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Sense of belonging

by GTHusky

I don't know why I'm writing this. I keep my personal thoughts and ideas to myself, but as I'm working on my art at the moment, I had a strange conversation in my brain with a non existent person, based on my entire life's experiences.

I noticed that people always seem to share the same interests and ideas within different social groups. It's almost the norm. People seem to be in sync with each other and it's something I never understood. It's weird because I never feel like I fit in. I've always been ignored and cast aside, whether it's instant, or as time goes by. And this is not saying that I'm depressed and lonely, no. People stress me out and I am at peace when I am isolated.

I don't know... I just find it exhausting when people interact with me. They always seem to have something to say or share in regards of their beliefs and interest. And they do it with so much enthusiasm, as if unable to comprehend that the passion they are feeling is not shared by the person listening and has zero meaning to them. It's almost like a sever lack of self-awareness. Having to fake interest is something I have learned through the years, as to be nice and not make the other person ignored or rejected. As a courtesy, per say. But it is exhausting. Masking is exhausting.

And the thing is, it's not reciprocal. The moment I let my insecurity aside and share my interest, they are almost 100% ignored, or seen with skepticism. It's like I am an amalgamation of various interests that have zero relation. And even if I find a group or individual who might have an interest in common, it's almost as if they are following a set of unspoken rules of how to correctly talk about, or be a part of said interest. So I'm again, most often than not found with a raised eyebrow or downright rejection. Even within those who share those interests.

I can give many examples. But things like hobbies, included but not limited to: music, cars, video games, art styles, world building, writing, character development, etc. But it also extends to life views, such as politics, human society, social norms, and such. No matter what side I'm on, there is always scrutiny or rejection when expectations are not met.

I try to leave descriptions to the minimum nowadays. Empty profile descriptions and such. I have a bad habit to over-explain, or over-share everything, and I noticed it just makes things worse. Just for the sake of harmony, I don't contradict anyone leaving comments on my art, and just let them interpret my characters and my world however they want, even if a lot of times, they get it wrong or comments are downright creepy.

I don't even know why I'm ranting. I might delete this later. It's just that humans are so predictable, boring, scary and downright exhausting to deal with. And I don't say this as some normie that claims the same ("yeah, I totally get you... lol") , yet they have their group of friends, a social life, significant others and such.

No, you don't get it...

Viewed:	106 times
Added:	2 weeks, 5 days ago 21 Sep 2025 22:47 CEST

23 Comments on this Journal

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ShySketch

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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"a strange conversation in my brain" is the education system's programming

It's poison, in German the word "poison" means "gift." English is "educated" to be written using the Latin alphabet instead of the English alphabet, to censor the "problematic" ideas to the narrative. Things so simple, they are letters. Letters are also words.

The censored ideas of yesterday swell with the ignorance of the basic, practical ideas of those letter's shape.

The shape, because the shape always represents a physical object.

There used to be water fountains at the pyramids but they ripped them out. There was water fountains in the desert because the place is fake. It's rotting from the inside out. It's "old" but not as old as they say. It's literally walking on eggshells because the outside of them is "rendered" 3d to look old

The canal is new, so it's probably as old as the canal.

KaerfFlow

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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You know... I quite appreciate this little glimpse into your mind! I can't say I fully understand or share all of the feelings you've mentioned here, but I could definitely see where you are coming from. It's a very interesting view of the world around us and does show a different side of you I hadn't seen before. There's two sides of me right now having two different reactions. One wants to respect your boundaries and the differences between us. While the other just wants to pounce on you. XP hehe.

I always try my best to see things through the eyes of others and respect the differences in our believes and understandings of the world around us, but its not always easy to do. No two people are truly the same, but I think its very common to put up a facade in an attempt to fit in. and in doing so, we end up losing a little bit of ourselves. I don't know you outside of the little glimpses I get through your posts, but seeing this just gives a bit more of a peak into you as a person.

I have quite admired your art since I first stumbled upon it, and im not normally a huge fan of anthro anatomy, but something about the way you draw your characters just feels different. and I really enjoy it! All of it.

