirely (though even sex offenders seem to have no trouble at least attending furry cons for some reason).
    • Related to the above... Expect to be attacked by fellow cub/babyfurs and general ageplayers (this includes merely those who like the porn, for simplicity) for it, especially if you have a pro-contact philosophy. Ageplayers in general are very averse to the stereotype that they have pedo/hebephilic inclinations, and some are particularly desperate to avoid being painted as such and will go out of their way to shit on those who actually are attracted to children. There was an ageplay panelist at Frolicon who spent a fair amount of time conveying the message people shouldn't RP with actual pedo/hebephiles and should ascertain whether they are before starting such arrangements. An ageplayer who admits to such attractions in any public setting is quite rare and, in the detractors' minds, confirms the stereotype to the general population they so desperately want to dispel. I don't know how many ageplayers/porn enthusiasts are actually a -phile of some sort, but I assume it's a lot, especially the human shota/loli enthusiasts.
     • Maybe you're asking why in the fuck would you want to reveal your orientation after I just said all that. Do you want to have friends who will hate you merely for being this way? Many, many will, even if you're anti-contact. It's more efficient to just preemptively anger and disgust them and not have to spend time on them. You also will draw like-minded and like-attracted people towards you, thus making that strategy to assist social endeavors a dual-effect one. Also, if you're looking to lend an ear to chronophiles who are distressed, there's no better way of making yourself known to them than openly admitting it in appropriate places (please don't pull crap like I did years ago; it doesn't help us at all).


My Philosophy on Sexuality

I'll close with this, since some of you must be curious and this would be the best journal entry to include it in anyway. My erotic stories (especially the ones in the Takomenian Great War setting), and my context and concept file on Takomenian culture and society, provide people with ample evidence of my philosophy, if you want to both learn what I feel IRL while simultaneously perusing my fictional works. Anyway, my overall sexual ideology would best be described as extremely liberal, very libertarian, extremely sex-positive. The fundamental cause for people placing so many restrictions on sex and porn in general and with regards to children is sex is seen as this highly dangerous and wild instinct and form of pleasure, something we need to shield children from lest they harm themselves or we directly harm them. Obviously, that is true to a degree, since sexual behavior can cause STDs and pregnancies, and sexual behavior often leads to more intimate relations, which can be a very bad thing if one or both people are terrible. However, especially with such a super-massively rampant proliferation of information, severely criminalizing even the act of letting minors look at tame fictional porn is absurd and pointless. So many children are accessing porn and I think sexual abuse rates have been about the same, yet the myth persists that any and all porn is dangerous. We stigmatize sex more than violence, and this is frightening. I could show a child watch the Saw series and receive nowhere nearly as much hate as I would from showing that child pictures of naked boobies, and the latter would be a major felony while the former wouldn't be criminal. This is fucking ridiculous.

There are probably some pro-contact people who favor complete abolition of Age of Consent laws. I am not comfortable with that, and not even my idealized world of Takomen operates like that. I'm concerned that adults and older children will take unfair advantage of a small child even with comprehensive sex and emotional education, and of course small children won't know what's too big to stuff inside one of their orifices or other important things. At the same time, such things as masturbation and oral aren't inherently destructive regardless of age, so sentencing someone to years in jail for jerking off a 10-year-old and giving the 10-year-old victim therapy without regard for circumstances solves absolutely nothing. I would set an AoC for penetrative sex and a separate AoC (probably adulthood) for extreme forms of sex, and have those AoCs include porn consumption and participation for the same things with some safeguards. Below the first AoC non-penetrative sex with anyone would be allowed, penetrative sex allowed between children maybe, consumption of general vanilla porn would be permitted, and maybe production of porn between children would be allowed. Violations referred to police and prosecutors would be treated according to the level of harm done and risk posed after considering all circumstances, and some which were the most innocuous cases would result in a warning (this would be a useful and appropriate alternative for other crimes, too) or no action at all.

If we destigmatized sex in general and made comprehensive sex and psych education mandatory (no parental exemption or need to opt-in; I oppose religious liberty and liberty in general when it stands in the way of progress), our children would be more actively reporting abuse and would better know what abuse is. This would make children drastically safer rather than more endangered because we'd be giving both children and older teens/adults a fair and well-defined outlet and everyone would be more knowledgeable and saner. Trying to keep children until they're 18 infantilized on this, persecuting all the -philes, and allowing shit like abstinence-only sex ed, have created these appallingly high sexual abuse rates for children AND adults, and higher teen pregnancy rates, and other nasty effects. What is it, 20-25% of women who stated they were a victim of sexual assault in their lifetimes, and about as many children? Hah, but the answer is to persecute and ban and curtail even MORE, because humans are fucking stupid overall.

