Lilo & Stitch (2025)
This movie is fucking terrible.
I've seen maybe three of these other live-action remakes (only one of them I paid money to see, that being Aladdin. The others I most certainly did not pay to see including this one) and they've all been bad but this is the first one that felt like a personal insult to the original and everything it stood for. Mulan is a close-second but that movie just straight up didn't understand, or care, about what the original was doing. This movie feels like it stripped the artistry and care from the original Lilo and Stitch on purpose and hates the original movie and you for liking it.
- Pacing
One of the biggest issues with this film is it's pacing. This movie is 2 HOURS long. It's longer than the origjnal film but SOMEHOW THIS movie's pacing is weirdly fast! Namely, when it comes to the scenes from the original it's copying wholesale, sometimes word for word, it's rushing through them really quick. The opening of this movie gave me whiplash. It was like they were trying to get through it as fast as possible because they knew anyone watching this had already seen the original or something.
The biggest comparison I can make is like how shitty anime video games have a story mode where it presents to you a cliff-notes version of what happens in the anime. Screenshots from the anime are used to quickly bounce from plot point to plot point without any care for the set-up or the character foundation needed to give a shit about what's happening. I swear the entire first scene; the introduction of 626, the part where he says the naughty word that makes the robot throw up, them putting him in containment, the genetic signature spitting thing, the escape; it all happens in the span of like five to six minutes. The original movie is only an hour and a half yet it takes it's time and finishes that opening sequence in ten minutes. Four whole minutes get shaved off of it and it felt like I was watching someone sit on the fast forward button on the remote. Why is this movie in such a hurry? Does it have somewhere to be? Obviously not because it's 2 HOURS LONG.
This movie is not interested in taking it's time to properly explain itself to the viewers. It's SO weird because the original movie EXISTS. You know they could have saved themselves some trouble by just committing to copying their own homework. Maybe they were worried that would leave this film with no reason to exist but NEWS FLASH this movie by design has no reason to exist except to make money. So make your goddamn money without bastardizing it.
One of the biggest examples of how terrible and fast it's going is how Stitch's "development" is handled. There's a scene in the original where Stitch steals Mertle Edmond's tricycle and rides around with Lilo in the back, looking for big cities on the island to destroy. He goes to several locations and places all across the island and finds nothing. Then Lilo nonchalantly drops the bad news that this place has no big cities on it, and Stitch freaks the fuck out and flops over. He still has it on his mind though. You even see it when Lilo asks him what his interests are and he builds San Francisco in her room just to destroy it.
In THIS movie, I swear to God, it's SO strange. He steals a tonka mini-van from some random girl, hot-wires it, drives to ONE location... and then just immediately gives up. That's it. He has his little tantrum and then it's just never brought up again. Stitch just immediately acts like he's Lilo's best friend. I really need to go into this because it's an important part of why Stitch in this movie is so boring.
- Stitch's "Development"
He has none.
Stitch starts out acting like he does in the original for the most part. When he gets to Earth and laughs over the green fire, recreated to startlingly sucky degree, he fumbles around at a wedding where they loudly play UPTOWN FUNK AGAIN! STOP PLAYING THAT SONG IN THESE MOVIES! I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE IT WHEN SONIC 2 DID IT! STOP! STOP PLAYING UPTOWN FUNK IN THESE MOVIES! STOP IT!
After the scene at the animal shelter and that single ride to that one location around the island Stitch is just done being naughty. From that scene forward, he's scampering around with Lilo, having fun, doing the same things she's doing and what not. It's so weird because later there's the scene where Nani is trying to get a job and it's less like a montage and more like a random assortment of different parts of the same scene. Lilo says the "your badness level is unusually high for someone your size" line but at this point in the film he literally hasn't done anything. He's scurrying around and being a bit disruptive I guess but not in a way that Lilo also hasn't been. When he sprays her with water when she tells him not to, she does what I expected her to do and joins in. They're just... going around having fun like typical little kids do. It's a little cute, sure, I guess, but where's Stitch's development?