I guess I dont fully know what I am trying to say with this comment aside from just saying thanks for giving this little extra peek into who you are. And I look forward to future work from you. ^^ Keep being awesome! :9

Gendasi

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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I've stopped trying to make myself make sense to others.

They either get me, or they don't.

We either vibe, or we don't.

I've learned to accept that I'm different, that I see and understand the world in ways people don't entirely share, and that they often can't understand.

Right now, my social circle is limited to pretty much three people besides my wife. Four, if you count our dog. He's not much for conversation, but he's a good listener.

Just remember:

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane."
-Marcus Aurelius

Don't concern yourself with fitting in, standing out, or pleasing those who cannot be pleased. Focus on what makes you happy, what feels right to you, and what is important in your own perception of the world. The rest is simply distraction.

If you ever feel the urge to vent to someone, I'm here... and I'm told I listen pretty good, too. :)

GTHusky

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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@ Gendasi

""The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane."
-Marcus Aurelius

Don't concern yourself with fitting in, standing out, or pleasing those who cannot be pleased. Focus on what makes you happy, what feels right to you, and what is important in your own perception of the world. The rest is simply distraction."

I'll keep this in mind. And it's not like I try to fit in, at least not anymore, but I often question why has it always been so hard for me to connect to others.

Thank you for your words.

Gendasi

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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@ GTHusky

Might I suggest reading "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius? Or studying any of the other Stoics and their teachings?

I've found that they have helped me through trying times. Though I am taking a step back from my own Sunday Stoicism journals to practice what I have learned, I take comfort in the ancient wisdom and the knowledge that men far greater than myself experienced similar doubts and anxieties. If men whose names are now recorded in history as among the greatest minds of their generations once felt as I do, my worries and insecurities are as natural as drawing breath.

As is your introspection.

I am also not the best at communicating and socializing and relating to others, so I probably "totally get you" more than most, which is why my offer will always stand: if you ever feel the urge to reach out, I'm here.

In all my awkward glory. :)

ShySketch

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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@ Gendasi

"	Gendasi wrote:
	men far greater than myself

What makes them greater? They wouldn't be relatable, but they are.

Gendasi

2 weeks, 4 days ago

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@ ShySketch

What makes them greater?

Some built empires. Others penned lasting philosophies studied the world over for centuries. Still more revolutionized industry and commerce, or changed political landscapes with their words.

And me? Well, I play video games and watch tv shows based on their lives. lol

We are not the same, and that is fine, so long as each of us aspires to be good and work toward a better future in our own way. :)

ShySketch

2 weeks, 4 days ago

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@ Gendasi

"	Gendasi wrote:
	and watch tv shows based on their lives. lol

Made by someone else, using their name. So a spirit.

I like the molds, I like the cracks. It's art. It's also the same

Kinaj

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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So I will not say I get it, but I do relate to a lot of the things you've said.
Socialising ain't easy and people usually ain't easy, especially when one is neuro divergent. And I wouldn't say the online world, although giving a handy barrier, makes it particularily easy to properly read people as well as being read.

Idk, I do manage to make friends and hold friends and even mamage to participate in groups...kind of...but idk if I will ever figure out how extroverts do it about being able to always relate and be related to virtually everybody else.

However, I think making and uploading art is a good way to express oneself. For a large part of my time im this fandom I've tried to use art to be seen by people who relate to be who maybe I gan relate to as well. And it did work out in some cases. And now I try to learn being active about it as well. Also not to talk myself into thinking my input is unwanted when I have no actual prove it is so >.>

Also, definitely had to and still have to learn not to over explain myself in every situation. Already to make life easier on myself >.>

So yeah, it's a tough thing to handle. Idk if you can do anything with my rambling, just a few things that came to my mind on that x3

esanhusky

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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I'm in this box with you, except I don't have near the creativity. I seem to have the talent to like music that nobody else likes, can walk into a car show and end up interacting with everybody who doesn't even know why they're there, because they don't even like cars. I think it's genetic to a point, Mom has always had problems getting people to actually communicate with her

Atlasfield

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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Pues podrían ser varias cosas, en mi caso simplemente es aprender a escuchar a los demás. Si no sientes entusiasmo con lo que te cuentan los demás, quizás se puede interpretar como falta de empatía. Ahí... pues no sé, sígueles el juego? porque a veces tus fans son jóvenes, y se nota por la forma en que hablan, sus temas, intereses, hay que tenerles paciencia.