We also need to change how we deal with sexual predators (my definition, not society's). Firstly, we need to separate the predators from the more innocuous violators who had no predatory intent. Some of these states and the federal system have higher mandatory minimums for even tame adolescent child porn than they do for some forms of homicide! And unless someone pleads to a less severe crime, they all get a minimum of 5 years prison and usually very long-term sex offender registries and various restrictions. In a few cases offenders cannot live in settled area with civilization because there is a building or park within however many feet of all the houses. This is neither rehabilitative nor decent. Oh, fun fact. Do you remember John Walsh, the one who spearheaded that law which established tiers and minimal time on registries and various other requirements for offenders after release? He committed statutory rape with his wife knowingly and would probably have been automatically subjected to these same measures if he was convicted of that (to his credit, he apparently opposes such severe generally applied terms). Since they also did away with statutes of limitations for some crimes, he theoretically might still be chargeable, haha. We've gone full retard on this, and not many people are criticizing the results we're getting from this. Maybe more will complain when more malevolent and amoral prosecutors decide to charge minors with manufacturing and distributing child porn which they are in. Fucking seriously, how can someone legally be a victim and a perpetrator at the same time?

What we need to do with regards to criminals is deal with the more innocuous offenders with few or none of the terms we generally impose on all of them now, and either execute or very intensively treat within penal mental hospitals the severe predatory types. I personally favor execution because I find it difficult to believe the average RL super-hardcore child porn enthusiast can be redeemed. Someone must either intrinsically completely lack the capacity for empathy or be so guilt-ridden they'd prefer death if they're masturbating to actual children in obvious and severe distress, and either way I would see execution as favorable. But I also remember hearing about people sentenced to these sorts of involuntary hospitalizations who did terrible shit and were ultimately rehabilitated at least enough to not do it again (recidivism for sex crimes is the lowest save for murder, BTW), so maybe that's viable if we have the housing for them, which we obviously don't. If we just keep them in prison forever they're going to be terrorized by the other inmates or vice versa and generally not contribute anything.

The ones which are moderately predatory- the types Chris Hansen last decade and now more recently routinely ensnared- need to be treated somewhere in the middle at first. I don't really want immature and stupid people like that having sex with our children, but throwing them on excessively punitive registries and years of prison before that for romps with stupid but willing teenagers is fucking irrational as well. Actually, now that I think about this... Maybe the AoC laws should include minimally acceptable conduct for adult/child relations in addition to permitting or proscribing specific acts. I don't even find these people fit to reproduce or have sex with other adults, much less fornicate with kids (if you've watched enough To Catch a Predator episodes you'd understand why I hate these people). I'd rather they just stick with legalized teenage child porn and stay away from children.

We also need to change how we view sexual behavior between and from minors. While we seem to be not full-on retarded about this now, we still don't think or behave rationally on this general matter. Sexual education is generally laughable, in some cases children can be charged as statutory rapists or even with making and distributing child porn they themselves are in, and it's often vehemently objected to if two are found to be fooling around with each other (especially if it's a homosexual relationship). I think we just need to abolish religious schools for minors, instruct students properly and repeatedly on various sexual and mental health concepts, make contraception of all types available to them, and tell the religious parents to submit or have their children taken away. We coddle these fucking morons way too much, and they just in turn raise a new generation of morons and sufferers of repression. We treat children more like property than humans in general, to be honest. A parent can do damn near anything in the name of parental authority, including send their hapless gay kids to have the gayness and gender non-conformity purged. And don't get me started on circumcision.

I'll finish on this subject. I'm obviously a really unsuitable advocate for pederasty and sexual reform because I have natural instinctual incentives to come to these conclusions. I recognize how convenient all of this is. However, just because I advocate something that would directly benefit me doesn't invalidate the argument. There are those who aren't chronophiles who also have very libertine views on sexuality. The psych industry is pathetically ignorant on the general subject, but there was a major study which refutes the whole "But it's always harmful and should always be punished!" argument, and it was spoken about here. Additionally, while I have adopted a sexual ideology congruent with my orientations, I also have adopted stances which would run counter to my interests. I support eugenics and find the idea of me reproducing abhorrent and have renounced the right. I support greatly restricting the national votership and would not object to forfeiting the right to vote if it would bring progress to the country. I generally run myself very hard trying to improve and to assess my feelings and deeds. I am not a thoughtless, lazy, self-absorbed individual who only caters to himself and his own interests. If sexual contact with children was inherently harmful to human children I would not endorse that IRL and would for moral reasons not engage in it. Basic logic and reason, and various observations I have made about humans and children, make it obvious we are as a society fucking crazy on this whole topic. If people wish to condemn me for what I believe and how I articulate it, fine. If people want to engage in a debater's duel over the merits of my arguments here, I won't object. What people should not condemn me for are my sexual feelings, fictional erotic proclivities, or for being amoral.
Viewed: 182 times
Added: 5 years, 1 month ago
 
New Comment:
Move reply box to top
Log in or create an account to comment.