It feels like he's already where he should be by the end. There's nothing for him to learn. There's nothing for him to discover. The ugly duckling metaphor is completely removed from the film. Stitch at no point in the film ever expresses any desire to become a part of Lilo's family. He never longs for anything. He just IS according to the film. When he sees the scene in the hammock the night before Lilo is about to be taken away he gets sad and goes back to the animal shelter. Lilo finds him there and Stitch says "He's bad" and Lilo says no he's not and she's right because he's never bad in the film. And then Jumba attacks so they don't end up talking about anything.
The BIGGEST misfire when it comes to this is the scene where Stitch decides to go surfing with Nani and Lilo. In the original he's sitting by himself in the sand and pretending to have fun. He observes the familial bonding Lilo is doing with Nani and David and sulkingly goes up to them with the surfboard to go along with them on their next surf. It's a scene that Jumba observes and is baffled by. He's talking to himself about how absurd from his point of view it is for Stitch to be doing this "WHY WOULD HE RISK DROWNING?!" He says to himself.
In this live-action movie Stitch sees OTHER people surfing and reacts like it's COOL so he does it in the next scene. That's it. None of that other stuff is there.
He's not growing closer to them nor does he long for familial bonding. There are no scenes of Jumba observing Stitch's behavior and becoming baffled by it or contemplating why it's happening (because they absolutely massacre Jumba as a character and it's the worst thing about this film bar none holy shit).
The only hint of conflict between Lilo & Stitch happens when Jumba points out that Stitch only let himself be adopted because he needed a human shield. Stitch gets sad and again just GIVES UP and lets Jumba put the collar on him to be taken away... while the house is collapsing. Then when the house falls on top of Lilo that's when Stitch is like "LILO RUN!"
It's so stupid.
They took the fire and brimstone out of Stitch. He's just here to be cute, something the original movie accomplished just fine without rendering him as bland as a wafer.
- Lilo is Clueless
Lilo is cute and she's played well by the little girl actor but she is not at all interesting or well-developed like in the original. She acts like a typical little kid character. Some of the edge she had is there in tiny bursts but not really. It felt more like the inclusions they had were done in situations where they were copy-pasting from the original film.
Like, the scene where Lilo feeds Pudge the fish for example. She drops off a sandwich in the ocean and then when she's late for Hula the instructor asks her where she was and Lilo just says she fed a peanut butter sandwich to Pudge because he controls the weather... and then moves on. That's it. She says it in such a fast way and with a smile on her face. It's like it's just there to be like "She's weird" and that's it.
I rewatched the scene in the original and Lilo is so distraught and panicked. The underlying point of the scene is that Lilo lost her parents in a storm when they went out driving. Her ritual of giving Pudge a peanut butter sandwich every Thursday is her attempting to appease the "spirit" that was angered that took her parents away. The scream she does when she tells her teacher Nani suggested a Tuna sandwich is legendary. "IT'S FISH! IF I FED PUDGE TUNA, I'D BE AN ABOMINATION!"
In this remake it's brought up once and never again and it doesn't matter. Her parents I think are brought up twice, both by Nani, and in ways that feel very stilted and weird.
But this alone doesn't make her clueless. The biggest issue with Lilo in this film is how she reacts to the entire plot line of being taken away by the social worker.
She has no reaction.
She doesn't EVER, NOT ONCE act like she's worried about it happening. It's honestly to the point where I became convinced she wasn't aware it was even happening. And by the end it just feels like she wants to be separated from her sister... because she literally says so.
The WORST offender of this is the scene where Lilo and Nani are in the hammock together. It's not a sad scene at all. Just another scene of them being cute together. This happens like two or three times in the film to remind you that Nani is supposed to actually like Lilo but during the scene Lilo acts like she doesn't even know she's being taken away tomorrow. She never brings it up. She really doesn't seem to care. She's smiling and laughing the whole time. Hell, the scene where she leaves doesn't have anything to do with being taken away. It only happens because she went looking for Stitch.