Aunque eso si, escucha a todos, pero no quiere decir que tengas que prestarles atención a todos de todo, hay veces que llegan con temas duros o que te desagradan, a esos hay que desecharlos rápido, aunque sean amigos de 1000 años. Es por salud tanto mental como emocional.

Y si, los tiempos cambian, y la gente, hoy no te aguantan una conversación de 1 hora al menos que tú les sigas la plática, porque si es al revés solo te dan el avión con un "ajá, oh vaya, ah pues si, oh qué chido".

Las generaciones de hoy... xD

Yo lo que estoy haciendo es alejarme de las redes sociales, estoy cansado de tantas peleas por tonterías y porque hay mucha gente que le da importancia a cosas tan pequeñas, cuando son superfluas... y también de que me estan borrando las galerías en todas partes, ya no se puede subir dibujos como antes, ah pero si es IA no hay problema... aunque nadie comenta nada.

GTHusky

2 weeks, 4 days ago

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@ Atlasfield

Las redes sociales son puro veneno. Hace un mes decidi alejarme de Twitter y otras. My salud mental ha mejorado. De verdad y lo recomiendo.

Atlasfield

2 weeks, 4 days ago

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@ GTHusky

Pues parece que me estan obligando a retirarme, ahora bluesky está teniendo problemas con los furros.

Ya casi no hay sitios para subir dibujos. :/

TinyTerrible

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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I feel you there. I have quite a few hobbies and interests and much of my social group has some overlap with them. Yet it seems all anyone I know wants to chat about or do is something that doesn't overlap. I do my best to try to get excited about things and do things with my friends and others when they express their interests. When I do it, it gets brushed aside. Makes it hard for me to actually want to do any of the things I like to do... which is stupid. I should still be able to enjoy my own hobbies without anyone, but it sucks not having the people around me have any interest in anything I would want to share.

GTHusky

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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@ TinyTerrible

Yeah, you basically explained it better than I did. That's pretty much how I feel sometimes.

TinyTerrible

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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@ GTHusky

I feel that way quite a bit. I have had a little success collecting a small group of friends to talk various subjects and interests. Still, it's always so hard to get free time to overlap. I like to open up google docs of projects I'm working on so friends can leave comments and such, but get none. Makes it hard to keep interest in longer projects. I have a TTRPG brothel setting I've been working on. It's supposed to be an establishment that runs kinda like a Vegas casino that can be dropped into a D&D type game. It's been sitting unfinished for over a year now.

ZwolfJareAlt306

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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I’ve had similar things happen. It’s like I’ve had to synthesize my social algorithm on the fly from an early age, and it’s still not complete by any means.

*hugs*

boriswolf

2 weeks, 5 days ago

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I suppose I'll break silence from being a complete lurker account:

It probably depends on what subset of individuals you're referring to, such as whether you mean primarily with furries or broadly anyone in general. In context of furry fandom, I notice there's a lot that just tunnel focus on whatever avenue they can find some form of gratification, and nothing else seems to exist to them outside of that. I see it online and I see it with in-person fandom gatherings. If it's not within their interests, their focus quickly shifts elsewhere.

There's been a few weird types of people I've had message me out-of-the-blue, expressing interest in a character I had, and just shallowly trying to engage in sexual RP at all costs, with no substance nor reciprocation to any other form of conversation at all, instead just trying to push sexual RP only, and moving onto someone else if I'm not promptly responding to them.