In the original she woke up and sadly told Nani that Stitch left but she didn't go out to find him. She'd given up at that point and SAW him leave through the window. She only happens upon Stitch again when HE comes back to the house because he's being chased by Jumba. It's so weird how this movie fucks with these scenes. The way this is set up just makes it so Lilo feels like she doesn't care about any of this.
We'll get into that later because Nani is a hot mess in this movie.
- Nani Sucks
I'm kind of shocked by how extremely cynical and sucked dry of any sense of familial nurturing Nani is. The Ohana saying has no effect on her. When Lilo brings it up as she's trying to get rid of Stitch, she just says it sounds nice but its fake and stupid and Lilo isn't living in reality. There is NO sense of her wanting to be apart of Lilo's life or taking notice of any of her interests. She's either combative or ignorant of Lilo in every single scene she's in. She treats taking care of her only as something she has to do and not something she wants to do but with the burden of it taking it's toll.
She has this fucking shit-ass subplot about going to college in California so that she can study Marine Biology. It makes no sense for a number of reasons but the main one being that Hawaii has the best Marine Biology courses in the world already and natives to Hawaii get a waiver to their tuition. It doesn't matter how good that school in California is, she'd objectively be better off if she stayed here.
But she doesn't want to. The film makes that very clear. She's even hounded by her neighbor, an old woman named Tutu, to go to college. She's told by this old lady that it's what her parents wanted for her and it should be what she strives for. Her prescene in this film is baffling but after finishing the film I get it. She exists to completely undermine the conflict Lilo and Nani have here. On purpose.
The REAL conflict this movie wants Nani to have IS Lilo. Lilo is a burden in her life that is preventing her from going to California to study Marine Biology for no reason. They have this neighbor character who is concerned for their situation and is always there to provide for Lilo when Nani isn't around. The implication is obvious. The film is saying "Nani should leave and give Lilo to the state so that the neighbor character can take care of Lilo instead".
The reactions to this online are understandably negative. This new direction is insanely bleak. At worst, it's a showcase of either how disgustingly ignorant or deceptively supportive of government institutions Disney is as a corporation nowadays. Giving up Lilo to the state so that she can be in the terrible foster care system goes against the direct message of the original film. Ohana means jack-shit here in 2025. Nani literally even says so.
They mention this like once but Tutu and David live together. I had to look it up online but she's supposed to be his grandmother. It's never said in the film because it doesn't matter. David doesn't matter. He's in the film but I don't know why. He doesn't do anything. All the important scenes he had are either not there or given to his grandma.
It really does make me sick just how nurturing this grandma character is in place of Nani. Nani legit does not give much of a fuck about Lilo as a person in this film. She cares about her in a dry "she's my little sister" sense but as far as knowing or acknowledging anything about who she is or the stuff she does, it's not there.
For example, the scene where Nani gets fired from her job at the fakey Louw. In the original, when she returns home with Lilo and Stitch, Lilo asks if she lost her job because of her. Nani says "No. The manager is a vampire and he wanted me to join his legion of the undead" and Lilo says "I knew it." It's a fun little scene. A small, cute moment of levity within the darkness that shows that Nani is aware of Lilo's guilt and of her mannerisms and interests. She uses it to spare Lilo's feelings because she loves Lilo and she wants her to be happy.
In the live action, Nani doesn't bring anything about Lilo's interests up. Lilo doesn't even bring up any of her weird interests. They play Elvis songs all throughout the film at the exact same spots they did in the original but it feels hollow and weird. Like it's just there as a backing track to what's happening and doesn't function as a connection to Lilo or her interests because, again, Lilo NEVER brings up her interests. None of the occult stuff, none of the Elvis stuff, none of her taking pictures of tourists, nothing. She doesn't bring it up because it doesn't matter and the film doesn't care and it wants Nani to not care so that she can leave.
Nani doesn't even pay attention with confused wonderment at the scene where Lilo shows her Stitch playing the record through his mouth. Remember THAT scene? I was actually excited for that scene. I wanted to see how live-action Nani would react to it.
She doesn't. Lilo is trying to show her and Nani throws out a bunch of platitudes while she's sitting at a table and going "Go ahead. I'm looking." even though she isn't. She's looking at her phone and fiddling with papers and shit. Then she's just like "Come on we gotta go" and pushes past it. What the fuck?
Nani isn't even the one who makes the decision to buy Stitch FOR Lilo. The fucking neighbor woman does! Yeah, SHE'S the one who takes Lilo to the pound and gets Stitch for Lilo without telling Nani. Then when Nani finds out she gets angry and says they're going to return it the very next day. I guess she just never does or the entire rest of the film's events happen in a day?
It's sickening how much she doesn't care. I hate it.
- Cobra Bubbles is Now Two Characters
Cobra Bubbles wasn't originally going to be in this movie and when fans found out they freaked out so Disney reluctantly added him and it shows. He's not a social worker in this film. Instead, he's purely a secret agent. We just cut to him looking at the ship remains of Stitch's crash and that's his introduction.
What's he do in the film? Nothing.
Because he's not a social worker in this one, we don't get to know him at all. The ending surprise where it turns out he was formally CIA isn't here because he's CURRENTLY CIA and thus has nothing to reveal about himself that would round out his character.
He discovers that Stitch is an alien and says he's going to report it to his superiors. Then he takes it back so that Stitch can stay with Lilo when the Grand Coucilwoman shows up. It's so unsatisfying. He's so dough eyed and goes around with this uncharismatic, confused look on his face. There's no reason for him to be here.
The social worker character meanwhile is played by... some woman. I dunno. But her dialogue is atrocious and disgusting. Every word out of her mouth isn't a stern attempt at helping Nani to get this to work. It feels like she's a self-insert for the instrution that's trying to rip Nani and Lilo apart but written with this "We're here to help and we love you and will take care of you" vibe. Like a walking hallmark card. Disguised as something wholesome and nice but representing something corporate and evil. It's trying to trick you into thinking she's the best thing for Lilo. This gross perversion of what the state is doing to this family has the gall to preach to Nani about the meaning of Ohana? Really? You made HER the one who did that?
Cobra Bubbles was a great character in the original because he was just doing his job. He, as a person, did genuinely care about the situation the girls were in but he never preached to Nani about the meaning of Ohana nor did he try to pass off what he was doing as some sort of saintly, holy act of God and healing. The closest he got was saying that Nani needed to think about what was best for Lilo. He grew passionate and combative with Nani, shouting "IS THIS WHAT SHE NEEDS?!" when he gesturing to her house which, yeah, is pretty understandable because at that point in the film it had fucking EXPLODED.
In this movie, Lilo gets taken to the hospital after the botched surfing scene and is fine. That's when the social worker gives Nani that "we don't say goodbye. We say see you later" speech. And then there's the ending where she works with David's grandma to have her instituted under the state's watch by living at her house. Fuck off.
- Copy-Paste Moments
This movie just copy-pastes moments from the original without understanding why they're there or why they work.
The scene where they go through all the jobs Nani is going for happens like one collective scene haphazardly stitched together. It happens SO fast. I brought this up before but the times where they repeat lines from the original wholesale are strange and don't work because other scenes that prop them up and make them relevant and important are just MISSING.
The scene where Stitch gives his big speech at the end is THE EXACT SAME. Word for word to the point where it sounded like they just ripped the dialogue from the original and put it there and yet I know it wasn't. It's still Chris Sanders doing Stitch's voice so he probably just re-did the scene perfectly (owed to that man's extreme talent) but it means nothing in this film. Right after he says "it's little and broken but still good" NANI LEAVES!
Oh and I'm not done bitching about the surfing scene! The surfing scene just happens! Its so Random! Because the Nani hunting for a job montage is so short, the scene ends with them lazing around and then David just says "MaYbE yOu CaN dO sOmEtHiNg YoU lOvE" and then they go surfing! LIKE WHAT?!
- What's Up With David?