Also, with in-person gatherings, I've sometimes brought up names (by preferred/online alias) of common regulars (of the same gatherings) in conversation, and usually nobody knows who I'm referring to (even if the reference names are the people that run the events); and when I ask people individually of who they know at a gathering: most of the time can only name barely 1-3 people and it's based typically on liking that person's fursuit, knowing them only for their art, or liking their character, and nothing else (usually nothing personable about that individual at all). Meanwhile I can identify and name at least 25 or more, usually with details of past conversations had, meanwhile it's extremely rare to find anyone else that similarly can do the same (or even halfway).

As for politics: furry fandom has generally been apolitical, however, there's that faction of people that have pushed politics into the vacuum using the excuse of "everything is political" to insert their politics, and trying to force apolitical people into their belief system with things like "silence is violence" and very binary "you're either with us or against us". Thus a lot of the apolitical types try to "keep the peace" by just going along with these kinds of people and reciprocating whatever predictable taglines or parroting whatever kneejerk responses they have.

Broadly with people in general, there are alarmingly quite a bit of people out there who cannot even understand the concept of hypotheticals. The common prompt being "How would you feel if you didn't have breakfast this morning?", whereas there's that subset of people that can't comprehend the nature of the question, and instead retort "but I had breakfast this morning!" (or the reverse) regardless of any way that you phrase the prompt. I don't know how these people come to be, but they very much exist. I don't know if it's just the environment of how people are taught, if it's from people being shut down if they question/challenge authority, if it's just people holding a very "worker bee" mentality (living to fulfill a daily work grind and nothing else), or if there's other causes.

As for my case I'm generally introverted but have tried for several years online and offline to be socially engaged at times, as I genuinely have curiosity about other people, especially since other people tend to be a means to learn about something new or see something in a different way (especially if someone is highly motivated to speak about a topic and try to explain it). But generally at this point, with my engagements with the fandom (beyond a decade?), I've started to avoid most of it altogether and don't really bother interacting with randos online anymore (with maybe the exception of VR, in some uncommon cases) and just stick closely to those I've known for a long time, while holding a "watch, but Do Not Interact" mindset for anyone else (unless of course that someone strikes conversation with me, but that virtually almost never happens).

Bloodhawk

2 weeks, 4 days ago

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Hi, I'm BH and this is my TED Talk: Life isn't about finding someone just like you. Thanks for listening.

But in all seriousness, people can be super frustrating, so I get it.

"I am at peace when I am isolated" Yikes.. I know when I'm already being told to fuck off *tips top hat and skips off into hell*

Beefythebull

2 weeks, 4 days ago

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Its a lonely world we live in, so connected, but so disconnected. I can tap on a pice of glass and silicon and talk to a person 14000 mikes away, but i have 1-2 people who I regularly communicate with and actually understand and get me. That may be its own internet age disconnect, I can find people who like some of the same face value things as me, but we are only cone ted by those fa e values, not true shared experiences and challenges.

wolfx1120

2 weeks, 4 days ago

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Oh, I liked you before, now I like you even more lol X3"

A whole lot of what you had in this rant I honestly feel the same ;3

Your art style speaks to me in a way that most don't, it's mostly the way you use evolutionary differences between species, it's outside of the norm or the Box thinking, that's probably why you have the same thought process I have why do we need to make this the same way as everybody else??? trust me that little internal monologue you just wrote down I have it quite often I just don't have the artist hand to put it to paper or words, be thankful you have this gift, and thank you for sharing :3

GTHusky

2 weeks, 3 days ago

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@ wolfx1120

It's been a rough week, but your comment really made it better. I often think my universe and characters are a bit different, and that people might not understand them, but I try not to stress too much about it and just let people believe what they want. It makes me incredibly happy to read that some do appreciate the way I do stuff, and understand it.

Thank you very much <3

FoxxWolf

2 weeks, 3 days ago

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You are who you are. People will either vibe with you or they don't.
Its important to keep those you vibe with close to you so you don't feel so isolated. But some people, myself included, often prefer a little alone time rather than being in a group. Social interaction is important, but so is peace of mind. Nothing wrong with wanting some alone time to avoid the chaos. I often prefer interaction in smaller doses because yeah... people are exhausting and you can never please everyone. But those you vibe with you should keep close of course XP
Anyway, you ever need anyone to chat to, I'm always open! Stay safe!

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