I need to talk about this because it's another big issue with the film. Like I said before, David has no reason to be in this movie. The grandma does all the nurturing he did and it's even weirder because even in scenes where David is alone, trying to be nurturing, they glaze over it.
I fucking love David in the original. He's this wonderful beckon of hope and light that shines into Nani and Lilo's lives every once in a while. The scene in the original where he approaching Nani and Lilo as they're BOTH clearly upset that their days aren't going well, bends down, and says "I may not be a doctor, but I know there's no better cure for a sour face than a couple of boards and some choice waves..." and it cheers them up.
Here he just randomly says "MaYbE yOu CaN dO sOmEtHiNg YoU lOvE" in the blandest way imaginable and the scene just cuts to them surfing. It doesn't make sense in this film's context because Nani is looking for a job! In the original it felt like she had exhausted every option and was surfing just to feel better. Here, because it just happens, it feels more like she's neglecting her duties. The pacing is so awful. It makes everyone look dumb and irresponsible and stupid.
How about that scene in the original where David shows up at Nani's house and says he found Nani a job? I love that scene too. So bright and hopeful.
Gone. It's just not here. Instead, Nani has already accepted her fate and when Cobra Bubbles and the Social Worker show up to take Lilo away, Lilo is gone because Stitch left to go back to the pound and she's looking for him. The scene where Cobra Bubbles shows up to the house already destroyed isn't there because they're already looking for Lilo. The events are switched around to be as tensionless as possible and I don't understand why.
That scene in the original where David says "I really thought they had a chance... then YOU came along" to Stitch? That's been changed.
Instead, David just says "I really thought they could make it work" in a contemplative sense. It isn't said with any sadness. He says it more like he's watching them play a game of Jenga and he just saw the tower collapse after they tried to pull one free. He may as well have shrugged when he said it. Stitch was there but he doesn't acknowledge him. He doesn't lay any blame on Stitch either. There's not really any blame to lay at him because in this version they straight up saw Jumba and Pleakley came at them by riding a speeder along the water towards them so they know it wasn't Stitch's fault.
I don't know why David is in this movie.
- No Gantu
Now we're REALLY into the shit.
The sexy alien shark man isn't in the film and that's bad. It's REALLY bad.
The reason I heard was given by the person who created this monstrosity was, I guess, "because he had nothing to do with the other characters" which is kind of part of the point? Gantu represents the oppressive, destructive, uncaring, militaristic side of the Galactic Empire. He's obsessively doing his job to the point of disregarding the livelihoods of the people on the planet, stomping around without caring if he's seen, firing on the natural wildlife and blowing shit up just to capture this one alien. He doesn't even care that he captured Lilo, calling her a snack for 626 while laughing maniacally. He's the external force threatening to break their family apart and because of that he's instrumental to the film's climax.
You can tell how important he is because of what this film had to do without him. On the surface you look at Gantu's screentime in the original film and can be like "Yeah, take him out, we don't need him" and then you do and you realize "OH SHIT WE DON'T HAVE A CLIMAX ANYMORE!"
I know the real reason he isn't in the movie is because CGI is expensive and Gantu would take up ALL of the budget. However, in that case, DON'T MAKE YOUR LIVE-ACTION LILO AND STITCH ABOMINATION!
Granted, Disney is made of money. You and I both know that they could have spent the money on him and been fine. Especially considering how much money this boring movie made.
So without a climax or a villain, the film needs a new one. What could they possibly do? The worst thing they COULD do in my opinion.
- These Assholes Made Jumba the Villain
Fuck this movie.
Every character in this movie has been bastardized and turned into rancid filth in comparison. I thought Nani was the worst but no. Jumba is by far the worst. His character has been destroyed. I've been watching old clips of his original character and how the late, great David Ogden Stiers voiced him with that wonderful, adorable accent.
Jumba in the original was a wonderful character. He was a mischievous scamp who loved destruction and the allure of being an "evil genius". His ego would take center stage and he would fall over in laughter and delight at his wonderful little creation being a destructive little gremlin. However, the nuance behind his character WAS that he had the capacity for love too. Stitch's development folds over into him and allows him to change as well because Jumba in the original is actually present and attentive to everything that's happening to Stitch in the shadows.
Jumba watches Lilo try and teach Stitch how to be good and says Lilo is wasting her time. But that same night while observing Stitch alone in the room he starts to contemplate what he's done by creating him as he tells Pleakley his thoughts on the matter:
"626 was designed to be a monster, but now he has nothing to destroy. You see, I never gave him a greater purpose. What must it be like to have nothing, not even memories to look back on in the middle of the night?"
Jumba's contemplation of Stitch's situation collides with his desire to see him act like a monster but him changing confounds him. He can't understand why Stitch would risk drowning in the scene where he goes surfing. When he confronts Stitch and reinforces that he has no family and was made to destroy, he tries to lead him on but Stitch runs.
Despite this, he has no intention of destroying anything himself. The ONLY reason he's on this planet is to capture Stitch. When Pleakley pleads for him to blend in and not bother the Earth creatures, he takes that to heart. When he has his gun pointed at Stitch at the animal shelter and Pleakley freaks out he says "I won't hit her" but is stopped anyway.
When Jumba then realizes Stitch is using Lilo to not get captured, he gets upset. "He's using that little girl as a shield! THIS IS LOW EVEN FOR YOU!"
He's not putting any innocents in direct danger. Even after they get fired and he gets all excited to do it his way, and gleefully says that hiding behind Lilo won't work anymore, his attention remains solely on Stitch. The destruction he does to the house is instrumental and focused solely on him. It's not petty or even really contemplative of anything regarding Lilo and her situation. He's deliberately not interested in her nor is he trying to hurt her.
When Lilo attacks him with a broom Jumba just... lightly pushes her out of his way. Doesn't say anything or hurt her. Just scoots her to the side right before Stitch attacks him. Because AGAIN he's not here for her. He's only here for Stitch.
But the situation isn't completely lost on him despite his willful ignorance of the destruction he and Stitch both cause when they're focused only on themselves. When the situation thrusts itself back into his attention and Nani SCREAMS at him and Pleakley about knowing who Lilo is, the one who shows remorse in that scene is Jumba! He sighs sadly and goes "... Yeah. We know her." after trying to deny it to get out of confronting what they've done.
The scene where he agrees to help Stitch rescue her is funny but it's not AS sudden as it feels at first blush because Jumba does legit feel like the kind of character who'd reverse polarities at this point. Him and Pleakley are weird space uncles and they become apart of Lilo's Ohana at the end of the film.
In THIS movie Jumba is JUST an asshole.
First of all, his voice sucks. He's voiced by Zach Galifianakis who deliberately even admits to not knowing how to do character voices. Why was he hired then? Instead of a deep voice with a Slavic accent, in this film, he has a high-pitched nerdy voice. When he speaks and that voice comes out of that big fat body it sounds weird. Already something is off.
All the scenes where Jumba witnesses Stitch's development or contemplates on any of what's happening with him are gone. It's replaced by nothing. Jumba and Pleakley are so worthless to the plot throughout most of this film because their scenes of trying to capture Stitch are limited to... the scene at the animal shelter, sort of, and... the surfing scene. And that's it.
They have a couple of scenes in the film but it's mostly just Pleakley glazing over how fascinated he is by Earth while Jumba grumbles in the background, ignoring him or muttering to himself about something that doesn't matter. Pleakley's crossdressing is removed. Instead he shows up dressed like a cowboy and later he's shown wearing a shirt with a flower on it? The cowards at Disney are so fucked today that they won't even take a chance on something that was already proven to work in the last four films and a TV series. They're not a duo here. They're so much less fun in this film.
Then the film destroys itself when its time to fire them. When they've failed to capture Stitch in the allotted time, The Grand Councilwoman deputizes Pleakley and tells him to capture Jumba and bring him back. Jumba then uses the portal gun he has to lock Pleakley away and then goes after Stitch himself.
He's now the villain. He attacks Lilo's house and DELIBERATELY destroys it. He's doing it while monologuing about how humans care about houses and possessions. Lilo and Stitch aren't even in the house anymore when he starts destroying it. He sees Lilo's mom and dad's room and uses that to get Lilo to come back in the house. Then he fires on it, blowing a hole in it to make her more upset. And it's like, at this point, he's just being a fucking dipshit for no reason. His attention isn't solely on Stitch here in this instant like it was in the original.
This is where he tells Lilo that Stitch only went with her to be shielded by her and Lilo goes "Is that true Stitch? " and this causes Stitch to just surrender himself to Jumba... then the house collapses on top of Lilo while Stitch watches, only getting out a tacit "RUN" before it does. Pleakley does show up but it's not to save Lilo because Lilo somehow snuck aboard Jumba's ship through the portal he made before it happened.
So the climax happens inside of Jumba's ship and it sucks. The "also cute and fluffy" scene is nowhere near as awesome. It was such a spectacle in the first film but here, Lilo presses a button to open the capsule Stitch is in and then he just kicks Jumba. Jumba falls out of the air lock and then the ship crashes into the water.
Then Nani swims out there and saves Lilo. THAT'S when Lilo's talk about Ohana FINALLY gets to her and she makes the oh so brave and daring decision to go down and rescue Stitch. Oh thank you Nani for not letting Stitch drown. What wonderful character development.
And that's it. Jumba gets beamed up by the Galactic Empire and taken to prison. Pleakley stays behind as Earth ambassador I guess and that's it? Like he's seen babysitting Lilo and Stitch with Cobra Bubbles at the end but it certainly doesn't feel like he's apart of the family like it did in the original.
- They Electrocute Stitch's Corpse
For some reason no one talks about this when talking about how bad this movie is, I guess because it seems like something silly the cartoon would do but here it's fucking weird and doesn't work.
Stitch like... dies. Nani saves him from the water after the "climatic" battle with Jumba and he's laid on the sand, dead. Someone had a defibulator in their car for some reason and they try to use it. It doesn't work.
So they hook Stitch up to Nani's busted up vehicle with a jumper cable and electrocute his body. However, his body doesn't spring to live and jitter around like it would in a cartoon. His body just kind of twitches like it really would if you electrocuted a corpse. It was a such a morbid scene and it made me laugh.
It was just so funny how they just hooked a jumper cable up to a corpse and when they shocked it, it jittered like an actual corpse would like a LITTLE bit and were surprised it didn't work.
They REALLY try to sell you on him being dead for a long time too. I'm just sitting there waiting for him to wake up and when he finally did I was like "Goddamn. Maybe that's where the extra half hour went".
I had to give that it's own section because it deserves to be highlighted by somebody.
- In Conclusion
I wrote this entire thing up while running the original Lilo and Stich in the background. The movie is over and I'm still writing. I had a lot to say about this fucking movie and it shows. I don't even know if anyone is going to read all this but I need to get this all out because I feel personally attacked by this fucking movie.
If you ever get morbidly curious and you have a chance to steal it, do so to experience an unhealthy amount of pain. It'll turn you into a savant when it comes to recognizing and observing what not to do when adapting a film.
Stripping away all the character and nuance from everyone, torpedoing the original film's message, and sucking off government institutions in a way that made people who REALLY DID have to deal with the terrible foster care system feel offended is just a couple of the few bad things about this movie.
It's biggest sin is existing at all. The fact that the original came out in 2002 and this one came out in 2025 shows where we are as a society today and I hope beyond all hope that this film is forgotten and that the legacy of the original remains the go-to from now into forever. I really hope the kids who were dragged to this filth by their Disney Adults recognize this at the inferior version because I do honestly believe it could do some real harm if any of what this film tries to say ends up sticking.
It's so cynical and mean in a way that the original wasn't. I can't look at this film and see anything but a film that wants you to embrace hopelessness and abandon familial connection. Abhorrent, irresponsible, and gross, it's probably the worst movie I've seen all year.
